AN: Helloooo. *carefully glimpsing around a corner* yup, it's right, here's me again. Feels like ages since I posted the last chapter - my excuse? Life I guess. Hope anyone is still interested in this. This chapter has actually been sitting in my files for a couple months, hehe. But I had nothing else finshed. Now two more chapters are ready for proof reading and a few more will still need writing, but it feels like it's time to finally post this now. Hope you enjoy!

Here's a warning though, the title might be missleading this chapter might not be easy on the heart.

Also thank you so, so much to anyone who wrote a comment to the last chapter, I didn't get around to answering all of them, but you're just awesome, thank you

Chapter 6 - That Woman in 12B

It had been a tease. The kiss, it had just been a tease, Lisbon told herself silently while looking around herself, her gaze following the line of the metal fence around the little patch of grass that was this island's airport. Other people awaiting the plane to the mainland were standing in the shade of the little houses not far away, all of them tourists by the looks of them, some with kids. It had the potential to become a lovely day, but Lisbon's heart felt heavy.

The flight was delayed. Over an hour delayed. People were sweating in the sun, seeking shade to stay cool, someone of the hotel's staff had brought water bottles. A soft breeze filled the air with dust particles settling on their sweaty skin. And Jane … Jane wasn't there.

Lisbon sighed, absentmindedly starting to pace. He had said he'd meet her here to say goodbye, but he was nowhere to be seen. Maybe she should've expected it. That kiss, however brief, and his soft words, for a moment there she'd thought things between them had changed. It had made her heartbeat quicken, her skin tingle. And with his next words Jane had taken it all back. Had turned it into one of his meaningless flirts and everything had been back to normal.

And yet… and yet. What he'd said, that look in his eyes when he'd tipped her chin up, making her look at him. The expression in his eyes had been so genuine, every hint of a tease gone to show… what? Love?

Love. Such a simple word and yet for her entire life Lisbon had struggled to understand its true meaning. Till… She loved Patrick Jane. She had loved him for so long now. First as a friend, a partner in those challenging times. But those feelings had never ceased to grow were mixed and barely distinguishable, and finally she'd known. She'd kept it a secret, had denied it even to herself, knowing that her heart had settled for a man she could never reach. A friend, yes. Her closest friend even, but never more. At times, she even feared those feelings that had grown inside her. There was a part of her that was glad to be free and independent, not bound to anyone. Because being with anyone held the threat of loss.

Over the course of the last two years she'd lived with the loss of her best friend and partner. The one person she had been able to confide in. For some time she'd even thought those feelings had finally ceased. Upon seeing him again, she'd known she'd been a fool to think so.

And with his ring taken off, the conversations they'd had - for that one brief moment she'd thought things had changed. Had hoped there might be a chance for them to become more than friends. But then all of that sincerity Jane had shown had slipped away, and turned into a flirtatious tease.

This now, that he didn't show up before she would leave… it didn't fit. He had said he would be there and Lisbon found herself torn between impatience and the irritation that he would stay away.

But then, he'd seemed off when they'd said goodnight that last evening. Somehow different. His thoughts wandering. But when she'd inquired about him being at the airport he'd seemed so sincere. He'd wanted to be there.

A sudden thought made Lisbon come to a halt in her pacing, ignoring the eyes of the other tourists on her. Adler hadn't been the only person on this island being a threat to Jane. After that first night they'd had no other encounter with Otero, but that didn't mean he wasn't a threat to Jane anymore. What if…?

Lisbon didn't continue the thought. She had forty minutes. Forty minutes to check on Jane before the plane was said to arrive. Jane's apartment was about a twenty-minute walk from the airport. Without wasting another minute she headed over to where Franklin was standing with another member of the hotel's staff, to tell him she might be late for the plane.

Ten minutes. Franklin said he might be able to give her ten minutes after the plane arrived. Lisbon left her carry-on with him, turning on the spot to hurry through the slowly emptying streets, it was almost noon.

