Disclaimer: I do not own Starbucks or lame soap operas. I guess you can't have everything in life.

"Have at ye!"

Yoda stared at the newcomer. "An idiot, you are. Already ripped off Monty Python, we have."

"Oh. Sorry. What were we doing?"

"Identifying you, I was."

"Oh. Go right ahead then."

Yoda drew his lightsaber. "Qui-Gon Jinn!"

"Yes, it's me!" Qui-Gon gave an evil laugh. "Except this time I'm EVIL!"

"Caps Lock 'evil', you did."

"Yeah, it makes me feel better." He grinned. "And now you shall fall to your doom."

Yoda then realized that Qui-Gon wore dark robes, had a red lightsaber, and his hair actually looked like a guy. "Cut your hair, you have."

"Duh. You think I'd still want to look like a girl once I joined the Dark Side?"

"Right, you are."

Qui-Gon ignited his red lightsaber. "It is time to finish this! I will do it and defeat you, by myself!"

"Just one man, you are?"

"And now we're five."

"Five?" Yoda furrowed his brow. "Have the ability to count, you do not."

"Yeah, I flunked out of college. And high school. And middle school. And kindergarten, for Pete's sake."

"Speak of a Pete you do. Know of this Pete, you do?"

"It's just an expression, you green midget." The now-evil Qui-Gon laughed his evil laugh. "It's time to fight, Yoda! And unlike the two other Sith that fight you, I will not lose!"

"My weakness, you know. Push me down twenty feet, you will, and give up, I shall."

"Of course!" Qui-Gon started doing unnecessary flips all over the room. Yoda sighed as his opponent kept doing things just to look cool. Finally Yoda left, leaving Qui-Gon to an empty Council room.

Qui-Gon glanced around. "Wait just a minute…The room's empty! I must have scared Yoda so much he ran like the coward he is! Yay me!"

Meanwhile, at a nearby Starbucks…

Obi-Wan wiped up the last blood from Anakin's face. "I told you, never hit on a girl Jedi, or she'll break your nose."

"No, you said not to hit on a girl Jedi, or she'll kick the sh—"

"Now, now, Anakin." Obi-Wan put a finger to Anakin's lips. "We want the children to be able to read this."

"Oh, right. You said not to hit on a girl Jedi, or she'll kick the, um, stuffing out of me."

"Good." He put a bandage on Anakin's nose. "There, all better. Are you feeling all right?"

Ki-Adi-Mundi sighed as he watched the two Jedi. Then he turned to Adi. "Aren't they the perfect couple?"

Adi rolled her eyes. "Oh, go jump of a cliff."

Mace sat in a chair, nursing a 128-ounce latte, while also channel-surfing on the big screen TV. "Too bad Yoda destroyed the TV we had in the Temple, or I would have been able to watch my soaps there. Thanks for nothing, Yoda!"

Adi furrowed her brow. "Have you noticed how Mace was the serious guy in the first chapter, but now he's a big crybaby who watches soap operas?"

Ki-Adi-Whatever shook his head. "No, not really."

"Well, duh, you won't. You're an idiot in all the chapters."

Mace stared at the TV screen. "There! I finally have my favorite soap on!" His mouth hung open. "What? Bernice, you can't marry him! He's really your evil, cloned half-brother!"

Anakin looked over at Mace. "What's he crying about now?"

"Oh, some dumb soap opera." Obi-Wan hefted a gigantic cup of coffee and drained it in one gulp. "Apparently, some girl named Bernice is going to marry some guy who's really her evil, cloned half-brother."

"What!" Anakin leaped over to a chair near the TV. "Bernice, no!"

Obi-Wan bowed his head. "Why do I even bother?"

Yoda burst through the door. "Come quickly, you must! Taken over the Council room, Qui-Gon has!"

"Cool! Avocados!"

Yoda tilted his head to the side. "Some new idiot code, this 'avocado' is?"

"Oh, never mind." Adi hurried out the door, followed by Ki-Adi-something-or-other and Obi-Wan. "We'll meet you at the Council room, Master Yoda!"

"To the Council room, I must go." Yoda looked at Mace and Anakin. "A TV show, you are watching. Dramatic, it is?"

"Yoda, you won't believe it." Mace took out a handkerchief and blew his nose. "Bernice just married her evil, cloned half-brother!"

"WHAT THE HECK!" Yoda sat down, transfixed by the TV. "Wait, the Council room will. More important matters, I have."

Hey, it didn't end with an unidentified person saying a line! Incredible! I didn't think this chapter was a funny as the last two, but still, I'll try to make the next one better. Will Qui-Gon be defeated? Will Bernice marry her cloned half-brother? And why do I keep using Starbucks in my story? Find out, on the next Jedi Nites.