Cognitive Dissonance
Chapter Six: Gambler's Fallacy
"Indeed. He's ill, then?"
"Oh yeah, he's way sick. Like, can't-even-get-out-of-bed sick. An' Raven said that if I so much as thought about bothering him again, I was going to need reconstructive surgery, whatever that is."
He stared down at her, looking almost amused. As amused as he ever looked, anyway. "Surely you weren't 'bothering' him, were you, my dear?"
Terra shuffled her feet, turning away to study the rotting cactus near the mouth of the cave. "I wasn't really bothering him, sir. I just wanted to talk to him about some stuff; I didn't know he was that sick." It was so late. So late that it was early. She did not enjoy being woken up by her beeping laptop at four in the morning, but if that was when he wanted her, then, well, that was when she had to come.
Slade nodded sympathetically, placing a big hand on her shoulder. "Of course you didn't; you would never intentionally cause harm to another. And I'm certain that Raven considered this when she threatened you, as well, don't you think?"
"No…no, actually, she didn't," said Terra, wrinkling her forehead. But it wasn't like that: Raven had been nice to her, and they'd agreed, really they had, and when she said that thing later on, about the surgery, she had only been joking…Slade's hand was warm and heavy.
"So I feared," said Slade. "Such heartless behavior is truly emblematic of the Titans, after all."
But they weren't heartless; they weren't heartless at all… were they? "Yes, sir," she answered quietly, unhappily. Terra thought that maybe she should keep her uncertainty to herself, which she hated because Slade had a way of pulling all the secrets out of her, like dragging a fish up from the bottom of a lake. It made her feel, well, bad, not to tell him every single thing she was thinking.
"Out of curiosity, what were you discussing with Robin?"
She shrugged, feeling her pulse quicken and suspecting that this was another one of those things that she shouldn't say. Because she'd been asking Robin about Slade, and Slade couldn't know that, of course. "Nothing important. Just stuff."
"My dear, I'm certain that any topic that merited disturbing Robin while he was ill had to be of utmost consequence, given how much consideration you have for the well-being of others." Slade's fingers moved in slow circles along the place where neck joined shoulder, and her breath caught in her throat. "You have nothing to be afraid of, Terra; all I ask is that you tell the truth."
But the truth is so hard, and I don't even know what it is anymore. "I guess I've just been confused about some stuff lately." That would be okay to say, she thought. As long as she didn't mention that Slade himself had come up in the conversation, he couldn't possibly figure it out.
"Ah?" he murmured encouragingly. "Please, do elaborate."
"Well, like, I'm trying so hard to be good, you know? But I'm not really sure that I'm doing the right thing at all—and it seems like all I ever do is let people down." She was letting Slade down by being such a failure as a spy, and she was letting the Titans down by coming out here in the first place because that probably wasn't something they wanted. Terra wanted to please all of them but ended up pleasing nobody. Not even herself. Because she sure did hate herself, right at that moment, when Slade turned her around gently to look into her eyes with…disappointment? Maybe, but it looked more dangerous than that. Or maybe she was just thinking that because Robin had confused her with how bad Slade was, even though he hadn't actually said anything.
"Terra, are you trying to tell me that you failed to follow my exceedingly simple instructions to infiltrate the security system?"
He took his hand away from her, and Terra immediately pulled her jacket up to cover her neck. It made her feel less exposed, though she did miss the touch. "Well…umm…"
"Ter-ruh." That eye did not look happy.
"I didn't, okay, but let me explain!" She backed away from him, sensing that distance would be good until she knew what his reaction would be; Slade was unpredictable in the best of circumstances, and these weren't so great as far as circumstances were concerned. "I tried—like seven thousand times—but your directions didn't work, I swear they didn't. I kept getting locked out: it told me 'access denied,' or whatever." Terra closed her mouth and stared hard at Slade, trying to gauge how he was taking that.
"Did it, really?"
