Disclaimer: All hail Jo Rowling for giving us Harry and his world.
Come What May
Chapter Eight
Ron carried Hermione the whole way to the hospital wing. She was extremely out of it, one moment, she seemed to know what was going on, the next, she was crying softly, like a lost child, and she would cry out for her mother and father. But most of all, she kept apologizing, like she could have helped what she did.
"I'm sorry, Ron. I'm so sorry," she whispered to him, still crying quietly.
"Don't be stupid. You couldn't help it. It was that damn professor, and him." Ron said furiously, nodding towards Malfoy, who insisted on tagging along to the hospital wing.
Malfoy looked surprised. "Me? How the hell is this my fault?"
"You just had to space off in Professor Nemesaris' class, didn't you?" Harry asked maddeningly.
"How was I supposed to know the crazy bitch was going to act like that?" Draco demanded.
"You knew she was a goddamn new teacher! How could you not know that she would react that way? It was our first goddamn class in there, Malfoy, could you have been any stupider to space off in front of her like that? And then to have her speak like that in front of Hermione? Jesus Christ, we're lucky Hermione didn't do any more serious damage than she did!" Ron yelled.
Hermione jumped slightly in his arms.
"Shhhh. It's okay. We're almost there," he said soothingly.
Madam Pomfrey was not pleased.
"How did this happen?" she asked imperiously.
Harry and Ron launched in on the explanation of what happened, carefully pointing out that it was all Malfoy's fault.
"You did this?" Madam Pomfrey rounded on him.
"Do I look like some sick crazy person who would hurt her like this?" He yelled in annoyance.
"She did this to herself, Madam. Professor Nemesaris said some things in front of her that brought her back to that. . .place. . .where she doesn't know who she is or what she's doing. And I think it might have been the voice again," Harry explained.
"I know of the curse that's been placed on her, Mr. Potter. The question is, what did she use to slash her wrist with, and why was she allowed access to it in the first place?"
Harry and Ron turned to glare at Draco.
"How was I supposed to know she would use it to fucking slash herself with?"
"Never you mind," Madam Pomfrey said. "I can mend it in a thrice, but she needs something put on it for a while first. With a razor, there's no telling what bacteria was on it, and we don't want that cut to get infected, with as deep as it is. It's a good thing you brought her when you did, she's lost a lot of blood, and she looks ghastly. If you'd waited any longer, she wouldn't be with us right now."
Ron set her down on the nearest bed.
Hermione didn't have the faintest inkling what was going on, nor did she care. She barely had any energy left, and she just wanted to sleep. She could barely keep herself upright.
"I'm so tired," she whispered faintly, slipping sideways on the bed.
Ron reached out just in time to catch her and carefully laid her down. As soon as her head hit the pillow, she was asleep, exhausted from all her anguish.
"Poor dear," Madam Pomfrey clucked, lifting the wash cloth covering her wound and taking up a bottle of solution to douse it with before wrapping it firmly in white gauze.
"Madam, do you have any of that potion that's supposed to help with depression? She had some yesterday, but I don't know if she took any today," Harry said.
She bustled out of the room and into her office, returning a few minutes later with a goblet of the same poisonous blue liquid that Hermione drank yesterday morning. She set it down on her table and covered Hermione with a blanket.
"She'll be out of it for awhile. Losing that much blood can do that. I suggest you go back to your lessons, and I'll send someone along to find you when she wakes up," Madam said.
With a last look at their friend, Harry and Ron turned and left the hospital wing, closely followed by Malfoy.
"Look, this isn't my fault, Potter," Draco burst out once they had started down the corridor.
"Yeah, I think it is," Harry snapped.
"How do you figure?"
"Your father was the one that made her like this in the first place," Harry yelled, whirling to face Malfoy, who stopped, looking stunned at the anger on Harry's face.
"Like I could have stopped him. He would have bloody killed me and you know it," Draco snapped back.
"Let me make myself clear here, Malfoy. If I find out from Hermione that you've done something stupid, like say, touch her, say something stupid, or harm her in any way, Ron and I will come get you, and we will personally make sure that you never have to answer to your master any more. So help me Merlin, for the life of me, I cannot understand why they let you back in this year, after everything from last year, but if Dumbledore were here, he'd be keeping a damn close watch on you. Just remember what I said, Malfoy. One wrong move, and Ron and I will take care of it for you," Harry said savagely as he spun and began to march away down the hall.
Draco was left standing there, gaping after the two, as he thought of how much he hated his life right at that moment.
Hermione had to stay in the hospital wing for the rest of the day, and most of the next. As Madam Pomfrey put it, she had quite a bit to cope with, besides losing the amount of blood that she did. She had to take a Blood Replenishing potion every hour to replace what she had lost, and the nurse also saw to it that she got a double dose of that Prozac potion so she wouldn't feel so awful.
"But it's okay, because Madam Pomfrey said I need to take it once a day now, so with any luck, this won't happen again," Hermione explained to Ron and Harry in the Great Hall after the nurse had released her.
