Alexandra – The Making of an Air Witch
Chapter 6 V0.03 - stubborn typos, cutting and changing
Damn, I only meant Lexi's story to be at most a couple of pages of a chapter of Strandpiel, as with Yulia Vizhinsky's. But it became apparent it would grow. So I had to bud it off and transplant the cutting to a tale of its own. This is it. Plundering Tolstoy for minor character names, based on a half-remembered attempted reading of "War and Peace" many years ago… if my memory has failed me, please critique!
And for now - definitively the end. Of this tale, that is.
Now read on…
At Pokrovsky Barracks, Blondograd.
Alexandra doggedly fought through the week before the Review Parade. Life right now felt interminable, bleak and dreadful. Mama had made her write a letter of humble and sincere thanks to her aunt and uncle in Quirm, sincerely thanking them for the kindness of taking her in for a few weeks, despite the deplorable bad behaviour which Mama had taken great care to warn her sister about, for a few weeks before the term began at the Quirm Academy for Young Ladies. Mama had also been making her pack trunks and bags with what would be needed for the School.
She knew her Aunt Anna Schwereda, Mama's older sister, was even more snobbish and socially obsessed than her mother. Aunt Anna would insist, all the time, on correct dress, correct deportment, and correct behaviour in all regards. Aunt Anna and her husband were not Cossacks. They were not part of the customs, traditions, society and outlook of the Cossacks. They ran an exclusive department store for People of Means, just as Mama's family did in Blondograd.(1) If Alexandra had known the phrase "petit bourgeoisie", she would have sighed and said "That fits Aunt Anna exactly." It would be like living with Mama forever, with no Papa to counterbalance, with Uncle Alexei taking his place, in a household smothered and suffocated in place, rank, social status and Keeping Up Appearances.
Alexandra hated the idea of being moved, against her will, to a place over a thousand miles to the Turnwise, a long way from Blondograd, a longer way from the Baikal Cossacks. The school sounded like a prison. Maybe a benign one, but still confinement. And she'd been told teaching would be in two languages, in Morporkian, and in Quirmian where appropriate. Alexandra had been receiving lessons in both, but was nowhere near completely fluent in either. It sounded dreadful. She would need to run very very hard just to keep up, and if she were the only Rodinian there, she was going to feel isolated and exiled from the society of the other girls.
Exiled from Blondograd. Exiled from the Cossack world. With Aunt Anna and Uncle Alexei as my guardians.
And here in the home, Cousin Bella, looking on gleefully as preparations were made for the removal of the one person who was an immediate threat to her.
Alexandra felt cold inside. If she could not defeat Cousin Bella, what happened next? If the parasite got to anchor herself, to put down roots, to carry on bleeding Mama and Papa dry? Would she invite others of her kind here, so the infection spread? It was a possibility. And if she, Alexandra, were packed off Turnwise, who would fight this?
She had briefly met her friend Serafima Dospanova, who had flown here on business from Ankh-Morpork. Ostensibly, Serafima had been bringing communications for General Smirnoff, greetings and instructions from the Romanoff Family with regards to the Review. She had also needed to confirm the identities of the military observers Ankh-Morpork was sending, and to confirm arrangements for their reception and hosting.
While she was waiting for replies, Serafima had sought out Alexandra, and the two had exchanged Witch-bows and gone to a quiet place together, a pavement café in Pokrovsky village that was usually frequented by officers and their families.
"We're watching what's happening here." Serafima said, over ice-cream. "You're not on your own over this. Be strong. Don't allow it to defeat you. Everybody thinks you've done well so far just to contain it. To shut it in."
Alexandra had wanted to wail at this point "But who's actually helping me?"
Serafima smiled, sympathetically. Alexandra realised she'd caught the spill. It had spilt like a tidal wave.
"We know it's possibly too strong for you. We also know it's worked on your parents' heads to get them to send you away. Saturday, the day of the Review, will be the day of decision."
"Today's Tuesday." Alexandra said, trying not to feel miserable. "In seven days, they're putting me on the Rail Way to Quirm."
"On Saturday, it will all be finished." Serafima said. "Trust me. A friend will make herself known to you on Saturday, after the Review. Trust her. She has power and experience in these things. She fought them before, over Lancre. And by them, I mean Sons of Kroschkei with the power to swat this thing flat like a bug. She helped defeat them. She will help you end this. Conclusively."
Alexandra tried not to express surprise.
"A really powerful Witch is coming here?" she said. "To destroy this thing?"
Serafima laughed.
"You'd be surprised." she said. "Nobody argues with her. Much. And we can safely say she is powerful. No doubt about that."
Then Serafima became serious again.
"But even on that day, it has to be you. You are the Witch here. The decisive blow should still be yours. Yours is the need. Others will support and help you end this."
She smiled again.
"You've got more strength than you know, Alexandra Violovna Mumorovka. The rest of us just need to help you realise that. It might help over the next day or two if you let this thing, this kikimora, have a couple of little victories. So it gets complacent, thinks it is defeating you. Saturday is going to be an awful shock to it."
Serafima smiled.
"And you're right to think we're testing you. We didn't summon this thing up and let it loose in the world. No Witch would do that. Ever. But it's here. It's your test. Witches have been watching you. To see what you're made of. How strong Alexandra Violovna Mumorovka actually is. So quite possibly, you're right to suspect we've let it drag on a bit."
Serafima sipped her tea.
"Witchcraft is not nice. Never think it is."
"Witchcraft makes demands." Alexandra said. She thought a little further. "Witchcraft comes at a price."
