Chapter 4 – Feels Like Home
"Seeing's believing, but feeling's the truth." –Thomas Fuller
Kate frowns as she sits in her tent. She spins an empty shot glass around in her hands and laughs bitterly. She glares at Sawyer as he pokes his head in, but he doesn't take the hint. No, she corrects herself, he ignores the hint.
"What do you want?" Kate snarls. She bites her lip, not meaning to sound that harsh, but she shrugs. Sawyer's a big boy.
"Well, well… is Doctor Jack not taking care of all of your needs?" Sawyer smirks and tosses fruit at Kate. He eyes the shot glass and chuckles. "You know, most people wait until after lunch to do shots."
"I'm
not most people." Kate pauses and traces her finger around the
edge of the shot glass. "Besides, I wasn't drinking. I'm
remembering."
--
"Katherine,
go to your room, please, for twenty minutes." Kate glances up at
her mother and nods. She knows that another fight is about to ensue
in less than one minute. Her life is all about numbers. Twelve is
the number of stair steps to the second floor. Eleven is the number
of times that she planned to run away. Ten is how old she was the
first time she cut her finger cleaning up glass shards from a broken
glass after a fight. The most important number, though, is zero.
Zero is the number of times she plans on looking back when she
leaves.
She's
gotten good at waiting, waiting until she's in her room to cry.
The tears burn as they well up in her eyes, but they don't hurt
that much, not as much as it hurts when she hears her parents
fighting again. After all, tears are something she can fix. Tears
can be wiped away.
--
"I
heard you, Jack, Claire, and Charlie had quite a game of "I Never"
last night. Didn't know we were playing with other people,"
Sawyer teases. Kate closes her eyes for a moment, remembering the
burning taste of liquor as she drank last night.
--
"Kate,
we need to talk." Kate glances up at Jack and then down at her
feet. He's right. He's always right. Sometimes she thinks it
should bother her, but it doesn't.
"Please, not tonight, Jack. I'm not ready to talk about that," she says, choking on her last words. "I'm not ready to be broken again," she whispers.
"What? Kate, it's me. You can tell me."
"I'm
not ready to be broken again."
--
"Hey,
whoa, now, don't get all… girly on me. I can't take it if you
start crying. That's why you have Jack." Sawyer touches Kate's
chin gently, and she looks at him. "If you're upset about
something he did, I'll take 'em down for you. If you and the doc
are having your own issues, I ain't a couples' counselor. That'd
be more Claire's thing." Kate smiles, despite her tears. She's
found that big brother that she always wanted.
"I don't know where we are. No one ever taught me the right way to do this, Sawyer. He's everything I'm not." Kate tries to smile again, but she can only blink back more tears. She wishes they could do this the right way, with no island or criminal history or significant others.
"He's
ugly and stupid?"
--
Renee
watches Jack as he crosses the room to the kitchen. She tries to
memorize everything about the way he walks, the way he stands, and
the way he smiles. She's staring, but when he turns to look at
her, she realizes she doesn't care if he knows.
"Are you checking me out?" Jack smirks and continues, "There's no harm to it." Renee giggles.
"Please. I've seen better." Jack raises his eyebrows, and Renee feels the heat of a blush. He comes back over to the couch, but this time, he pulls her into his lap. "You know I used to eat mud."
"I ate Play dough. My mom always got so mad. She would buy it, and I'd eat it within a week. She kept buying it though."
"I punched a boy at recess once because he told my friend that her lunchbox was babyish." Jack smiles, trying to imagine Renee as a little girl.
"You're beautiful. You know that, right?" Jack's breath burns Renee's neck. She shivers as he kisses her gently.
"Way to change the subject there." Renee doesn't mind though, not really. He's different. He's not there to use her. She closes her eyes and tries to block out the one thought that has been with her all night.
She
wants to stay.
--
"I
don't want to let him down." Kate pauses and takes a swig of
water. "I don't know how to talk to him about our past."
Sawyer frowns in confusion.
"Past? Freckles, we landed on the damn island! What is there to talk about?" Kate shakes her head vigorously.
"I
knew him before that."
--
"It
rains here, sometimes," Jack says, smiling. He squeezes Renee's
hand. "You know, I moved here recently. If I borrowed a line from
a song, would you run for the door?" Renee giggles and shakes her
head, so he continues. "It hasn't felt like home before you."
--
"Now,
I know he seems scary, but deep down, Jacko is full of warm and gushy
feelings." Kate laughs in spite of herself. "Talk to him.
Freckles, all ya gotta do is count to five." Sawyer smirks and
then stands to leave the tent.
Kate watches him walk away, and then she jumps up and runs toward him, tackling him full on. Sawyer steps forward and grumbles, but he keeps his balance.
"Jesus! All you have to do is say my name." Kate giggles and shakes her head.
"You
and Jack are more alike than you think."
--
"I'm
serious. I don't have friends other than Marc."
"Come on! You have to have friends. Everyone has friends. Even I have friends," Renee says, neglecting to mention that he probably doesn't want to frequent dark alleys where they work.
"I
haven't had another friend since I was seven. He lived next door
to me since we were two. His name was James, but everybody called
him Jimmy. He was a quirky kid. Smart as a whip, on the street and
book smart." Jack pauses and laughs. "I always managed to lick
him in poker though."
--
Sawyer
groans at Kate's revelation.
"I seem to remember someone saying something… what was it now? Oh yeah. Some chick said, 'You're actually comparing yourself to Jack?' Now, correct me if I'm wrong, but that was you."
"You're a pain in the ass, Sawyer. You know that right?"
"Hey, don't look now, but I think Jackass is the one you should be worried about." Kate whirls around to see Jack's retreating form. She doesn't have to be beside him to realize that he's angry.
Kate glares at Sawyer, even though she knows it's her fault this time. She runs toward Jack, trying to get him to stop.
"Jack! Wait!" She reaches out and grabs his arm. "Can we talk?"
"What? I don't get a tackle like Sawyer? Kate, I'm busy. Besides, I thought you didn't want to be broken. Yeah, well, neither do I." Jack turns to walk away, and Kate steps back, hurt.
"Jack, it was nothing. He's just my friend." Jack freezes for a moment. A million things pop into his mind, but this time, he's keeping his mouth shut.
"I know what I saw."
"Yeah?
Well, I know what I felt that night and what I feel right now. You
know what it feels like?" Kate wipes tears from her eyes as she
stares into Jack's eyes. "It feels like home."
--
A/N:
Okay, maybe this is going to sound selfish, but… please review. I
put a lot of effort into everything I write, and I feel like there
should be more than one review per 100 reads (because that's about
the average). I don't want you guys to think that I'm conceited
or anything, but I really do love to hear what you think. If you
give me suggestions, I'll really look those things over.