Cosima isn't sure who decided she and the other two single women would house with the families. But it was safe, Cosima thought. The men in the house all had wives. She supposed the idea was that the single women would help care for the children. Which wasn't the worst end result. Though childminding wasn't exactly how she imagined this going. Cosima sits with it for a moment. What had she really wanted out of all of this? Was it merely to help Delphine? Delphine who seemed reluctant to detach herself from Jack, who Cosima was fairly certain she'd never love.
Judith is hard at work by the time Cosima is up. Making what looks to be a gargantuan amount of porridge for breakfast. On a firepit no less. With the huge cast-iron pot she looks like some kind of witch. The thought makes Cosima smile, just a little.
"Good morning." Judith greets her, and then puts her to work stirring the pot. Tin dishes are filled and handed out and rewashed. While she sees a few others making bread. Cosima wonders if they intend to cook it in the woodstove. But no men to be seen.
"So… where are all the men?" Cosima sees only women when she takes a cursory look around. Of course it is possible they are sleeping in and letting women do most of the work.
"Ah." Judith notes. "A few are at the back of the property chopping wood - for winter, and for building a communal house for the single men… at least for now. A few went into town. We need supplies. We need livestock. There's an old orchard on the east side of the property, if you're looking for work. We need to find out how many apples we have."
"To eat?"
"To eat. To sell. To make apple jelly, preserves… anything. We've got tons of books on homesteading, canning, farming… anything you might need to help get you started." Judith looks like a hippie, Cosima thinks. Even with her young sons pestering her as she works. But she's never seen a more capable looking woman in her life. Cosima decides then and there to do enough reading to pull her weight, at least as long as she's here.
"I want to work." Cosima says quickly. And while she hopes for Delphine's company. She isn't sure what to make of this at the moment. Even if she was pretty certain if Delphine was going to fall in love with Michael she'd have done so already. It had been months, Cosima reasoned, of Delphine not falling for him. Which was promising.
"Good." Judith nods. "Electricity is not a priority… it can't be… we have to get through this winter, and sell crops next year. Some men will likely try to get odd jobs in town… of course, all money is to be pooled for survival."
"Livestock." Cosima says the word cautiously.
"Yes. Chickens. Goats. Pigs - if we can get them… It is already September. We don't have long now. And I think a few men will have to work off the commune this year to help support us before we are off the ground." Judith trails off. "I have two men assigned to barn and chicken coop repair… We have a lot of work to do."
"And the house repair?" Cosima points out. "There's drafts. We need to repair and reseal the house." It wasn't entirely decrepit. But it needed work, Cosima though. And she'd just been sleeping in the living room with the other two single women.
"It's on the list. Family housing first. Then the others…" Judith trails off. "Maybe we need sheep… Then we'd have our own wool."
"We have the land." Cosima waves an arm around, deciding that she likes Judith. Even just a little.
Judith nods, looking back towards the small number of children on the grass. Most were still eating breakfast, except what looked to be her own two. "We do… Are you good with children, Cosima?"
"Umm decently." Cosima gets the words out. She doesn't want to be stuck babysitting. Though maybe, that is what is going to happen.
"We will need a couple people to mind children, so their parents can work." Judith looks around at her younger son, who she shoos away from the fire. "Mine in particular. Dylan, the fire is hot. Jesse… Come grab your brother." Judith shouts at her older son who Cosima thinks is no older than four years old, but the child takes his brother by the hand and gives him a tug away from the fire pit.
"Right… Umm… Can I like… Work with animals instead?" Though, Cosima thinks, she has little to no experience with that either.
"Eventually." Judith tells her. "Please watch my sons for me. I have a lot of work to do."
Cosima kneels down next to the little boys. "Hello. I'm Cosima."
"I'm Jesse." The older boy tells her, his sandy hair still mussed from sleep. "And I'm almost five."
"Wow." Cosima pretends to be impressed. "You're getting big."
"Yes. Dylan is two." Jesse tells her. "My mommy is having another baby."
