A/N It stared out small. I swear and it grew... Song fic.

All my gratitude to my beta reader Michal for putting up with my stupid mistakes.

Do you ever feel like breaking down?

"A vision?"

His voice cutting the air in the room.

"Yes. I saw the demon burning a woman on the ceiling."

For some reason he sounded like he was defending himself.

"And you think it's gonna happen to this woman you met because…?"

Disbelief.

"Because these things happen exactly the way I see them."

Dean jumped in, knowing by the look in his father's eyes what comes next.

"It started out as nightmares, and then he started havin' them when he was awake. "

Dean felt the tension in the room grow.

" Yeah. It's like the closer I get to anything involving the demon, the stronger the visions get."

And there.

Anger.

"All right, when were you gonna tell me about this?"

" We didn't know what it meant."

" All right, something like this starts happening to your brother, you pick up the phone, and you call me."

Dean felt his temper raise. Both by the fact that he was getting grilled by his father for not calling when it was something to do with Sam and the fact that his father was grilling like he was 10.

After 20 years of that he was getting pretty tired.

"Call you? Are you kiddin' me? Dad, I called you from Lawrence, all right? Sam called you when I was dying. Gettin' you on the phone—I've got a better chance of winnin' the lottery."

He saw his father shocked by his words AND tone" You're right. Although I'm not real crazy about this new tone of yours, you're right. I'm sorry."

Fuck tone dad, I'm getting sick of being blamed for everything.


Do you ever feel out of place?

The houses were all the same.

Perfect.

Green grass, flowers, birds singing, children playing...

Looking at them you could almost believe life was so simple.

But Dean knew better.

His thoughts returned back to the task in hand just as his tongue was ending the explanation.

"-blow my brains out"

He knew what for sure.


Like somehow you just don't belong

"He's not a healer."

She wasn't listening.

Could he blame her?

"He healed you.

Please...

"I know it doesn't seem fair. And I wish I could explain, but Roy is not the answer. I'm sorry."

...make her understand...

" Goodbye, Dean. I wish you luck. I really do."

...please.

"Same to you."

It didn't work.

Seems prayers from people like him are not heard.

He watched her walk away.

"You deserve it a lot more than me."

And forced his legs to move.


And no one understands you

"I-I just went out. "

His father turned to him. Anger slowly replacing the fear.

"What?"

He swallowed the panic raising at his fathers anger" J-just for a second. I'm sorry."

His father was holding his brother with all his might, but his glare was still on Dean" I told you not to leave this room. I told you not to let him out of your sight!"

Dean was left only to watch his father being a father...to everyone but him.


Do you ever wanna run away?

He took one last glance at Sammy, who was sound asleep in the bedroom. Soundlessly he left the room and headed across the street.

To a moment of freedom.

A moment in which he could be the kid he wanted to be.

Deserved to be.


Do you lock yourself in your room?

The door opens and Dean feels a short charge of pride that the brat didn't forget the basics. He glanced around the motel's surroundings missing Sam walking to the room. Suddenly a hand grabbed his collar and Dean found himself yanked into the room.

Still a hurry freak.


With the radio on turned up so loud

He grabbed the cassette from his brothers grip and with one smooth motion popped it in the player, already raising the volume up to the maximum.

"House rules, Sammy. Driver picks the music, shotgun shuts his cake hole."


That no one hears you screaming

"Maybe? Maybe! What if you were wrong?"

"Huh. Honestly, that thought hadn't occurred to me."

He hung up before he said things that could make even the most boorish people feel embarrassed.

"Well, that honestly didn't occur to me".

He slammed his hand on the steering wheel.

"I'm gonna kill him."

No you don't know what it's like

"I wish I could have that kind of innocence."

He turned to watch Joanna and Michael drive away and when he was sure that his face was blank when it came to his inner feelings.

"If it means anything, sometimes I wish you could, too."

I wish both us had that innocence.


When nothing feels all right

"Why do you deserve to live more than my daughter?"

I don't.

She walked away, but Dean - for what felt like the millionth time in his life - was left behind.

Alone.