Chapter 35 – The final truth
''…Zuko?'' Mai's voice seemed to sound far away in his mind. ''Zuko? Are you okay?''
She's pregnant. She's pregnant. She's pregnant.
Echoes upon echoes upon echoes of the words were stacking inside his head. Something like raw, primal, vicious grief and anger and guilt were forming in his stomach and he needed to throw up.
''I'm gonna-'' he managed to bring out before sprinting to the bathroom and vomiting right into Mai's toilet. Over and over again, until he thought that every content of his stomach was out of there and into the sewers.
It didn't help with his thoughts, sadly. All the mechanisms in his brain were trying everything they could to help him understand what Mai was saying. During the four months he'd spent separated from the woman he loved the most, he'd forgotten what exactly he'd left. What he could possibly have left.
Not just one person, but two. Maybe even three. Who the fuck knew. She could be carrying twins.
He vomited again. Mai was rubbing his back as if that could make it better. The sour air infiltrated his nose and he retched once more.
''It's going to be okay,'' the woman behind him whispered soothingly. ''I promise, it's going to be okay.''
''What the fuck do you know about it,'' he grunted into the toilet, gripping the edge like that was his lifeline. ''She's… she's fucking pregnant and I left her. I left her.''
Zuko broke down. Hot, fat tears ran down his cheeks while he tried to hide the sobs and tremors in his body from Mai. But she knew better and simply wrapped her arms around him, her heart hurting for the man who had managed to steal her heart.
''I know,'' she whispered in his ear. ''But she's okay. Your father's men lost track of her weeks ago. No one knows-''
''Weeks ago?'' he repeated slowly, raising his head to look her in the eyes with a dangerous expression. ''What do you mean 'weeks ago'?''
''Zuko, I-'' Mai panicked, her heartbeat racing through her body.
''How long have you known?'' he almost growled, ripping himself free from her embrace.
Mai gulped visibly before answering softly, ''Azula told me about a month ago. When we drank too much wine and she-''
''Fuck!'' he shouted and gripped his hair in his hands. ''You've known for weeks and didn't tell me? You didn't think I deserved to know that the love of my life is pregnant? That I'm going to be a father? Fuck, Mai!''
The woman in question cowered away from his blazing eyes as if he burned her, amplifying the guilt still possessing his body. ''I'm sorry, Zuko. But you know Azula. I'm fucking scared of her, alright?! Besides, how could I have told you-''
''I don't know and I don't. Fucking. Care! You should've told me and don't-'' he continued, and stepped away out the bathroom door after she tried to touch him again, ''don't fucking touch me.'' He took a shuddering breath and tried to shake off the trembling anger. ''I need to think.''
And with that, he went out of the bathroom, out of the house and speed-walked up to the Palace, not caring if anyone saw him. He barely made it through the Palace's doors before he a servant approached him warily.
''Prince Zuko,'' the man began. ''Everyone's waiting for you.''
''What?'' he asked him with a snide, just wanting to get back to his room as soon as possible so he could start planning his next move. He needed to get to Milah, to his unborn child, as soon as possible. Nothing mattered anymore. Not his honour, not his father, not the Fire Nation.
Just her.
''The high admirals, the high generals, the war ministers, and the Princess have all arrived. You're the only person missing.''
What the fuck was he talking about-
Oh. Right. The war meeting.
He completely forgot about the damn meeting and rubbed a tired hand over his face. He supposed it would be suspicious if he didn't go there.
''The Fire Lord said he would not start until you arrived, sir,'' the servant pressed, needing the Prince to get to that meeting as soon as possible, remembering the threat the Fire Lord had made against him if they didn't hurry.
And so Zuko reluctantly followed the poor man who seemed as if he was about to pass out. They arrived at his father's throne room not long after and saw there was only one place left for him to sit.
''Ah, Prince Zuko,'' his father greeted him. Red-hot anger slithered down his spine. This was the same man who'd hunted down Milah while she was carrying his grandchild. Who would do such a thing? Killing an unborn baby-
''Take a seat,'' Ozai's voice filled the room once more. Zuko slowly made his way to his father's right and took a seat opposite his sister, who was sitting at their father's left.
One happy family, together at last.
His thoughts turned sour and he did his best to hide all the disgust from everyone around him while the meeting started. Zuko mostly blanked out, not adding anything to all the new army and navy progress the generals and ministers had collected for their Fire Lord.
He could only think about Milah. Pregnant Milah, all alone, having to fend for herself because the one person that should've been there by her side for it all had gone off to the Nation that was responsible for every bad thing that'd happened to her in her life.
