Chapter Ten
"Can't I just look?"
The beast rolled his eyes. "No, not yet. Just be patient."
Gwen sighed, but kept her eyes closed. The beast had been mysterious all through dinner the night before and breakfast that morning. He'd asked, no that wasn't right, he'd told her that they would be going for a walk after breakfast. And that he had a surprise for her.
"Where are we going?"
"Gwen! Just do as I tell you. We're almost there." Muttering under her breath he grasped her hand and kept leading her over the snow-covered grounds. The only sounds creeping around them were their feet in the ground, soaked by the melting snow, and a crisp breeze whispering through the budded trees.
"We're almost there," the beast told her again. If Gwen didn't know better, she'd have thought there was excitement in the beast's growling voice.
His excitement let her give way to her own. "Can't you give me just a hint on where we're going?" Gwen teased.
A low growl escaped from deep in his throat.
"Just wondering," she muttered. It had been four months two weeks and three days since she'd stumbled into this castle containing a monster. But as time went by, her thoughts dwelled less on her family and more the beast who seemed so lonely. The more she got to know him, the more affection she had for his gruffness. He wasn't all scowl and mean. He was gentle and kind. He was helpful and at times, even funny. They'd spent many a night laughing before the fireplace as they recounted memories of long ago. The beast didn't have many, she'd discovered, and those he did have weren't very pleasant. But he didn't know any better, and Gwen had learned to accept them, just as she'd accepted him.
She'd never known a greater friend. She could tell him anything, and she did, without him sneering or laughing at her. Instead, he'd share his own embarrassing or funny or frightening memory.
In fact, the beast reminded Gwen a lot of Dom.
They walked in silence, Gwen running over her memories. The beast couldn't help but glance at their hands, clasped together. He couldn't keep his mind off of the tingling in his hand as he held Gwen's small slender hand in his furry paw. His heart, well, shivered at the thought of her.
For so long he had lived in the dark. Yet, the darkness had been obliterated by the presence of this young woman. She was his light. She shone and every day was breaking him free of the darkness that had held him so long. He wanted to believe that what he felt for her was love.
But him loving her wasn't enough to break the spell that held him captive. Gwen must love him back, equally, purely. Remembering his reflection in the mirror only that morning, his heart sank. How could this beautiful young woman ever love a monster like him?
Just then, Gwen reached over with her other hand and placed it on his arm with a smile. Her touch pleased him. Gwen trusted him. She counted him as a friend.
The beast sighed. It was a start.
But they didn't have long – the rose was wilting.
They walked a little farther in silence until the beast stopped so suddenly Gwen ran into him.
"Are we there?"
"Almost."
The sounds around them had changed. Gwen listened hard. Sweet sounds she hadn't heard in months met her ears and she almost burst into tears. Rich, warm, sweet scents whirled around her, making her almost believe that she was home.
"Alright." The beast maneuvered himself until he was standing behind her, his paws on her shoulders. "Now."
Gwen opened her eyes. "Oh!"
She couldn't believe it. Her heart soared with joy, and she laughed. Hazily, the beast realized that Gwen should laugh more often. He loved the sound. Gwen and her companion stood at the front of a long hallway. The smooth dirt path firm beneath her feet, she walked slowly up and down, staring into the face of each mare, stallion, and gelding as she walked by. Twenty-six stalls, each occupied by the finest horses Gwen had ever seen. Saddles, bridles, and other tack gleamed from their racks on the sturdy wooden walls. She turned to the beast, smiling.
"You should laugh more often." They stared at each other, until Gwen's smiled disappeared.
Her eyes softened, although her joy didn't diminish, and she moved closer to the beast. She lifted a hand a cupped the beast's cheek. "This is wonderful," she whispered, her eyes full of tears.
"It's yours," he whispered.
"Thank you so much." Gwen marveled at the way he looked at her, as though he had known her since the beginning of time and had loved her just as long. He lifted a paw and ran one claw gently down her cheek.
She lowered her hand and took his in her own. "Let's go riding."
The beast bit his lip. "I don't know how."
Gwen raised an eyebrow. "Then I'll have to teach you."
The beast shook his head. "No. I don't think so."
"Then come with me while I ride." She saw his hesitate and hastily added, "Please?"
The beast nodded slowly, a grin spreading across his face. He bowed congenially and went to help her choose a mount.
Merric's eyes glowed red as he watched his master and mistress gallop across the vast land around them. The snow was melting, the birds were returning, the mold and rot were disappearing, the rose was wilting.
He didn't have much time.
He paced his private room, seething, his heart crying out for revenge, calling for someone's death. Before his 'vision' and being told that he would, he had welcomed visitors, encouraging a relationship with his masters. Now that the death to be had was his own, he had to find a way to keep Gwen and his master apart. So far all of his efforts had been in vain. The pair had managed to find time together every night and most of the day. He didn't know what else he could do.
It was only a matter of time, he told himself over and over. But his own beast, the beast that resided within himself, was showing its ugly face more and more. He hated it, but was forced to face that fact that he had become just like his master, a beast in everyway but physical.
Just last night, he had almost attacked his mater when he had asked Merric like a gentleman to being in the roasted lamb. Like a gentleman! The beast within him howled his pain and anger.
Love, Merric sneered. A low growl escaped from his throat. Love was going to destroy him, destroy everything he had created, all of his hard work. All it took was one wretched wench and his world was falling in around him! He stared at the wine-filled goblet in his hand. Drowning himself in liquor wasn't helping. With a mighty heave, he threw the crystal goblet across the room and received a certain satisfaction as he watched it shatter.
