Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom Hearts, yadda yadda…
Warnings: Yaoi. (Boyxboy love.) And if you can understand it, some darker content.
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Japan was our first stop, and it was absolutely gorgeous. In fact, it inspired a brand new story that I wrote non-stop on the airplane ride. It features Axel and Riku and a trip to around the 'world'. : Look for it later.
This was hard to write during the vacation, because I forgot to save the first chapter on my computer. And I didn't have internet, so I couldn't really remember what I had already written about.
I'm sorry if anyone is confused by any of these. (I think that was my goal, anyway.) But feel free to ask, and I'd be glad to go through it with you. I've gotten some heart-warming reviews for this, too, so thank you. :D
And it's so hard not to write in dialogue, in these drabbles. But I promised myself I wouldn't. ..
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A Series Of Fleeting Looks
The Next Twenty Glances
Darling. For next time, please notice when we start to take shape.
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21.
In his defense, he wasn't the one that had started searching.
Searching. It was a word used in the mind of the beholder, searching or finding or simply looking.
So they were both looking for something, and they found a fraction of it in each other. No – it wasn't necessary. It wasn't required…but it was easily welcomed. And since neither of them knew what they were doing, neither of them asked the other to explain.
Well, Leon had thought of it. But he had never brought it up.
The thought that it was necessary in the sense of replacement, well…
It confused him, to say the least.
But that collision, those periods of running that day in the rain, Leon knew that things had gone better for both of them since. Better than he, than she had believed.
And no, it wasn't the ideal situation, but it fitted enough so that neither of them thought to question it too much.
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22.
They each had their own moments.
Like Riku and his unhealthy obsession with antiseptic. Like Leon and his desire to take a shower in both the morning and the night.
Like staring at the air condition's remote when it was too hot. The humid aftershave of…exercise. And they were both too sated and idle to get a blanket besides the one they were already on.
Or fetch said remote from its mocking position some feet away.
Leon stared, and Riku stared back. And a no, neither of them could stubbornly reach it was traded back and forth …That was the problem of being acquaintances with people who had traits that matched your own.
The air conditioner was making odd sounds. In an attempt to drown it out, Riku threw the sofa comforter over his head and ears.
Leon blinked, and moved a bit away so that their skin didn't stick as closely together. It was hot enough without the added body heat.
The odd sounds stopped soon, and the brunet fell asleep without questioning why.
He woke up to the sound of their fan turning on and the snap of a cold, opened soda presented in front of him.
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23.
Leon's clothes had an odd sound, Riku noticed.
It wasn't anything loud – it was like the clicking of a gun, or the simple tapping of silverware against a fragile, china plate. Because Leon wore clothing that completely contrasted with the weather, and with everyone else, he stood out.
He held his own platform, his own music.
And Riku couldn't help but listen.
It was when he walked. His not-so-noticeable sway of his legs, almost like a girl's if you didn't count the rest of him and his strong stance. So it wasn't like a girl's at all, then, but Riku preferred it that way.
Leon noticed him looking, listening sometime later. He had offered to lend Riku a belt as well, with an amused smirk.
Riku shook his head and smiled, refused it.
He'd prefer Leon to sound like Leon.
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24.
The envelope on the floor of Leon's front door read 'Riku' in messy script. But the messiness was done purposely.
Sora.
The envelope was bulged, and Riku ran it over Leon's heater before he opened it. Just in case.
Riku,
I gave her your number. Ever since we left, she's been asking about it everywhere. Especially since the aftermath and all.
Take this with you – it might come in handy later.
I'm sorry.
Sky.
Almost the bane of his existence? Not quite.
A lighter.
Oh.
Wait.
Oh – he got it.
Sora wanted to repent for his 'death'. How…almost touching.
He picked up the expensive, real silver-lined object and made sure the top was closed, before pushing it deep into his back pocket. He made sure to run a finger over the engravings, reading the words that his…friend had spent so much time carving.
Kairi's coming.
That night, his phone rang with a number of which he hadn't seen since he was just a child. Of when there were tall trees, and an odd one that he had bent with the best of his younger years. Since the days of mountains of sand and games of saving a princess.
No one mentioned any names, and Riku didn't pick up the phone.
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25.
Leon never liked elevators much.
After all, putting faith in a metal box suspended by cable wires wasn't exactly something he did proudly. He didn't put much value on his own life, but hell if he was going to let it be up to a damn box.
He freaked out when it shook. Not intentionally, but it was hard not to when your life was in the hands of something you couldn't control.
Everyone else seemed unphased, and when the door opened into the street, everyone released their assorted parasols in mechanic unison and walked in opposite directions.