"But do you feel okay?" Ginny asked worriedly.
"I'm okay. I just wish that wouldn't have happened. I wish I could control it. I don't like losing control like that," she said quietly, shaking off the awful sense of fear that filled her when she thought about what happened the previous day.
"You'll be okay, Herms. Anybody would lose control like that after suffering what you did. And besides, it's not like the Prozac stuff won't help, right?" Ron said optimistically.
"Yeah, but I don't like to feel dependent on something just so I can feel like myself again," Hermione argued.
"Voldemort doesn't either," Harry said out of nowhere.
They all turned to stare at him.
"What are you talking about, Harry?" Hermione asked.
"Dumbledore told me once last year that the only reason he gave up on the Sorcerer's Stone was because he didn't like the idea of being tied to something that would keep him alive. He would have needed the Elixir of Life constantly to stay alive, and he didn't like the idea of being dependent on something. You see, he's a loner, he prefers to do things his way, and being tied down to something would mean he would be less free, you know what I mean?"
Hermione understood perfectly, but she didn't like the idea of being equated with Voldemort in the sense that they both hated being tied down to something and losing their independence. Hermione had always thought that she was an independent, and she always thought she would never have to rely on something to get through life. The very thought that Voldemort had ordered a punishment that he himself would have hated gave her the chills.
"Evil bastard," she muttered.
Harry and Ron grinned.
"So, you guys are sure that you've given me every thing I needed to get done for my classes?" Hermione said finally, changing the subject.
They both nodded.
"Good."
She went back to her dinner of roast chicken and baked potatoes. She finished the little bit left a few minutes later, and sat back to relax. When she looked up from her goblet of pumpkin juice, she noticed that Malfoy was watching her. But he didn't notice that she saw him watching her, and continued to watch her.
'Odd, why the hell would he be watching me?' she thought.
She leaned a little to the left, which was more direct in Draco's line of vision. She tilted her head ever so slightly downward, making it almost inevitable that he would realize they were in direct eye contact.
It worked. When it finally penetrated that thick skull of his, he gave a quick shake of his head and turned away promptly, but she caught a trace of a smirk on his lips before he had turned completely away.
"I don't get him," she muttered to herself.
"Get who?" Ginny asked.
"What? Oh, nobody."
Ginny didn't look convinced, and she gave Hermione that annoyingly pointed look that made her cringe.
"Oh fine! I just noticed Malfoy watching me for some strange reason, and it made me feel weird. Why the hell would he be watching me?"
"To see if you're better," Ginny said simply.
Hermione snorted. "Yeah, right. He could always just ask me when I get back to the common room later. It'd save a lot of trouble."
Hermione got the feeling that Ginny wasn't being entirely truthful with her, for a few minutes later, when Ginny got up and left, Hermione saw the sort of annoying smile on her face that clearly said Hermione was incredibly dense and couldn't see what was going on.
Hermione gave a great yawn and stretched lazily. She was thinking longingly of her bed, but she knew when she got back to the common room that she had to finish that essay that Professor Vector had set her class on some entirely different concept that she definitely didn't understand.
Cursing herself silently for her little episode yesterday, and missing that lesson in Arithmancy, she got up from the table and said good night to the boys before leaving the Hall. She was so caught up in berating herself silently that she missed Draco's eyes following her out of the Hall.
She gave the painting of the lion and the snake the password and climbed through the hole and through the door, which Draco forgot to shut in his hurry out.
She ambled over to the desk that she had thrown all her books on and shuffled through the mess, looking for the piece of parchment that she had scribbled some ideas on for the essay.
When she found it, she read over what she had written and gave a great sigh.
"This is going to take forever."
She dug through her bag for her quill and shoved everything off onto the floor before dragging herself over to the bookshelves to look for a book on the related subject. She yanked it off the shelf and stomped over to the desk again, all but throwing herself in the chair and throwing the book down with a loud bang on the desk in front of her.
She flipped the book open and commenced to riffling through the pages in an uninterested way, looking for something to help her out.
But she couldn't find anything. It grew later and later. Eight o'clock. . .nine o'clock. . .ten thirty. . .it grew steadily darker in the common room as the fire began to die, and Draco had yet to return. . .
'The next page, it's got to be something on the next page,' she kept thinking, her face barely an inch from the book as her eyes grew heavier and heavier.
She fell asleep, her face hitting the pages of the book and her eyes closing into a blessed darkness. . .
She was walking through downtown London. It was summer time, though school was fast approaching. She was thinking of the castle and how good it would be to see everyone again; Hagrid, the boys, Ginny. . .
She pulled out her MP3 player and listened to it as she strolled around, looking at the clothing displays in the windows, thinking of how much she wanted that awesome green jacket back at the shop around the corner and how she wished she had the money for that pretty tiered skirt in the window at the shop three doors back. . .
