Chapter 14

I'm scared all the time

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Over the next few weeks, Anna's condition steadily worsened. Everyone was now realizing Anna's sickness, as often she would have to be helped around school in a wheelchair, or she didn't come at all because of her spiking fevers and weakness. But she still maintained a positive and optimistic attitude that kept everyone positive as well.

Derek was the true surprise to everyone since he was most supportive of Anna even when she didn't need help. He was just always there. Also surprising was how Derek managed all the emotional roller coasters and maintained high marks in his grades. When asked about it, he would simply state, "Anna believes in me, and I can't let her down can I?"

On a particularly rainy Wednesday, Anna was extremely sick and she had a high fever. She could barely stay wake for the car ride to the doctor. Nora drove her there and Derek fought to come too. Casey as well but she had a final in English and couldn't go. During the ride there, Derek sat in the back constantly checking her fever and watching her sleep.

Derek sat with Nora in the waiting room glancing back and forth from the clock to the small tv. Finally, the doctor came out with Anna by his side as he pulled Nora to the side to speak privately.

"So what happened? Are you okay for now or, something?" Derek asked nervously as Anna leaned into him for support.

"Everything will be okay, I promise." Replied Anna.

Nora walked back up to them wiping a tear from her eye.

"So we should get back home so Anna should rest huh? Let's go."

This time on the way back, Derek sat at the front so Anna could lay down in the back seat.

"Anna told me everything is okay, but it's not is it?" Derek glanced to Nora as she kept her eyes fixed to the road.

"No Derek, it's not. I don't want to lie to you but things are getting worse and the doctor thinks that she only has a few more months or less. I'm so sorry Derek, I know how you guys feel about each other and losing someone you love is hard. Especially so early in life." The rest of the drive home was silent.

Anna spent the whole day sleeping as Derek logged on the computer to find a chat room for aids victims.

Hockeychamp1: Hey out there, I need some help since my girlfriend has aids.

Airhead90: She does? That's so sad, you really must need some guidance. Has she come here before?

Hockeychamp1: No, she hasn't, she doesn't really know I'm here.

Lolli&pop165: O, so what do you need to know?

Hockeychamp1: I want to know if you feel pain when you have aids.

Airhead90: Most of the time, you do feel pain. But not exactly searing, it depends.

Hockeychamp1: Okay, well, how long do you guys have? I mean if you don't want to tell I understand.

Lolli&pop165: No, it's okay; I was just diagnosed so I have about 5 years since I have a moderately strong immune system.

Airhead90: A month or so at most, even though I haven't had this a long time. Just about a year.

Hockeychamp1: Kinda like my girlfriend. One more question, are you guys scared?

Lolli&pop165: All the time. Whenever I see my family and friends, or I see how close I am.

Airhead90: No, I'm not afraid to go. If it is God's will, I won't refuse, but if not, I won't go yet. It's not exactly my choice.

Lolli&pop165: Maybe you should ask your girlfriend.

Hockeychamp1: My guess is she's already scared, I'm trying to be there for her but sometimes I don't know what to do. Any suggestions?

Airhead90: Pray, and I'll pray for you and you girlfriend.

Lolli&pop165: Ditto.

Hockeychamp1: Thanks, you all are in my prayers too. Goodnight.

Derek logged off and went to Casey and Anna's room. He found Anna propped on her bed reading. He kissed her lips gently and sat down next to her.

"What are you reading?" he asked

She lifted up the book so he could read the title.

"The bible, I find it comforting." She said, shuffling near him. She then laid her head onto his shoulder.

"You're scared right?" Asked Derek.

"All the time." She whispered.

"What are you scared of?"

"Leaving you, and everyone I love. It's kind of hard for me to grasp that I won't be here anymore."

Derek tried his best to hold back the tears now stinging his eyes and kissed the top of her head.

"Something tells me you'll always be here. Not exactly in the same sense, but always watching over everyone. You know, like an angel."

Anna lifted her head and met her eyes with Derek's. She kissed him softly and then laid her head down on his shoulder again.

"Since when did you get so deep? That was very sweet Derek."

He smiled to himself as an idea approached him.

"We can pray. Together I mean. I think it might help."

Anna nodded as they joined hands and she led the prayer. All the while, Derek tightened his grip, focusing himself on one thing.

Please, he thought, just one miracle.