Yearning for Sakaki
Part 2
The next day was pure joy to Kaorin. The awareness that she had gotten Sakaki-san's attention at last filled her with elation, and made her feelings for Sakaki grow even stronger. Even though their meeting was quite a small step for mankind, it was a giant leap for Kaorin!
Had yesterday's film been good or bad? Kaorin really had no idea! All through the movie she had sat gazing at Sakaki-san, completely filled with an indescribable feeling of joy and excitement from finally being with her idol. After the film they had parted ways quickly – as usual, Kaorin didn't know what to say – and she floated home on a pink cloud, and slept her best sleep for months.
At school, Kaorin was completely high from this happiness, and could think of one thing only: How to repeat her success, and be together with Sakaki-san again? When the bell rang out, she rushed for the school gate, to make sure to catch Sakaki there when she left the school. Kaorin stood, nervous and excited at once, and worried about what she would say to Sakaki. She had finally decided on suggesting a trip to the mall when she spotted Sakaki. "Sakaki-san!" she called.
The tall girl looked at her, with the suggestion of a smile. "Hi…"
Kaorin stood embarrassed and blushed a bit, as she pressed her forefingers together. "Sakaki-san" she said, looking at the fingertips. "W-would you like to come with me to the mall, this weekend?"
"I'm sorry…" Sakaki looked at her seriously, with her large dark eyes. "I have to do some homework…"
The carefully constructed cardhouse that held Kaorin's hopes immediately collapsed. "P-please forget that I asked" she stammered. "Excuse me!" Without another word, and without looking at Sakaki, she turned around and ran away, away from the rejection and pain.
The next days were a deep depression for Kaorin. Having run home, she had lied on her bed and cried for a while, and after that she just sat in her room and stared sadly in front of her. She tried not to think of anything at all, but inevitably Sakaki's face popped up in her mind, and Kaorin's admiration of her, and the rejection and pain… Once the weekend had ended, school wasn't much better, but Kaorin tried hard, and with some luck, to concentrate on her lessons, and avoid Sakaki, and thus forget her disappointment for a while.
My legendary girlfriend
she is crying tonight
she doesn't feel right
she's got no one to hold (Pulp: "My Legendary Girlfriend")
On Wednesday evening Kaorin was again curled up in her room, feeling down, when there was a call for her. With hesitation, she nervously picked up the receiver. "Hello?"
"Kaorin?" a gentle voice said – a voice unlike any other in the world!
"Sakaki-san?" Kaorin said agitated, at the same time nervous about speaking to the object of her dreams, and afraid of what she might have to say.
"Kaorin, are you okay?" Sakaki asked. Kaorin thought she could hear a tone of worry in the calm voice.
"Y-yeah, I'm… I'm fine" Kaorin stammered, her mouth and throat suddenly completely dry.
"Ah, that's good" Sakaki said. "I hadn't seen you for a couple of days, so I thought you might be ill…"
"N-no, not at all" Kaorin said, thinking of how sick she had felt since Sakaki's rejection.
"Kaorin" Sakaki said in a serious voice. "I'm sorry if I hurt you!"
"B-but…" Kaorin's mind at once was filled with confusion, with questions of what to say, and with hope that Sakaki really cared for her.
"Please don't get me wrong, Kaorin" Sakaki said. "It's not that I don't want to be with you – but my parents has been pressing me to spend more time on homework, now that we're seniors…"
"Y-yes… I-I understand…" Kaorin faltered, much relieved by Sakaki's assurance, but with a tinge of fear about daring to believe it.
"Kaorin, I'm really sorry that I hurt you" Sakaki said, and in her voice Kaorin heard a sincerity and caring that convinced her. "Would you like to be together tonight?"
Kaorin felt a tear roll down her cheek, and she smiled with relief. "Y-yes… how about the movies?"
"Sure! Where do we meet?"