"Wow." Cosima nods, trying to seem positive about it. "I think there will be a lot of babies here." More than people might want given what she'd heard people saying about ditching contraceptives and going all natural. She supposes there was the rhythm method or pulling out, but suspects success with that method of avoiding pregnancies will not be particularly high. Nor does it seem to be a commune set on ideals of free love and psychedelics. There was that anyway.
The boys wander around, playing with sticks and the few toys their mother had clearly packed for them.
Cosima looks around to find Delphine in a group of women on cleanup duty.
"Mommy says we're going to have horses."
"To ride?" Cosima asks, figuring this child wants to talk. Or maybe they can go look at ladybugs and beetles… or something. Anything to occupy them.
"No…" Jesse drones disappointed. "To work. I can't be a cowboy if I can't ride."
"Mmmm." Cosima hums, deciding to just let this kid talk. A woman, Marnie, joins her with her baby who is clearly still being breastfed. And to help watch the others. Wistfully, Cosima watches a group of women, including Delphine headed towards the old orchard and she sighs. Before the women return to cook lunch at least three of the children are naked and another two are playing a raucous game involving chasing each other into the long grass.
Marnie is pleasant and handles any changing allowing Cosima to participate in the few silly games of chase. Or duck duck goose than the older kids play to pass the time.
Lunch is meager, despite everyone returning with several small apples. And once again it is Judith who takes control, and begins making what looks like a soup with the provisions they brought with them.
"Hey… Delphine…" Cosima calls after a few more of the mothers have relieved her from childminding.
"Cosima. Hi." Delphine beams when she sees her, and Cosima has to remind herself to keep expectations low.
"So… how was it?"
"I helped with the orchard. We found a few more buildings, but some of them are …too far gone to repair. But the barn is decent." Delphine holds out a macintosh apple. "Here. I made sure to grab you one."
Cosima takes it, rubbing it off on her clothes before biting in. It's sweet enough, Cosima thinks. And no doubt food could be a huge issue here. Though it looks like they're likely to have enough food for dinner.
The group of men return, with some provision, and they all eat. Cosima sits holding her small stainless steel bowl of soup poking at it. Pleased that Delphine is nearby at least.
Michael or Jack, whatever he was calling himself comes off the bus and makes a brief beeling for Delphine. She sees him kiss her, and Delphine change. She becomes attentive. But she also watches Michael wander off with a few other men as soon as he's done eating.
She approaches Delphine, unsure of how realistic her optimism is. Delphine hasn't even realized what she was. Nevermind the rest of it. But there is something, Cosima thinks, as she sets eyes on Delphine.
"Cosima…" Delphine calls her name, seeming tired all of a sudden.
"Come sit with me." Cosima invites, she holds out her hand, but Delphine takes it only long enough to stand up. They wander back, towards the smallest dwelling and sit nearby. It was empty, Cosima reasoned. It was only Bill, Cindy, John and Mary who shared it. And she could account for all of those faces.
"What… What do you want to talk about?" Delphine reads her surprisingly quickly.
"How are you doing?" Cosima asks Delphine very quietly when they've found a spot to sit.
"I… I don't know." Delphine gives her a little shrug. "I don't think this can work. That Michael will come to his senses. But he is… still excited. Still thrilled by all of this. I… I just want to get one of those ancient water heaters working. Apparently the biggest house has one. Michael says they are buying two more old ones… from farmers! But… the neighbouring farms they seem…to want to help us? I do not understand."
"Where is Michael?" Cosima asks cautiously. She doesn't want to get into this around him.
"He is off… seeking enlightenment." Delphine finishes dryly, keeping her voice low. "I think… a few of the other men went with him."
Cosima catches her drift and smiles widely. "You hippies will do anything on acid. Slip your boyfriend enough and he'll be rubbing some other guy's dick for enlightenment, flowers tangled in their growing beards."
"He wouldn't." Delphine shakes her head, seemingly scandalized at the thought. "He only brought a little bit. I think… he is sharing it with a few other people. It will be the last time he uses it for a while."
"High he would… Everyone would." Cosima shrugs. "The pot, sure I will smoke that. But no heavy stuff. No LSD or anything."