Terra watched something sharp and decisive glint across his eye, and it made her shudder, but then, by some miracle, it was gone and he was back to normal. Relieved beyond all rational thought, she let out the breath she hadn't realized she'd been holding: he wasn't going to get mad. She wasn't in trouble. "It did, I swear, sir: I tried. And I'll try again if you want me to. I really, really want to be good, but sometimes it's so hard…"
He was at her side before she really processed that he'd moved forward, kneeling down to look her straight in the face. Powerful fingers brushed Terra's hair behind her ears, hands lingering along the sides of her face. For some reason, she liked the idea that someone who was such a brutal fighter was gentle to her—only to her. "Oh, Terra. If your task was upsetting you this much, you should have told me long before this morning."
"So…you aren't mad?"
He ran one finger down her hairline. "Angry? At you? Oh, no. I should have realized that the task was too complicated and dangerous for such a fragile girl as yourself."
No, no she wasn't fragile…but she couldn't deny that she liked it when he called her fragile. "Yeah, it's just 'cos I'm too dumb, I guess. I just don't know anything about computers: I can't even play the games right; Beast Boy has to do it for me—he's my boyfriend now, you know." She remembered the mouse game and smiled in spite of herself. "But if you had anything easier for me to do, then maybe…maybe I could try to make it up to you?"
Slade's fingers snaked into her hair and he stared at her, as if she was on an operating table and he was about to slice out her entrails and organize them on a tray. Terra gulped, trying frantically to figure out what she had said that he didn't like. Finally, he pulled away from her, slightly, just enough to take something out of his belt. Something small and shiny. "In actuality, if it wouldn't be too vexing, I do have one minor errand for you."
The look was gone. The fingers were gone. Terra grinned, her relief palpable. "Great! I'll do it right now!"
"It's really quite insignificant, but if you could possibly be bothered to place this…" He paused and held the object out to her, a silvery compact disk like the ones that movies came on, with a plastic cover. "…out with the mail this morning, I would be most appreciative."
Terra took it from him, squinting to read anything that might be written on it. It was really dark outside, still, so that didn't help at all. "What is it?"
"Its contents are of no import to you, rest assured," said Slade. "You needn't trouble yourself with it: simply leave the disk with the mail and forget all about it."
Well. That was easy enough. Under normal circumstances, Terra wouldn't be able to resist trying to find out what was on the disk, but she'd already used up all her lucky breaks for at least the next fifty years, and she wasn't about to push fate any further. "Yes, sir. I can definitely do that." She nodded vehemently, making a move to stuff the disk in her pocket.
"Don't scratch the case, Terra," he admonished. Terra blushed and put the disk away more carefully, finding that she'd already started to forget about it once it was out of sight.
"Excellent," said Slade, guiding her attention back to his masked face. "Oh, and Terra: just so you aren't frightened when the time comes, I will be instigating a…conflict, of sorts, with your companions, in approximately four hours and eighteen minutes."
Crud. Crud, crud. She was going to have to fight him? Terra suddenly felt nauseated, like she'd stayed out in the sun far too long. The fight with Cinderblock awhile back had been scary enough. What was she going to do, what could she possibly do…?
"Don't worry, my dear—you know I'd never harm you," Slade murmured soothingly, as if he'd read her mind. "All the same, however, I should think it necessary that the Titans remain blissfully unaware of what we have discussed this morning. You are not to give the impression that we have been in contact—understood?"
"Oh, yes, sir; I totally understand. They won't know." It would be fine; Terra was a good liar. Even though it was going to be pretty hard to pretend to fight Slade when she didn't really want to…Terra didn't like to fight anyway, and it seemed particularly wrong to fight someone who made her feel…well, like Slade made her feel.
"I have no doubt that you will keep our discussions confidential," said Slade, nodding formally. "That said, why don't you get some rest before your abilities are required? I daresay that you will need it." He stood up with finality, making Terra think that there was really only one right answer to his question.