"Exactly." Serafima said. "And you have more than enough in the bank to pay that price."
Alexandra forced herself to think like her mother's side of the family, like a shopkeeper.
"So… I had two very high-value retail items. Grandpapa would say they're sought-after, exclusive, manufactured by craftsmen, and limited-production. The Vodegon and the Vikhor. But I got them on credit."
"And this is the end of the month, so to speak. When the bill gets presented." Serafima agreed. "Exceptional Witch, exceptional test."
A messenger from Divisional HQ was approaching and calling for Officer Dospanova. Serafima regretfully got up. She left a few roubles on the table to settle the bill.
"Time to go." she said. "Just keep one of those travelling trunks packed? Fill it with everything you think you need. That is, what you think you'll need for a long stay somewhere. Not what your mother thinks you need. And remember. By Saturday evening, this will all be over!"
She nodded to the young officer.
"Coming, Lieutenant. Vassily Densov, isn't it?"
Alexandra watched them walk off together and sighed, feeling alone again, but maybe not so alone as before.
She heard Lieutenant Densov ask, with curiosity:
"A young relative, Officer? She looks rather like you in the face."
Serafima paused before replying.
"A cousin. I quite like her. She has potential. I appreciate spending time with her."
Alexandra sighed, resignedly. Sharing something of a face with Serafima was that obvious? Nichevo.
Alexandra had one minor triumph in her ongoing war with the kikimora. It had begun on the day when Bella had been seen engrossed in the GUM catalogue. She had been marking items with ticks and circles.
"Your mother's family run an interesting store, Witch-girl." she had remarked. "Exclusive and high-priced clothing, exquisitely tailored and styled, aimed at people of worth and quality and discretion."
Bella had smiled, without warmth and friendship.
"And many, many, other things, like jewellry. I think I shall have some of this."
"So now you intend to rob my wider family blind." Alexandra replied. "I'm just betting this is an account which will never be settled."
Bella had laughed.
"Your mother has to be useful for something, Witch-girl. Considering she was only employed there as a lowly shop assistant when she first met your father. Your grandparents favoured her sister, your aunt. She was the one thought to have the right stuff to advance in the family business. Your grandparents despaired of your rather stupid mother, in fact. I understand they were very relieved when one day, a hearty but equally stupid young Army officer walked into the store to be fitted for a uniform jacket. They saw another direction for her. And your father was too stupid to see he was marrying a shrew."
Alexandra forced the wave of anger down. How dare she talk about Mama and Papa like that! Especially when it's probably true, the Inner Alexandra said. But still, even if it's true, this does not give her the right.
"As it may be." Alexandra said, with surface calm, and walked out. She shut out the mocking laughter of the kikimora.
"I command goods from the catalogue. Then they deliver by courier, Witch-girl. Direct to the home. And they can send people out to measure and fit. It doesn't matter, then, that I cannot leave the house."
There was an ominous pause. Alexandra paused in the doorway.
"For the moment. I plan to have the gardeners remove the iron you concealed at every door. But I'll save that for Monday. A going-away gift for you, Witch-girl. To tell you that you have lost."
Alexandra's little victory came later in the day. She heard Bella's scream resonate around the house. A little later she found some of the clothing items that had been stolen from her, dumped in the corridor outside her room. She picked them up and frowned, noting they reeked of stagnant swamp. Bella's natural smell.
She carefully bagged and sealed them, wondering what sort of cleaning would be necessary. And if she could bear to ever wear them again.
And a little later, Mama swept into her room in high anger.
"You wicked, wicked girl!" Mama accused her.
Alexandra raised an eyebrow. She wasn't surprised when Mama brandished the envelopes full of iron filings that she'd left in the pockets.
"You know Bella is allergic to iron!" Mama shrieked. "How could you? Spoil the clothes you gave her, like that? How could you poison her like that? Now the poor girl's had a relapse and she will miss attending the Review on Saturday!
"Allergic to iron, Mama." Alexandra replied, in a cold voice. "Allergic to iron. Think, Mama, if you can! What does that tell you about Bella?"
I saved all the horses. From whatever disaster Bella would have caused at the Review. All the horses. And the people.
"There you go again! On that fanciful fairy-tale about Bella being some sort of… some sort of….."
Mama could not get the word out, Alexandra noted. As if something was stopping her.
"Well. You're going to Quirm next week. So the problem will be resolved."
Mama went strange for an instant. As if something else was speaking through her.
"Well, Bella will prove to be a far better daughter to us, when you're gone. Far better."
Alexandra had to force herself to speak.
"I know that was not my mother talking. Get out of her head, Bella."
Her mother looked conflicted for a few moments, then she flung down the sealed envelopes and swept out.
Alexandra wept, later. She wondered if even with Bella gone, the rift with her mother would still be there, a wedge driven in forever. After weeping, she let herself from the house and went to talk with Barbara and Lidia. She wept there, too.
Later, she got revenge by walking outside the house, and scattering the iron filings over the gravel just outside each doorstep, taking care to tread and turn it in, knowing it would be practically invisible. Bella would have to get the gardeners to dig up and replace everything, not just buried horseshoes.
The full parade was spectacular. It was impeccable. It was glorious to watch. The colour, the spectacle. Every soldier marched. Every soldier was reviewed. General Smirnoff, in his full dress uniform, was visibly proud and delighted as he rode down the multicolour lines, his junior Generals alongside him, a honour guard falling in behind the Imperial Family members who were there to review an Army they paid a lot to support.