''As I'm sure you all know,'' Ozai spoke up ever since greeting his son, ''the eclipse will occur tomorrow and courtesy to Princess Azula, we have been made aware of the invasion that will take place at the same time. General Shinu, are all the preparations ready?''
The General, seated in the middle, nodded once. ''Yes, Fire Lord. The war balloons and bombs are all set.''
''Good,'' Ozai answered before looking at his son. ''Prince Zuko, I need you with your sister tomorrow. You two will defend the system of caves from any intruders who would think it wise to enter the volcano. I trust you will both manage this.''
''Yes, father,'' Azula and Zuko answered at the same time and bowed their heads. He looked at his sister from under his eyelashes and saw her give him a curious look. He tried to mask all that was written on his face but wasn't sure if he succeeded.
He actually hadn't known about the eclipse, but surely knew what it meant. They would be powerless for a short period, which would be the best time to strike an attack on the Fire Lord who was mainly dangerous due to his strong Firebending.
''Forgive me, father,'' Zuko started softly and put on his best emotionless face.
''Go ahead,'' Ozai permitted him to continue, curious to see what his son would have to say for the first time since starting the meeting.
''Who is going to strike an attack tomorrow?'' he asked as casually as possible, although he feared the answer all the same. Please let it not be her family, please let it not be the Avatar, please, please, please-
''Intel suggests that the attack will come from the Northern Water Tribe and the Earth Kingdom. There is reason to believe that the Avatar's friends-'' the word was said with disdain, ''have not quite given up their pursuit of trying to defy our proud and strong Nation.''
The Avatar's friends, which meant that the attack would come from Katara and Sokka. Zuko had to swallow away the bile that had reappeared in his mouth and only nodded swiftly to let everyone know he'd heard the news.
The meeting continued on a little while longer, mostly consisting of planning various defensive moves while the eclipse would take place, rendering each Firebender powerless for a mere eight minutes. Zuko silently wondered how any of the invaders could think they could win this battle if they only had an advantage of eight minutes.
When the meeting was over, Zuko made it quick work to avoid everyone, especially Azula who had been eyeing him like a hawk during the entire meeting. He'd learned a great many, like the location of his father during the eclipse and where he could manage to get a war balloon tomorrow during his escape.
Because yes, he was going home tomorrow. To his true and only home. But he first had to come up with a plan to free his uncle along the way. He'd never leave without Iroh who also deserved to know about Milah's state.
He wondered how he could once again be so stupid because he hadn't thought about the possible consequences of their actions. Why he hadn't thought of protection at all.
Or maybe he unconsciously had and had been delighted by the thought of Milah, pregnant. Her belly swollen and her body glowing with a glow only mothers could have. The thought of his little baby boy or girl in his arms, cowing at him, happy and safe in his father's arms.
He was going to be a father.
That evening, he swiftly packed all his essential belongings, bedroll, tent and dual broadswords and left the Palace through his window, climbing down the wall before sneaking through the night to the outskirts of the city, deciding to make camp there tonight. No doubt would Azula come to look for him and he didn't trust himself enough to not start an attack on her.
I'll come back for her someday, he promised.
When dawn broke, Zuko was already up, planning everything he was about to do in detail. First, try to sneak into the cave system, then confront his father during the exact time of the eclipse – in case the fucker would attack his son, which wasn't unlikely – then break Iroh out of prison and then hurry towards the war balloon.
Sounds easy enough, he thought while eating his breakfast high upon the crater. The anticipation of finding Milah sent unending flutters through his stomach and he could barely sit still. But in the end, it would all be worth it.
Zuko had given everything a good thought that night. What he would do after he'd found her. What he now knew his destiny was. Thinking back to his days hunting the Avatar, he knew that Aang didn't learn Firebending yet, which was the last element he needed to learn before completing the cycle. And the Crown Prince was going to be the one who would teach him.
It only took him seven years to pick up on all the wisdom Uncle Iroh had been bestowing on his nephew before the latter figured out what his purpose was.
The invasion had already begun the moment Zuko crept through the Palace, knowing no one would be there. He'd seen the battle at the shores of the volcano from this far above and had to hold himself back to warn them all about their inevitable failure.
They'd never succeed. Ozai had seen to it that everything was covered. That nothing could go wrong. But the one thing he would not foresee was Zuko, now on his way to finally confront the man who had done so many wrong and abhorrent things in his life Zuko sometimes wondered why in hell's name he'd ever tried fighting for his father's love. Why he'd ever thought his father was worthy of his love.
