To be left out in the dark

"So you want to give us your real name?"

They were both tired of this.

Like he did for the last few hours, Dean sticked to the story"I told you, it's Nugent. Ted Nugent."

The cop was glowering at him.

" I'm not sure you realize just how much trouble you're in here."

Dean wouldn't be Dean if he didn't do what he always did.

He pushed harder. Frying every nerve in the man's brain.

Hey you gotta have a hobby with all this visits to the county jails. Dean's was pissing people off"We talking like misdemeanor kind of trouble? Or uh…"squeal like a pig" kind of trouble?"

The cop held it together, he had to give him that.

"You got the faces of ten missing persons taped to your wall. Along with a whole lot of satanic mumbo jumbo. Boy, you are officially a suspect."

Satanic mumbo jumbo...never thought of it like that. Yeah you could call it that.

He pushed ahead "That makes sense. Cause when the first one went missing in '82, I was three."

"I know you got partners; one of them's an older guy. Maybe he started the whole thing. So tell me…Dean."

What?

The journal was slammed in front of him.

Dad?

"Is this his? "

He stared.

" I thought that might be your name. See, I leafed through this, what little I could make out. I mean, it's nine kinds of crazy. But I found this, too."

Why did he leave the journal?

"Dean 35-111"

The cop looked proud of the fact that Dean was silent.

"Now, you're staying right here till you tell me exactly what the hell that means."

What the hell is going on dad?


To be kicked when you're down

"Don't be afraid I'm going to help you. I'm going to make you all better."

His hand slowly moved grabbing the lighter and putting it to good use.

He watched crazy doctor turn to dust.

My brain works fine, thanks.


To feel like you've been pushed around

"Dude, five-o take off."

Sam sounded worried.

"What about you?"

"Uh, they kind of spotted me. Go find dad."

He hung up before Sam could start giving out stupid ideas. Like getting into trouble with him. He turned" Problem officers?"

Policeman No.1 was itching to move" Where's your partner?"

Dean knew just how to hit the right nerves" Partner? What—What partner?"

While the other cop moved to the motel room he gave a silent prayer that Sam got out.

His eyes returned to cop No.1" So. Fake US Marshal, fake credit cards. You got anything that's real?"

Time for the final blow. He grinned.

"My boobs."

The cops shoved him down onto the hood of the police car, obviously not finding him funny.

"You have the right to remain silent."


To be on the edge of breaking down

"Sammy, look….the three of us—that's all we have. And that's all I have. Sometimes I feel like I'm barely holdin' it together, man."


And no one's there to save you

A paper clip was sticking out of his dad's journal. He took it and stared at it.

When was the last time I got of jail this way?

He cut his brain's trip down that 'road' and took the road down memory lane with the sign: How to get out off handcuffs.

Thanking some force out there that there was a fire escape he pulled out dad's journal. Strengthening up his clothes he somehow managed to make escaping down windows and fire escapes normal.

Typical day in the life of Dean Winchester.


No you don't know what it's like (what it's like)

"You know that guy I shot? There was a person in there."

His voice quivered.

It never quivered.

"You didn't have a choice, Dean."

Always ready to forgive.

But if Sam had done it...

Sam wouldn't have been able to get past it. The guilt would eat him away, chunk by chunk.

"Yeah, I know. That's not what bothers me."

"Then what does?"

He stared at the wall and his hands. Another doing that would become a numb memory" Killin' that guy, killin' Meg—I didn't hesitate. I didn't even flinch. For you or Dad, the things I'm willin' to do or kill, it just….it scares me sometimes.

He felt his brothers eyes on him.

Sam knew he couldn't say anything, because there weren't words for things like this.

To be hurt

He was in the backseat, covered in blood, exhausted.

Dean felt like he had just enough strength to breath.

"Just hold on, all right? Hospital's only ten minutes away."

Sam was in the driver's seat very very near panic.

Dean didn't have the strength to calm him.

"I'm surprised at you, Sammy. Why didn't you kill it? I thought we saw eye to eye on this—killin' this demon comes first. Before me, before everything."