Alexandra, sitting alongside her mother in an uneasy truce, up in the part of the Review Box set aside for commanding Colonels and their families, noted Lady Olga Romanoff was present. She was riding a horse, and not in the open-topped landau carrying her parents alongside Grand Duke Ignatieff and his wife. Lady Olga stood out in her pure white uniform, which Alexandra now knew was that of distant Ankh-Morpork, of one of its military units. But which Ankh-Morporkian unit wears a dress uniform based so closely on Cossack dress, she wondered, right down to the fur cap, which from here I can see carries the white-cross-over-black of the Vulga Host?
Lady Olga had spoken briefly to each Major commanding a squadron. Her chat with Major Keremenskey of the Vulga Squadron had been easy, relaxed, and had prompted a shared laugh. Well, she's evidently of the Vulga Host herself, Alexandra reasoned. Her own people.
Lady Olga paused longest for a formal chat with Papa. Alexandra frowned. Something seemed to be happening, she appeared to be reading him in some way. She could somehow sense that. Papa appeared to look up to the part of the box where his wife and daughter were sitting, then he looked back to Lady Olga and nodded. He appeared tense. Another exchange of salutes and the reviewing party were off again…
The day moved on to what rather more irreverent officers described as "the meet and greet". In order of seniority, senior officers of the Regiments led their families forward for a salute, a formal handshake, or the opportunity to drop a curtsey to, the members of the Imperial Families who were present.
Papa led his wife, his two uniformed sons, and his daughter, forward first to the Ignatieffs, the less exalted Family. Grand Duke Mikhail Ignatieff, a cold, chilly man, and his equally forbidding wife, received the Mumorovs quickly and formally. Not liking the feel of them, Alexandra dropped a faultless curtsey and was glad to be out of their Presence.
"Something tells me I won't be working for him when I retire from active service." Papa remarked, in a low voice. Mama rebuked him for disrespect. Papa remarked that you could expect this, ours is a Romanoff regiment while his are the Cuirassiers. And they've not performed well recently. He will know of the recent tragedies, and he will not be happy. Alexandra smiled. Away from Bella, her family could be normal. She appreciated this. Then the thought of her own imminent exile to Quirm surfaced. This chilled her inside. Then she remembered the assurance that it would all end today. Again, she tried to work out who the Witch was going to be, and whether she'd have arrived yet.
Another interminable hour was spent at the grand garden party reception at the General Officer Commanding's Residence. Officer families circulated, took light refreshments, and moved in Society.
Here, the Romanoffs formally received people. Alexandra and her family had advantage of seniority and were among the first to be Received; Cavalry-General Turmenov stood to the right of Grand Duke Nikolas Romanoff, and made the introduction. General Smirnoff stood to their left.
As he greeted Colonel Ivan Petrovich Mumorov and salutes were exchanged, she studied the Grand Duke. People said if the world were different and Rodinia was whole again, this would be the rightful Tsar. She read a man who was pompous, stuffy, reserved, set in his ways, but not actually making her feel revolted, as she had been in the presence of Grand Duke Ignatieff. She had the sensation that this man was mediocrity personified but one who, through accident of birth, had been propelled to a high position. Grand Duchess Ekatarinya had a look of resigned toleration about her. Alexandra sensed she was the brains in the marriage, and took care to make an impeccable curtsey.
And then there was the woman standing off to one side, in the white uniform, taking care to not quite completely follow Protocol, but not breaking convention in any specific way. Her uniform had the three stars of a Captain on cuffs and shoulderboards. She wore the paired swords of a Cossack with the horse-head pommel of the Vulga host. The eagle's head badge of a Hetman glowed bronze-gold on her collar. She wore a single medal ribbon, the numbers 588 in silver over black. And she was intently looking at Alexandra.
Deciding she couldn't get into any more trouble, and anyway this was right and to…somewhere… with what Mama thought, Alexandra deliberately made the bow.
As Mama made a muted shriek of horror, Lady Olga Romanoff inclined from the waist and bowed back. Alexandra sensed there was respect in that bow. She also sensed amusement on the part of the two Generals, as if there were some sort of hidden acceptance of this, some sort of deeper knowledge that they were keeping secret, for now.
"Barbara's young friend." General Smirnoff said, mysteriously. Grand Duke Nikolas looked puzzled for a second, then a look of resigned comprehension crossed his face. Grand Duchess Ekatarinya smiled, serenely.
"Ah, yes." she remarked. She didn't sound surprised or offended. "At home, we have Natalya Svetlanovna. She fills the same position."
Lady Olga extended a hand. Alexandra took it. She tried not to show surprise as a new thought entered her head, one she hadn't put there herself.
Be aware and remain nearby. I will help. I will find you.
"Your daughter, Colonel Ivan Petrovich Mumorov? Dama Viola Raisanovna Mumorovka?" Lady Olga said. She let go of Alexandra's hand, and whatever connection there had been closed off.
"I would like to talk to her, privately, later." Lady Olga said. "I find her interesting."
Alexandra noted this had not been a request, although Lady Olga belatedly added a "With your permission, of course."
Papa blinked with surprise and said he would be honoured, my Lady.
Mama, torn between outrage and obsequiousness, said "As Her Exalted Ladyship commands."
Alexandra saw the very slight but obvious wince on Lady Olga's face. Then she smiled.
"Don't worry, you're not in trouble." Lady Olga reassured her. "Not from me, anyway. But I'm looking at somebody who interests me, and might welcome a helping hand. Concerning her future."
She smiled at Mama, who was quivering with social excitement.