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The crisis was over, but this didn't mean that peace had come to Kaorin's mind: Even though Sakaki-san had said that she wanted to be with Kaorin, it was now crucial that it actually happened! The film experience was no different from their first date: Kaorin only had eyes for Sakaki-san. The mere opportunity, in the weak light from the silver screen, to study Sakaki's face in detail, was plenty to Kaorin. No, not just plenty – it was pure bliss! And Kaorin wanted to experience this, again and again.
The next day, on her way to school, she thought hard about what excuse she would use the next time to be with Sakaki-san. She quickly had an idea: Sakaki was fond of Iriomote cats, and of plush toys. Maybe she would like to see Kaorin's cat? If she would be just half as happy from petting this cat as from 'Yamamaya', it would be wonderful. And maybe the cat could even attract Sakaki to Kaorin's house at some other time as well?
Kaorin had planned to wait for Sakaki at the school gate when the day ended, but she spotted her during lunch break, as she was leaving the bread counter together with Yomi and Tomo. Kaorin rushed over. "Hi, Sakaki-san!" she exclaimed with a shy smile, bowing slightly.
"Ah… hi, Kaorin" Sakaki replied, a bit embarrassed and surprised at her sudden appearance.
"Hi, Kaorin" Tomo and Yomi joined in.
"How are you?" Yomi kindly asked.
"Oh… umm… I'm fine, thank you!" Kaorin answered a bit confused, only now actually noticing the presence of the two girls.
"Is Kimura-sensei giving you a hard time?" Tomo asked with a grin. Yomi paled at the mentioning of their best hated teacher.
"Oh, it isn't that bad" Kaorin bravely said, though her stomach contracted at the thought of him.
"Sakaki-san!" Kaorin said, looking nervously up at the tall girl. Sakaki looked at her inquiringly. "Would… would you like to… come to my house to… see my cat?" Kaorin asked falteringly.
Sakaki's eyes brightened up: "Yes please! I'd love to! Now?"
Kaorin smiled shyly, but relieved. "Umm… it might be better to wait until after school?"
A faint blush appeared on Sakaki's cheeks. "Ah yes, of course…"
Tomo grinned with excitement. "Yeah! Let's all go to Kaorin's and hang out, and see her cat! You know, I've never seen your house, Kaorin."
Yomi glanced sarcastically at her. "I didn't hear you being invited?"
"I'm sorry" Kaorin said and blushed. "My parents don't like me to bring home several guests…"
"Never mind that!" Tomo said and waved her hand dismissively. "They're probably at work anyway…"
"Sorry – I can't…" Kaorin said, and felt panic coming on: She wanted to be alone with Sakaki-san! And what if Sakaki didn't wan't to come without the others?
"Tomo, why don't you just get used to that you can't be part of everything?" Yomi said reproachfully. Tomo pouted.
"I'd love to come to your house, Kaorin" Sakaki said. "Do we meet at the school gate?"
Kaorin smiled at her with relief: "Sure!"
They walked to Kaorin's house together, without either saying very much. Kaorin led Sakaki to her room, and then began searching for the cat which had hidden itself in some other part of the house. She found it in it's usual corner in the kitchen, and gently carried it to her room where Sakaki was waiting on the bed. Sakaki's eyes grew even bigger when she saw the black & white cat in Kaorins's arms, and a small smile spread on her face.
The cat had quietly accepted that Kaorin carried it to her room. But once she had gently put it on the floor, and it spotted Sakaki, the cat grew uncomfortable. It turned to face Sakaki, watchfully observing her, as the tail swayed slowly.
"It's… very cute!" Sakaki whispered with moist eyes. Slowly she had kneeled down, and now cautiously approached the reluctant cat with her hand. Just as she almost touched it, it lashed out at her, claws extended, and then ran away and hid on top of the bookcase.
"Ema!" Kaorin cried out, surprised and angry. "I'm sorry, she's never like that…" she said to Sakaki. "Did she hurt you?" She gasped and paled when she saw a small, though bloody scratch in Sakaki's forefinger. "Oh God, are you okay?"
"Mmmm" Sakaki replied, gazing disappointedly after the half-hidden cat.
