One day Harry Potter went to the shops to buy some milk. In the market he met the mysterious shopkeeper Mohammad Azharuddin, who promised him he could have some milk for 12p, instead of the supermarkets usual 26p milk. "12p?" cried Harry, "how can I resist?" So he bought the milk. Unknown to Harry, Mohammad Azharuddin was actually Voldemort in disguise, and he had in fact bought the dreaded CHEMICAL X, which would bring misfortune on those who drank it.

Luckily for Harry, when he got home Ron drank the milk, and turned into a badger. "Oh no" Harry exclaimed, "what's happened to you, Ron?" "Grunt", replied Ron. Then Hermoine appeared. She gasped with excitement when she saw RonBadger. "Harry, you've got me a badger! How did you know they were my favourite animal?" Harry saw his chance with Hermoine here, but he knew he had to stay loyal to RonBadger if he was to defeat the evil Voldemort, whose latest nefarious scheme was to block out the Sun, meaning no one could get their favourite paper, and read page 3 or Dear deidre.

Harry regained his composure after dreaming of Hermoine and her badger, and calmly told her that it was in fact Ron. "Oh, how disappointing" said Hermoine sadly, "though I should have known, the badger is ginger after all". "Right" said Harry, "if we're going to get Ron back to normal, we have to find the antidote to CHEMICAL X, meaning we'll have to infiltrate Voldemort's secret cave and defeat him in a battle to the death, in order to save the majority of Sun readers from losing their intelligence they have gained over the years. Are you with me Hermoine?"

"Of course I am Harry" declared Hermoine.

"Are you with me Ron?" Harry continued. "Grunt" replied Ron.

"Excellent" exclaimed Harry. "First we'll have to find the secret cave where Voldemort has been hiding for the last two weeks". After looking on a map, they found the secret cave, and asked Hagrid for a lift. "Sorry kids" said Hagrid, "I'm at the dentist at 4, but if you want I could take you after that?" But the kids (and RonBadger) knew they had to go now, so they jumped on Dudley's back and 'bounced' him all the way to the cave, unfortunately they were spotted by Malfoy, who was mowing the lawn as punishment for being late for Quidditch. He followed them all the way to the cave, but was seen by RonBadger.

"Malfoy, what are you doing, following us" Harry declared angrily. "It's a free world" retorted Malfoy "I can go where I want, even to Voldemort's secret cave".

"Wait a minute" said Hermonie, "how do you know this is Voldemorts secret cave?"

"Ah" said Malfoy, "I… er… just do know, how do you know what this is?" Harry replied "its on the map we got from Burger King", the only map in existen-" Before he cold finish though Malfoy had vanished. He was actually making a tame effort to hide behind a bush, but Harry couldn't be bothered with him, he had more pressing matters – how to turn RonBadger into normal Ron again, how to convince Hermoine they should be together forever, and also who to vote for in Big Brother. Oh, and defeating Voldemort as well. How will he do it? Tune in next time for "Harry Potter and his hairy ginger badger boy!"

Doo doo doo doo dodododo do do (theme tune)