##

Disclaimer: (I thought I should start doing these so I don't get sued or anything...unlikely...but just incase) I own everyone in this chapter except Jolene aka Leggy...she is a real person – Blondie 03 – check out her story 'Anywhere But Here' – I'm in it :) Weeeeeeee!

##

Bunny: Where have you been?

Louise: I'm the Author! Don't question me!

Bunny: You haven't been here for the past seven weeks! Poor Leggy has been doing THE ELEPHANT EYES OF RIGHTOUSNESS since you last updated. She hasn't blinked! She's probably strained herself or gotten a cataract!!

Louise: sigh She looks fine to me...

Leggy: ::walks into a wall::

Bunny: ...

Louise: ::snort laughs::

##

Author's Note(s): My poor little readers!! I'm so sorry for leaving you all for so long! I was ill for about a month and before that I was...er...busy with my boyfriend...and then ill again and then busy with my boyfriend...again. But I'm back! And my hair is now permanently purpley-pink! And, as an apology for not updating ::throws Orlando Bloom Action Figures to all readers:: but don't play with him now...read chapter four and then spend hours after hours after hours doing whatever the heck you want with him...

Oh, and the new title was inspired by suggestions from CiCi and Mel, so, as a special present for you two you get a Elizabeth Swann Doll to burn in the microwave! Burn her! BURN HER!!!

Chapter Four:

Scottish Cowboys – Part One

##

Leggy had stopped giving me THE ELEPHANT EYES OF RIGHTOUSNESS when I had finished my pancakes. Of course she had to steal the empty plate from in front of me and lick the syrup and crumbs off (after smelling them of course) just to make me feel guilty.

We drank our coffee - well I drank mine, Leggy smelt hers first – and I listened to Leggy talk about the Scottish cowboy. I say listen, but I really mean that I looked like I was listening and had actually detached myself from the conversation. And I was just thinking random thoughts...

If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?

Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?

If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?

Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?

If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that Acme crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?

Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?

Leggy's voice broke me out of my random thoughts: "Where are we going to stay the night?"

"There should be a motel near by, I'll ask the waitress before we leave." I took a sip of my coffee.

"Maybe we could stay with Shamus." Leggy suggested.

"Who's Shamus?" I asked with a confused expression.

"Haven't you just been listening to me for the past five minutes?"

I smiled sheepishly. Hey! Here's another random thought: Is it possible to drown yourself in half a cup of coffee?

"It's the cowboy." She told me...through gritted teeth.

"I think it'd be better if we stayed in a motel. We hardly know him...or understand him!"

"Yeah..." She didn't seem to be paying much attention. I followed her glance...

DEAR SWEET JESUS!!! SHE'S SPOTTED THE JUKEBOX!!!

She got out of the booth and walked over to it, I tried to make an escape to the girl's toilets, but it was too late. Dion and the Belmonts started playing and Leggy...Leggy started singing to the poor old man in the corner.

Her back was turned for a moment, and I dashed for the girl's toilets and hid in a cubicle.

::One Hour Later::

Leggy was doing her upbeat version of 'Teenager In Love'; I clambered out of the cubicle and peeked through the door. Leggy was standing on one of the tables and doing pelvic thrusts...why? I'm not entirely sure...

I looked towards where the old man had been sitting; he was now cowering under another table. And Shiny Bouffant waitress was peering over the counter.

I walked out of the toilets and towards the Shiny Bouffant waitress. She stood up and flattened out the creases in her clothes as I stopped in front of her.

"Can I have the bill please?" I asked as Leggy started to twirl.

"Right away, Hun."

This was my plan: First, I'd find out where the nearest motel is. Next, I'd get Leggy into the car and drive to the motel. Thirdly, I'd call my dad to tell him that I was coming to stay for a while. And lastly, I'd sit Leggy down and give her a long talk about why pelvic thrusting in public is wrong.

The Shiny Bouffant waitress handed me the bill, I handed her the cash with a v. large tip, because of the embarrassment caused by Leggy.

"Is there anything else, Hun?" She asked when she saw that I hadn't yet moved. Impatient isn't you tell me where the nearest motel is?" I was watching Leggy do the splits.

"Oh honey, the nearest motel is at least a six hour drive from here." She cackled...bitch.

"Okay, thanks." I walked towards Leggy, who was still doing the splits...

"Come on, time to go." I said with my arms crossed in front of me.

"Can't." She gasped.

"Why not?"

"Stuck."

No. Nononononono. She wasn't doing this to me. God can not hate me that much.

"What?" I asked again.

"I'm stuck."

I lied. God does hate me that much.

##

"Six hours away?!?! No way. It's already getting dark, we should go and stay with Shamus." Leggy complained as she limped to the car.

"Who?" I wrinkled my nose.

"THE COWBOY!!!"

"I don't know, we talked about this before, and we hardly know him, remember?"

"Well, you can go to the motel. I'm going to stay with Shamus."

"Leggy..." I whined. "You're being silly. You don't know him. Besides, he might not want us to stay with him." I was slightly worried, we didn't know him, we didn't understand him, he could be a rapist or a cannibal...hey, he's a Scottish cowboy! You'd be worried to!

"I'll go and ask if it's okay."

"Leggy, no, let's just go to the motel...or we could sleep in the car..."

She turned to me, "Are you crazy?? I'm not sleeping outside with bugs!"

"Leggy, we're going to the motel, and that's final."

::Three Hours Later – In a house...in the middle of nowhere...with a family of Scottish Cowboys...::

"Do ya' fancy some haggis, lassie?"

##

Just a couple of little notes: I know two Scottish people, so that should help me with this, they both go to my school thingy. And Shamus isn't a Scottish name it's an Irish name, but I'm using it cos I wuv it. There's someone called Shamus at my school thingy...but I don't think he'll be there next year :(

Ah!!! Now, this news is v.v.v.v. important if anyone reading this has read my other story 'Ace of Hearts' and actually liked it and can think of something to do with it apart from throwing it away. You can have it. I have nada. I really don't have a clue what to do with it. So, I want to give it to somebody who thinks they can continue it. If you are interested in it just tell me your idea in a review or an email and I'll get back to ya'

Pip Pip! ::grabs a vine and swings away::