"Yes, sir." That answer.
"That's my girl." Not for the first time, he had that look about him that meant he was smiling behind the mask—not a very nice smile. "Do continue to check your email, if you wouldn't mind. Our next meeting will be…quite important." There was something under the last two words, something toxic and sinister that coated her stomach with slippery fear.
And Terra thought about those words, and that hidden not-nice smile, long after she'd snuck back into the Tower and up to her room and slithered under the covers. It made her stomach tighten, not unlike the way she felt when she was around Beast Boy: that feeling that wasn't really nervousness. He had frightened her, like he always did, and yet… Eventually, she fell asleep to half-professed emotions and longings that she didn't understand.
Terra woke up to yelling.
Her first thought, steeped in hazy sleep deprivation, was that the yelling voice was in trouble for being loud and possibly waking up Robin. Her second thought was that she was in trouble because she'd slept right through the alarm.
Well, what did he expect: it was early and she was tired.
"Terra!" The yelling voice kicked her door. "Babe, you've gotta get up, now!"
She swung her legs over the side of her bed, stretching her arms up to the ceiling and yawning. "But…why?" Because Terra wasn't supposed to know why, she reminded herself, since she had absolutely-probably-definitely not been having a conversation with the guy who was attacking them. She shuffled over to her door and opened it, and Beast Boy tumbled in and grabbed her gently by the arms.
"It's Slade, okay, so we have to hurry, and we can't mess up," he said. Wide awake and grim, his voice had lost every last ounce of playful flippancy. And when Beast Boy was wide awake at nine in the morning on a Saturday when there weren't even any good cartoons on, you knew something was seriously wrong.
Terra let herself take in a sharp breath. "Slade, oh wow, the freak of nature that attacked the mine that day, right? And the one that Robin's obsessed with?" She saw him nod. "Woah, yeah, definitely want to be careful, then. I'll be right there, just let me…"
"No time; come on, Terra!"
He pulled her towards the door and she just barely had the chance to drag her shoes out from under her bed and—thank goodness she remembered—grab Slade's disk off her bedside table. Beast Boy didn't notice, pulling her out of the room and then breaking into a run as they reached the hallway.
Cyborg and Starfire were already in the living room, looking much more prepared than she was. "Good: you found her," said Cyborg tensely. He started talking, tone severe and rapid, explaining what the mission was, or whatever. Terra wondered why he had suddenly gone all leader-mode; she figured that Robin was too sick to fight, obviously, but who said Cyborg could be the assistant leader? Nobody had ever thought to ask her if she wanted to. She didn't, but that was beside the point. You were supposed to ask about these things, weren't you? Weren't they all supposed to be equals and stuff? So how come Cyborg was automatically the leader without a vote or anything?
Terra's eyes immediately wandered to the little, round table near the couch, where somebody had thrown the mail. It was nice and messy, not organized into anything that looked like a stack, which was what made her think that Beast Boy had put it there. She smiled. They were so much alike. She casually backed away from the circle, pretending to be very interested in a letter with crayon drawings of Starfire all over it.
"Terra! Pay attention!"
She jumped about sixteen feet when she heard that, because Cyborg sounded so angry, like her first night here with the waffles all over again. "Sorry, sorry, I was listening!" Terra bit her lip, turned at an angle where they wouldn't see what she was doing, and shoved the disk under Starfire's fan mail. Spinning around to face them, she put on a serious face and tried to look worried. But Slade had said he wouldn't hurt anyone at all, so it was hard to look worried…
"Umm, right," said Cyborg, seeming several shades of unconvinced. "So you got the part about him threatening to blow up the hospital."
Terra felt a little cold. He hadn't said anything about hospitals. And Slade had said he wouldn't hurt anybody…at least, she distinctly remembered something about not hurting people, though now that she thought about it maybe he'd only promised not to hurt her…but Slade wouldn't break his promise, anyway.
