Caution: The following chapter is over 1000 words long. For those of you who read my other stories, this may seem really short, but if you just read this one, I apologize for any fires or explosions that may be caused by this chapter. Thank you.

"I will choose what's behind door number three!"

"Congratulations!" The Chancellor pulled the curtain, revealing a picture of sprawling sands. "You've won an all expense paid vacation to Tatooine, birthplace of Anakin Skywalker! At least, we think…Anyway, you will now get to visit the burning sands, unbearable heat, wretched scum and villainy, and, of course, the lovable but highly lethal Sand People!"

"Wait just a minute!" Obi-Wan stared at Mace and Palpatine. "Why in the world did you choose what's behind door number three? And why is the Chancellor talking like a game show host?" He turned to the curtain. "And that's not even a door! It's a curtain!"

"Take that back!"

Shaak Ti shook her head. "Mace, if I ever get out of here, I swear, you will—"

"Have fun?"

"Eat enchiladas?"

"Go surfing?"

"Avocados!"

"Such language, Obi-Wan! Surprise me, you do."

She sighed. "Why do I bother?"

The Chancellor left, taking Anakin, Shaak Ti, and the giant latte. Mace shrugged. "So, how far away is this Tatooine place?"

"About seven million billion light years."

"Oh." He smiled. "So, you think if I start running now I can make it before Saturday? Because Dumb Soap Opera Hour is having an entirely new episode then. I wonder if they get cable or satellite at the hotel…"

Yoda scuttled over to Obi-Wan's speeder. "Go now, we must. Important matters, I have."

Obi-Wan hurried after him. "You mean like ending the war?"

"No. Halo 2 Clan match, I have. Late for it, I cannot be."

"Okay, hop in." Obi-Wan pushed the disposable Starbucks cups out of the back seat to make room. "With Ki-Adi-Mundi dead, we have room for one more."

"Forget Mace, you did."

"Mace?" Obi-Wan climbed into the driver's seat. "Mace who?"

Yoda nodded. "A good question, that is. Remember the identity of this Mace, I cannot."

The three (Obi-Wan, Adi, and Yoda) flew away in their speeder. Mace sat on the landing platform, contemplating the choices before him. "Let's see, I could have a huge sugar rush now and have that hold me off until I reach Tatooine, or I can just hope that they have a Starbucks on that desert planet." Mace shook his head. "Who am I kidding; Coruscant caffeine, here I come."

Adi looked back at Mace at the speeder glided through traffic. "Have you two noticed that ever since Count Dooku made fun of Mace he's started acting like a crybaby and an idiot?"

Obi-Wan glanced back. "Seriously. Who is this Mace guy?"

Adi rolled her eyes. "Somehow, I'm not surprised you asked that."

Fifteen minutes later in the Council chamber…

Yoda surveyed the broken room and sighed. "Fix this, we must."

Adi nodded. "You're right, Yoda."

"Yes. But first, pizza to eat, there is."

Obi-Wan's eyes lit up. "Goody!"

Adi walked out of the Council chamber, tired of all the other Jedi idiots. Yoda dug into pepperoni pizza, grinning. "The best, pepperoni pizza is."

Jar Jar popped up. "Meesa want pizza too!"

"Back! Back!" Yoda took his walking stick and beat Jar Jar with it. The Gungan ran from the room. Yoda threw his lightsaber after Jar Jar.

"Meesa spine!"

Obi-Wan nodded. "Nice throw, Yoda."

"Thank you, I do." Yoda finished his food with a sigh of contentment. "Good, this food is."

Obi-Wan sighed. "I just keep thinking something's missing."

"Refer to Anakin, do you?"

"Maybe…" He snapped his fingers. "Now I remember! Steak sauce!" He dumped a bottle of A1 on his pizza slice. "Much better."

But, little do the two Jedi know, a meeting is taking place in Chancellor Palpatine's office…

"The board is set. This is the deep breath before the plunge. Here we are, on the eve of the great battle of our time."

Shaak Ti furrowed her brow. "Who are you? Ian McKellen?"

"No. If I was Ian McKellen, I'd be kissing Anakin right now." Chancellor Palpatine cleared his throat. "Now, apparently, I was supposed to become all disfigured and deformed before I declared myself Emperor, but that has changed. Now I will set my plan into motion and still be somewhat handsome at the same time!"

The Chancellor sat at the head of a long table. Anakin, General Grievous, and Jango Fett filled the other seats, and Shaak Ti lay shackled to the wall nearby. The Chancellor surveyed his remaining minions. "Count Dooku and Qui-Gon Jinn have already been defeated by the Jedi. I trust you three will not make the same mistake."

Anakin raised his hand. "Um, Chancellor? Can I ask you a question?"

"Fine, Anakin. What is it?"

"Why am I working for you? I'm still loyal to the Jedi. I didn't even want to come with you."

"Ah, but I can give you the secret to save the one you love."

Anakin's eyes widened. "What did you say?"

"I can save Padme from certain death."

"Padme? I don't love her. Besides, she doesn't even appear in this story."

"Why not?"

"Because then we'd have a lot of jokes about the fact that Natalie Portman shaved her head."

"Oh. Right."

"There is only one thing I truly love. The Cheese Dog."

"The cheese dog?"

"No, it's capitalized. Like this: The Cheese Dog."

"How did you know I didn't capitalize it?"

"Trust me, Chancellor. I know these things."

General Grievous growled. "This is taking too long. Why can we not crush the Jedi fools now?"

"Because then the story would be over. We have to extend it so the author can start making it unfunny." The Chancellor stopped. "That came out wrong."

"Yeah, I think it did."

Palpatine turned to Anakin. "Okay, I will get you The Cheese Dog as long as you work for us, the forces of evil!"

Anakin shrugged. "Alright."

"Good. According to a plot device, The Cheese Dog is on Tatooine. Jango, I want you to go with Anakin to retrieve it."

Jango sighed. "Why do I always have to run the errands?"

"Because Mace Windu is heading to Tatooine on that vacation I gave him. You can meet up with him and get revenge for how he defeated you in Episode II."

Jango pumped his fist. "Excellent. Though it will be a little difficult to get around without my head."

"I know. That is why I'm sending one other companion with you."

Silence fell over the room, except for Grievous coughing because he smoked too many cigarettes. The lights dimmed.

"I present to you the ultimate pointless character: Wade the Battle Droid!"

A battle droid walked into the room. Everybody except Palpatine burst out laughing.

Wade shook his head. "Every time. Every stinking time, I get laughed at. I think someone should appreciate my incredible talents!"

"Maybe people would appreciate your talents more if you didn't talk in a squeaky voice." Anakin giggled. "But that's right. George Lucas wanted some more humor in Episode III so he changed the battle droids' voices. Ha hah ha hah!"

The Chancellor stood. "Enough! Anakin, Jango, and you too, Wade, will all leave at once!"

The three left. General Grievous stared at the Chancellor. "What will you have me do, sir?"

"Oh, I have a special assignment for you, Grievous. One that could change the outcome of the war." Palpatine grinned. "And once your task is completed, the Sith will rule the galaxy!"

Oh no! Will Mace be able to stop Anakin, Jango, and Wade the Battle Droid? Will Yoda and Obi-Wan find out about The Cheese Dog? And what is this incredible task that Palpatine has for General Grievous? Hopefully all the answers will be in the next chapter of Jedi Nites!

P. S. Please Review!