MorphManiac: Another updated chapter.
Disclaimer: I still do not own Trix and its components. I also do not Elmer Fudd. Or Canarty creams. Or Dudley Dursley. Or anything else I might have mentioned.
Chapter 3: "In Which We Hear a Story about Elmer"
Or, "The Explanation of the Corset"
Things on Elmer's farm were pretty much the same through the years that he lived there. He'd wake up, get teased, have an unfruitful breakfast while getting teased, get teased through mid-morning, have lunch (no fruit!) with teasing on the side, and on and on. Elmer treated Randolph with disdain, which he thought was kind of unfair. But, what was he going to do about it? Elmer was the boss. He couldn't question that!
One day, Elmer called him over. Now, in the past few weeks Elmer had been neglecting his Slimfast diet. As a result, well, he got rather large. Elmer had always been big, yes, but this was more…whale-ish. Think Dudley Dursley, and you'll be on the right track. Anyway, literary allusions aside, Randolph was a little surprised at the tone in Elmer's voice. It was…civil. It seemed that Elmer might give him a chance to prove himself! Excited, Randolph hopped over to him as quickly as he could.
"Okay, Wandolf," Elmer said. "Go to the stowe and get me something to make me look less fat." Randolph saluted, and headed off into town.
Randolph ran into the first clothing store he found. Of course, he discovered the interesting paradox of not being able to find someone to help you when you actually need help, but at least three people will ask if they can help when the shopper really doesn't need it. Finally, Randolph caught the attention of someone.
"Excuse me…excuse me…"
The associate turned around.
"Yes, I was wondering…do you have anything that could make a person look…skinnier?"
"We do indeed. What kind of occasion are you thinking of?"
"Um…it's pretty much for everyday use."
Two hours and four pieces of clothing later, Randolph headed home. He did so very much hope that his owner would like what he got him.
Elmer was waiting for Randolph on the porch. "What you have got?" Randolph showed him.
"A CAWSET! WHAT DO YOU THINK I AM, A WOMAN?"
Randolph shrank back and said, "No mister owner sir! I didn't know that was a women-only piece of clothing! The person said it was slimming!"
Elmer glared at Randolph, but tried it on anyway. "You know, this really does work. Thank you, Wandolph." Elmer handed Wandolph...err, Randolph a present. "Now, go back to the bawn. I'm having a pawty tonight, and I need to clean." Randolph nodded, and hurried to the barn.
When he was sure he was alone, Randolph opened the package and gasped. It was a piece of fresh fruit! He couldn't believe his eyes. He reached for the fruit, slowly, so slowly, like he was going in slow motion. He had it in his hand. He was about to eat it when something inside of him made him want to say something profound about this piece of fruit. He thought, "No, no, eat it now!" but something else in his mind said, "Poem, profound, do it!"
"No!"
"Yes!"
"No!"
"Yes!"
"No!"
"Ooooooooh, I love this fruit! The wonderful flavor of Cantaloupe Clash! I will eat it now!" But the rabbit was jumping around, and in jumping he had tripped and falling, dropping his fruit.
"No!" the rabbit screamed, but it was too late. The fruit had fallen into the dirt. "I can still eat it!" yelled the rabbit. Suddenly, a turtle came up and ate the fruit. The rabbit was crushed. He was very depressed. "Poor rabbit!" thought the audience.
But all the other rabbits and bunnies and children just laughed at him. "Hahahahahahahahahahahaha!"
Later that night, at the party, Elmer ate too many canary creams and two of his buttons popped. When his guests saw that he was wearing a corset, they laughed: "Hahahahahahahahahahahaha!"
Elmer looked around at his empty house. "I swear I will get that wabbit if it's the last thing I do."