Raven materialized behind Starfire, shimmering in that eerie, black outline for a split second before becoming fully visible. Teleporting was so creepy. "Terra? Comprehend something? Surely you jest."
"The situation is most dire," began Starfire, clasping Raven's hand tightly (Raven winced). "We have received word that Slade is…"
"Hospital, yes, I know," Raven spat, snatching her hand away as soon as Starfire had stopped squeezing. She looked dangerous for some reason; more dangerous than Terra had ever seen her. "Let's just do this."
"Did Robin ever calm down?" asked Cyborg.
Raven shrugged. "As calm as he's going to get, given the circumstances. Just…leave him out of this, okay?" A strange, haunted look was fast infusing her features and at that moment she sounded less like Raven and Terra suddenly realized that the other girl wasn't that much older than she was, not the adult she usually seemed like. Terra didn't know what it meant and she didn't think it was good, but she just had too much to worry about without adding Raven and her dark, depressing problems.
Cyborg nodded. He looked as if he wanted to say something, but stopped himself. Terra had a pretty good idea of what it was, and she agreed; making fun of Robin was fine when he was there to defend himself, but not so fine when he was sick and miserable.
"I can't believe I'm saying this, but I agree with Raven," said Beast Boy solemnly. "Let's…"
"…just do this," finished Starfire, looking like what she really wanted to do was sit by Robin's bed and cry.
Terra had never even been in a hospital: not that she could remember, anyway. When you lived in the desert, you just didn't do that sort of thing. Luckily, she'd never really been hurt or sick, either. Well, there was that one time when she'd eaten six centipedes and spent the next twenty-four hours a shuddering ball of misery (she'd been so hungry…), but then she'd been okay, so it wasn't like she'd been really sick. She didn't know what the inside of a hospital really looked like, but the outside certainly looked official enough. It was a tan building, with fancy automatic doors that almost reminded her of the ones in the Tower. Behind the parking lot, wooden skeleton beams stretched ominously towards the sky; they must have been adding a new wing or something. There was a lot of dirt amidst the construction, and that reassured her. Earth meant safety, not screwing up. And Terra didn't want to screw up. Not while he was watching.
The parking lot just looked complicated. More 'one way' signs than she could count, intimidating arrows pointing in all directions, paths weaving in and out of one another in a maze of asphalt. Times like these made Terra glad that she didn't have her driver's license yet (more than once, Robin had told her how fortunate it was for everybody else that she didn't). The parking lot wasn't something Terra would ever want to navigate. It also looked decidedly not-in-trouble.
"The area certainly does not seem dangerous," Starfire remarked, floating serenely over a parked car.
Beast Boy rolled his eyes. "It's always the way: we haul tail out here, and it's a false alarm." His hand found Terra's and she felt a lot less nervous about the situation.
"Shut up. It's not a false alarm," said Raven, right behind Terra, the words sharp like daggers against her back. Okay, even if Terra did agree with her, she could be a little less rude. A lot less. And she was always kind of mean, but this felt different, didn't feel like the friendly-mean Terra had finally started to recognize.
Cyborg sent Raven a strange look, but then seemed to let it go. "She's right; scanners say there's definitely something unwelcome here. Stay alert. I'm going to inspect the north wing—Beast Boy and Raven, with me. Starfire and Terra, check the construction site."
"But why can't I go with Terra?" Beast Boy whined, clinging to her in a way that was almost comical.
"What you just did? That's why." Cyborg shook his head with an amused grin. "Terra, go with Starfire."
Terra reluctantly detached herself from Beast Boy and followed Starfire to the construction site. She was glad to check the area with the giant sand pile; sand was her favorite and was so easy to use. There was a lot of grass behind the hospital, and the soil underneath was alright but the grass got in her way, made it harder to concentrate. You had to reach below it, imagine yourself picking it up and turning it over but only with your brain…
"I don't see anything, do you?" asked Terra, craning her neck to squint up at Starfire.
