Before it Began
By. SkyQuill
Summary
James knew he was in love at first sight, but what would it take for Lily to love him back? Read their story leading up to their deaths and discover the dangers they faced and the loves and friendships they shared.
Disclaimer
I do not own most of the characters and places or anything else that may seem familiar. J.K. Rowling has the exclusive claim to this as well as the general plot that formed this fanfic.
Chapter 41: I Will Always Love You
Dawn broke serene and peaceful that day, October thirty first. As the sweet daylight poured through the window, illuminating the room, Lily gently slid out of James's loving embrace. From down the hallway, the beginnings of a baby's crying floated to her ears as though a pleasent melody. Everyday since that fateful meeting she had awoken each morning, praying for that sound to reach her ears...cherishing the song of life it sang.
"Morning Harry." Lily cooed to her son as she tenderly removed him from his crib and held him over her heart. Harry's crying ceased immediatly as he basked in his mother's warm glow of affection. Gently, Lily fingered the malachite pendant around her son's neck. Even as she gazed at her child, she could see that Harry's eyes were beginning to change in colour. Already they were a shade of green to rival the malachite...he had inherited her eyes. Joy blossomed inside of her.
"Mumma..." Harry mumbled. Lily smiled fondly at her little one and carried him downstairs, ready to begin just another day.
000
Sirius sat perched on the windowsill, resembling a statue with his unusual stillness. His eyes were bloodshot and his usually well groomed hair was in a disarray. He had sat awake all night, staring out the window, praying for a dawn to precede the darkness. Every night he worried would bring the death eaters to his home, and while he knew he would rather die then betray his friends, he couldn't help but wonder whether Voldemort would allow him that blessing. He was sure that the dark lord had the means to force his secret from his mouth.
"Sirius?" asked a tentative and concerned voice from behind him. Sirius made no movement to see who it was. Although he had urged her to stay away, Cadence had all the stubborness of the hippogriffs she raised. To add to his worry for Lily and James, he was concerned that the death eaters would use Cadence to make him reveal the Potter's location. He wasn't sure what he would do in that case...and he hoped with every fibre of his soul, that it wouldn't come down to that.
"Sirius?" the voice came again, more insistant, more bold. With a barely audible sigh, Sirius turned to meet her hazel eyed gaze. "Have you slept at all?" she asked gently. Sirius didn't answer, she could figure that one out for herself.
"Are you going to speak or am I supposed to have a one-sided conversation?" Cadence demanded, giving up her tentative approach. Annoyance now blazed in her eyes. Sirius hardly noticed, he was focusing on not passing out on the floor at her feet. "Hmpf!" Cadence huffed when still he made no attempt to answer.
"Look Sirius, I understand you're worried. I am too. But depriving yourself of sleep is not going to help Lily and James! Do you think that putting yourself on the brink of exhaustion is going to save Harry?" Cadence asked angrily. "You need your strength in case the death eaters do come knocking!"
"Oh shut up." Sirius snapped hoarsely. "You don't know what you're talking about." Cadence flinched at his coldness but she refused to give in to his stubborness.
"What don't I understand?" she asked, half eager, half irritated. "Maybe I would if you'd just talk to me! You haven't wanted to see me since the night of the meeting!"
""I don't want you to understand!" Sirius snapped in reply. "And you're right I don't want to see, mostly because I don't want to see you dead!"
"Sirius you're over-reacting." Cadence informed him furiously. "You-know-who doesn't even know you're the secret keeper, it's possible he doesn't even know about the Fidelius spell yet!"
"Oh he'll know." Sirius said bitterly. "And i'm so close to James, how long untl he suspects i'm the one guarding their whereabouts?" Cadence hesitated at this point, knowing that what he said was true.
"Well, maybe you ought to go into hiding too." she suggested uncertainly. Sirius laughed roughly,
"No, the fidelius charm is cancelled if the secret keeper is under the same spell. If only we knew someone who isn't well known for being connected to James or Lily..." Cadence raised an eyebrow and Sirus felt as though a brick has slammed into his face. "Peter..." he muttered dumb struck.
