Ice Lessons 9

Just when Jack thought he and Sara had reached some sort of equilibrium. He managed to louse it up. This was so not right.

He was innocent this time, unlike with Charlie. How he wished he'd checked that drawer. His coming home from work routine was distracted for a moment and it meant their life would never be the same again. So many 'if only' and 'what ifs.' Coulda woulda shoulda.

How to fix this though? Mike would not be happy. Her father wanted Sara to move on and make a final break with Jack so that she could maybe start a new life.

Jack agreed, sort of.

Sara deserved someone better. But it would cause him great pain if she did remarry. The bond of their son still lingered between them whether they liked it or not.

He'd crawled bloody and broken across a desert for her, and in return she'd managed to break through the wreckage that was him after the four months in prison hell. Neither of them could give up after what they'd been through.

Pain broke through Jack's tortured thoughts. His wrist was throbbing painfully and when he looked down he saw that his fists were clenched. Slowly he uncurled his fingers, breathless with anguish.

The answering machine sat there displaying a red 3- un played messages. Jack ignored them.

On autopilot he went to the fridge looking for something to eat. Peering inside he noticed the bottles of beer sitting in the back. Dinner. Perfect.

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Jack opened his eyes, and found himself staring at the stars. He knew this section of the night sky very well, so he knew it was around midnight. When had he come up to the viewing platform? What had roused him in the chilly silence?

Squeak. There it was again. He recognised it as Daniel's car door. Maybe if he kept quiet Daniel would go away.

Footsteps. Knock on the front door. Silence. The footsteps came around the side of the house.

"Jack, are you up there?" Daniel's voice. Scuffling noises meant he was coming up the ladder.

Damn. He didn't want to talk to Daniel.

Tomorrow maybe.

Now. No.

Daniel made it to the top, huffing with exertion. Jack ignored him, and drank some more beer.

"Jack what you doing up here? It's chilly."

"I hadn't noticed."

"Probably because you've had a few beers. You never notice the cold."

Jack just looked at him. "So what? It's my house. What are you doing here?"

"If you listened to your messages you'd know," said Danie,l slightly put out.

"Huh, one message was enough."

"Well, I didn't think mine was that bad- I can't help it if others call to see if you're ok. You taught us that Jack. We're a team."

"We were pretty great once." said Jack softly in the darkness.

"What are you talking about? What do you mean once? You can't resign over this! I thought everything was okay!" Daniel's voice rose with indignation.

"Sara…"

"What? Oh…your wife?" realized Daniel, trying to work out what was going on in Jack's head.

"Ex wife. She said it after the blue crystal entity and …Charlie at the hospital."

"We were pretty great together, weren't we?"
"We were the greatest."
"Take care of yourself, Jack."

"Oh," said Daniel again, he could see that Jack was upset. He waited.

"The police talked to her, routine enquiries."

"They were quick off the mark."

"Yeah, weren't they just. Sara left me a message."

"Ah…and?"

"She had every right to say what she said."

"I take it she was upset?"

"Ya think? Just when I thought we'd…be okay. I always mess it up somehow. Not be there on certain days…stuff." Jack sighed.

"She doesn't believe the accusations Jack. She can't! She must know you better than anyone."

Jack grunted in reply. He sat there resting his head against the back of the chair.

"Maybe she left another message…oh. You only played one. That's why you didn't get mine" deduced Daniel correctly.

"So why are you here?" asked Jack again, eyes closed.

"Checking on you. I told you."

"Don't have to."

"We were worried."

"Well don't be. I can take care of myself."

"So I see."

"I'm not gonna do anything silly I'm just... I wanted to see the stars." Jack was not going to tell Daniel that he didn't know when he'd come up here or whether he'd trashed the lounge …

"I know, they mean a lot to you, don't they."

"Yeah, they keep me grounded when the entire world goes to hell in a hand basket. Which seems to happen to me…oh, about every other week."

"Well, you don't always do things the way people expect you to. But it seems to work most of the time."

"You don't always agree with me, nor do what I tell you! Crap, this sorry mess could make things awkward at the SGC."

"Jack you don't have to worry about us, the SGC. Nothings changed."

"That's where you're wrong!"

"Don't do this to yourself Jack."

"Appearances can be deceptive. I've done plenty of it when I was in special ops."

"But we know you would never…"

"I know… thanks."

"Jack, you can't sleep up here, let's go back inside."

When Jack didn't resist too much Daniel knew Jack was emotionally and physically tired out.

Daniel went down ladder first, and kept an eye on Jack as he followed a moment later. He managed the ladder fine, but now seemed tired out. Daniel was glad he'd come. Jack would have slept outside in the cold otherwise.

"Jack are you still on medication?"

"Oops,"

"Janet is going to be so mad."

"Then don't tell her!"

"Go to bed and rest. I'll stay. It's 0030 for goodness sake. You've had a long day."

"Okay, okay, if it'll keep you quiet!"

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Jack padded off to the bathroom and then went to bed. Daniel made himself some coffee, and wandered around down stairs before checking on Jack.

Daniel quietly opened the door and saw Jack sprawled in bed lying on his front, eyes closed.

He put a glass of water on the bedside table in case Jack wanted it later.

"Daniel?" asked Jack.

"I thought you were asleep."

