I disclaim you! I disclaim you!
Chapter Nine: "In Which Things Take a Lighter Note"
Or, "Woodshop Class"
Randolph stayed at Roger's house while the divorce was made final. There were good things and bad things about this move, as there are good things and bad things in all life situations. On the good side, the divorce was solved quickly, as there are few human/rabbit marriages and the lawyer was not particularly busy. Betty, while she no longer loved Randolph, was still kind and sympathetic, so she gave Randolph twenty-five percent of all the money they had in their account (most of which was hers.) She gave Randolph his things back, halved their wedding presents, yet still kicked him out of the apartment. On the flip side, Randolph was very depressed all the time and couldn't ever have any fun. Roger once tried to get him to go to the circus, but it turned out Betty had gone with two of her friends, and Randolph was miserable the whole time. It also turned out that Randolph had really bad luck, because everywhere he went Betty was there, and her lawyer filed a restraining order; a true curse to Randolph.
He was at the kitchen table with Roger. They were alone, eating ice cream, of all things. Randolph was his normal depressed self-even more so as Roger had eaten the last of the fruit-ice sherbet and left him with chocolate mint. He picked at his ice cream, but finally spoke.
"Roger?" he asked.
"Yeah?" Roger answered with a question mark.
"Why do bad things always happen to me? I'm so tired of being on this roller coaster of life. Right now, I think my roller coaster is broken."
"Well Randolph, I'll tell you what I think.
"Bad things happen to good people when they lose sight of their goal. You've been happy before, and you're just in a slump now. You need to get back to your goal. Only then can you be happy."
"But what's my goal?"
"Let me put it this way: Let's say some big guy doesn't like you and sticks you in a hutch. The hutch is like your slump, right?" Randolph nodded. "So you're sitting in the hutch, wondering what to do, suddenly a key appears in the hutch. You take the key and unlock the hutch."
"So, the key is your gift, and that's the only way to get out of the slump?"
"No. The moral is always carry a hatchet with you so you can turn the hutch into toothpicks." Quickly he added, "But whatever works for you."
Randolph paused. "You had some bad experiences with wood shop in school, didn't you?"
Roger nodded, then shuddered violently.
Randolph thought. What had made him happy? Thinking back to his childhood back at the ranch, he remembered vivid colors engulfing the barn, and the joy he had felt. He smiled. He knew what he had to do.
In our series of interviews, Roger was another helpful subject:
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What was your first impression of Randolph?
I remember thinking, "I've got an older brother!" But then I realized he just looked older 'cause of the wrinkles. And worrying! He used to worry about everything. I always wondered why he couldn't just step back. It's really not that hard. Just…relax.
What effects did the divorce have on Randolph?
Well, he loved Betty, that was for sure. Like I love my Jessy-poo. And I know how crazy I went when I heard she might be patty-cakin' with someone else. It broke my heart! And I felt for Randolph, because that coulda been me, you know?
But it wasn't.
No. I was lucky, I guess. That was another thing, too. Randolph had the worst, the worst luck. I have bad luck, but Randolph was a whole other world of bad luck. Really really…bad. Would have drove me insane, too.
But it didn't.
No. But it would have.
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