Fanfiction is so vain. All we're really doing is fishing for compliments.
-Nicole
Remus leaned back and smiled dreamily. "I haven't thought of that in a long, long time. Luckily for Snape things turned out so well for Siri. His head would have been on a pike outside the great hall if it hadn't."
"A gay werewolf. Will wonders never cease."
"George." Remus inclined his head in greeting. The two had developed an uneasy relationship over the years, George always ready to think the worst of the werewolf and trying to pin any livestock disappearance or ill deed on him. Remus used to worry whenever he left the tavern, lest some harm befall him. By now he was fairly assured of George's nonviolence. Fairly.
"Lupin."
Remus shrugged. "I've never seen any lack of wonders. As for me, it as in for a penny in for a pound I think the expression goes. Anyway, Sirius and I were dating before the year was out. We picked up some scorn for that one in the hallways. Peeves especially had a great time thinking up new songs. And no, I don't think I'll share any of those. They tended to be a little…I don't know. Embarrassing isn't quite a strong enough word. Mortifying, perhaps. Oh, Hogwarts. We were innocent then. So ridiculously naïve.
"Well, time passed and James got his girl, Lily her name was. Lovely woman. She had the most beautiful green eyes I'd ever seen. They ended up head boy and head girl, though I'm not quite sure what the headmaster was thinking putting James in any position of authority. I think Sirius might have been the only reason I didn't get it. He wanted someone people would listen to, not the poofter bookworm. Not that I mind, of course. I was tired of being the responsible one, though I don't think I could ever really be anything else.
"You've all heard of the… incident at Godric's Hollow, I assume. Harry, little Harry, Lily and James's boy, came out of it alive. My friends, alas, did not." He swallowed back a lump in his throat. "Sorry. Reopening old wounds." He looked bitter for a moment. "Here comes the salt.
"Sirius had been their secret keeper so when Voldemort came knocking at their door, oh don't flinch like that, half of you aren't even old enough to remember the last battle. Anyways, when he came knocking everyone assumed it had been Sirius's doing. Sirius switched sides, true to his family, the Blacks, and betrayed his best friends through all Hogwarts. Sirius then went and blasted Peter Pettigrew to smithereens and a bunch of muggles besides. Sirius then was sent to Azkaban." Remus hunched in on himself, old pain shadowing his eyes. "I believed them, too. That was the worst part. I thought Sirius had done it as much as any of them. Until one day.
"I'm going to avoid detail on this one. I hope you don't mind. It's just… very private, very emotional, if that makes sense. If you want to hear more about it you can track down Snape or Ron or Hermione. They can tell you the same story. We found Peter, though, and cleared up the tale with Harry.
"This was while I was teaching at Hogwarts, DADA. Ironic, I thought, to have a werewolf teach that class. I don't wonder if that was why Dumbledore hired me for the post. He was always a fan of a good joke. Well, to give you the short version of events I found out that everything I had believed about Sirius for the last twelve years was a lie. All of it. Peter had been the secret keeper, the betrayer, the one who blew up that street and left his finger behind. Sirius escaped again that night, on the back of a hippogriff. We met again several weeks later, after I had made my way off Hogwarts grounds to the relieved sighs of many parents. They all knew what I was after that night, the end of my hopes of acceptance.
"I met him again in his ancestral home, the Black manor. We used it as the headquarters for our little save-the-world movement later. Then it was just an empty house with a few outraged portraits and an old house elf who didn't take kindly to either of us being there."
"Moony."
"Padfoot."
They embraced, a private reunion, but less poignant than their meeting in the shack. Old misunderstandings had been cleared up and Sirius found himself at a loss for words. "Moony, I…"
"I know."
"How can you know? I didn't even know what I was trying to say."
"I don't know, but I did. It's the same thing I'm trying to say. We've had twelve years of love's labors lost and I don't need to spend the next few hours trying to say something that neither of us needs to hear."
"Still the same, aren't you?"
"Yes. But you're not."
Sirius looked at him carefully, looking deep. "No. I'm not, and neither are you, are you? You've changed, even if you won't admit it. You look… sad. You never looked sad in school."
"Never?"
"Upset, maybe. A little depressed. Never really sad."
"I'm happy now, though."
"No, you're not. But we can work on that. Lunch? I found some old tins of beans in one of the cupboards and I've got a little bread. I think there might have been other food but if there was I'm sure that blasted elf hid it. Probably at the request of my mother. She'd love to see me starve. Even in death she's a malicious bitch."
"Remember that time I came over for a few days in the summer?"
"I could have told you that was a bad idea."
"The look she gave me… that was priceless. I've never felt more like a bug to be squashed."
They laughed, tense laughter that echoed in the empty house, disturbing the dust, a mockery of what it used to be. Remus followed Sirius to the kitchen, watching the back of his head with its long, lank black hair. He tried to forget how empty Sirius looked, all eaten up inside. At least he remembered. Some people forgot everything when they came out of Azkaban. Forgot their friends, forgot their family, forgot even their names.
"Twelve years…" he whispered it to Sirius's back.
"What?"
"It's been so long. Such a long time wasted."
"We're together again now, Moony."
"But will it ever be the same again?"
"I don't know."
They sat down and ate canned beans and stale bread at a dusty table in a moldy house, but it was a start. Sirius startled Remus when he stood suddenly up. "Cut my hair for me."
"What?"
"Cut it. Please."
So Sirius sat back down and Remus found scissors, right where they had been the last time he had been in the house. The placement was the same; everything was just a little dusty. He came back and cut off a chunk of hair. It fell to the ground and landed in a heap. Another chunk followed it, landing on top and a little to the side. After many cuts and after a greasy, dark pile had been formed on the floor Sirius's hair was back to its Hogwarts length, falling just above his shoulders. He raised his right hand and felt at the strands, running his fingers through them and delighting in the feeling when they reached the uneven ends. He turned in his chair, looking at Remus with sunken eyes that were beginning to show a little life. Just a glimmer of the past.
"Thank you, Moony. Back to normal, right?"
Remus smiled as his breath hitched in his throat. "As close as we'll ever be."