MorphManiac: Updated!
Disclaimer: Things I don't own: Trix, Frosted Flakes, Lucky Charms, Rice Krispies, Cocoa Puffs, or any of their components. I don't know Elmer Fudd, Lola or Bugs Bunny. I don't own Lord of the Rings (there's only one little thing in here about it). I don't own A Chorus Line.
Chapter 4: "In Which We Hear an Irrelevant Story"
Or, "The Logic Police"
There was another exciting event in Randolph's life, which lead up to the second most exciting event in his life, which in course lead up to the most important and exciting event in his life. This could be it.
Randolph ran into the forest, upset by his loss of the fruit, and wept bitterly. This continued so long that the author could not bring herself to describe it. Suffice to say, disappointment was discussed. Suddenly, he heard something. He reflected that it might not have been such a good idea to run into the forest in the middle of the night. The rustling grew louder. Randolph considered hiding or running away was probably a good idea when roughly eight beings thrust into the clearing.
"Like I was saying, they're gr—who are you?" a tiger was saying.
"Randolph," the rabbit said.
"Can we join you?" he asked.
"Sure."
The tiger, whose name was Tony, introduced his other friends.
"That's Lucky," Tony pointed at a leprechaun next to him, "And there's Sonny," a rooster waved cheerily, "And those three are Snap, Crackle, and Pop." Three rather small people Randolph assumed were brothers smiled.
"What's up?" Lucky asked, sensing that Randolph was troubled.
"I'm troubled," Randolph said.
"Would you like some cereal?" Lucky asked kindly.
"Um…sure," Randolph said, but just as he reached for the bowl, Lucky snatched it away. "Mine! My magically delicious precious!" And with that, he ran off. Everyone was quiet.
"What was that about?" Randolph asked.
Tony shrugged. "He really likes his cereal."
"So," Snap began.
"Why are you troubled?" Crackle finished.
Randolph finally told them about his horrible life, how he kept getting teased, how no one understood him, how he always wanted to eat fruit, and how Lola, who used to be nice to him, was Bugs' girlfriend.
"I'm just so mad at Bugs! He just goes around burning things and doesn't even care!"
There was silence. "Wait," Randolph said, smacking himself in the head. "I switched mediums again."
"That's okay," Snap said. "This whole story pretty much does that."
"And besides," Crackle added.
"Since when do General Mills and Kellogg's characters hang out?" Pop concluded.
"Shh!" Tony said. "You'll awake the Logic Police!"
But before Randolph could inquire about the Logic Police, the subject had been hastily changed.
"Well, it looks like you've got some cuckoo friends!" exclaimed Sonny.
"Yeah," said Randolph, "And you know what else? I keep having this dream about something I'm not supposed to fall under temptation to, something I need to avoid, but I never find out what it is!"
The beings looked at Randolph with extreme concern. Randolph was confused. "What?" he said. "What did I say?"
Pop ventured a guess. "Besides your uncanny ability to interpret your own dreams…"
"There are a few people we used to know that had dreams like that," Snap said to Randolph.
"What happened to them?" Randolph asked, almost afraid to hear the answer.
"They're cuckoo!" Sonny yelled, who was really starting to get on everyone's nerves.
Crackle glared at Sonny, and then turned to Randolph. "They live in a place called--"
"--Asylum for the Normal Mental Person," continued Pop.
Randolph gulped. The others looked down at their feet or otherwise named appendages. "I guess, even in the cartoon world, getting weird dreams isn't a good sign." He paused. "Did I just—"
"Yes," the rest of the crew chorused. Like they were a…chorus. Maybe a…chorus line!
"One!" Tony murmured under his breath, "singular sensation, every little step she takes."
"Two three four," Sonny joined in.
"One!" Snap cried.
"Thrilling combination, every move that she makes!" Crackle sang.
"One smile and suddenly nobody else will do!" they all chorused.
And while this strange moment could have continued, Lucky popped back and said, "You noticed that there really aren't any female cereal characters?"
"Stop! It's the Logic Police! Back to your positions!" Tony roared. And everyone went around as if nothing had happened at all.
Things could have gotten very awkward, very quickly if Randolph hadn't suddenly heard a voice:
"Randolph, where are you?"
"I have to run. I hope to see you later!" yelled Randolph, as he ran off in search of the voice.
After Randolph was gone, the characters sighed. "Man," Sonny said. "I hope we didn't throw off the plot too much."
"And how," the tiger said.
Back at the ranch…farm, Elmer saw Randolph approach. He waited until Randolph had reached him before he said, "We need to talk."
Randolph sat down beside Elmer. "Sure," he said. "What's up?"
"Randolph, I need to tell you something."
"What is it?
"I can't tell you."
"Why not?"
"Cliffhangwa."
"Oh. Well, that's kind of awkward. Why couldn't we have left with a funny crack about the Logic Police?"
"Dunno. Guess we still could."
And with that, Elmer Fudd and Randolph Rabbit both raised their fists to the sky. "DARN YOU, LOGIC POLICE!"
Randolph stared at Elmer. "You know, it wasn't very funny."
"STOP TALKING SO WE CAN FINISH THE CHAPTWA!"