The beast jogged beside Gwen, reveling in the nearness of her and the thrill of racing across the open planes of his land. His paws sank into the earth under his weight, but he loved it. Long had it been since he'd experienced such a freedom and a joy. The sun on his face, the wind in his fur, and the presence of a young woman who had gradually changed his life a little at a time. These were the things he realized he had been missing. These were the things that broke the darkness and shone with an everlasting light.
His paw sank into an especially wet patch of grass and he jerked forward, losing his balance. As his fell face first into the earth, he heard Gwen laugh. Her laughter struck a chord in his heart and in an instant he learned something he had never before considered.
He laughed with her, placing that lesson deep within his heart, unwilling to reveal it just yet. Growling, he pranced in front of her gelding, frightening the poor animal. Deftly, Gwen brought the horse to the ground, laughing all the while. Their laughter carried with the wind and spread over the grass and blooming trees and tentative flower buds that seemed to pop up everywhere.
At the top of the hill, Gwen stopped the horse and dismounted. Taking deep breaths, she inhaled the sweet smell of spring and rain and growth. The beast stood at her side, pretending to view what she viewed. But his eyes were on her.
"It's beautiful, isn't it?"
The beast grunted, bringing his focus back on the ranging hills before him. "I've never seen them before."
Gwen stared up at him. "Never?" she cried, incredulous. "You've lived for how long in that dank and dirty castle without ever stepping foot outside those walls?"
The beast shrugged. "There was never a need to. Besides, before you arrived, all this land was covered in snow."
Gwen looked out, again, over the rolling hills, distant horizon, and bounty of growing forest that spread around them. Behind them, in the distance, sat their castle, dark and remote. "How is that possible?"
The beast looked at her. "I don't know." But he did. He was under a spell. He knew nothing of his life before this castle. He knew nothing of life other than this castle. But he knew that love could save him and give him such a life. The life he longed for in the deepest depths of night. The life he longed to share…
With Gwen.
But he couldn't tell her. It was forbidden.
"Are there times when you wish you could live somewhere else? Be somebody you've only dreamed of? Travel to places never seen?" Gwen closed her eyes, daydreaming. Her heart soared over the land, but in the end, it landed right where it belonged, next to the beast. She turned to him, only to find him with tears in his eyes.
"Gwen…I…"
Her heart melted. He was different, but her heart melted. His horns and fangs and claws bespoke of an enchantment, something supernatural, but they were dear to her. His laugh sounded more like a growl, but she cherished it. His eyes held such pain she longed to take it from him. This creature, her friend, had endured so much at the hand of an unseen being. He deserved better. His nature was caring and kind and gentle and she…cared deeply for him.
"Yes?" she asked when he hesitated.
"I…I…" The beast looked at her helplessly. Finally he sighed. "It's about time for supper. I suggest we start heading home."
Gwen frowned. What was wrong with him? He'd obviously been about to say something else. What had kept him?
The beast paced his study. The clock in an adjacent room struck two. The moon shone brightly and the stars twinkled their silent song, but the beast paid them no heed. His mind was on Gwen, on their ride over the hills. There wasn't anything in this world he wanted more, he'd decided, than to kiss her. To feel her arms wrap around his neck. To see her smile at just him and known that she felt the same way.
But that was near impossible. Gwen most likely only viewed him as a friend. Oh, how he despised that term. But who could love a beast such as him? Who could look past his furry, terrifying exterior and see the man he longed to be?
For a long time now, he had hoped Gwen could do that. He hoped beyond hope that she could come to feel for him as he felt for her. He wanted her to tingle at the touch of their hands. But would she ever?
"My lord?"
The beast spun. He hadn't been expecting to see Merric this evening. "What is it, Merric?"
Merric stepped forward uneasily. The words he'd been planning to say since the night before spun in his head. He wasn't sure, exactly, how to begin but it was now or never. "I've come to speak to you about Gwen."
The beast started. "Gwen? Is she all right? Is something wrong?"
Merric shook his head. "No, no. Nothing is wrong. The lady is fine. It's just that have noticed that Gwen had been acting a bit…" he paused, hoping to create a tense pause of hesitation. It worked.
The beast surged forward. "What, what is it?"
Merric bit his lip, forcing himself to play the unsure servant. "Well, lately I have noticed that Gwen spends a good lot of her time alone, staring out into space, gazing into the distance. Have you thought as to how much she must be missing her family, or how much her family misses her? What if her family believes her dead?"
Pain seared the beast's heart. "You mean she's not happy?"
Merric twiddled his thumbs. "Not unhappy, I'd say. Simply, wishing for something…better." The word came out as a sneer.
The beast swallowed hard. Gwen wasn't happy with him. It hurt to breathe. What was he to do?
Merric watched his master from beneath lowered lids, under pretense of staring dutifully at the wooden floor marred by claw marks. His master looked nearly doubled over with pain. Of the heart, he had no doubt. "You may want to send her home."
The beast instantly shook his head. "I can't. I need her. Here, with me." He clutched at his head with his paws. This couldn't be happening. And then he remembered her words from just a few hours before…
"Are there times when you wish you could live somewhere else?
Her eyes had been closed, and he didn't doubt that she'd been dreaming of home. The beast called himself a hundred foul names but none even came close to the disgust he felt within himself. He had been so wrapped up in his feelings for her, he had neglected to see how lonely and miserable Gwen had become.
Then Merric spoke the words that solidified his decision. "The rose is wilting. You don't have much time left before you are a prisoner to eternity. If you can't be sure that she will love you by that end, then have mercy and send her home. Don't force her to be a prisoner, like you, because you are unlovable."
The beast glared at his servant. The pain in his chest was so strong he felt he would shatter into a millions pieces. Tears streaming down his face, he howled his rage and pain once last time.