I love him so much…I truly do…but I know that he doesn't love me…so I shall leave him…before he hates me…and I will love him for always…hidden away from his happiness…

I Love Him So Much...

By Sakura Kim

A.N. Okay, so what else could I title this? I know I should be working on Aquene, but I've hit a writer's block and I usually give up on ideas when I hit them, but I'm trying this time, I just don't know what to do. In the meantime, I have so many other ideas floating through my head, so I thought I might as well get a headstart on them, so here's my attempt at a sad story, though somehow it's getting away from me again, here you have it, "I Love Him So Much..."

I slowly opened my eyes and reached towards where my lover should have been. All I felt was the cold, empty spot that belonged to him.

"Inuyasha?" I mumbled, even though I knew that it was pointless. He was most likely already at work.

Ha! So much for romantic cuddling while we wake up after a hot, passionate night full of love, no scratch that, lust. There is no love in this relationship, only the love that I have for him. He has no love for me; all he has towards me is simply lust. I'm merely a replacement. I'm only here until the original decides to come back. Who am I kidding? There's no way that he would cuddle with me.

Why did I ever start this relationship?

Ever since high school, I've longed for it. Him. Inuyasha. I wanted to love him with my whole heart and to be love by him as well. But it was impossible, back then at least, since he always had a beautiful person next to him, Kikyou.

They had been together since childhood; they were in love since childhood. All in all, they were inseparable. I had no place to fit in.

All through high school they were an item, though in the beginning they denied it. But in the end, at the most popular musical in our school's history, they performed as the lead roles in a play that was literally tailored to fit them, and they got married on stage. Even though the marriage wasn't a real one, everyone in our school recognized them as a married couple.

But even though I knew all this, I couldn't stop my feelings for him. It's ironic, though. In all the years, until now, that I've loved him, I've only talked, no, been approached by him once, and that one time was an accident.

I had been walking to the library to return some books when Inuyasha's loud voice filled the courtyard that I was taking a shortcut through. I don't remember if there was anyone else in the courtyard, but he started yelling, "Kikyou! Wait up!"

I didn't hear Kikyou answer and I started wondering if they had had a fight, but I pushed the thought away as being meddlesome since I'd already decided by then to forget these painful feelings.

But he kept shouting, repeating that same phrase over and over again, his voice getting agitated and he sounded like he was running. All of a sudden, I felt a great weight fall on my shoulder and Inuyasha's voice shouting, mad, at me, "Kikyou! I told you to…" His voice fell silent then and I realized that he had thought that I was Kikyou.

He blushed, embarrassed and raised his arm to scratch the back of his head. "Sorry, I thought you were her." All I did was stare at him, not being able to believe all that happening.

Right then, Kikyou's voice called out, "Inuyasha!" and he turned away from me, me being forgotten already, and he ran over to her like a happy puppy, ready to greet his master.

I continued to stand in my spot and I stared at them as they headed towards the cafeteria, all happy and acting like the perfect couple, until I couldn't see them anymore.

At their high school graduation, they were still the perfect couple. That was the last I had seen of them until one year ago, when they showed up at my part-time job.

I couldn't believe my eyes, as I had been doing the odd jobs around the bar like I always did when I wasn't singing up on the stage, when I heard the door open. For some unknown reason, I was compelled to look at who entered, and it was them, still happy and still together.

They came a few more times, always together, always happy; though, never when I sang. They still looked like the perfect couple.

But then, one day, Inuyasha came in alone and he drank a lot, it was unbelievable that a person could drink that much. Eventually, he was so drunk he couldn't even stand up by himself and my boss looked like he didn't know what to do.

I offered to take him home, since my shift was already over, though it took a while to convince my boss that it was safe. I told him that I knew him from high school, and that I could get myself out of any sticky situation since I was very athletic. My boss looked reluctant but since there wasn't much choice, he let me do as I pleased, but made me promise to get it over with as soon as possible and to call 119 if anything happened.

I simply laughed at him. Supporting Inuyasha with my arms and shoulders, I managed to call a taxi, get his address from his wallet, and get him into his apartment.

After I had got him into his room, I was at a loss of what to do. Should I just leave or should I get him some medicine, or at least water, to ease the hangover he was sure to have when he woke up?

As I stood up to drag him over to his bed, he collapsed on top of me, making me bang into the edge of the bed. A groan was going to escape my throat when I felt him embrace me tightly and heard him whimper something.

"Please…don't leave me."

My heart broke then and all the thoughts that had been going through my head disappeared and I lost all my reasons to say no. Planning to leave before he'd wake up, I'd decided to be his lover, if for one night, and then, I'd be able to let him go.

Clutching him tighter to my chest, I let a tear escape my eye as I whispered his precious name. His lips sought mine, then, and I complied with his wishes, letting him do as he pleased to me.

Everything didn't go as planned though. In the morning, I woke up to the sounds of Inuyasha's groans and curses about his hangover.

Not remembering where I was, I sat up and tried to remember what I did and where I was. The only things I did remember, though, were my manners, and so, seeing that there was another person in the room, and that it was morning, I said, "Ohayo gozaimasu."

Inuyasha jumped a little at my voice, and startled, he replied back, "Y..yeah. Ohayo."

After that, he just stared at me for a while, looking totally confused as to who I was. "About that…um…you…?" he couldn't get a coherent sentence out.

I was unsure of what to do, should I lie or tell the truth? But seeing as how lies always make a drama series go over what could have been 2 episodes and for a lot of hate to happen, I told a partial truth, not wanting him to hate me, but still wanting this moment to last a bit longer.

"I…I work at the place you were at last night. And you were dead drunk so I helped you home."

He took a cigarette out of its package, put it to his lips, lit it, and took a long drag. As he blew out, I figured that that meant that it was time for me to leave, and so I prepared myself mentally, to say goodbye, and was about to get out of the bed, when Inuyasha made a sudden exclamation, making me jump where I was in the bed.

"Ahhh!" He exclaimed. I stared at him for a bit, thinking he was going to get angry at me, but he continued, clutching his head, "Sumimasen! I drank too much last night and can't remember a thing. If I forced myself on you-"

"It was me!" I interjected, and before I could even stop it, "I like you Inuyasha!" spilled out of my throat. I was about to cover my mouth in horror, but, realizing that would make the situation worse, I simply stared at him, unsure of what to do. But realizing that he thought that he raped me last night, I quietly added, "So last night was consensual."

He stared at me for a bit. "Ah, is that so…" He breathed a sigh of relief and took another drag.

I stared at the bed totally dejected and horrified. I had just confessed to the man I've love for so, so, so long and totally made myself to sound like a whore. I don't know how long I sat there cursing myself, with him staring at me, but when I heard him move, I knew it was all over.

He reached over and grabbed my chin. "Hn. So you like me, huh?" I was totally confused. "Go out with me then."

I don't know if it was out of duty or where this sudden command came from, but when I looked at his face, I saw a smirk, once again full of confidence as he added, "I wouldn't mind going out with you."

What else could I do then? The man of my dreams was asking me out! So I did what any other insane person would do then, I agreed.

Okay, this is like the first time for me to write in the first P.O.V. so I have absolutely no idea how this went. So, until the next chapter, that is, if anyone wants one, this is all I have to say, so I'll wait for reviews and decide what to do thereafter.