Leon steps onto the street side and waits for the light to change.
The sign changed to WALK, and Leon walked. His umbrella stayed perfectly upright against the harsh winds that blew water into his face.
When he went home that night, he slept to the reassuring sound of his partner tightening the bolts of his windows and closing the drapes, because rain at night wasn't too much to look at for either of them.
He woke up to the view of an attractive, darkened silver earring in the shape of a lion's head.
Leon felt free from worry.
Because nothing had changed since yesterday.
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26.
Riku had tried to describe the falling of rain, but he couldn't.
In retrospect, it seemed like a simple thing. It wasn't exactly like the tapping of feet on glass, or the soft pattering of drums. In the end, it was simply that – water falling on a slanted rooftop.
Rain was independent; it slid in tiny streams when it had nowhere else to go. And when that all ended and they ran in crowds into the sewers, they were brave and forced themselves back up into the air, where they traveled the sky again then let themselves freefall back down.
The simplicity of the water droplets was a beautiful thing, and Riku was almost jealous of them.
For their freedom and their inability to think.
But then there were other times, when he – instead of staring at the water sliding down foggy windowpanes – looked into the glaring of the light that kept the earth alive.
And it seemed so strong at the time that he was envious as well, but then the time changed and the sun sank. And it was weak in that aspect, too.
Riku never could decide which one he was more in tune with. Or if he related to them at all.
But seeing his new partner walk in was different in both weathers. He seemed much happier – if he had the right to use that word anymore – in the bright sun that warmed his clothes instead of the wetness that clogged his leather and skin.
(Leon's preferred wardrobe made him blink twice, every time.)
It caused him to have second thoughts, really.
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27.
Their fingers touched, then entwined, and Riku pushed their palms together in the heat of the moment.
There's suction when they paused to breathe, and instead of Leon's hand, Riku reached higher and twisted his fingers into the older man's layered hair. It was just as wet at his hands, as his arm and neck.
Leon's mouth came away with flecks of blood – his or Riku's, he couldn't tell - from when one of them bit down too hard. Neither of them noticed – the taste is far too engrained and normal.
It was painful, but it was different than sitting pushed back into his closet, with flames licking up against his skin and causing marks that never seemed to go away.
It was a welcomed pain.
But Leon seemed to notice, because they stopped and he curled up against him in a Leon-like manner, pushed under soaked coverlets unevenly until he stopped shivering. It was appreciated, because he couldn't have felt better if he had been rained on with flowers and glasses of thin champagne.
The posh almost-velvet of the blanket was ruined by their wet-but-drying state. Their eyes closed to the tune of running water.
And in the adjourning room, the shower ran cold.
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28.
When Leon got 'home', the first thing he saw was a pale figure curled into the coolest section of the address; in the niche under the air conditioner, but a few feet away, and right behind the couch.
Riku was sitting with his hand pressed to his knee, and his other hand pushed against his forehead in an almost feverous way. His skin was paler than usual, except for a dull flush over his cheeks and the parts of his palms that had been pressed against cold skin. Silver hair was blown back from the filtered wind.
There was a glass of iced water sitting next to him, overflowing because the ice had melted. Because ice inflates in heat.
There was a scrape of dulled, infused red and purple on Riku's leg – from when he had dragged his skin too fast over the wooden floor. Leon washed the wound with a damp towel and bandaged it, then got up to make the bed and force the teen into it.
It was messily made at best, but high up enough to their standards.
His eyes were as wide as a nocturnal cat's.
He thought of when he himself had a fever. He wondered if Riku felt as miserable as he himself had felt.
Even if it had been intentional.
When Leon held out a glass of water and a small, plastic measuring cup, Riku downed the liquid without tasting it or gagging.
They were out of tablets.
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29.
Under the blanket, it was hard to see, because the light from the moonlit window didn't provide much under hazy textile covers. But Riku had long since memorized textures with his fingers alone, because it was hard to see during the wars at night anyway.
It was warm outside, so the russet-haired man had gone without a shirt.
And he was bordering on a deep-sleeper, so Riku didn't disturb him besides a small twitch.
He was on top of Leon.
Leon's stomach was toned, like the rest of him.
Riku was sure it was tan, too, a slight bronze from all the working out. (Did he work out? He never did seem to come back covered in sweat…) Because the rest of Leon was, Riku didn't doubt it.
There was just something about being under the sheets with the other sleeping unaware that appealed to him. …Maybe it was just his sadistic streak speaking, but he didn't argue against it.
He used it as a pillow, that night.