Starfire lowered herself to the pavement, red hair falling gracefully against her shoulders (oh, Terra wanted her hair—thick, beautiful and never out of place). "Not presently, no," she whispered pointedly, indicating that Terra should also be quiet. "But I have a feeling that friend Raven was correct."
Of course she was: 'friend Raven' is always 'correct.' Except for today, because she seemed…well, preoccupied, somehow. Terra pushed the thought away. She liked hanging out with Starfire: last week, nobody wanted to watch the movie that she wanted to see, so Terra watched it with her. They had braided each other's hair and sampled Tamaranian desserts; Starfire had seemed so excited to finally find someone who genuinely appreciated her cooking.
Terra wasn't going to worry about Raven, not anymore.
"You wanna go look behind the cement truck, or should I?" Terra asked absently, wondering if they could get this done soon so then maybe they could go out to lunch.
But Starfire wasn't looking at her. Green eyes were firmly fixated on something behind Terra, and it must have been something bad because her face looked pale (and for Starfire, that was seriously pale). "I…somehow do not think that will be necessary," she murmured with forced composure.
Terra turned around, more than sure that she didn't really want to know what it was, and came face to face with a bad science fiction movie. Because what seemed like a million copies of Slade were staring her down, looking very deadly. Well. Okay, maybe not a million: but a hundred, or maybe fifty. Her brain nearly shut down as she tried to figure out how that could be sorted out.
Oh. Oh, yeah. The robots. She'd seen them a few times, when she'd lived with Slade, and once she had even fought them, at the very beginning, before any of this had happened. That wasn't fun. They were like a nest of spiders, grabbing at her everywhere and she couldn't get rid of them all…Terra swallowed with difficulty and reminded herself that Slade had promised not to hurt her.
Terra drove down the sticky fear and pressed the appropriate button on her communicator. "Umm, Cy? I think we found the problem."
"No, we found the problem!" His voice, infused with static. "It's big and ugly and it talks too much. Slade's over here, so we could really use…oh. Oh."
"But Cyborg! It's not just Slade: he's brought his whole robot army, the ones that look like him that we fought in the mine, remember? And there's, like, a hundred of them and I just wanted to tell you that they're attacking…"
"Oh, good, 'cos I never would have noticed otherwise," he interrupted grimly, indicating that he had probably also found the robots. "We're surrounded. Girls, see if you can…"
"Hang on, we'll be right there!" Terra couldn't bear the thought of Beast Boy facing Slade alone. She knew from very personal experience how scary it was to face Slade.
And that thought kept her from cowering under the pile of sand. Terra found the courage that wasn't there, told herself for the fifteenth time that Slade had promised that he wouldn't hurt her, and sprinted towards the wall of Slade-clones. Finding a better use for the sand pile than a security blanket, Terra reached for it with her mind like he'd taught her, pressing it together and hurling it in front of her with the force of a small hurricane. It made her stumble a bit, but she was okay.
Starfire was fighting low to the ground and close-range, fists clutching smoldering, neon light. Three robots attacked her at once and she could only fight off two, but Terra saw the trouble at the last second and slammed a granite slab down on the third one's head. It lay there, twitching and sparking with half-exposed electrical wires.
"Starfire, just go up higher and fry them!"
"I cannot." Perfect red hair swished from side to side. "Long range attacks would endanger the inhabitants of the facility--" She broke off to spin around and deliver a deadly blow to another robot. "And this is a place for the very ill, if I correctly comprehend its purpose."
"She's right." Cyborg, running over to her, knocking two robots to the side and dodging a third without missing a beat. "Did you all hear that?" he yelled to the others, who were right behind. "No long range attacks—and Terra, watch the earthquakes; there's people in there."