Luckily, he knew the gangways of the volcanos like the back of his hand, having played enough hide and seek in there to even count, and knew where his father would hide out like a coward. Too afraid to face a couple of kids. Zuko scoffed.
Just as he was about to make the final turn to the entrance of the caves, he passed a painting of his mother. Zuko stopped for a moment and glanced to his left, gazing into the loving eyes of Ursa and felt a stab of pain cut through his gut. His mother, she'd know what to do. If she could see him now. If she'd know what he'd done, what he'd left…
''I know I've made some bad choices, but today, I'm going to set things right,'' he whispered to the painting and took a shuddering breath before continuing his journey.
It didn't take long before he reached the room his father would be in. ''I'm ready to face you,'' he said to himself and took a deep breath before opening the door.
And there he was. Ozai was just taking a calm sip of his tea when his eyes widened upon seeing his son, who had vanished after the war meeting the day before. The Fire Lord had his thoughts about the matter but hadn't expected Zuko to end up here. Thinking he'd be long gone to his precious Waterbender if Ozai's suspicions were correct.
''Prince Zuko? What are you doing here?'' the man ended up asking his son.
Zuko curled his lips in disgust and anger.
Ozai felt the defiance in his bones and sent out a chilling look that would've sent a common man running for his life. ''Why are you here?'' His voice was cold and void of emotion.
''I'm here to tell the truth,'' Zuko said with a low voice, clenching his fists by his sides.
Ozai smirked. ''Telling the truth during the middle of an eclipse. This should be interesting.'' And with that, he send the guards that had been positioned around his place on the dais from the room. Zuko only spoke up after they'd all gone.
Zuko knew that time was of the essence, so he didn't skip around the bush. ''Where's Milah?''
His father's smirk grew. ''Did Azula tell you?''
Zuko gritted his teeth. ''It doesn't matter. Where is she?'' He took out his broadswords from behind his back and pointed them at his father. ''You will answer me now.''
''I do not know where she is, Prince Zuko. No one knows,'' the Fire Lord answered honestly and took another sip of his tea.
Zuko needed another deep breath before saying, ''Did you know she was pregnant when you ordered the attack? That you were going to kill your unborn grandchild?''
Ozai kept smirking, making Zuko's hand tremble slightly. ''Will it make it better if I say no?''
Zuko shook his head slowly and approached his father with surprising calm. ''You are a disgusting, vile man and no one will weep for you after you're gone. I know that I won't.'' And Zuko meant it, with all of his broken, shattered heart.
His father's smirk faltered slightly. ''Careful now, Zuko.''
''And that's not all,'' he continued, ignoring his father's warning. ''Here's the truth: first of all, in Ba Sing Se, it was Azula who took down the Avatar, not me.''
Ozai's curiosity was sparked. ''Why would she lie to me about that?''
''Because the Avatar's not dead. He survived.'' Satisfaction ran through him when he saw Ozai's eyes burn with anger from the confession.
''What?'' he asked incredulously.
''In fact, he's probably leading this invasion. He could be on his way here right now,'' Zuko went on.
Ozai's stood from his place for the first time and pointed a finger at the closed door. ''Get out! Get out of my sight right now if you know what's good for you!''
''That's another thing. I'm not taking orders from you anymore.'' Zuko gripped his swords tighter, ready to strike if needed.
''You will obey me, or this defiant breath will be your last!'' Ozai raged.
Zuko walked to his father and pointed his sword at him again threateningly. ''Think again. I am going to speak my mind, and you are going to listen.''
Ozai sat back and looked as if he was going to kill his son with his eyes alone.
''For so long, all I wanted was for you to love me, to accept me. I thought it was my honour I wanted, but really, I was just trying to please you. You, my father, who banished me just for talking out of turn. My father, who challenged me, a thirteen-year-old boy, to an Agni Kai. How could you possibly justify a duel with a child?''
Ozai grew angrier with every word that came out of his son's mouth. ''It was to teach you respect!'' he replied scornfully.
''It was cruel! And it was wrong,'' Zuko said through his teeth and turned his swords in his hands in one dangerous move as a warning.
''Then you have learned nothing,'' Ozai hissed.
''No, I've learned everything! And I've had to learn it on my own! Growing up, we were taught that the Fire Nation was the greatest civilization in history. And somehow, the War was our way of sharing our greatness with the rest of the world. What an amazing lie that was. The people of the world are terrified by the Fire Nation. They don't see our greatness. They hate us! And we deserve it! We've created an era of fear in the world. And if we don't want the world to destroy itself, we need to replace it with an era of peace and kindness.'' It was as if a weight was lifted from his shoulders, his heart, his mind, and now he was a wholly different person.