"I'll find you when this duty is over." Lady Olga reassured her. She turned to Mama.
"I promise you, she'll be looked after. If she continues to impress me, I may be able to find a place for her."
And then they were being ushered away.
Papa scratched his head and said "Well, now. There's a thing."
Mama, beside herself with excitement and the vertigo of a social climber who has been shown a different peak to ascend to, began to chatter about place, Society, maybe eventual marriage to a nobleman, more than you deserve, Alexandra! The Imperial Household! Is it really true that Lady Olga Romanoff is considering sponsoring you? "Do not make a mess of this, Alexandra!"
"She sees something of worth in our daughter, certainly." Papa said. He sounded confused, conflicted. "But Lady Olga is… unconventional…"
Alexandra wondered what Papa had heard. He didn't elaborate.
Eventually, she found friends, sons and daughters of other officers, and slipped away from her parents. The garden party after the reception was as informal as it got, but was still interminable, still as informal as it could get for a society constrained by military rank. And there was still Bella.
She met an older girl, allowed to travel home in a school holiday, who attended the Quirm School. She tried to occupy her mind by learning more about it and discovered that at least there were other Rodinians there, daughters of army officers or of the aristocracy or both. She decided that it wasn't completely dreadful.
She also discovered another Witch-skill, the ability to listen to two conversations simultaneously. She frowned. Lady Olga Romanoff was a good hundred feet away, engaged in low discreet conversation with Generals Smirnoff and Turmenov. They appeared to be treating her with great respect as if she was a professional peer and her opinions mattered, despite the fact she was only, at least on the face of it, a Captain.
"But why am I hearing this so clearly?"
-I understand it may be for the best if Colonel Yevgeni Markov is invited to resign his command, with full honours. I know my Uncle Dimitri, the Slightly Less Grand Duke of the Zlobenian Marches, is looking for a half-pay colonel to act as his military advisor. Should I approach him with the recommendation?
-A regrettable shame, Lady Olga. But two such deteriorations in the administration and the performance of the Cuirassiers…
-There may be extenuating circumstances, factors out of the control and out of the experience of any regimental commander to influence, which brought about those tragedies. Gentlemen, you both know I'm here today to investigate an issue that came to the attention of Ankh-Morpork. I stress I am not here to spy on you, I want to operate with your consent and to keep you informed of everything. I will certainly discuss with you the report I will need to make later. But Lord Vetinari is aware and he will need to be briefed.
-It is possible that even with extenuating circumstances, Yevgeni's career cannot be saved.
-A tragedy. Especially since he had seniority, and custom dictates he would have become my successor as Brigadier-General of Cavalry.
There had been a pause. Alexandra had carried on listening to Vera Schapalova excitedly talking about everyday life at the Quirm School and who the nicest and bitchiest teachers were. It was useful knowledge. But her other ear was listening to…
-After Yevgeni, our most senior cavalry commander is now Ivan Mumorov?
-Yes, but he's only been in post for nine months. A very good man, though. He has promise.
-He has potential for a further advancement.
That had been Lady Olga speaking. She continued.
-General Turmenov, you have no immediate plans to retire and you see yourself as still being in your role in four, maybe five years time? That would be adequate time for a potential successor to be groomed into understudying your rank, perhaps. For Ivan Mumorov to not only consolidate his role as an outstanding colonel of Cossacks, but for him to understand your role and learn how to function at the higher level, as one who could be advanced at the correct time…
Alexandra frowned. Her father, a general? Lady Olga was certainly making his case. She thought about this, and decided that she ought to keep it to herself and not gossip. Besides, it would not be for some time yet. Again she wondered why she was hearing it so clearly. Maybe it was a lesson, she thought, in how things were really done and great matters were decided, in discreet unrecorded private conversations.
She frowned again. Why was she hearing this, when the Very Senior Uniforms were in a discreet huddle at least a hundred feet away?
She continued to listen to Vera, who was being generous with her time and information about the Quirm School. That was more immediately valuable knowledge. Her father was being considered for promotion to General in maybe five years' time. However, she, Alexandra, was going to Quirm in three days' time. Priorities.
She also realised. It would suit the interests of the Romanoff Family to block the Ignatieffs and ensure their men got as many of the senior positions as possible. There was always more than one reason.
A little later, Vera stumbled into respectful silence as Lady Olga came to find them. She greeted Vera Schapalova by name and politely asked about her family, then equally politely dismissed her.
"Well, that's the official govno out of the way, for now." she said. "Fancy a walk, devyuschka? We need to have a long conversation of our own, as privately as we can get."
Lady Olga took Alexandra by the arm and politely steered her away. On the way out of the General's Residence, she politely informed Alexandra's parents that they were going to find a quiet place, a tea-room or a coffee-shop, perhaps. But she will be safe with me, Ivan, Viola.
Alexandra noted her father calling for a young subaltern of the Kazachok and issuing an order. Olga accepted the escort of the officer and three troopers that was to go with them, and commiserated that on a hot afternoon they still had to wear their full dress uniforms.
Then they walked into Pokrovsky Village together.
"You got all that, did you?" Lady Olga asked, pleasantly. "The little chat I had with the Generals."
"Yes, my Lady." Alexandra said, politely. "I wondered how I was hearing so clearly. Was that you?"
Olga shrugged.
"A little skill." she said. "Not a difficult one. Has Barbara taught you how to do it?"
Then she quickly added the killer question, checking the escort was keeping courteously out of earshot.
"And now you know your father is being considered, seriously so, to become a General in his time. What do you propose to do with the information?"