"That is very wise." Delphine tells her softly.
"You know… Just because he's smoking up… or I am… or … hell Cindy is… doesn't mean you have to."
"I know." Delphine sighs.
"Do you?" Cosima looks Delphine over.
"Michael says the heaters are old but run on gas? And range boilers? We should be able to heat water for bathing. That… is a priority. Even if we bathe once a week in shifts." Delphine answers instead. "I… I think that would help."
"It would help, yes. But… if you want to get out of here… ask me." Cosima turns to Delphine and tries to look serious. That was part of her plan after all. Make sure Delphine has that option. Play rescuer, and see where it takes them. Away from her and anywhere else.
"Where would I even go?" Delphine looks at her, suddenly vulnerable.
"Anywhere." Cosima shrugs. "We could go anywhere."
"Two women driving across the country?" Delphine raises an eyebrow. "I don't think that would be safe."
"I can think of worse things."
Delphine is quiet for a long while before responding. "Me too."
"Do you want to volunteer for cleanup together?" Cosima asks even as she sees Cindy gesturing towards them, clearly yelling for them to do something.
"Yes. I do." Delphine gets up first, and extends a hand to help her up. And Cosima admits, even if just to herself, that this could be a longshot. But maybe, it'll be worthwhile in other ways.
"Tell me anything. About you." Cosima invites.
"Well… I…. Should be a doctor." Delphine offers.
"You'll be useful then. I am fairly certain this crew? Is going to get injured a lot."
"Perhaps. It will be very physical work." Delphine acknowledges. "They are talking about clearing some of the forest there and building two new structures. To house us all."
"Yeah. We'll have to." Cosima smiles. Even as she follows along back to do the massive amounts of work.
She falls into her hard uncomfortable bed at night and sleeps, she wakes at dawn, and it all begins again. And she wonders, is Delphine much the same? Or is she out watching the stars every night wishing she were somewhere else.
It is a workforce, Cosima realizes in the four weeks that follow. Four adults, including two of the single men begin to complain. But they are capable of repairing the buildings. Within days, walls are patched, sealed and roofs are repaired. They begin cutting down logs, purchasing lumber and building new structures. Larger lodge-like homes meant to house families. And everyone helps Cosima realizes. From pulling on ropes as counterweights, to fetching things, to nailing planks into place.
The leaves begin to turn, and their need to establish before winter is strong. Six goats arrive and are put into the old barn and pasture. Cosima agreeing to help three other women mend the fence. A job that is believed to be simple enough. She learns skills she never thought she'd need. How to fix fence posts. How to build a simple wooden cabin. How to make a crappy mattress out of straw. Nearby farmers find them to be a curiosity and offer help. Guidance for planting for spring. Loans of equipment for now. And most helpfully, help with the livestock.
Unfortunately Delphine ends up in the orchard, with a few other women and the young children. Gathering apples. And then they process them into applesauce, into jellies. Into anything that can be preserved and eaten later. Or sold.
The goats have soft floppy ears and bleat at them while they work. And they're cute. Cosima thinks. Even if she is fairly certain they mostly want food. She winds up petting a few of them. They headbutt her and bleat for more attention. And they're cuter than expected, for livestock.
"Nubians are the best for cheese making." Cindy tells her with a shrug. "Judith wants to acquire six more before winter… including a few pregnant ones. Also sheep. Workhorses - to till crops. Cows are too much here. We might get a few pigs too but won't be able to butcher until next year." Cindy seems calmer than ever. And Cosima has to admit sobriety and the commune agree with her.
"So… we need a goat minder?"
"Are you volunteering?" Cindy asks with a half-laugh.
And Cosima says yes. She's unsure why Delphine always seems to be busy - either with attending to Michael/Jack and his ego, or with assigned work. Cosima noticed that Delphine takes over child-minding most mornings. Seemingly not minding the task. But also keeping her close enough to manage first aid which is largely disinfecting wounds and removing splinters from hands and feet.
"Oh yeah… Delphine, you were like a doctor in France." Jack tells people as he watches Delphine stitch a particularly bad cut on Bill's foot.
