Chapter 24: Winds of Change
Summary: Rafa realizes that a change is needed in his life.
Between the holidays, inclement weather, and the increasingly challenging cases, winter brought with it equal parts happiness, frustration, and near overwhelming anxiety for Liv and Rafa. They made the best of it as much as they could – pictures with Santa for Noah, sledding in Central Park, celebrating the holidays with Lucia and the squad, anything they could think of to relieve the stress. Still, the hits kept on coming as each new case seemed worse than the last.
On a particularly frosty February night, Rafa arrived home late and crawled into bed next to Liv, who was still awake reading a novel. She stayed up knowing that he would have a lot on his mind.
"Rafa," she murmured, sliding closer and wrapping him in her warm embrace. His body still bore the chill of the air outside. "Talk to me, sweetheart."
"These cases lately, they leave me drained," he admitted, his voice laden with exhaustion. "You have changed me immensely in the time I've known and worked with you, Liv. I don't see things in black and white anymore and, while that has really opened my eyes and heart to the world, the colors can be blinding."
Reading between the lines, Liv understood what he meant. "The more compassionate you become, the more you allow yourself to feel, the harder it hurts, right?"
Eyes brimming with fatigue, Rafa nodded. "I don't know how you've done it for so long, mi amor."
"Someone has to," Liv admitted with a quirk of her lips. "Maybe we should take another vacation, even just a long weekend, to reset."
"Wouldn't that be nice," Rafa hummed, snuggling into Liv's warmth. "We have the wedding coming up. We'll want to take time off for that and a honeymoon."
Liv corded her fingers through his thick hair, soothing him. "True enough," she said. "How about a date night tomorrow then? An evening for just you and me to relax and unwind."
"Can we order in rather than going out? I've had enough social interaction for the week," he admitted.
"We can do whatever you want, sweetheart."
Rafa's eyes sparkled mischievously. "I want to spend the evening naked with my future wife so I can show her how much I love and admire her. That's what I want."
"I think that can be arranged," Liv replied coyly.
They shared a series of long, lingering kisses as they cuddled beneath the bedding. Rafa felt the stress of the day begin to wash away with each tender touch of Liv's lips and hands until there was only one thing left weighing on his mind.
"Do you think I would make a good law professor?" Rafa pulled back and questioned suddenly, vulnerability shining in his green eyes.
"I think you would be a wonderful professor. Demanding but fair. Students would learn a lot from you," came Liv's honest reply. She watched the distant expression cross his face, the wheels turning in his mind. "Did that thought just pop into your head or is this something you've wondered about for a while?"
"Umm, both? I've thought about it a time or two a while ago but just thought that I would give it some serious consideration now. The DA's office is burning me out, Liv," he admitted. "If I keep going like this, I'll be dead from a stress-induced heart attack before Noah gets to middle school."
Her fingers ran through his hair again, massaging his scalp as she searched for the right words to express herself. "Rafa, you are the best ADA we've ever had at SVU, and you have done an amazing job these past six years. You have no idea how honored and proud I am to have had the opportunity to work with you. But we both know that being SVU's ADA was never your long-term plan. And if you want to make a career change to something that won't put you into an early grave, I am in full support of that."
"Really?" His tone was surprised yet hopeful and Liv could not withhold a chuckle from escaping her lips.
"Yes, really. I love you and I want you to be happy not only here at home, but in your career as well. If a change is what you need to lessen the stress and reignite that fire, so be it. Besides, you'd make a sexy professor!" Liv kissed his cheek. "Just imagine all those co-eds ogling you in your fancy suits."
Rafa looked scandalized much to Liv's amusement.
The morning dawned bright and frigid, but it was warm in their apartment. Rafa woke up curled around Liv, his heart feeling lighter after unburdening himself to her the night before. He was grateful for her unwavering support in his times of stress. He loved her beyond comprehension.
To show his appreciation, he deviously kissed her bare shoulder and nuzzled her neck, gently waking her with soft caresses with his fingertips between her legs.
"Mmmm, good morning, Rafa," she moaned sleepily as his head dipped below the covers, replacing his fingers with his tongue.
He coaxed her through an orgasm before sliding up her body, placing wet kisses on her skin along the way. He met her lips in a devouring kiss as he slid into her, swallowing her gasp. They made love in the early morning sunlight, savoring the physical and emotional intimacy between them. Neither commented on the tears in their eyes as their pleasure peaked and they clung to each other in the afterglow.
