Disclaimer: I do not own Jar Jar Binks. Thank God.

"Holy hand grenades, Obi-Wan!" Ki-Adi-Mundi surveyed the dismantled Council chamber. "This whole thing's been destroyed!"

"Yes, it has." Obi-Wan knelt by a chair sliced in half. "Who could have done this?"

"Me."

The two of them wheeled around to see Qui-Gon standing in the doorway. Obi-Wan rushed up to Qui-Gon and gave him a giant bear hug. "Qui-Gon! I missed you so much!"

Qui-Gon pulled away. "Get off me, you mullet-wearing freak!"

Obi-Wan chuckled. "'Mullet-wearing freak'? Look who's talking, girly man."

"Bearded lady!"

"Avocado!"

Qui-Gon gasped. "Take that back!"

"Never!"

"Fine!" Qui-Gon furrowed his brow. "Wait. There are only two of you. Where's Adi?"

"Right here."

He spun on his heel. Adi leapt at him from the hallway, lightsaber drawn. Qui-Gon blocked her attack and then kicked her.

She flipped back to the other two Jedi. Qui-Gon laughed his extremely evil laugh. "I will now kill you all! Nothing can stop me!"

"You're wrong, Qui-Gon!" Obi-Wan smiled. "We haven't unleashed our secret weapon yet!"

"No, you don't mean…it can't be…"

They all turned to the doorway. Jar Jar Binks strode in. "Yousa call, Obi?"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Qui-Gon ran to the broken window and jumped out. "I CAN'T STAND IT!"

Jar Jar looked around. "Meesa miss something?"

"Good job, Jar Jar." Obi-Wan put an arm around the alien's shoulder. "Now, I was wondering, do you mind if we go outside for awhile?"

Jar Jar shrugged. "Okey-day, Obi-Wan."

The two left. Ki-Adi-Mundi sighed. "Poor Jar Jar. He never saw it coming."

A scream came from outside the room, and then Obi-Wan walked back in. "What's done is done. Do not speak of what has happened."

"Dude, who are you, Liam Neeson?" Adi shook her head. "This is just so dumb. Plus, this story's been getting a lot less funny. Hey, do you guys know where Shaak Ti is?"

Obi-Wan put a hand to his chin. "No…she wasn't at Starbucks, and considering that we all were supposed to meet there…"

"No we weren't."

"We weren't? Oh. Then I guess I had a huge caffeine rush for no reason."

"No duh." Adi shrugged. "Fine, if you idiots are done, I'm going to go find Shaak Ti, so, if you'll excuse me..."

A video screen slid out from the ceiling. Obi-Wan furrowed his brow. "Since when is there a video screen that slides out from our ceiling?"

Ki-Adi-Mundi rubbed his hands together. "I don't care, as long as this thing gets HBO and Showtime."

"Silence!"

They froze. A screen lit up, showing Chancellor Palpatine standing in his office. "I have revealed myself as Darth Sidious!"

Obi-Wan rolled his eyes. "Big surprise."

"What do you mean?"

"Chancellor, we all knew you were Darth Sidious at the end of Episode II, and, when you add the Episode III trailer…"

"Fine! Ruin the fun! But I now will control the entire galaxy! You will give me what I want!"

Obi-Wan glared at the Chancellor. "Why would we ever give you anything?"

"Because, I am holding Shaak Ti hostage!" The view panned back to show Shaak Ti in chains. "If you do not give me what I want, I will kill her!"

"No!" Obi-Wan clenched his fist. "You fiend! You know I secretly love her!"

"Well, yeah. I have your diary."

"What are your terms, evil Sith?"

"I want young Skywalker, so I can make him into Darth Vader and rule the galaxy!"

"Anakin?" Obi-Wan shrugged. "Okay, if you're sure you want him…"

"Good. Meet me at the Docking Platform by sundown, and bring Skywalker."

"Okay." The screen slid back into the ceiling. Obi-Wan rubbed his hands together. "Awesome! I can trade Anakin for Shaak Ti, and be the hero for Shaak Ti, and then we'll get married, and have little mutant babies, and we'll live happily ever after! It's the perfect plan!"

Adi frowned. "But you have to give up Anakin."

"Like I said! The perfect plan!"

Will the Jedi really give Anakin to the Chancellor Palpatine? Does Shaak Ti love Obi-Wan? And why do these chapters seem to be getting less funny? The answers to all these will (hopefully) be in the next installment of the incredible drama, Jedi Nites

And by incredible, I mean stupid.