Well, she hadn't really been planning on trying that…
"Where's Beast Boy; is he okay, is he alright?...oh." Terra felt particularly stupid as a green-tinted rhinoceros plowed through the wall of robots, stomping on quite a few of them along the way. But there were just so many. They could destroy them all they wanted, but there were always more…
The sun was bright and punishing on Terra's scalp, and when she looked the wrong way it temporarily blinded her, for a half-second too long. A stabbing pain bit into her side as a mechanized fist connected, and she staggered back, tripping over the curb and landing on her back with no air in her lungs.
Figures that that would be the moment when the real Slade decided to notice her.
"Ah, and you must be Terra," he remarked smoothly, taking perfectly timed steps towards her.
What? Well, of course she was—Oh. Right. Pretend you never met him. Terra tried to drag herself to her feet, but the pain in her side kept her down. Pretend you hate him, she reminded herself. Pretend you don't want him to… "Leave me alone!" she heard herself scream, and she wondered if some of the desperation was real.
"No, Terra," he said. "No, I don't think that I will. I have, after all, been so eagerly awaiting this meeting... and I find it lives up to every expectation..." He reached for her arm, her shoulder, fingers millimeters from her hair…
"Glad you're happy, because now would be a good time to think your last thoughts." Raven hovered in the air behind Slade, voice like acid, hands shaking, a black orb of pure energy clenched between her palms. Her eyes had turned a dark, blood red…and there were four, not two. Terra shuddered. She'd never seen Raven do that, didn't think it was even possible.
"This isn't your fight, little girl." Slade turned away from Terra, his back to her, and she was glad because she didn't like pretending that they were enemies and didn't think she could keep it up. And she didn't like how his threatening expression and silky words made her feel like maybe he really was her enemy.
He'd barely said the words when the energy sailed towards him. Slade dodged, but it almost hit him…and then it really almost hit Terra, who saw what was coming when Raven attacked and just barely managed to roll away. You couldn't hit Slade. She'd never seen anyone hit Slade. But oh, Raven had almost hit her. And that wasn't a practice shot, either. Terra had seen Raven's powers in action enough to know the difference, and she was fighting to kill. Heart pounding, Terra pressed her cheek into the flower bed, breathing in the comforting scent of earth and wondering what it would be like to die.
"It's my fight as long as you're breathing, monster." The hatred there made Terra shudder and look away, made her look at the gaping, burning hole where six cars used to be, concrete bubbling like an open wound. But Raven didn't care, didn't care at all; she just kept talking like she didn't even see what she did. "And if I have my way, that's only a short time longer. Azarath, metrion…"
Apparently, Beast Boy had noticed, too: now in human form, he dodged a robot, sent it slamming into a blue convertible, and then yelled across the parking lot, "Rae! Get a grip! What is wrong with you?"
Terra snapped her attention back to Raven, mostly just so she'd be aware if any more deadly attacks decided to aim for her head. She was almost afraid to look, to see that awful expression…
"What's wrong with him is the better question," Raven spat. The red eyes were gone, replaced by the usual violet, and at least that was a little less awful, but Terra knew better than to think everything was okay now.
Resolving to never make Raven mad ever again, Terra climbed shakily to her feet, just in time to see a bird land on the pavement in front of her, morphing instantly into Beast Boy.
"Isn't it way too early for you, Mr. Metal Pants?" he asked defiantly, the innocence and bravery right under his words even as he risked a glance around to make sure everyone had caught his joke. It made her feel better, just knowing that he was nearby. Because at that moment, Terra was absolutely more afraid of Raven than she was of Slade. At least Slade had promised not to hurt her.
But Slade hadn't promised not to hurt Beast Boy. Terra was reminded of this all too vividly when he grabbed him and sent him flying into a Mercedes, crushing the hood and setting off a deafening alarm. He didn't get up. Terra felt her heart stop beating.
Staring evenly at the shattered car, Slade answered the question as if he'd never been interrupted. "An invaluable opportunity was made available to me, let's say. Besides," he continued, turning his gaze on Terra. "It's a nice…change of pace."
