So I just want to say I own nothing…well, nothing that has to do with Harry Potter. And I want to thank my good friend and beta-er VegaVarekai.
To Vegs: thanks!
Chapter Three: In Which Lily Makes A Startling Realization
July 8,1978
My House
My "Room"
In Bed
9:21am
As I'm sitting here, in my dark, windowless room, I was wondering something. Well, I was actually wondering a few things. And be forewarned, dearest diary; some of my musings are more profound then others…
Why am I constantly in this "room"? It's not a room…it's not even a closet! It's a cupboard. It's small. It's too dark to do anything in and it's actually day outside…not that'd I'd know, being in here.
Do we have anything to eat in the house? Would anyone be willing to make it for me?
Is anyone actually in our house besides me?
And finally and most importantly…why did I date all of Potter's friends and not Potter?
Well in answer to 1) I'm avoiding the family and family to be. And 2-4 the answer is no, no, and no.
And that brings me to question 5. Why did I date all of Potter's friends and not Potter? I bet it seems like it would be a simple answer: he was- No. IS a git. But I think you and I, dearest diary, should analyze.
Why Potter's friends? Oh sure, they were each a great person and had their own virtues and personalities that made them likeable. I mean they had to be somewhat likeable…I went out with them after all.
And then there was the whole revenge thing. Where I got back at Potter for all the embarrassment he'd ever caused me over the years by dating his friends. I bet that hurt him.
How do I feel about that? The Hurting of James…I don't really know. Not bad, I suppose. Just…meh.
I wonder if any of his friendships were on the line? Did he get mad? Were there any fights because of me?
I am a scorpion woman
Let's break it down, date by date:
Now why did I date Peter? Probably because I felt sorry for him. He just seemed so small and helpless and sad, but in a cute and endearing way. I ended that, really quickly. He had too much vulnerability.
Remus, well we actually had some things in common: a love of books, intelligence, a are for people other than ourselves, not to mention he is handsome and he had that whole mysterious secret thing working for him…shame it didn't work out really. He is a sweet boy.
But Sirius. He and Potter are practically the same person. I mean, they almost look alike, they each have crazy (gorgeous) hair, they pull pranks, they pick on Slytherins, they're always in detention…
Oh.
Dear.
Sweet
Merlin…
I just realized...
I can't deal with this now! I need to find some food…
July 8, 1978
My House
Empty Kitchen
At the table
11:23 am
Diary…I am a trollop. I am a strumpet and I'm a horrible human being!
I know WHY I dated all of Potter's friends but not him.
Because put together…Peter, Remus and Sirius are everything that Potter is.
James is sweet and intelligent and daring and bold and beautiful and cares for others (except Slytherins…but no one likes them anyway so that can be excused), he has a certain vulnerability, a slightly bad-boy image yet not, and he sticks up for the weaker students, and he is chivalrous…
I was looking for a certain something in all of them without realizing it. And when I didn't find it, I broke it off…but that certain something I was looking for was James! The whole time…what I took for hate was in fact…love?
How could I not have seen it! I mean they say it is a very fine line between the two, but…
HOW could I have been wrong!
I'm NEVER wrong!
I may not always be right, but I'm NEVER WRONG!
July 8, 1978
My House
Empty Kitchen
At the table
11:28 am
I wasn't wrong…
July 8, 1978
My House
Empty Kitchen
At the table
11:29 am
I was simply mistaken.
July 8, 1978
My House
Empty Kitchen
At the table
11:31 am
That's my story and I'm sticking to it.
July 8, 1978
My House
Empty Kitchen
At the table
11:33 am
Well now I feel bad. I was horrible to Potter. No WONDER he hates me!
I went out with every conceivable person…EXCEPT him!
And the kicker is…it was HIM I was looking for…THE ENTIRE TIME!
Ugh!
How do I get myself into these messes!
I am a disgrace to strong women everywhere! I've denied him and denied him and now…I've fallen for him!
That's it! Even though I seem to be hopelessly in love with him, I will continue to be cold towards him. I will not seem as though anything has changed between us. It is still going to be the hate/hate relationship that has existed between us for the last term.
Good. I think it's all settled. I think I shall write it all down in a list:
Remain cold toward Potter so as not to alert anyone to the change I have felt toward him.
Keep up my witty repertoire to thwart any attempts at banter he might attempt.
Make myself look even more gorgeous so that he knows what he is missing
Not date anymore of his friends
Or close acquaintances
Or boys that he knows even a bit well
I think I should just not date at all…that might work best.
Well I'm feeling rather good about this. So, I think my mind is settled. Until later Dearest Diary.
Thanks for reading! Tell me what you think!
Until next time, Keep a Sharp Eye ;)
Pupparoux