"Smelled coffee."

"Not getting any, go to sleep Jack."

"Thanks."

"That's ok."

"No, for saying what you said up there."

"Jack you're the most honourable man I know."

"Daniel, you don't know everything about me." persisted Jack

"Shh, Cassie trusts you and that's the most important thing isn't it? You can't fool her or any kid for that matter. Hell, even dogs like you without question!"

"People change, Daniel."

"People don't suddenly do this Jack; there are hints… patterns early on. Why would you think you're going to turn into a monster?"

"I don't. Not really but…"

"I know it's not nice having people think things at the SGC. It'll blow over. Just be yourself, don't fall into the trap of believing it. I trust you. We all trust you. If we don't have that, then what else is left Jack?"

"Nothing worth a damn."

"Night, Jack"

"Night John boy!"

Daniel smiled and left the room shaking his head, as he headed for the spare room. Jack always had to have the last word.

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Jack woke up; head slightly fuzzy and his wrist aching fiercely. The longer he lay there, the more it ached, and the more awake he felt. He rolled over to look at the clock. 0320. Sighing, he got out of bed. One of Doc's pills would calm things down a bit. On his way past the hall table the 3 un played messages glared in the dark. He went to the kitchen for the pills. Tense and in discomfort, he paced restlessly round the lounge, before finding himself back at the hall table.

Do or die O'Neill.

He pressed play.

Second message received at 10.32 pm Thursday 29 may

"Jack? It's Sara again. If you're there pick up, I'm so sorry. I should never have called you like that. I was so shocked by what they were asking me….about you. Dad and I put him straight. Even after all the things we went through, you would never hurt us. Are you listening? I'm apologising here. Where are you? Call me."

Jack noticed that she'd left two messages in three hours the day he was attacked in the police station. As he hadn't been able to call her back, she'd probably get mad again, and things would be back to square one.

This whole past month had been a complete nightmare. As if he didn't have enough of those to start with. On Hathor's planet one of his greatest fears had almost happened. Snaked, taken over, possessed.

Now on this planet, his home, his life had been temporarily hijacked and taken over in a different way- just as easily and just as horrible. Seeing the pictures of those poor girls was bad. That and Sara's message brought back a load of good and bad memories about Charlie.

Emotions he'd kept bottled up for far too long began to seep out. He suddenly realized he'd been holding his breath while the message played. He gasped for air. He sat on the steps, as he drew in a shaky breath.

You made it, O'Neill, what's the problem? Made it through death, divorce, aliens and all sorts of weird crap. You don't know what you've got till it's gone- is that it? But you hoped Sara would come through for you. And she did. Is that why it hurts?

You say you'll retire, just like that, but you don't want to really. It won't solve anything because you know that the dirty tricks and politicking won't stop. Especially now that the Stargate program has been running for a couple of years. You've tried retiring twice now. Okay, so the first time you were thinking about Russian roulette. And the second time, you made it through a year literally rebuilding your home and your life. A life that Daniel had given back to you, while you hoped he was happy on his sand planet with his beautiful wife. You never expected to see him again.

Sara may have taken the decision to leave and make things final, but you got given a second chance on Abydos. You try and keep out of trouble, but it doesn't always work out that way.

Calmer now, he got up and hit the button for the third message.

third message received: Friday 30 May at 11.20 am

"Jack- this is Mike. You're never in. I hate these things…ah. Sara and I saw from the paper that the police charged some salesman with the attacks. But it also says something about an unrelated incident where a suspect was attacked in the cells. Sara's worried you didn't call back. But we know that sometimes you're away a lot, and it's not as if you actually talk about anything important…so you're probably fine. But let us know… if you are …or you aren't. Okay bye."

Well that was another surprise.

He really had to contact his ex sometime soon. But not while he had painkillers and beer in his system. Sara might like the fact that he'd loosen up but he wouldn't. Been there and done that after the parachuting mishap. After that debacle he'd been much more in control of what the hospitals tried to give him. It had made coping with his injuries post Iraq much more difficult but they'd got through it eventually.

Jack pressed play again for the last message, wondering what Daniel had said.

fourth message received : Saturday 1st June at 22.45

"Hi Jack… I know you're there, come on. Oh okay…um. General Hammond told me that the detective was looking for you earlier this evening. Seems he missed you at the hospital and here at the base. He says every thing is okay. The General's fine about it. But are you okay over there? You didn't do anything to him did you? No, no of course not. I'll see you later."

Jack smiled, Daniel had left him alone for an hour or two before worrying about it and coming over anyway. Just like his namesake- Daniel into the lions den.

He was glad in a way. He had hit rock bottom for a moment, but he was better now. He'd dealt with it, locked it away. He had a support system in place after all.

He'd rest a bit more tomorrow, make a phone call, and get back into shape so that he could be placed back on the duty roster. He figured he'd be safer on an alien planet, after all he had his team behind him didn't he?

Far away in Washington in a deep and distant office a phone rang

"It didn't work. Sorry, the pawn got away and ruined everything."

"There'll be another chance. We just have to be patient. He's brash enough to do something stupid some other time and place. Hammond can't protect him for ever."

"Fine with me. I agree with your assessment. I've got eyes and ears open in the Mountain, just waiting."

"Good, that's what I pay you for."

The end?