People passing by nodded to her kindly. Someone even muttered some words in Spanish, but Lisbon only smiled briefly already heading on, skirting a passing motorbike and feeling the whirled up dust settling on her sweaty skin.

It didn't take her twenty minutes to Jane's apartment. Looking at the watch on her wrist, Lisbon realized she'd made the walk in fifteen minutes. She could sense the sweat collecting on her forehead and instinctively brushed it away, taking a brief pause to catch her breath, her eyes on the staircase leading up to Jane's apartment. The memory of the previous morning returned. The deserted apartment.

Swallowing, Lisbon went up the steps, one at a time, panting softly. She didn't know what she would do should she find the apartment empty another time. Could she really leave this island not knowing if her best friend was on a stroll along the shore or held by a drug dealer? No. She wouldn't be able to live with the uncertainty. If the apartment was empty, she would stay. She would keep looking for Jane.

After a deep breath, she knocked on his apartment door. A scuffling noise coming from inside let the tension fall from her shoulders. Only a moment later the door was pulled open in front of her, Jane looking right at her.

One glance was sufficient to tell her, that he was safe and sound, but further inspection contradicted that. Nobody had harmed him and still, standing before Lisbon was a different man than the one she'd bid goodnight the previous evening. His shirt was only halfheartedly tucked into his trousers on one side, the other side hanging outside moving a little in the soft breeze. When he brushed strands his disheveled hair out of his face, Lisbon noticed he was wearing his ring again.

But his hollow look swiftly brightened, his eyes filled with joy. "You didn't leave," he stated, smiling at her.

"The flight got delayed, the plane arrives in about twenty minutes. Nice that I still got to see you." Her words sounded cranky, but then, she was upset with him. There was nothing that had kept him back. He'd just not shown up.

She could see his face falling at her words. Briefly looking down at his feet he mumbled: "So… you're still gonna leave?" His head still low he gazed up at her, eyebrows raised a tad.

Lisbon swallowed. "Yes." What had he expected?

The pleading look vanished from his face as he nodded slowly. He looked at the house behind her, wetted his lips and muttered finally: "Of course."

"Yes, Jane. You know… It would've been nice if you'd actually been there. At the airport." She didn't manage to look at him either. Not directly. Instead, she wondered about the little spot of blood on his wrinkled shirt. It was a bit darker though, not fresh. Then she realized it was the shirt he'd worn the day she'd arrived on the island. Her hands itched to straighten his collar, but the effect on his overall look would be minimal.

Her eyes falling onto his trousers, she found that she missed the sarong. As unusual as it had been it had suited him well, made him seem at peace with his surroundings. Now standing in front of her was a beaten man who no longer cared about what he looked like or what would happen to him. Her eyes caught by the ring on his finger, she briefly wondered what had made him put it back on, but she sensed a headache coming and brushed the thought away. Later. She could think about that later.

She could see Jane's chest heave with a deep sigh before he mumbled: "I wanted to. I'm sorry, Lisbon. I … couldn't see you leave."

There were no words to answer this statement. Only yesterday he'd said it was all ok. Lisbon turned her eyes away and sighed. Finally, she whispered: "What else would you have me do?"

"Uh … I don't know. You could stay here," he offered with a tired smile.

Lisbon scuffed softly, half chuckling. "Here?" But her smile died on her face within the very second she noticed the pain in his eyes. She'd considered it herself. Staying. But she couldn't. Not when it meant to stay in this in between state with Jane forever. Unable to move on in any direction. "Hey," she continued softer, seeing the sadness in his eyes. "Can you imagine me living here? What would I do?"

He shrugged. "I could show you the sights." Lisbon averted her eyes again, shuffling her feet uncomfortably. They both knew he'd run out of sights to show her just the previous day.

After a moment she shook her head, turning up her eyes to look at him once more. Her brows furrowed, she muttered: "Why weren't you at the airport, Jane? You knew I would be worried about you, not knowing what kept you away. Anything could've happened. You knew I wouldn't leave. You knew I'd look for you. You knew-"

But what else he knew remained unsaid as the truth trickled down her back like hot acid. Dryly she repeated: "You knew I wouldn't leave."

