This was written after teaching one of my dance classes. Sportacus is me, saying things I did not say aloud, but was thinking. Again, no details. I have no time. But, you'll get the idea.
"All right, we're going to play a game.
"Yay!"
"Alright!"
"Way to go Sportacus!"
"Great. Now, stand in a line, children."
The children moved quickly, but Sportacus couldn't believe his eyes.
"Oh my god! What is wrong with you? You're so stupid! I said a line, not a circle! Let's try this again."
Sportacus physically moved the children. "Stay there," he ordered each one, as he placed them in a straight line.
"There!" He smiled and nodded. " A straight line!" He sighed in satisfaction.
"Now, look at where you are. Look at this straight line. See? Can you see the difference? How everyone is close together?"
The children nodded enthusiastically.
"Yes, Sportacus, this makes perfect sense."
"Perfect sense," Stingy echoed.
"Great straight line, Sportacus!" Pixel cheered.
Everyone nodded and smiled.
"Wonderful! So, each one of you gets it? Do you think you could make a line like this by yourselves? You could come right back to where we are now without me having to show you?"
"No sweat!" Trixie answered.
"Great. Well, now I would like you all to spread out and leave the line, and when I say, "Make a straight line," you all come back and make a straight line, just like this one. Do you think you can do that?"
"Duh, Sportacus," Stingy clucked and rolled his eyes.
"Everyone tell me what they will do."
"Make a straight line," the group answered in chorus.
"Yes! That's it! You've got it now! All right, now everyone spread out! Go!"
Everyone giggled and squealed as they ran away to scatter themselves.
"Okay, now……"
Everyone paused and eyed Sportacus expectantly.
"Get back into a straight line!" He finished.
"Yeah!" Ziggy yelled as he ran back in the direction other children had left.
The rest of the group shouted out and ran back as well.
Sportacus smiled and relaxed in relief. "You get it! You kids finally get it! You-"
Then his eyes widened as he took in the scene before him.
"Nooooooo!" He screamed holding his temples with the palms of both hands.
He looked at the children. Three of them were squished together facing each other, Stingy was standing a good five feet away from everyone else, and Stephanie was facing the opposite direction on the other side of the courtyard. No one, repeat, no one was in a line Not even close, folks. These kids couldn't follow a direction if they were led behind it on a leash..
"What the hell is wrong with you? Does this look like a straight line to you?"
"Yes, Sportacus," Stephanie chirped, facing away still.
"You think you are all close together in a straight line?"
Trixie looked around at the children haphazardly clumped or strewn around. "Yes, we're all close together."
"No," he glared at her, his voice cold, "you are not close together."
"Yes we are."
"Show me a straight line. Draw me an imaginary straight line with your finger," he ordered.
Everyone took their finger and drew a straight line.
Sportacus shook his head. "I don't get it. You all know what a straight line really looks like, but you can't make it. Oh my god."
He let out a loud sigh and grabbed Pixel, placing him physically in a location. "Stay here," he instructed. Then he dragged Stephanie, Stingy, Ziggy, placed them all alongside Pixel in a straight line. Within five seconds they were out of line again.
"All right, here we go, let's try this again. This is a straight line. Come and stand in a straight line. In fact, come and stand on this straight line." He drew a straight red line on the ground.
All the children walked over to the line. "Now stand on the line and face me."
Some of the children never made it to the line. Let's not name names folks, but you could probably guess. A few children were standing on the line, but not facing Sportacus. Some were standing mere inches from the line, but not on the line. These children were the ones that really enfuriated Sportacus. In fact, he really couldn't stand any of them.
Why do I bother saving all of these people all the time? Obviously they need saving though. This city could be renamed as Stupid Town. These kids are so stupid they could get themselves killed tripping over their own shadows.
"Okay, fuck this," he spoke. "Stand in a goddamed circle then. Since that's the only thing you can do."
He closed his eyes so at least he wouldn't have to see them making the circle, or trying to make the circle. That's what was really sad. These kids were actually trying. And still being soo soo stupid.
Finally Sportacus opened his eyes.
They were standing in the shape of a triangle.
Sportacus let out a scream that could be heard past the boundaries of Lazy Town. But to the humans in Ohio, it just sounded like a sonic boom, and so they ignored it.