Alexandra pushed befuddlement out of her mind. This felt like a test…
"Nothing, Lady Olga. To be aware these things have been said, but not to disclose them. That would be improper."
Then the various parts of the conversation synchronised in her mind, and she realised.
"You're a Witch." Alexandra said. "You're a Witch."
Olga laughed. It wasn't an unkind laugh.
"Surprised, devyuschka? It isn't just a lower-class peasant affliction. If you've got it, you've got it."
Olga looked at her, seriously and intently.
"Besides, you knew all along." she said. "You bowed to me the first time we met. It just took a few years for your brain to catch up. I told you as you grew up, you'd start to realise. I asked people like Serafima to watch out for you. You're a witch too. That interests me."
"Serafima works for you." Alexandra said. She then remembered Serafima Dospanova had once said, completely out in the open where she could hear it, that her commanding officer was called Olga Anastacia. She just hadn't made the connection.
"And your full – fuller – name is Olga Anastacia."
Olga nodded. She smiled.
"Call me that. This "Lady Olga" business is necessary sometimes, but it can get a bit irksome. It can irritate."
She switched languages, to Morporkian.
"You know the word "irksome?" she asked. "I feel life gets irksome whenever people can't see past the title."
Alexandra focused. She got a potential meaning, coming as a feeling, backed by the occasional word.
"Da. Err… yes? Possibly, word "irksome". Утомительный? Utomitelny? Also, annoyed?", realising her Morporkian would sound crude and awkward.
Olga grinned.
"And also, a shorter word." she remarked. "Well, you've made a start in Morporkian. If it helps, I found learning that language to be completely utomitelny, too, at your age."
They walked on, past the barracks of the Bezukhov infantry regiment, into Pokrovsky Village.
"Let's be comfortable." Olga remarked. "There's a good place around here, nearby to Diblov's commissary. He'll probably be out there with a stall, trying to find people who don't know about his food yet. Ah, here we are."
It was the same pavement café where she had had ice-cream with Serafima. Alexandra speculated that this might be how Olga Anastacia had known where to finds it. They took a table.
"Nice and quiet here." Olga remarked. "Excuse me a moment."
She beckoned over the officer commanding their escort. He stamped to attention and saluted.
"My Lady?"
"I know you've been assigned as my escort by Colonel Mumorov." she said. "That it's a deeply shaming thing for him not to offer an armed escort to a Romanoff, or for a Romanoff to move in this place without one. So we have to be in your sight at all times. I understand that. But right now, Junior Lieutenant Telyanin, I need to have a very private conversation with this young lady."
She handed over a fold of rouble notes.
"Therefore I propose that you and my escort cross the road to that wet canteen over there, and have a drink on the Romanoff family. You can watch us from there, and I can converse with Alexandra Mumorovka. Is that acceptable? Khoroscho."
Olga waited for them to cross. Then she ordered coffee and ice-cream for two.
She composed herself and looked gravely at Alexandra.
"Before we begin. I'm Olga Anastacia. That will suffice. I set "My Lady" aside when I dismissed the escort. Later on, I will need to report back to people in Ankh-Morpork, as Captain Romanoff of the Air Watch and Pegasus Service. She goes with the uniform. But here, now, and for as long as a certain business takes to resolve, I am simply Olga Anastacia Romanoff, Witch. Got that? Khoroscho."
Olga smiled.
"I hear some people are allowed to call you "Lexi". Would that include me? Thank you."
Ice-cream arrived, along with coffee and the trimmings.
Olga spoke about her command, with evident pride. She spoke about the Pegasus Service, and what it did. And no, we don't wear these uniforms every day. You've seen Serafima? That's routine everyday wear. Dress uniforms, like this, for special occasions. Sometimes you can't avoid it.
Olga explained how she'd become a Witch and her journey from daughter of a noble family, expected to Learn the Rules, Be Conventional and Make a Good Marriage, via training from the local witch, to her escape to Lancre, then being a Steading Witch to Cossacks of the Vulga Host, and then to Ankh-Morpork and her current role with the Air Watch.
"You see, it can be done." she explained. "Regardless of what your family might have had planned for you. Parents need to learn lessons, too. That their plans for you might not survive first contact with reality."
Alexandra listened, enthralled. Olga said she understood things are difficult with your mother right now, Alexandra? "Nichevo. What I can say to you is that while it may never again be what it was, it will heal. She will come round. She is your mother. And you are her only daughter."
"For now." Alexandra said, the bitterness imperfectly concealed.
Olga looked at her, sympathetically.
"I think we now need to do something about the cuckoo in your family nest." she said, decisively. "The kikimora. Your parents said they would be returning home at about this time… Zdravstutye, Barbara! Right on cue, I notice."
Barbara Borodinska smiled a tight humourless little smile.
"Was waiting over there, in the shadows." she said, indicating a part of the street that had no shadow whatsoever in it. Listenin' to you givin' our girl the sales talk. I knew you'd clocked me. Wasn't so sure of the girl, though."
Witch-bows and cheek-kisses were exchanged.
"Took eternity to get away from all the schemin' and plottin' goin' on at the Smirnoff place." she remarked. "Naked greed and ambition reeks, when you're in a garden full of the stuff. People bein' nice as pie to each other's face, but plottin' about how I can stop him being promoted, when that next vacant Major's position comes up. And their wives, stirrin' it up. If Armies was just about men, it'd be easier."
"Indeed." Olga said.
"We'll just pick up Lieutenant Telyanin and my escort, then we're good to go."