"Pardon me?" Cadence asked, clearly not understanding.
"Peter!" Sirius exclaimed. "Why didn't i think of it before? No one would ever suspect that James and Peter are good friends!"
"But, he's, so...so, well I dunno. I don't think that's a good idea." Cadence faltered, looking quite bewildered. Sirius gave her a cool look,
"Peter is my friend." he reminded her flatly. Cadence hesitated,
"But, well, he's not exactly brave, or good at resisting pressure."
"See, you don't understand!" Sirius exclaimed angrily. "Peter is a Gryffindor, and i've known him since almost forever! No one would ever suspect him, while i'd be so much the easier target!" Cadence felt a wave of fury hit her,
"Maybe it's you who doesn't understand!" she burst out. "What are you? A coward? Chickening out of your responsibility? Your promise to your friends?" Sirius winced and Cadence thought dimly that she may have stepped over the line but before she could apologize, Sirius had his wand out.
"I AM NOT A COWARD!" he roared, pain blazing in his eyes. "I just want my friends to live, and I think Peter is there best chance! If you don't want them to have the best hope they can get, then fine, but i'll ask you to LEAVE ME ALONE!" Sirius shouted with every emotion he'd been feeling for the few days. He let his remorse, fear, desire for Cadence to distance herself from him for her saftey, and everything else to escape now. Cadence looked shocked at his pronouncement.
"I-I, just t-thought..." she stuttered but Sirius silenced her.
"Leave me alone Cady." he muttered. Cadence looked torn between anger and hurt.
"If i'm not worthy to stand beside you even at the hands of death, then this relationship is over." she informed him, her voice steely and her expression stony. Sirius gave her a long, searching look.
"If that's what it costs to keep you safe, then fine by me." Cadence opened her mouth to say something else, but changed her mind and stormed from the room. As she left she called out,
"And Sirius Black, you had better not give that responsibility to Peter or so-help-me-god you will have to deal with me!" Sirius shook his head angrily as the door slammed downstairs. She didn't know what she was talking about. They trusted Peter.
000
Sirius sat across the table from James, eating sandwiches that Lily had made for the two of them. She herself was spooning rather mushy, baby food into Harry's eager mouth while the two men talked.
"Sorry to hear that mate." James said, after listening to Sirius rave on about his and Cadence's breakup. Lily didn't say anything, but Sirius knew she was listening by the way her eyes were slightly narrowed.
"I expect you think i'm the one at fault, do you?" he asked wearily, throwing his question at Lily. She raised an eyebrow at him,
"Not necessarily." she replied. "I just find it odd that she'd break up with you for no reason."
"Who said she broke up with me?" Sirius asked indignantly. Lily snorted,
"Seriously, Sirius." His only response was to roll his eyes.
"So the reason...?" Lily pressed.
"Well, the same reason i've come actually." Sirius mumbled, unsure how to phrase what he wanted to say. He didn't want Lily and James to be offended or think he was too cowardly to fufill his role.
"Oh?" James and Lily inquired together. Sirius found himself distracted at how perfect they were together. Like they could read each other's mind. He shook his head to clear it and hurriedly voice his concerns,
"I think you should change the secret keeper to Peter." Lily frowned, James looked surprised and even Harry's greenish eyes opened wide with astonishment. "Oh don't look at me like that." Sirius muttered to his godson. Harry merely gurgled in response.
"Why?" Lily finally asked, breaking the brief silence. Sirius glanced down at his hands hesitantly,
"It's not that i'm afraid, I want you to know that. I would die rather then betray you." he began, "But I fear that Voldemort will expect me to be secret keeper and force the informaton out of me somehow. Peter's so much less of a target, no one would ever suspect him."
"I see." James answered, looking thoughtful. He exchanged a glance with Lily who shrugged.
"You have a point." she said gently. "And if you're sure, then we'll change to Peter." Sirius felt relief wash over him, glad they understood.