The hint of guilt flashing over his face was all she needed to turn on the spot. He'd manipulated her. He was playing mind games with her, taking his ring off, kissing her, then acting like nothing had happened. Telling her it was all ok if she left, but tricking her into missing the plane. And he had almost succeeded. If the plane hadn't been delayed.

She could hear him calling after her, apologizing, even running after her. She lost him when she crossed a road just in front of a car, tears running down her cheeks smearing hot paths into the sandy dust that must've settled on her sweaty skin.

She had to be looking like an absolute mess when she finally arrived at the airport to get the first good message of the day. The plane was still there, Franklin arguing with the pilot, apparently stalling for time.

Filled with relief and thankfulness for the young man, Lisbon only managed to thank him briefly after swiping the worst of her tears from her face. Retrieving her carry-on from him, she went onto the plane, unable to face any questions.

Her vision blurry with new tears which she angrily tried to blink away, she stopped in the aisle, feeling embarrassed drawing the eyes of all the other passengers towards her as she took another look at her boarding ticket. Her seat, booked only the day before, was close to the back of the little plane. Sighing, Lisbon headed along the aisle till she'd reached the right row, stuffed her carry-on into the box overhead and ungracefully let herself fall onto seat 12B before, finally, closing her burning eyes. Trying to forget. She would have to try and forget.

-x-

Jane could've cursed the man driving the rusty old car, forcing him to skit to a halt before he could run around it to follow Lisbon. He'd lost sight of her, but he knew where she was heading. The airport.

Yet when he arrived at the patch of grass this island called its airport, panting, the plane was already rolling towards the start of the lane. There was no way he would be able to stop it now. He spotted Franklin stepping to his side, but he didn't hear the young man's words as he watched the plane picking up speed and then, only a moment later lifting off from the ground, carrying Lisbon with it. Lisbon who had every right to be mad with him for being the coward he was. Who deserved so much better than him. Because he didn't even have the decency to properly see her off. He wished he had.

Looking after the plane growing ever smaller in the sky, the bright sun forcing him to squeeze his eyes to be able to keep it in his view, he wished they'd parted like he told her they would. Only yesterday he told her it would all be ok, he was ok with her leaving. But he'd made a big mess out of everything and … they had parted fighting. He wasn't even sure if he would ever see her again. She would be right if she never came back.

His thoughts returning to the here and now he finally understood Franklin was trying to apologize to him. For what, Jane didn't grasp. Feeling too exhausted to talk, he simply patted the shoulder of his friend before he tore his eyes away from the deserted airport. He'd lost her. To his own foolishness.

Absentmindedly he walked along the streets of the town, no destination for his feet to carry him to. Emptiness filling him, making him irritable as kids playing with a ball tried to get him to join their game.

He smiled tiredly at them, then wordlessly shook his head and went on, not passing the ball back on to any of them, ignoring them calling out in disappointment. He felt lousy. Like the broken man he was. Unable to stand up for what he wished for, longed for, while also unable to give Lisbon a proper goodbye. She was right to hate him. And maybe for her, it was better this way … better than grieving about loosing him. He wasn't worth her friendship, he would only drag her down with him in the end.

Down into the pitfalls of loneliness and boredom. Grief and guilt keeping him from moving on, keeping him a prisoner of his past.

Jane hadn't paid attention to where his feet carried him, till he noticed he'd arrived at the beach bar. The only place on the island busy during noon hours because tourists didn't understand the way people lived around here. Jane was glad for it though. With the plastic chairs occupied by tourists slurping their cold drinks from glasses ornamented with cheap plastic umbrellas in yellow and pink, nobody gave him a second glance. Only Rodger nodded ever so slightly when Jane slid on the barstool next to him. He returned the gesture with a brief smile before he lowered his eyes to where he was slowly spinning his golden wedding band around his ring finger.