A short while later, the peaceful morning was shattered by the awakening of their little whirlwind who was ready to face the day with some of Rafa's special pancakes.
"So, I think I'll start looking into some law professor opportunities," Rafa said, turning to Liv as the pancakes sizzled on a pan.
Leaning a hip against the counter, Liv smiled encouragingly. "Good. I'm sure with your connections and reputation, opportunities will be knocking down the door once universities find out you're interested."
"One can only hope," he replied, flipping the pancakes. "Don't mention anything to the team yet. I don't want to…"
"You don't need to explain, Rafa. No one else needs to know anything until you've made a decision and are ready to share any news."
"Thank you, mi amor," he kissed her before shifting to plate the pancakes before Noah became impatient.
"Do you want to ask your mom if she'd like some Noah time tonight or should I check with Rollins?" Liv asked once Rafa returned to the kitchen after serving Noah his breakfast.
"I will check with mami right now. I'm sure she'd love some time with her nieto." Rafa pulled his phone from the pocket of his sleep pants and called his mother. The conversation was brief and Rafa flashed Liv a grin as he ended the call. "She'll pick him up for lunch and keep him overnight. They are going to have an adventure."
"Perfect, I'm sure he'll love whatever they do together," Liv replied before slipping away to take a shower.
"Mi hermoso nieto," Lucia greeted Noah with a bone-crushing hug as she entered their apartment a few hours later. "Are you ready for our grand adventure?"
"Si abuelita! What are we doing?" Noah said, bouncing with excitement. "I've already packed my bag for our sleepover!"
"It's a surprise, but I'm sure you will love it!"
Liv watched their interactions with a teary smile. Noah thrived under Lucia's attentions, and she was grateful that her son had a real family now to love and spoil him. He was already blossoming into a kind, intelligent young man under Lucia's and Rafa's influence.
"Mijo, we'll see you both at brunch tomorrow?" Lucia asked Rafa as Noah ran off to grab his backpack full of sleepover supplies.
"Si, mami, at our usual spot," Rafa confirmed. He hugged Noah tight and steered him toward Liv.
"Be good for Abuelita, okay? Have fun, sweet boy. We love you," Liv said, her face buried in her son's curls. "Thank you for taking him, Lucia."
The older woman waved her off. "I love spending time with mi nieto. We always have the best time, right?" Noah nodded enthusiastically and grasped Lucia's hand as she led him from the apartment.
Liv and Rafa could hear Noah's little voice peppering Lucia with questions as the pair made their way to the elevator, amused grins shared between them.
"Where do you think she is taking him?" Liv asked, stepping up behind Rafa and wrapping her arms around him as he closed and locked the door.
"The Bronx Zoo," Rafa said, turning his head and pressing a kiss to her cheek.
"He'll love that!" Liv spun Rafa around to face her, placing soft kisses around his face. "Your mom is so good to him."
"She's just returning the favor since you are so good to her son, mi amor," Rafa stated simply and placed a kiss on the tip of her nose. "What would you like to do this afternoon?"
"Hmmm, why don't we grab your laptop, sit on the couch, and look into potential new job opportunities for you?" Liv suggested. "We can at least do some research and see what's out there before you reach out to any of your contacts."
The more Rafa thought about it, the more certain he was that it was time for a career change. There was a time when he loved working at the DA's office, when he thrived on the stress, lived for the arguments, but that was before he had any kind of life outside of work. Although he spent most of his career as a prosecutor, the fight wasn't in him like it used to be.
"Sounds like a great idea, Liv. I'd like your thoughts on options anyway, so we might as well look together."
They spent the afternoon perusing local universities with law departments, checking out the faculties, statistics, department ratings, anything they could think of to research. Rafa knew quite a few staff and administrators at various schools who he felt comfortable reaching out to soon. As dinner time approached, they ordered takeout from a restaurant down the block and settled in for a movie. Noah called while they waited for dinner to arrive and told them tales about his day with Abuelita before saying goodnight.
After dinner arrived and was consumed, Rafa gazed at Liv, pupils dilated with need. "You are wearing too much clothing, mi amor. We need to rectify that."