"If Peter's willing, I think it would be safer for you." he said in response. James nodded,
"You'll have to go switch the spell, only you can do it now." he informed his friend. Sirius nodded and jumped to his feet,
"I'll go do it now. The sooner the better. Thanks for understanding."
"Thanks for your concern." Lily replied with a light smile. Sirius winked at her,
"Right then. I'm off. And do you know what? I reckon you can all make it through this."
"I hope so Padfoot." James grinned, "I hope so..."
000
"What news have you Wormtail?" Voldemort asked irritibly. His red eyes gleamed with an even more intense fury then usual. The Potter's had vanished, and what was more, he couldn't reach them because of an ancient magic they had invoked. It infuriated him to no end, and he had cursed Peter endlessly for his inability to prevent it.
"Come to tell me you've ruined yet another of the Dark Lord's plans? I should kill you were you stand..." he hissed angrily. Peter cowered as he shadowed the entrance to the room they were in.
"No my Lord!" Peter squeaked, getting to his knees and kissing the hem of Voldemort's dark robes. "I bring good news!" Voldemort searched the wizards pathetic eyes for the news he carried, too impatient to wait for the man to bumble on about it. As the truth was revealed to him, Voldemort felt renewed delight and fury surge inside him. Peter had been made secret keeper!
"It seems you are not as incapable as you pretend Wormtail!" Voldemort hissed, his red eyes dancing malevolently. "Who was I to think it was you who betrayed me into telling Dumbledore my plans? You have my gratitude..."
"Thank you my lord," Peter said, kissing the hem of his robes again. "You are most worthy...most-"
"Be quiet." Voldemort demanded. Peter immediatly fell silent. Voldemort removed his wand from a pocket and held it in his long, pale fingers. He flexed his fist, as though testing it's readiness. "Grab a cloak Wormtail, I think it's time we paid the Potters a visit." And he laughed then, cold and cruel, anticipating the events that would take place that night. No child could stand the wrath of Lord Voldemort.
000
"James?" Lily called as she walked slowly down the stairs, having just put Harry to bed. He looked up from where he was sitting on the sofa, apparantly having been lost in thought just a moment before,
"Yes, love?" he asked.
"Do you think it was wise to let Sirius switch secret keeper with Peter?" She said down beside him and wrung her hands nervously. "It's just...I have an awful feeling about it." James took her hands in his and kissed her softly on the cheek.
"I'm sure it's just nerves. And we can trust Peter, Sirius is right, he's probably a safer choice then himself." James assured her. Lily laid her head on his shoulder.
"I suppose." she whispered. "I just hate being so helpess. There's a war going on outside these walls and we can't do a thing about it."
"But we already have, Lily." James reminded her gently. "Our child has been prophesized to bring an end to it all." Lily felt tears fill in her eyes and she wiped them away hastily.
"But why Harry?" she asked sadly. Silence settled upon them, she and James had already been over this dozens of times before, there was really nothing left to be said.
For awhile, the young couple just sat there in each others arms, relishing in each other's comfort. As minutes passed, James kissed Lily tenderly and she responded. In all the recent events of evil, they had not had but a moment to themselves. As Lily slid her arms around James's neck and drew him closer, she wondered whether it was possible to be even more in love. It was a feeling that in all her years of being with him, she had not been able to quite grasp. She wanted to spend the rest of her life coming to terms with it.
James slipped his arms around Lily and picked her up. Still immersed in the deepest of kisses, he carried her upstairs. For almost all his life, she was everything he had ever wanted...now, being married and having a son, he knew without a doubt, that she was everything he ever needed.
He set her down gently on the bed and pulled away for a moment to gaze into her passion filled gaze. Her green eyes sparkled with everything that made his life worthwhile. He sighed in contentment.
"My heart is yours Lily Potter." he said, caught in the moment, realizing just how deeply in love he was.
"Oh James." Lily sighed, contemplating his face, "We're already in heaven."
"Don't say things like that." James said gently, not wanting to be reminded of all the danger around them. Lily kissed him softly,
"Sorry. I just mean, well, i'm with you always." she told him, not even sure how to phrase what she was feeling.