It only made him sadder. And he looked away to where the waves of the ocean washed upon the shore, his thoughts drifting off to Teresa. How beautiful she looked with the waves of her chestnut hair framing her face. Those mesmerizing green eyes shining with her smile. The way the soft moonlight had been playing on her face and the waves of her hair as she had been laying next to him in his lumpy old bed. He'd woken up during the night, his gaze directed right at her lying with her back to him, her little hands clinging to the sheets, holding them in place around her despite the warmth of the night.

He'd propped himself up on his elbow, head rested in his hand, marveling at her. She'd looked strangely small and vulnerable that night. Then her relaxed expression had changed, brows tightening as if in worry, the knuckles on her hands showing as she was clinging even tighter to the covers. Just a moment later she'd begun kicking her legs, not so much that she hit him, but she'd seemed distressed, whispering words he didn't understand.

For a moment he'd struggled with himself. She'd hesitated to share a bed with him, and then showed trust by taking up his offer. He didn't want to cross her boundaries. But then, seeing her in that state had made his heart ache. He'd had his own share of horrible nightmares. He'd wished for nothing more than to be able to hold her in his arms and sooth her. When he'd moved closer, first only gently brushing her arm, trying to calm her, she'd hummed. Such a beautiful sound, warming his heart. Putting his arm around her waist, he'd feared she'd wake, but instead she'd relaxed into his touch. Sighing and moving closer, her back touching his chest. Right where he longed for her to be, safe in his arms.

There was a lump in his throat at the memory of that night.

Jane had always known he was lonely on the island, the calm had done him good, but the loneliness had begun to wear on him, and at this moment he felt it more than ever. He missed her. Badly. Not even an hour after she'd left. But it had been him who, in the end, had told her to go. There at the beach when they had talked, right there he would've had the chance to ask her to stay. He'd seen it in her eyes. It had almost felt like she was asking him to make her stay. Give her a reason to stay.

But if she had stayed, what would he have had to offer her? A rundown single room apartment with a lumpy bead? The beach? Spending each day in the same monotone routine, for the rest of her life? He could feel the time wearing him down like a heavy blanket. It would be worse for her. She needed work, she needed to be active, she couldn't be idle for too long, or she would suffocate. He had no right to make her stay… not just for him. And yet, in the very last moment he'd tried to make her stay by missing her flight. Because she was worried about him.

Some movement in front of him made Jane's thoughts jerk back to his surroundings only to find that Alfredo had put a plate of scrambled eggs on toast in front of him, accompanied by a mug filled with tea. Jane gave him a tired smile and a nod as a 'thank you' unable to master more than that, but Alfredo nodded in return, already hurrying to serve his other costumers.

Jane found he had to force himself to eat. He usually enjoyed the eggs Alfredo prepared and with the time he'd even gotten used to the carelessly poured tea, but today all of it tasted dull. Every bite was a pain to swallow. After he'd finished half the plate he pushed it away from him, his thoughts already returning to Lisbon.

The way they'd danced together, the way she'd smiled, just living in the moment. It was a rare sight. Beautiful. How she'd felt in his arms, dancing close to the soft tune.

The corners of his lips lifted at the memory of her little attempt at giving him a cheeky reply when he told her about his wish to kiss her. How, when he'd tipped up her chin, her eyes had closed, her soft lips parting. Inviting him, waiting for what he'd suggested he was about to do. Looking so cute, so beautiful. Making his emotions take over control, for a moment allowing him a look at what they could have if he wasn't that damaged. His deepest yearning fulfilled. He'd longed to kiss her, really kiss her. Kiss those soft lips, show her what he felt for her. But he couldn't.

It had been too fast. Too much. The last couple days had been too much. He'd been lonely and suddenly the person he'd missed most had shown up, and all those feelings for her, all the penned up yearning had come back to the surface and without any warning had overwhelmed him. Like a spring tide, it had washed away his rational thinking. And almost drowned him.