"Oui. Hold him still Michael." Delphine responds without even looking up at her lover. And Cosima feels it again. The same pull that won't quite go away. A pull that cannot be entirely mutual at the moment.
Judith orders people around, while pulling as much of the physical weight as she could. Cosima watches Patrick take a cautious backseat to his wife, and looks to her for advice. Her methods, which he sells with enthusiasm.
"We are going to need several volunteers to work on nearby farms… For money." Judith announces to everyone who will listen. Patrick is quick to back her, calling it a strategy for surviving their first winter. Something they should not have to do next year. But to get the farm up and running it is required.
Cosima cannot stop from grinning when Michael volunteers, with six or seven other men. She looks over at Delphine whose face is impassive. But Cosima thinks, or believes she sees a hint of relief.
The next morning, she sits close to Delphine who offers her a small smile back. Delphine smells only of her own sweat, which feels encouraging. Cosima thinks. Either that, or everyone is simply too tired for that.
"Still here?"
"Yes. I even agreed to watch the goats. And care for them." Cosima volunteers with a smile of her own.
"Michael is already gone with a few other men. Patrick included. He wants to lead by example."
"Bill too?"
Delphine nods. "And John… and uh… what is his name? That really scruffy one."
"I don't know… they all start to look and smell the same." Cosima offers an exaggerated shrug which has Delphine trying to dampen her laughter.
"What it's true?"
"Nothing… It… it is." Delphine agrees. "I… do not belong here."
"No… you don't. Me neither in a way."
"But we work for now… and see… where all this takes us." Delphine gestures vaguely with a spoon.
"Yeah well… I never thought I would help build houses!" Cosima tells her. And there's a part of her that finds all this tangible work thrilling. Exhausting, but there's a satisfaction to working on something you can see and touch.
"It's not all bad." Delphine concedes. "I don't mind watching the little ones in the morning. They are less cranky then."
"I don't envy the women on the afternoon shift."
"It's two of the mothers." Delphine informs her. "It's… fine. And I am close enough to help with first aid… or anything."
"Yeah it's pretty amazing actually." Cosima smiles and leans closer. "That you're a doctor."
"Only in France."
"I don't think the human body is any different there."
Delphine gets a look on her face, and then swallows the porridge in her mouth saying nothing.
Cosima is quick to tilt her head in curiosity. "What?"
"Nothing worth mentioning." Delphine brushes it off. "But yes, in general… not so different."
"So… you are eyeing up another guy?" Cosima throws it out there.
"What? NON!" Delphine seems oddly offended for a woman not in love with her current lover.
"You said you don't love Michael. Jack… Whatever he's calling himself these days."
"I…" Delphine struggles.
"You don't." Cosima finishes for her. "It's OK. No judgement."
"I could get deported, Cosima…" Delphine keeps her voice low.
"And you think he'll marry you?"
"He might." Delphine considers but even she looks doubtful.
"There are… other ways to accomplish that." Cosima throws it out there. "I… may know someone who would marry you… if … well if he knew what was in it for him."
"What was in it for him?" Delphine repeats, furrowing her eyebrows.
"He… wouldn't want a traditional marriage… He is… umm… not particularly interested in girls." Cosima finishes delicately.
"I… I don't think I could Cosima… Not like that."
"But you can do … all this?"
"I…I have to." Delphine shakes off her concern. And Cosima wonders if it's misplaced. If Delphine wants to be unhappy with him. If maybe, there's more to it under the surface. But she cannot ask that.
"You have a hard time letting go of your plans, don't you?" Cosima considers. Delphine is determined and ambitious, yes. Enough to get through medical school and leave France for the US… But she gets stuck here?
Delphine bites her lip, looking almost vulnerable. "I do… I do have a really hard time letting go of my plans."
"Well… I'm here if you need to talk." Cosima offers again. "But right now, the goats… and Judith are calling."
"You better go… She's pretty cranky." Delphine hides a smile into her porridge.
"You know where to find me." Cosima says simply, and walks away. Wondering what on earth could shift things now. Maybe, maybe it was just time.