A hand shot out of an alley as she walked past, yanking her into the darkness. The scene dissolved, and she found herself chained to a wall in a cold and dark room walled with stone. A steady dripping sound could be heard in the background as she struggled against the chains, feeling an impending sense of doom fill her stomach, making her feel nauseated.
"Well, if it isn't that darling Mudblood friend of Harry Potter's. So nice of you to join us," a cold voice said nearby.
She couldn't scream. Whoever it was that held her captive had silenced her voice, making it impossible for her to make even the smallest sound.
"Nobody to hear you scream, Granger. It's just you and me, and I've got all the time in the world, all the time in the world indeed. . ."
The man stepped out of the shadows, and she found herself face to face with Lucius Malfoy. She struggled harder against the chains as he came closer, his cold eyes boring into hers.
"It's time you learned what happens to people who associate themselves with Harry Potter and swear to fight against the Dark Lord, Granger. You're parents saw what could happen, and they met a sticky end. But I think I'll have a little fun with you before I finish you. Such a waste of beauty it would be if I couldn't take advantage of it before killing you, what a waste it would be. . ."
When she realized what he was talking about, she struggled all the more harder against those forbidding chains, and felt the skin on her wrists rub raw and bleed against the rusted metal.
Tears welled in her eyes and the silent sobs she was crying filled her throat as Lucius's cold hand traced down her cheek and his other hand went to the zipper of her jeans. There was nothing she could do, nothing at all. . .nobody to hear her scream. . .nobody to discover her chained to the wall and about to lose the last bit of innocense she had. . .
A fierce surge of fury flooded her as she felt Lucius tear her knickers away, leaving her exposed in the cold, damp room as he turned his attention to her shirt and bra.
'This isn't happening, this isn't happening, this isn't real, this can't be. . .it can't be. . .'she kept thinking, closing her eyes tight to keep the tears from escaping.
But it was, and she screamed a silent scream as he entered her roughly, a scream that nobody could hear but her and her mind. . .
A hand shook her shoulder roughly, punctuating her scream with a cry of shock.
"Hermione! Wake up, Hermione! It isn't real, whatever it is, it isn't real! Wake up!"
Her eyes snapped open. She was still in her common room, her face pressed against the accursed Arithmancy book, her cheeks wet with tears, the screaming that was filling the room coming from her mouth, her voice unsilenced.
She sat up slowly, turning to see whose hand was on her shoulder. It was Draco.
"Are you all right?" he asked in an uncharacteristically quiet and concerned voice.
She ran a hand over her face, wiping away the tears and the horror of her nightmare.
"I. . .I think so," she said faintly, swaying a little in her seat.
His hand reached out to steady her. "Why are you still up?"
". . .trying to finish this damn Arithmancy essay before tomorrow. . .don't understand the lesson at all. . ."
"I'll finish it for you. Come on, I'll help you up to bed. How are you feeling?"
She stood shakily and stumbled around the chair, his hand still on her shoulder, his other arm around her shoulders, steadying her as he helped her up the stairs.
"I'm okay," she whispered, wondering why she was even allowing him to touch her.
"What were you dreaming?"
The light went on overhead as they entered her room. She winced at the brightness and clumsily stumbled over to her bed, collapsing onto it and yanking the covers over her.
"I can't tell you."
The mattress sank a few inches as he sat down next to her. A hand went to her face, attempting to smooth the hair away from her face. She shrank away from that hand. . .the same hand that had traced her cheek while the other went to her jeans zipper. . .
"Hermione, what's wrong?"
She shook her head against her pillow, scooting away from him and that hand.
"I'm. . .I'm just tired. . .stress. . .everything. . .can't deal with it right now. . .just need to sleep. . ." the words tumbled out and over each other as she tried to get what she just dreamed out of her head.
"Get some sleep. You'll feel better in the morning."
The hand patted hers, which she had left out in the open, before retreating. The light went off overhead and her door closed, leaving her in the dark and afraid that she could wake up to see Malfoy Senior standing over her, his hand going towards her cheek. . .
She sat up in the dark, scooting to the far corner of her bed, her back pressed up against the headboard, her knees drawn up to her chest protectively, her arms, one still bandaged, around her knees, hugging them closer.
She began to rock back and forth silently, letting her tears fall, trying to forget. . .always just trying to get back to that sense of normalcy that she had before. . .before her parents had been taken from her, before everything in life had turned so wrong. . .back to when it was so much easier to get up in the morning and believe that everything was going to be okay, and life wasn't such a struggle. . .
She stayed huddled in the corner of her bed all night, refusing to go to sleep, for fear of what would greet her when she woke up.
It was a terrible way to live, but she knew no other way. The old Hermione had died that day with her parents, and her life had been upended horribly. She had no other alternative to life. Just keep looking over her shoulder, fearing the day that would come when she knew she must die, to keep Harry alive, to keep everyone alive, it all came down to her, and she wasn't ready to die. . .she wasn't going to give up without a fight. . .