But he couldn't. Couldn't pull her under the surface with him. The way she'd responded to him, how she'd traveled to find him, to tell him he might be in danger. It all showed him, she was way too close to him for her own good.

So he'd brushed her lips, unable to deny himself that little piece of heaven. Just a swift moment. It had made him want to cry. But he'd long before mastered to laugh down his pain. A tease so easily on his tongue it was almost like an emergency escape from his emotions. Teresa's muscles tensing with her confusion, had made him feel lousy. Another reminder that he didn't deserve what she was able to give.

Sighing, Jane sipped the last bit of his tea, left the money on the bar and prepared to go to the shore. The ocean waves always managed to calm his pain. Feeling lifeless, he sat down into the sand. There were no dolphins to see today. He shook his head as images popped into his mind, images of pure joy on Lisbon's face as she'd watched the beautiful creatures playing in the warm ocean's waves. Her hair waving around her face in the wind.

Sighing he turned his gaze away from the ocean and down to his hands only to feel his stomach sink even deeper. The golden ring on his finger like a silent accusation. Cheater. But he wasn't, was he? He'd always thought there was only one person in someone's life. One wonderful, special partner. And yet, he couldn't deny his feelings for Teresa. It would be pure foolishness at this point.

That was why he'd taken the ring off. He'd tried to move on. He would have to, right? Move on? One day. Or not? Did he even have the right to, after all that had happened? To enjoy his life, maybe even build another family when his wife and daughter, his beautiful wife and daughter had died because of his selfishness?

In the end, the last evening, when he'd said goodnight to Lisbon and finally fallen onto his mattress, the bed base squeaking underneath, while his eyes fell on his golden wedding band sitting lonely on the dust gathering nightstand, he'd felt horrible. Trying to move on by forgetting his past. Trying to erase what reminded him of his family, erase them, so he could build a new life. What a person would do that?

Guilt and self-disgust had kept him awake all night and finally, when it had been time to see Teresa off, he'd realized he couldn't bite down his feelings and see her off with a smile on his lips. Because her leaving meant that he would once again lose the one person who meant the world to him. And yet he was too scared to tell her about those feelings. Because how could he feel like this for someone who wasn't his wife? And what, if he finally took the step of admitting those feelings out loud, what if he was wrong, what if Lisbon didn't reciprocate those feelings?

And if she said yes? He could feel his heartbeat quicken just at the thought of it, but bit his lip, trying to let the pain erase his feelings. Because he was certain all she felt for him at the moment was bitterness and disgust. How could she not? It was all he felt for himself and all he deserved after his behavior today. And what more could he offer her but a broken man?

-x-

Later, his head thumping from the sun, he returned to the bar to order something stronger than tea. Something to make him forget. At least for today.

The bar had emptied and only a couple tables were still occupied, but again, Jane didn't mind the other customers. He'd lost all interest in the life happening around him. Sorrow and self-pity filling him, making him nauseous. So he headed right to the bar, taking a seat a few places from Rodger who seemed not to have moved an inch since Jane had left. But he once again acknowledged Jane's presence with a nod and tiredly Jane nodded in return, waiting for Alfredo to leave that old customer with his coffee and pie and return to take his order.

But the barkeeper left him waiting and bored, Jane mustered Rodger who'd turned his back to him to look out at the sea, his shoulders slouching, his back humped. Worn down from life. And as the old man lifted his hand to take a sip from his water, his wedding band reflecting the sunlight, Jane saw his future self sitting in his stead.

Only a shadow of who he had once been, succumbing to the demons of his past, slowly fading away. And suddenly he could Angela's voice reprimanding, chastising him for becoming such a self-pitying idiot. She would hate to see him in this state. And how did he serve her memory by drinking it away? She had been a wonderful woman, his runaway queen.

And so many years later he'd fallen in love again. Had fallen in love with another wonderful, beautiful woman. It felt scary to allow someone that close again. The thought that he might lose her, not only her company, but the thought that she too would inevitably die one day was tearing his heart out. But escaping this pain wasn't worth never taking the step, never admitting his feelings. He was a coward, hiding behind lies and beautiful words.