It was just Leon. And Leon's scent was specific, and it drifted.
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30.
Ties were like poison – Riku denied them whenever he could.
But when he passed by and saw a flash of blonde, or a quicker flash of red, he always paused to make sure they were all right. Because even though he wasn't exactly…a part of them anymore, he still cared.
And sometimes there was another, slower and more inexperienced, flicker of chocolate brown and clear blue.
Sora wasn't meant for things like that. When Riku saw a trace of him, he kept walking, because Xenmas knew enough not to give the younger boy anything to fanatical.
At least, that was what he had thought before seeing the bright pinpoint silver of one of his mentors accompanying Sora. He had a harsh name.
Then he worried. Not outwardly, no. Outwardly, he continued on his trip to the store and bought milk with a package of crackers, like Leon had asked.
Leon. Squall. That was another one. But he couldn't really place a name on him – no more than he could keep the older man on a pedestal and convince him to stay there.
No, Riku kept light ties to avoid snipers.
It was all in his past, right?
Behind him, red and yellow exchanged glances and moved to clean up. They wiped their knives clean on sodden clothing. They were beautiful things.
Leader demanded it.
After all, even murderers enjoyed looking at pretty things.
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31.
He hadn't stocked up in the last week, so in the morning they had a choice between instant oatmeal or cereal.
Which was basically the same, except one was wet, and one was dry. But that was usually mixed with milk anyway, so they were the same.
Leon let Riku have first pick, because it seemed like he had turned the air conditioner on a bit too high last night. So it was out of guilt, really, but it wasn't said out loud.
Riku stifled a sneeze.
After opening his fridge, Leon asked what he'd like; tap water or Coke.
Riku glares and shreds another napkin. Because he doesn't like either.
He sniffled.
The tissue box was empty.
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32.
When Leon visited, Cloud was careful not to give anything away.
The brunet had been gone for a long time, and there was no longer any place for him. They would all prefer it that way, and Squall knew it, and so it stays.
When he left, he walked the short way, directly past another's subject without fear or hesitation.
A rookie starts, but the blue-clad man shakes his head, and muttered something about it not being their business.
Silver was part of the organization, the black. And it since it wasn't blue or red, it didn't make any difference.
This was a war.
And Leon makes sure that Riku doesn't know.
Riku's message box stays empty a little longer.
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33.
Leon didn't have many things he considered personal, but his scrapbook was one of them.
And Riku didn't assume, just sat down by the window (because it was still bright enough out that he didn't need the glare from electricity) and opened the plush velvet of the book's cover.
The photos were printed on delicate sheets of pure white, surrounded by simple lines to emphasize them. The cover underneath the velvet was a beautiful wood, and it was skillfully preserved.
Riku looked through them, slowly, and didn't stop when Leon sat beside him an inch away and looked with him.
Leon was in there, snapshot into memories.
There was a picture of a younger Leon, carrying a toy sword with a larger man beside him who held a startling resemblance. And then a bit older, rolling a mountain bike down a store aisle, with another boy with sharp eyes beside him, grinning.
Riku couldn't see because that certain picture lacks color, but he identified the boy's hair as blond, anyway. Because eyes that sharp could be nothing but blue.
There was another of them buying blue ice cream from a smiling vendor with a folded white hat.
There was also a picture of Leon and a girl in a white dress, and underneath in neat handwriting it reads 'Our First Meeting'.
He flipped the page, and there were more after it. Pictures at the zoo, sitting on benches in the park…
Riku looked beside him, and could see from the brunet's wistful gray eyes that he doesn't want him to ask.
It must have been something beautiful.
The pictures stopped those few months – was it a year? – ago that they met. Perhaps a bit before.
Riku didn't question it.
Their lives were decently developed enough, and that was just it.
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34.
When a red-haired girl with a lavender-dusted skirt showed up at Leon's door, the brunet didn't know what to say.
After all, it wasn't as if he knew her. And she didn't look to be one of Riku's acquaintances.
That was what he thought before the teen showed up at his side and breathed out a name in bewilderment.
At first they didn't exchange words, but then the girl let out a string in a language that Leon could hear and decipher, but wouldn't ever fully understand.
He left Riku at the door and went to the kitchen, poured two glasses of iced tea and left them on the glass coffee table in the living room. Then he retreated into the bedroom and sits watching the mounted television on mute.
A little later, Riku comes in with a vexed smile, and it was dark out.
Kairi leaves the next morning.
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35.
There's music playing from a black loudspeaker, like those found in teenage bedrooms, and it's a mix between harsh jazz and soft piano. But it's a beautiful thing anyway because it's so misunderstood.
