Disclaimer: I don't own DirecTV, and if I did, I probably die from the shock that people actually buy satellite even though we all know cable is approximately million times better.

"Can we get something to eat? I'm starving."

Adi wheeled around to face Obi-Wan. "Listen, Obi-Wan, we have stopped to go to the bathroom, get a puppy, eat breakfast, go to the bathroom again, sell the puppy, eat lunch, clean Mace's pants, and then buy lattes at Starbucks. WE WILL NOT STOP ONE MORE TIME!"

Obi-Wan shrugged. "Okay. I was just asking."

"Argue you should not, for the answer, peace is."

Adi rolled her eyes. "Thanks, Yoda, it's obvious you really take that peace talk seriously, considering how you duel Count Dooku and Darth Sidious in violent and awesome fights."

"Different, that is."

"Yeah, different my foot."

They entered a large hangar. Several ships lined the space. Mace bobbed up and down. "Oh, do we get to fly one of the ships! I love the ships! They're so…so…shippy!"

"Yes, Mace, we get to fly one of the ships." Adi surveyed the hangar. "So, which one, Yoda?"

"Sanity, please, Adi."

"Sanity? What are you talking about?"
"No idea, I have. Regardless, move on, we must." Yoda put a hand to his chin. "Let's see…Buy a transport, I did, but which one? Forgotten my ship, I have."

Obi-Wan sighed. "We're going to be here a long time, aren't we?"

"Wrong you are, Obi-Wan. Only a few moments this will take."

Ten hours later…

"Got any threes?"

"Nope. Go fish."

Obi-Wan shook his head. "This is taking forever. I had no idea 'a few moments' was this long."

Mace nodded. "Yeah. I wish we still had that puppy."

"Why? To play with?"

"No. I'm hungry."

"Okay." Obi-Wan scooted back. "Mace, why don't you go play over there? Way over there?"

"Alright."

Adi turned to Yoda. "Yoda, we've searched this hangar twenty times. Are you sure you can't find your ship?"
"Yes, Adi." Yoda sighed. "Puzzled, I am. Sure that my ship was here, I was."

"Well, we could search again, if you want to."

"An idiotic idea that is, Adi, for already search this hangar, we have."

"Oh. Then why didn't you say that after the first time!"
Obi-Wan ran up to them. "Guys, we've got a problem. I drank all of my jumbo 1000 oz. latte, and, well, this place doesn't have a bathroom. Do you still have those wipes you used for Mace?"

"Obi-Wan, you're gross. Completely gross."

Yoda snapped his fingers. "Now remember, I do! Leave the ship in another hangar, I did."

Adi drew her lightsaber. "That's it! I'm going to kill you all!"

Obi-Wan rolled in between Adi and Yoda. "Adi, no! Please, spare the children!"

"Nine hundred years old am I, Obi-Wan. A child, I am not. If get off me you do not, singed with my lightsaber, your behind will be!"

Obi-Wan began singing, off-key, of course. "Hush little baby don't you cry, Mommy's gonna buy you an Ewok toy."

Slash!

"OW! Yoda, it's still wet down there!"

We leave these crazy Jedi to bring you the tale of a boy, a droid, and a guy who had his head cut off…

Wade the Battle Droid (applause, please) ran through the pre-launch check-up. "Okay, Jango, check the stuff for me. Let's see…Do we have the fuel?"
"Wade the Battle Droid—" Applause filled the room. Jango sighed. "Never mind. Droid guy, how can I check this stuff off if I have no head? I can't see anything! Not like I could see anything in that helmet, mind you, but still, I can't see anything!"

Wade the Battle Droid (with more applause, of course) scratched his robotic head. "But if you don't have a mouth, how do you sigh?"

"That's a question with a long and very involved answer, which you don't want to hear."

"So you don't know."
"Yeah, pretty much."

Wade the Battle Droid (what, no applause? Come on, it's Wade the Battle Droid! Not just any battle droid, Wade the Battle Droid) shook his head. "Ah, screw it. Will you at least tell me if we have the fuel or not?"
"Oh, right. Fuel, check."

"Tire jack?"

"Check."
"Starbucks coffee?"

"Check."

"DirecTV satellite?"

Anakin rolled his eyes. "Again with DirecTV. Why do we have that? It stinks. We only get picture about what? Two hours of the day?"
"Hey, you try getting cable in the middle of space. So do we have it?"

"Um…yeah, we got it."
"Good." Wade the Battle Droid (seriously, where is that applause?) marked it down. "Okay, toilet paper?"

"Yes, we've got it, thank God."
"Alright. Anakin's lip gloss?"

Anakin giggled. "It's great for retaining moisture."
Jango sighed his headless sigh. "Check."
"Good." Wade the Battle Droid (clap, people, clap!) put away the clipboard. "Okay, that's all set."

"You checked it all off?"
"Nope, but I beat myself in hangman. I can't believe it was 'decapitation.' I would have guess 'ostrich.' But the 'd' gave it all away."

"Right." Jango trotted up the ship's ramp. "Good thing we refurbished Darth Maul's ship. This baby rocks. I don't know why they never used it after Episode I, considering it was never destroyed."

The bounty hunter, not having any way to see, slammed into the ship's wall. Wade the Battle Droid (okay, I'll stop with the applause thing) bowed his head. "It's going to be a long trip."

Will either group ever get to Tatooine? Can Wade the Battle Droid win over the crowd? And why is Mace still acting like just another idiot? Tune in next time to Jedi Nites to find out!