When Alfredo finally asked him for his wish, Jane felt like he had woken from a dream. Like he was finally able to see clear. He thanked the man without asking for anything, got up from his bar stool and headed to the town. There were errands he needed to run, and there wasn't any time to spare.

-x-

Five days later he held the necessary papers in his hands. It had been expensive to get them this quickly, ridding him of a good amount of his savings, but to him, it felt like they had already arrived too late. Once again his eyes grazed the name printed in black ink next to his biometric picture: Charles Gordon. Typical American, but not too ordinary. He hadn't picked it, the entire sound of it felt wrong. But he memorized it, made it his own. Because from now on he needed to respond to 'Mr Gordon' without any hesitation. Just a bit of only slightly dedicated research would betray him, but this would get him into the States, and that was all he needed.

He closed the passport and put it into his jacket pocket, safe and secure, he softly drummed the pocket with his fingers. He'd changed his wardrobe, certain that a sarong wasn't the most suitable item of clothing to wear in Washington state especially during the winter. He was going to miss it though and decided to pack at least one. He didn't have much to pack anyhow, he'd been finished in less than an hour and the apartment looked like he'd never set foot into it. Only a linen tote sack sitting at the foot of the bed gave evidence of his life here. The woman owning the little apartment had been sad to hear he was leaving so suddenly, asking him if anything was wrong, where he was heading to. Feeling bad about leaving without any notice, Jane had given her the rent for the next two months, it hadn't been expensive in the first place.

Picking up the tote bag, he took one last look around, and he was ready to go, heading to the airport. His plan was a gamble - like letting himself fall off a cliff, not knowing if the rope would hold him or tear from the force of the fall. But he had to risk it. He'd waited too long, always with the excuse that he was only acting in behalf of her wellbeing, and finally he'd let the opportunity slip away, hurting her in the process. All because he'd been a coward.

She had taken that long journey on her just to tell him to be on the lookout, and he had only been thinking about himself. She'd likely never come back and would be right not to. But he couldn't just let her go, not without telling her what he truly felt for her.

He hadn't gone to the airport since Lisbon had left and the memory was still stinging his heart. But at the same time, when he took out his ticket turning the little piece of paper in his hand, waiting for the plane to arrive, the plane that would start his journey to Teresa, there was a flutter in his stomach, causing a smile to show on his lips. The first smile that had appeared on his face in days.

Other people gathered around him. Businessmen who had taken a vacation from their stressful lives, irritated by the kids of the two families who'd also chosen to spend their vacation on the little island off the coast of Venezuela. Two of the kids were playing catch, not minding the annoyed looks they got from some of the adults. Jane's eyes followed them, the smile on his face only growing wider, one of his feet tapping the ground in anticipation of what lay ahead. He almost felt like a child himself.

The kid's game had taken his attention away from the sky, but the loud motors of the machine got him to look up soon enough to watch it land. His heart beating faster he had a hard time mustering the patience to wait till the machine was standing, and the turbines finally stopped turning.

With the ticket held tight in his hand, he grabbed the linen sack containing his belongings, slung it over his shoulders and was already on his way over to the small and not particularly trustworthy looking plane when the doors opened and the first passengers stepped out, making him halt in his step, the smile falling from his face in an instant.

He would spot him in any crowd. FBI Special Agent Dennis Abbott.

Two other men looked like they were accompanying him, but Jane only had eyes for Abbott. The man who'd fought so hard to rid Jane of his chance to take revenge for his family. Here, on the island.

He, too, seemed to have spotted Jane immediately, his brows lifting a tad at the sight.

Feeling frozen in place Jane could do nothing but stare at him as the man made his way over to him, a self-complacent smile forming on his lips, he even chuckled silently before he muttered: "Patrick Jane. And here we thought we would have to turn over every rock on this island to find you."