She didn't like the way he said that, and thought that if she were smarter, she would wonder what the change of pace was and what it was a change of pace from. But she didn't really care, feeling nauseated as she ran towards the car, ignoring her trembling legs. A robot got between her and Beast Boy, and she tried to sidestep it but couldn't. Reaching out desperately with her powers to find something that she could manipulate, Terra found the glass from the broken windshield swirling around her face before she could stop it. She tried to direct it towards the robot but failed miserably, and the few pieces that did meet their mark only shattered instead of cutting. Breathing heavily, she managed to release her grip on the glass and call up a real weapon: the robot fell to the ground, a slab of concrete sticking through its chest.
Terra reached out helplessly to Beast Boy, not sure if touching him would make it worse. "Hey…can you see me? Can you move?"
Sprawled out on the dashboard, he made an unintelligible noise, but at least he was conscious. There was blood, but not as much as there should have been, considering that he fell through glass. Maybe the glass in cars was different and that's why she hadn't been able to control…
"Beast Boy! Beast Boy, talk to me!" The words were becoming strained and warm tears had somehow found their way down her cheeks. He had to be alright, he couldn't die, it wasn't fair, it wasn't supposed to happen this way, she hadn't meant for it to happen this way, it was all Slade's fault…
A scream tore her gaze away from him (which was probably a good thing because Terra couldn't stand to look anymore—it was making her sicker). Starfire's scream. "Raven, stop it!"
Feet barely touching the ground, eyes murderous and cold, Raven's concentration was fixated on Slade—and he looked hurt. She wasn't touching him, but Terra knew perfectly well that Raven didn't have to touch you to kill you. It was hard to see what was happening exactly, but it seemed like his armor was getting…squeezed. It was crumpling in on him, especially around the face, slowly. And Raven wasn't stopping. Raven wasn't going to stop until…
"Raven!" Cyborg sounded more afraid than Terra thought he was capable of sounding.
"Stay back," she snapped, eyes not leaving Slade's face. "This is between me and him."
"I do not understand, and I do not wish to understand!" Starfire was in front of her now, a hair's width away from interfering physically. Of course, Raven was so focused that it might not even have worked. "Friend, you must release him! You know that taking a life is…"
But at that moment, Starfire didn't exist in Raven's universe, and if the next words out of her mouth were any indication, she knew exactly what taking a life meant and didn't care one little bit.
"If you like this armor so much, you can die in it."
Terra's mouth had halfway-formed around a protest of its own accord, because as soon as Raven said the words, the idea behind them became real, and she knew that Slade couldn't die. If Slade died, she would die. She needed him. Needed him and wanted him and…
But it turned out that she found something else to worry about, because Raven's gaze shifted, just slightly, and Terra saw her recoil. Terra covered her mouth with her hands when she noticed, too: just outside the automatic, glass doors, a robot had pinned a sobbing teenage girl, twisting her arms behind her back. She had long, mousy hair and a goofy, striped uniform; probably a volunteer. Several other robots congregated near the entrance, more than ready to break through the doors if asked.
Raven lowered her hands and her features lost several shades of intensity, and Terra knew she'd broken her concentration. "You bast…"
It took him awhile to respond, and once he did it was so soft that Terra couldn't hear, but she could draw some pretty strong conclusions as to what it was, judging by Raven's reaction.
"I'm not an infant, freak." She glared, glancing periodically at the girl. "If I let you go, there's nothing to stop you from killing her, from killing all of them."
"Come now, Raven," said Slade, regaining his composure now as Raven took the lethal edge out of her hold. "Surely you trust me?"
A series of unidentifiable emotions flashed across Raven's face as Terra held her breath, immobile, as if one move would upset the delicate balance and bring death to everyone. Starfire and Cyborg flanked her, caught somewhere between disbelief and horror, more than ready to stop her should she make the wrong decision. Slade just stared, utterly dispassionate.