Sam raised his eyes to the rearview mirror and that was the last thing Dean saw. The world went black.

"No, sir. Not before everything. Look, we still have the Colt. We still have the one bullet left. We just have to start over, all right, I mean, we already found the demon—"

He didn't even feel the impact.


To feel lost

They stared at the other hoping one of them would break. Give in.

But in the end Dean was a soldier. A soldier that learned early how to obey orders. And what happenes when you don't.

So he did the only thing he knew what to do when it came to his family. He obeyed his father.

"Goodbye, Sam"

He closed the trunk, got into the car, and drove away. He felt Sam's eyes on him for the next few miles. He wanted to turn back.

But he kept driving, the black Impala blending with the darkness of the night.

To be left out in the dark

The streetlamps were flickering only to completely go out.

Sensing something behind him Dean turned around, the reaper was slowly walking towards him.

Like every other time in his life, Dean faced it head on.


To be kicked when you're down

"All right, let's get out of here, we're losin' daylight. Hey, Dean, why don't you touch up your car before you get rust? I wouldn't have given you the damn thing if I thought you were gonna ruin it."

Dean heard his father enter his own truck.

He pretended like it didn't matter.

But another crack appeared on his already beaten heart.


To feel like you've been pushed around

He was in the parking lot. The reaper putting his hand on his face. Pain like he had never felt before ripping his body and mind. At the church service, Roy was moving his hand to Layla's face. Outside the tent, a figure - Sue Ann - was praying. Inside on the stage, Layla fell to her knees, in the parking lot Dean with his strength vanishing did the Same. The color began to drain from his face as he gasps for breath, feeling life leave him. Behind the tent, Sam came up to the lone figure and tearing the cross from around her neck he threw it on the ground, shattering it.

In the parking lot the reaper suddenly snatched his hand back, vanished. Leaving Dean on the dirty ground; alone , shocked and scared.


To be on the edge of breaking down

"Look, here's the thing. When we were young, I pretty much pulled him from a fire. And ever since then, I've felt responsible for him. Like it's my job to keep him safe. I'm just afraid if we don't find him fast—please. (His voice breaks.) He's my family."

What he meant to say was: He's my only family.


And no one's there to save you

The trigger was pulled and in the next moment he was collapsing to the floor. A bullet hole in his head, blood covering the wall in the place he stood moment ago.


No you don't know what it's like

"Sam. You were right. You gotta do your own thing. You gotta live your own life."

He heard the disbelief in his brother voice" Are you serious?"

He held in a sigh.

"You've always known what you want. And you go after it. You stand up to Dad. And you always have. Hell, I wish I—anyway….I admire that about you. I'm proud of you, Sammy."

I'm proud that you managed to get away before it was too late and built yourself a new life.

The one I destroyed when I came back.

"I don't even know what to say."

But I won't do it again.

"Say you'll take care of yourself."

"I will."

For the first time in years he felt the urge to scream and shout at the injustice. The urge so strong he thought he wouldn't mage to stop if he started.

Scream for his brother leaving him again, scream for his father who abandoned him without so much as a word, a mother taken from him, scream for the innocent people who paid the ultimate price for stupid mistakes mostly did by others.

"Call me when you find Dad."

I just don't know if I'll be there to answer.


Welcome to my life

"Well, like I said before, the Lord guides me. I looked into your heart, and you just stood out from all the rest."

He feared the answer but like he always did...he faced the fear "What did you see in my heart?"

"A young man with an important purpose. A job to do. And it isn't finished."

Destiny did always chose the strangest people to spread her touch.

And destiny just likes keeping Dean Winchester on his toes.


Welcome to my life

"Even when we were kids, I always kicked your ass."

Itgrabbed a pool cue and swung with it at Sam but missed and broke the light fixture. Sam lost the battle quickly.

"Hey!"

The Dean Winchester impostor spinned around to face the new adversary. Seeing the same face he also has on he rose up.

Is killing a face with your face and memories a suicide?

Dean- like everything else that complicated his life - pushed it away and fired.

Till the day he dies he will always remember the strange feeling of fear as he watched the shapeshifter falling down dead.


Welcome to my life