The three witches conversed as they walked together, the escort falling back to a very respectful distance.
"I noticed," Olga Romanoff said, in a low voice, "that Viola Mumorovka was being evasive about inviting me to her home. Making excuses. I got the feeling something inside her was trying to make her give me a flat "no", but she couldn't quite bring herself to do it. Something beginning with "k", perhaps? Ivan made excuses too, he said the plumbing in the banya was paying up and there was a regrettable offensive smell. As if something had been working on his head, trying to get him to say "no".
"Oh, there is a bad smell, for certain!" Alexandra said, bitterly.
Mama has refused to allow a Romanoff to go to her house? My mother? Risking truly offending one of the noble and Imperial Family? With her snobbishness?
The older witches looked sympathetically at her.
"We know, love." Barbara said, quietly. "But we three is the emergency plumbers."
They arrived at the Senior Officers' Estate. Lady Olga turned to Lieutenant Telyanin, and formally thanked him for his service. She assured him that she'd mention to Colonel Mumorov that they had been outstanding at their duty and courteous to her every need, and this should be acknowledged. She exchanged salutes and waited for them to move off, then nodded to the other two.
"Lexi, your parents may have been manipulated into refusing me entry." Olga Romanoff said, in a pleasant voice. "But that should not stop you."
"Witches need to be invited in, love." Barbara said. "Doesn't mean we have to accept it if we ain't. But looks better if we are."
Alexandra smiled.
"Barbara, Olga. Would you like to come in?" she said.
"Be delighted." Barbara Borodinska said.
Lady Olga Romanoff indicated that she would graciously accept the invitation.
The three Witches stepped over the threshold, Alexandra leading, and the world changed in an indefinable sort of way.
Olga sniffed the air. She scowled.
"I know that smell. From Lancre." she said.
Barbara's nose wrinkled in distaste.
"I know that smell. From dealin' with things that washes in down the river."
They walked into the salon together. Alexandra nodded to her parents, and wasted no time actually speaking to them. (2) Cousin Bella looked up with the beginnings of a triumphant smile on her face. Then for the first time the kikimora's face showed a new emotion. Fear.
"Down to you now, love." Barbara said, from behind her. She felt a steadying hand on each shoulder.
"My Lady?" Mama said, confused and agitated.
"You let her in!" Bella shrieked. "I told you not to let her in! Why did you let her in?"
Alexandra felt a new, steadying, strength filling her. She smiled a smile with absolutely no warmth in it.
"Kikimora." she said. "It was me who invited them in. Now it will be me who throws you out."
She took a few paces forward. Bella screamed and started to run for the opposite door. Alexandra caught up with her easily. She was aware of the hands on her shoulders still, of Olga and Barbara. She heard her mother shriek, and heard the shriek cut off abruptly. She heard her father overcoming his surprise and beginning a roar. This too fell to silence.
Angry and vengeful, Alexandra picked Bella up by her shoulders. A little part of her that was everyday normal Alexandra noted how light the girl… the thing… was.
"You hurt my friends." Alexandra said, slapping her face. "You invited the rusalka here to kill them. (slap) You hurt the horses. You killed those horses. (slap) You laughed when people got hurt. (slap) You stole my mother's jewellery. (slap) You stole my clothes. (slap). And you almost made me damage a library book!" (slap).
Alexandra wheeled round to confront her parents, holding the unresisting Bella up by the shoulders. She was aware of the two older witches moving with her, maintaining the touch to her shoulders.
Olga Romanoff broke the contact and moved over to Alexandra's parents.
"Viola. Ivan. You will each take one of my hands." she commanded. "Quickly, now. It is time for you to see through a Witch's eyes. For you both to see what is really here. What there is."
Alexandra realised her parents could not have refused that command. It came from a Romanoff, for one thing. A Romanoff who was also a Witch.
Behind her, Barbara said
"Tell it to show itself."
Alexandra realised. She scowled at Bella.
"Show yourself." she almost hissed. "Your true self. So my parents know you for what you are."
Bella screamed and whimpered. Three Witches glared at her. Alexandra felt a rising strength inside her. She realised it wasn't all coming from Barbara and Olga.
Then the beautiful girl was gone. In its place was a thing. It was human-shaped. But it also looked like an insect, somehow. It looked like a shaven cat. Alexandra had once seen pictures of the hairless cats that lived in the Djelibeybian desert. Shorn of charm and allure and fluffiness, they just looked spiteful and evil. Apparently they had tempers to match.
Bella's true form was a wizened combination of insect and hairless cat. Currently it was curled up sobbing on the carpet. The stench of river rot rose high.
Viola and Ivan looked at each other. Then he looked at the Bella-thing.
"That is her true form, Ivan Petrovich Mumorov." Olga Romanoff said. "That is the naked Elf. With her glamour gone. Between the three of us, we stripped the glamour from her."
"It needed three." Barbara remarked. "Some magic takes more of an effort." She folded her arms.
"Please. Don't throw me out." Bella begged. "Where will I go? What will become of me?"
For a second or two, even now, Ivan Mumorov looked as if he were considering pity. Then he roared with fury.
"You? For you? For a thing like you? You who stole from my home? You who abused my hospitality? You who stole my wife's jewels, and made her steal from our daughter for you? You, who made me doubt my own child, and almost made me believe Alexandra was lying to me out of spite, when she was speaking only truth throughout?"
He part-drew his Cossack sabre.
"Get out of my house." he said. "Before I kill you."
"Get out of my house." Viola said in a low shaky voice. There were tears in her eyes.