Then, Raven made a decision.
"Of course, if you kill them…there's nothing to stop me from killing you."
But Starfire had had enough. "I apologize, Raven," she said despondently. Terra wondered for a wild moment what she was apologizing for, until a blow to the side of Raven's head sent her falling lifelessly towards the pavement. Starfire caught her under the arms, lowering her gently to the ground, jaw clenched and eyes downcast.
Terra's hands were shaking—when had that started?—as she looked from Starfire to Cyborg to the girl in the striped shirt, not even sure how to distribute her panic properly. They had attacked a team member! And oh, what if Raven had brain damage or something, and she hadn't even thought about whether or not Beast Boy was okay, but at least Slade was still alive, and that awful car alarm was still blaring...and why were there explosions?
And there were explosions, all around her, all of the robots that they hadn't already destroyed; it was simultaneous and almost theatrical, punctuating the car alarm like a perverted symphony. Then, Terra heard the too-short scream, spun around to see the girl, sprawled out on the pavement covered in blood…her own blood…
Terra turned her head and vomited right into a bed of pansies.
The next thing she was aware of was Cyborg, his huge hands covering her shoulders, pulling her against him and holding her as she shook uncontrollably. She clung to him, hiding her face because she didn't want to see, didn't want to see anything ever again. Cyborg stroked her hair and told her that it was okay, that it was over and everybody was alright, but they couldn't be alright because she'd seen, seen the blood and everything and oh god all that blood…
"Where is she, where is she, where is she…?" Terra repeated the words in a chant, feeling a little better every time she said them.
Cyborg released his grip on her and held her out at arms length, looking her straight in the eyes. "Where's who?"
Her teeth were chattering. "Girl…red stripes…blood…where is she…?"
"They…" Cyborg hesitated, choosing each word carefully before he said it. "They took Maureen to the emergency room, Terra. When the 'bot exploded, it hurt her real badly. But they think she's going to be okay."
Of course, she didn't know if Cyborg was just saying that to make her feel better or if Maureen would actually be okay. Terra settled on another question. "Where's Slade?" If he were dead…oh, please god, no…
"He escaped during the explosions." A female voice behind her, a soft hand on her back. "Terra, it is imperative that we return to the Tower with great haste. Raven and Beast Boy are damaged and in need of immediate medical attention."
Terra turned away from Starfire and risked a glance at the parking lot: the ruined, smoking cars and the shattered glass and the sand that caked that spot where she'd thrown it…well, she couldn't remember what she'd been trying to do, but she'd thrown some sand, anyway. She swayed a little, vision blurring. If this was what being a superhero was like—
Then Terra didn't want to be a superhero anymore.
The tears had just started stinging at the backs of her eyes when someone else pushed through Starfire to get to her, someone who fought Cyborg's efforts to get him to lie down again. Beast Boy's strangled cry cut through her misery and self-pity and horror, and the grip of his hands gave her something to focus on besides her reeling mind. When he kissed her, all of her, blood and dirt and vomit and everything, kissed her and didn't care about any of that, just that she was here and he was here and both of them were still breathing…Terra thought that maybe that was what love felt like.
Note to the esteemed readers: Up until this point, the two stories have been taking place simultaneously, chapter by chapter. In upcoming chapters, the dates will be slightly different, story-wise. The next two chapters of Bright Line take place before Cognitive Dissonance, chronologically. For this reason, the next two updates will be Bright Line only in order to keep the dates consistent. Cognitive Dissonance chapter seven will be updated with Bright Line chapter nine. No promises, but I might look into updating more often while we're "catching up." Expect something similar to happen with Cognitive Dissonance in the future; the stories will eventually even out again.
Thank you very much for your support and to those who have been enjoying the story so far. If you have any questions about the updating situation, please feel free to ask. I love hearing your thoughts.