Ozai laughed cruelly. ''Your uncle has gotten to you, hasn't he?''
''Yes,'' Zuko answered and smiled with pride. ''He has. After I leave here today, I'm going to free Uncle Iroh from his prison and I'm going to beg for his forgiveness. He's the one who's been a real father to me.''
''Oh, that's just beautiful. And maybe he can pass down to you the ways of tea and failure,'' Ozai said mockingly.
''But I've come to an even more important decision,'' Zuko said and closed his eyes, afraid of the words coming out of his mouth next. ''I'm going to join the Avatar and I'm going to help him defeat you.''
''Really? Since you're a full-blown traitor now and you want me gone, why wait? I'm powerless. You've got your swords. Why don't you just do it now?'' his father said smugly.
''Because I know my own destiny. Taking you down is the Avatar's destiny. Goodbye,'' Zuko said, wanting to get out of there as soon as possible while the eclipse was still going on, not having felt the strength of the sun return to him yet.
''Coward! You think you're brave enough to face me, but you'll only do it during the eclipse. If you have any real courage, you'll stick around until the sun comes out. Don't you want to know what happened to your mother?''
Zuko paused his exit and turned around slowly, facing the monster who had ordered the murder of his son's child, before it had even set foot on this wretched earth.
Don't you want to know what happened to your mother?
The words echoed in his head like a prayer, condemning him for what was to come.
''What happened that night?'' Zuko asked against better knowledge, knowing that his father only tried to stall him. But Zuko didn't care.
''My father, Fire Lord Azulon, had commanded me to do the unthinkable to you, my own son, and I was going to do it. Your mother found out and swore she would protect you at any cost. She knew I wanted the throne and she proposed a plan, a plan in which I would become Fire Lord and your life would be spared,'' Ozai drawled.
Zuko felt sick. It made sense now, why he would feel no remorse about killing Milah or anyone for that matter. Ozai had been prepared to kill his own son. Kill him.
''Your mother did vicious, treasonous things that night. She knew the consequences and accepted them. For her treason, she was banished,'' the Fire Lord continued telling the supposed truth.
''So she's alive?'' Zuko asked, his throat and eyes burning.
''Perhaps,'' Ozai answered calmly. Zuko could feel his bending creep back into his muscles. The eclipse was almost over. ''Now I realize that banishment is far too merciful a penalty for treason. Your penalty will be far steeper.''
And before Zuko knew it, the eclipse was over and Ozai was bending lightning towards him, to his son and heir, ready to kill the treacherous, scarred man before him. The one who dared call himself a Prince.
But Zuko was prepared and had already taken a deep breath when Ozai shot his lightning at him. He let the string of electricity pass through his body with easy calm and redirected it to his father's feet, having meant it when he said that it was the Avatar's destiny to end the Fire Lord. And when the ground at Ozai's feet exploded, he ran for the door like his life depended on it, which it did.
Zuko ran, and ran, and ran, but he made it to the prison in one piece without seriously harming anyone. Sure, some guards that had been stationed in the gangways were going to be sore for a few days, but he'd gone mild on every one of them.
But when he got to his uncle's cell, he wasn't there. A passed-out warden lay in the corner whom Zuko picked up with one hand by his collar. ''Where is my uncle?'' he asked with anger.
The warden opened his eyes with bewilderment and terror. ''He's gone. He busted himself out. I've never seen anything like it, he was like a one-man army!''
Zuko let go of the man and made a quick decision. He could search the premise for a clue of his uncle's whereabouts, or he could trust the fact that Iroh was perfectly able to protect and take care of himself.
Zuko left the prison quickly and got to his stolen war balloon – which he'd stolen before dawn had broken that morning – equally fast, deciding that Milah needed his help more than Iroh did. He lit the furnace and became airborne not a moment too long after.
And so Zuko set course for Milah, for his pregnant wife.
He suddenly spotted the Avatar's sky bison on the horizon and knew what to do. Stupid, as usual, that he hadn't thought of it before. His best guess was that Milah would be with her family, that maybe she'd found them again. And if not… He supposed he'd have to be extra careful that no one would see him so he wouldn't get into any trouble with them. He didn't want anything or anyone delaying him.
And so he followed the Avatar, hoping with all his heart and might and whatnot that Milah was with them, somehow.
A/N: OMFG it's almost fucking here guys. I don't know when I'll have the time to write the next chapter. The big reunion, it's almost happening. Let me know what you think of this! Lots of love, Lily.