Dealing with it

by Roo1965

Jack is trying to process what happened in Meridian, and this is a snippet about his and Carter's conversation in the corridor in Revelations episode. season5 May 2004.

"Dealing with it" by Roo1965

You think that just because I don't show my emotions, that I don't feel deeply.

But I do.

Life shaped me this way. A tough family life, discipline, order, separations learnt early. I didn't have to like it.

But that's the way it was.

Themes reinforced by a career in the Air Force. I loved my wife and child with all my heart. I know you find it hard to believe sometimes. You cannot see it now, you forget.

But I was a family once.

It hurt that I couldn't say where I was going, what I was doing or when I'd be back. A hug means holding on tight and close; a kiss is but a kiss. "I miss you, I love you" are but words.

But I said them anyway to my wife and child.

-----------------------------

"Colonel, we need to talk."

"I don't want to hear it, Carter."

"We can't just pretend it didn't happen."

"I'm not pretending anything."

"This is Daniel we're talking about…"

"This is the job; we lose people all the time. What do you want me to do? He's gone. We've got work to do."

------------------------

My face is a mask, hidden as I walk away from Major Carter. Peel one layer off and there's another underneath.

But it's still me.

So many loved and lost, so much anger and betrayal that I'm the one left behind with this consuming pain that no one thinks I feel.

But I do.

I love the wonder that is this little blue and green planet; shooting stars, and fiery sunrise and sunsets that move me. That surprises you doesn't it? Sitting up here quietly counting the stars in the midnight dark, bring it home to me that loved ones are gone. Only the man in the moon can see the stars reflected in the tracks of my tears.

But I am still here and I have a job to do.