"Wait." Alexandra said. She added a "please", remembering she was talking to adults. She went over to the window, and opened it.
"Vikhor." She called, into the air. "Please come. I have a favour to ask you."
Barbara grinned at Olga.
"This bit's going to be interestin', Olga Anastacia. Not seen this before?"
Alexandra waited by the open window. Almost as an afterthought, she added:
"Vedogon. Come to me."
I hear you, Alexandra. Do you wish me to encourage her to leave?
Alexandra shook her head. "Please wait, for now, Vedogon. I thank you."
Everybody in the room heard the conversation. The Vedogon turned to face her father, and saluted him.
It appears you can see me, Ivan Petrovich Mumorov. I greet and salute you. Your daughter is a mighty warrior. Like her father.
Ivan blinked. He regarded the tall spectral warrior for a second. Then saluted him back, warrior to warrior.
"This is my Alexandra who's doing this?"
And two other witches, Ivan Petrovich Mumorov. They put out power to vanquish the kikimora.
The sudden wind blew in through the window. Curtains and furnishings moved and rattled.
~~I hear you, Lexi.
"Thank you for arriving so promptly."
~~ I was concerned for you, Lexi. With the Elf. I stayed close.
The wind coalesced into a slight and fey figure, about five feet tall. Although this was hard to ascertain, as its shape and form kept slipping and changing.
~~You defeated it. Zephroschka said. It can now be banished.
There was admiration in his, or possibly her, voice. It was hard to tell.
The sylph looked to the other people in the room. It bowed, ironically, to Barbara and Olga.
~~I really can't stay in one place, or indoors, for very long, Lexi. What are you asking of me?
Alexandra indicated the defeated sobbing kikimora.
"Can you take this? And put it in a place it will be hard to escape from?" she asked. "Left to its own devices it will only find others to prey on. It is dangerous."
~~I know exactly the place. the sprite said. It turned to Barbara and Olga.
~~I know the very prison, old Witches. Where it cannot easily get to humankind. I will not be long.
The wind picked up again. The screaming shape of Bella was caught up with it as the curtains billowed and flew. Bella became a receding dot in the sky outside, and vanished. And the house was suddenly cleaner.
"Impressive." said Olga Romanoff, breaking the silence.
"And this is our daughter." Ivan Mumorov said. "This is what she can do."
Olga smiled.
"I hope it hasn't come as too great a shock to you both." she said. She walked across the room, and took Viola by the hand.
"You were planning to send Alexandra to Quirm to get her used to a new place before she starts school there? So you are already reconciled to the idea of parting from her for a large part of the year. I understand that. I have a daughter myself. She is only three, so that moment for me is a long way in the future. It's a big adjustment, for a mother."
Olga looked sympathetic. Then she was all Romanoff again.
"I have a different idea, Viola Raisanovna. I propose to become Alexandra's patron. She impresses me, for one thing. I would take her into my care. I would sponsor her, ensure she is looked after, cared for, that she is educated appropriately, and that on the honour of the House of Romanoff, she will be treated honestly and fairly, with all due diligence and care, as a friend of my family and as one who could ultimately be taken formally into my service. If you can help her pack her bags, I can take her to her new life as soon as is possible."
Alexandra watched her mother's face flare into sudden joy and delight. She sighed. What her mother was hearing was something like the Romanoff Family are adopting my daughter. Lady Olga Romanoff herself is taking her as a protegée. Such a step up in the world!
Alexandra's father shook his head. He looked confused.
"Alexandra, do you wish to do this?" he asked.
"Yes please, Papa!" she found herself saying.
Olga turned to him.
"I promise you, Ivan Petrovich, her training as a Cossack will not be neglected. I understand this. We can make time in her year for her to go to the Baikal and undergo the necessary tuition. Your Master-At-Arms tells me she is an exceptional pupil and she is likely to get her Swords young, possibly at thirteen? I wouldn't deprive her of this."
Her father beamed.
At this point the curtains flew again and the wind picked up.
"Zephroschka?" Alexandra said, surprised.
The sprite was not alone. It had blown in, landing with care, bearing the Domevoy and the two bath-house sprites.
~~I explained to them the evil is gone and it is now safe for them to return. I collected them for you, Lexi.
Alexandra ran to hug her friends, as best she could.
Then she realised her parents could see them, too.
"Slava bogu…" her father said. Then he looked to the banniks.
"Err.. you two young ladies look a bit windswept and dried out. I'm sorry the banya might be a little bit ill-tended right now?"
"It will cleanse itself now the kikimora is gone." Olga said, confidently. " Have you noticed the stench of rot has been dispersed? And the banniks must get into water as soon as they can, Ivan. But first, the old contract? You are head of the household. These are your house sprites. Just as you can see the Vedegon at this moment, and the wind spirit, you can see the Domevoy and your bath-house spirits. They may not be visible to you after we leave."
"I see it. Witch-magic."
"Khoroscho. Domevoy, step forward? Ivan Petrovich, head of the household, step forward?"
At Olga's prompting, Ivan took the hand of the house-spirit, and promised to give him a home, and honour, and such food as he needed, in return for service and loyalty. The banniks pledged the same with regard to the bath-house. Then gratefully rushed off to get comfortable again.
~~Well, isn't this nice. Happy families again, Lexi.
"Don't be nasty."
~~I'm not. Really not. I'm doing this for you, Lexi. It's good that you're happy again.
"Zephroschka. What did you do with the Elf?" Alexandra asked, aware the two other Witches were listening.