"I will always love you." James told her. Lily searched the depths of his eyes a moment longer before answering,
"And I, you." she whispered. James leaned in and engaged her in a kiss filled with bit of passion, warmth and love he possessed. Then quite suddenly, the security alarm went off.
"Damn Sirius!" James cursed as untangling himself from Lily's embrace, he collected his wand to turn it off. "Or maybe it's Peter..." He flicked his wand and the familiar monotone voice read,
"Peter Pettigrew (James rolled his eyes) and unindentified wizard."
"Unindenitified?" Lily asked in bewilderment. James shrugged,
"Probably Sirius in animagus form. That's what happened last time, remember?" Lily nodded,
"I'll wait for you here then. I'm sure he won't be long." She smiled at James, who returned it, not knowing that would be the last time they shared such an exchange.
Lily waited patiently, playing with her amber ring and listening to James hurry down the stairs. A few moments of silence passed and she heard the door creak open. Very distantly she heard the exchange of voices and felt that something was wrong. Just as she was getting to her feet James shouted in a strangled voice,
"LILY! IT'S HIM, TAKE HARRY AND RUN!" For a moment Lily froze, viridian eyes widening as her stomach felt as though it were being filled with molten panic. In that one second she felt her world fall down upon her, her heart shatter and her love for her only sonseize control of her actions.
In a blind panic she streaked to the baby's room, not daring to glance down the staircase to what she knew...but refused to believewas there.
"Colloportus!" Lily gasped, slamming the door shut behind her. Then without thinking she applied a strong locking spell she had learnt in her previous auror training. Still shocked she stood paralyzed, straining her ears to listen for noise she really didn't want to hear. Without thought, emotion or anything she listened as a high, cold voice pronounced spells and a stronger, bolder one countered them. Then, without warning, she heard the higher voice shout one last thing with such finality, Lily felt something inside herself die. As a dull thud announced the fall of a body Lily covered her mouth and bit back a sob. James...she thought, feeling as if she was dying right then and there. Fortunately, Harry's whimper brought her back to reality...
"Harry!" she sobbed, her voice overflowing with pain. She hurried to the crib and reached down to grab him when a deafening bang sounded behind her. Lily stumbled to the floor from the force but immediatly regained her footing and turned to meet the very thing that had plagued her nightmares.
Red eyes as demonic and searing as the last time she had gazed into them, Lily had expected this, but not the insurmountable fury she felt well up inside her at the sight of her husband's murderer. Looking at Lord Voldemort was like staring your worst fear in the face, embracing the agony of those lost and self-inflicting the pain he had caused...he was the very definition of fear and yet, as Lily stared him down furiously, all she could feel was courage.
"Get out of the way!" Voldemort demanded, his voice merciless and colder then she could have imagined.
"No," Lily said weakly. "Not Harry, no."
"Step out of the way you silly girl!" Voldemort hissed, stepping forward and trying to push her aside. Lily refused to budge,
"No, please, no. Not Harry!Kill me!Kill me instead!" she cried desperately, "Please..." Voldemort held his wand and aimed it towards her heart, his rage building,
"Get out of the way." he said in a voice that indicated finality, impatience, the ending of things. Lily remembered James and felt her courage strengthen ten-fold.
"No." she repeated, calming herself, still shielding a now crying Harry as best she could while trying to stand tall and defiant. Voldemort's lip curled and his red eyes blazed,
"Avada Kedavra!" he yelled. Blinding green light filled her vision and an odd rushing sound filled her ears. Even as her lifeless form crumpled towards the ground, Lily recalled James's words to her, and subconciously directed them to Harry...
"I will always love you."
Author's Note: Well here we have it...I really don't even reallyknow what to say...the emotions writing this chapter were unbelievable, and i really hope I did it justice. I thinkI was a bit distraughtwriting this (once again i curse the emotional involvement of a writer) I put in as much fluff, and sadness as I could manage while getting in all the important points. Anyhow, please review...Oh, and the story is not over. I repeat, IT IS NOT OVER! Right, well, until next time...