Riku snaps the blinds open for more light, then sits next to him and listens. They hear the chirping of plastic-blue birds.
Leon blinks when Riku laughs and stands, then takes his hand. He stumbles when the younger teen pulls him from the sofa, but stops him from falling by sheer will alone.
Riku pulls him back up, pouting softly.
And encourages him to tap his feet in out of tune because it's more fun, and because they shouldn't bend to the song, the song should bend to them.
Teaching him to dance.
Leon doesn't have any neighbors on his floor, but he thinks that if he did, they would be stunned to hear the reckless music and laughter.
They let go.
It's a beautiful sight.
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36.
Lost keys made things difficult.
Riku traces his steps back to the store, but the storekeeper hasn't seen anything. But he does promise to keep a look out. Riku thanks him and keeps walking.
…It didn't matter too much. It was too much trouble to spend his day worrying about it.
As if he kept anything of importance in there, anyway.
Instead, he makes a call to his housing director and tells him to keep his apartment for him. But not to let anyone else in.
And that he has somewhere else to stay for a while.
Leon doesn't charge him anything, but when he goes to sleep that night, Riku sees him fingering a chain around his neck – the birthday present, of a lion's head that matched his own earring – and smile.
And he thinks that it'll all be okay, in the end.
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37.
The water was scalding.
So much that he could feel his skin burn, as if it was pushing itself around and breaking off, like volcano stones in flame.
He studied it; saw his hands and arms as he turned them around in fascination. They were turning red from the heat.
It was from ignorance, or his own incompetence.
It was all Leon, just Leon and Squall and maybe a bit of Rinoa and Riku, but he preferred not to think of it.
Maybe if he ran just a bit faster…
(Start checking for present tense again.)
Riku didn't ask – because as long as Leon's all right, then he doesn't need to. But he made him dry his hair on his own and sent him to bed, then took a shower in the remaining ice water that came out of the showerhead.
He downed four doses afterwards, so as to not catch a cold.
That one time really sucked.
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38.
On the mantle above the television, but far up enough so that it's pretty easy to miss, there's something that he would call a shrine, if he were religious. But not really, because it almost reminded him of a section of a museum - those parts behind glass that you can see but not touch.
The medallion gleams with an unfinished light.
Somehow, Riku knows that the 'R' doesn't stand for his name, and he doesn't mind. Because although they were slowly discovering each other, they would both rather leave their pasts behind.
He carefully places it back in, and folds the glass door closed. He blows on it for good luck, and to scare the dust away.
Irony.
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39.
Irvine's a part of them too, Riku thought. That time at that fast food place hadn't just been a mistake.
The taller man tipped his hat as he dropped off the letter. His gloves were fringed with tan lining, and tinted black sunglasses didn't give away any semblance of possession or passion.
Just a deliverer.
The sudden visit reminded Leon of something, and he went out without saying anything at first. He came back, a few hours later; a little more messed up and was carrying a plastic bag with an embellished logo in red.
He dumped the food wrapped in plastic onto the low glass coffee table.
Riku didn't manage to hide a smile at the irony.
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40.
Riku fills his clean plastic cup with water from the tap, and gulps the first cup down. Then he goes to the fridge and takes out a synthetic, almost-full carton of orange juice and pours himself another cupful.
He downs it, then pours another cup and sips it slowly. Riku makes sure to turn the tap water off before he does anything else. Although he regrets it, afterwards, because then there's no running water to fill up the sudden silence.
He never thought his past would mix everything up this way.
The glass sits outside the doorway, in shattered innocence. It didn't do anything wrong, after all.
The juice catches in his mouth.
By the time Leon gets 'home', the sweetness of the fruit turns into a sour bitterness in his throat that he can't quite swallow.
The carton's only half empty.
Leon gets a broom, because he doesn't want one of them to wake up suddenly and forget to put on shoes before running outside, and sweeps the glass over the textile lining and out.
Riku sleeps with his face curling into Leon's neck, so they can't see one another, and Leon just breathes in the scent of Riku's satisfying hair.
They don't mention the shattered glass on the curb of their doorway.
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Are you all right? Will you be all right?
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The end.
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I'm working on the next part now. :3 As always, feel free to suggest ideas. And I'm planning to work the characters from Advent Children into this, too.
The one with Leon's belt sounds, and the one with the sheets, were from Uzumaki-sama. (I'll use some of the others later. They didn't quite fit into these.)
Anyway, if you took the time to read, may as well review, right? Even if you hate it, criticism always helps. (…Just don't mention the past/present tenses. Gah.)
I love confusing you.
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