~~I took her up as high as I can go, Lexi. I met others, older brothers and sisters who can go higher and faster and blow stronger. They are aware of the need. Your kikimora is now being blown around in the high winds, many miles, or many kilometres, up. She is blowing where the winds take her and will stay there, a plaything of the winds. She may fall to earth again. She may not. Others of her kind may find her and claim her, as is their right. If they can be bothered. But humans are safe from her.
"I thank you, Vikhor."
~~And I am your friend, Lexi. Always. Now I must leave? The indoors thing?
She watched the wind-spirit bow to each Witch in turn. Then Zephroscka flew through the window and was gone.
"You've seen what your girl can do, Ivan." Barbara said. "Are you comfortable with a Witch livin' in the house who can summon those friends and that amount of power? You know and I know Olga Anastacia just give Viola some serious flannel. Yes, Olga's sponsorin' young Lexi into a new life, but that's Witchcraft. It won't be a mansion in the Grand Duchy, it's going to be a bed in a peasant isba in Lancre. Every new witch needs a Sponsor. And Alexandra's going to be taught by some of the best in the world, including Olga. We're going to make sure the girl can use what she's got safely and properly. I'm guessin' you're in favour of that too?"
Ivan nodded.
"She will be safe and well?" he asked.
Barbara nodded and grinned.
"Safe as anythin', Ivan. Olga was deadly serious when she promised to guard the girl with her life. That's important when you sponsor a girl. And noblesse oblige helps. A Romanoff makes a promise, she keeps it. One of the good things about that family. But you should know, Ivan. You command their Regiment."
"That's sorted out." Olga remarked, returning with Viola Mumoroka.
"We pack her bags, I collect her on Tuesday morning, we take her to Lancre. Nanny Ogg's offered to find her a bed for a week or so while we Place her."
She smiled.
"Now we've dealt with that, I can go back to the Smirnoff place, have a social drink with my own parents, as that's important too, and I can advise the Generals that the problem is dealt with." Then later on I have to report back to Vetinari to assure him the Code Twenty-Three is resolved, and the latest Elf incursion has been destroyed. And that a young Witch, who can summon what at the very least are disruptive powers, is now going to be safely steered, guided and monitored. I can also infer that she is very likely to end up in the direct employment of the City of Ankh-Morpork.
She sighed. It was a busy life in the Air Watch and Pegasus Service. But she now needed to point out to Alexandra Mumorovka that this was only where it began. She would now spend at least eighteen months in Lancre, learning the basic, unglamorous, and often messy, business of Witchcraft from the bottom up. It would, Olga was going to tell her, be a long slog apprenticeship. But she would get to spend time at the Lancre Air Station, getting those flying skills assessed and improved with weekly training and practice.
"And on the day of your thirteenth birthday, devyushka, we celebrate by formally signing you on as an Air Watch Fledgeling. You will then get to wear a smart uniform and to look forward to a career, in uniform, with promotion prospects. So if I were you I would do the next two years uncomplainingly. There's a point to that."
Olga decided that for the moment, Alexandra and her mother needed quality reconciliation time. She left them to it and set out on the return stroll to the Smirnoff Residence.
Revisions will follow as necessary.
For more Alexandra "Lexi" Mumorovka, she crops up as a character in Strandpiel 2 and The Price of Flight.
(1) The Grand Universal Merchandising store, which had a prestigious location on Pomerantsev Prospekt, facing Victory Square. The family patriarch had once said to a young Cossack officer who was asking permission to walk out with his daughter Viola that he'd better shape up, and show some ambition and become at least a Major, to advance himself in Society. Ivan Petrovich Mumorov should have considered himself warned. GUM now had a budding daughter branch in Quirm City, which was considered even more prestigious. Anna, the Senior Daughter, had been sent out to oversee this. GUM were currently providing Alexandra's school things, just as they provided clothing and domestic furnishings to Mama on a family account. It was a Perk of being part of the Family. Papa, in a reflective moment over a vodka with fellow officers, had once gloomily remarked that there is nothing so snobbish and as snooty as a department store owner priding himself on making sales to People of Quality and Discernment, and measuring himself by the social rank of those he sells to. "When all's said and done, my parents-in-law are shopkeepers!" Alexandra had overheard this, and thought it was fair comment on Mama's family.
(2) This doesn't normally happen until daughters turn thirteen.
Notes Dump:-
A reply to reader KsandraMalan;
Thank you! Reading into Russian and Slavonic non-human entities threw up a few gems. The kikimora surfaced as an Elf-like entity which is pretty much the negative form of the benign and friendly domevoy - where the domevoy gives and nurtures, the kikimora takes and destroys. Linking it into the way Elves are presented on the Discworld is my own speculation and isn't a part of Russian folklore - or I don't think it is... so artistic licence here. And my own difficulty with the name "kikimora" was that an inconvenient voice in my head sees the syllables as "Something Japanese" rather than "Something Russian" - that was a block too.
Also... the Sirin, or Siren, in Russian legend... a half-human, half-owl, flying creature that blends human female form with a hunting owl... I am now looking for a way to ret-con this into Olga Romanoff's personal story as explanation of her call-sign, as I genuinely did not know this at the time "Syren" emerged.
Aaargh. The accepted Romanisation is "kikimora" - for some reason it's coming out here as "kukimora". Maybe that's the bit of my head that thinks it's a Japanese word.
Chapter Six is definitely the last chapter, with perhaps a postscript bringing Lexi to the "present day" in Ankh-Morpork and her emphatic not-a-friendship-in-any-way with a red-haired nuisance...