"Aaaargh, we must to you to a hospital!" Kaorin cried, tears in her eys. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry…"
Sakaki looked dispassionately at the bloody finger. "There's no need to…"
"I'll fetch a towel to wrap around it, and then let's go…" Kaorin feverishly went on, not really noticing Sakaki's protests.
"Kaorin, please, take it easy" Sakaki calmly said. "I've tried this before – it isn't that bad…"
"No, no, you have to get to a hospital!" Kaorin insisted with tearful eyes.
"Kaorin, a band-aid is plenty! Do you have one?" Sakaki replied.
Kaorin recalled the numerous times she had seen Sakaki's hands in bandages, and suddenly understood. "Oh, Sakaki-san, I'm so sorry…" She fell to her knees and sat crying for a bit, thinking of the suffering that Sakaki-san had been through, and because she, Kaorin, now had caused her even more pain.
"Kaorin?" Sakaki gently said at last.
Kaorin looked up in confusion with tearful eyes. "Oh… band-aid? Yes, of course!" She promptly rose and ran to the kitchen, returning with a large white band aid. "We'd better clean the wound first" she said.
Sakaki nodded.
Resolutely, Kaorin grabbed her arm and pulled her to the bathroom. Carefully, Kaorin cleaned the scratch with soap and hot water, dried it thoroughly, and applied the band-aid with the greatest diligence. Sakaki smiled a bit.
Once the band-aid was in place, Sakaki glanced at the finger. "Thank you" she said. "I think you would make a fine nurse!"
Kaorin blushed. "Oh no… I'm not very good… But, I'm really sorry: Ema usually isn't hostile like that…"
"Don't worry about it" Sakaki replied. "It's not the first time I've had an experience like that…"
Kaorin glanced at Sakaki's hand. "Well, let's go back to my room. Maybe we can lure her out with some tuna?"
Sakaki nodded, smiling slightly, and they went back to Kaorin's room, where the cat was still perched on top of the bookcase. Kaorin fetched a can of tuna in the kitchen, and once the cat heard the can opener operating, it became far more favourably inclined: Once Kaorin had put the tuna on the floor in a bowl, well distanced from the bed where Sakaki sat, the cat jumped down and wolfed the tuna with great satisfaction, although still keeping a watchful eye on Sakaki.
It's hunger satisfied, Ema sedately laid down, still with her front to Sakaki, who lovingly admired her from a respectful distance. Kaorin found a ball of yarn, and the cat lazily started playing with it. "So cute" Sakaki sighed with moist eyes and a small smile, gazing intensely at the cat.
They sat like that for quite a while: Sakaki watching the playing cat – and Kaorin watching Sakaki! She loved being able to enjoy the sight of the beautiful, moved girl. But even more than that she loved what Sakaki-san had said to her: She had praised her! Could she be happier than this?
Love comes quickly
Whatever you do
You can't stop falling (Pet Shop Boys: "Love Comes Quickly")
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Weekend came around, and even though she was in a fantastic mood because of the restoration, and minute evolvement, of her relationship with Sakaki, the days were also a bit of torment to Kaorin. She hadn't found an excuse to be with Sakaki in time, and now she had to go without the sight of her for a whole weekend! But come monday…
Monday came at last, and after school Kaorin excitedly waited for Sakaki by the school gate. Finally she spotted her! "Sakaki-san!" she called and smiled happily at her.
"Hi, Kaorin!"
"Um… is it okay to walk home together?" Kaorin timidly asked.
"Sure" Sakaki answered. "But, our homes aren't in the same direction…"
"That's okay" Kaorin said and blushed lightly. "If I can just walk you home?"
Sakaki nodded, and they set out.
"Had a nice weekend?" Kaorin asked.
"Mmm" was Sakaki's bried answer. "Yourself?"
"Okay, I guess" Kaorin said, and thought of her loneliness during the weekend.
They walked for a while in silence. Suddenly, right in front of them, Chiyo-chan came out of a bookstore.
"Hi, Chiyo-chan" Kaorin called, and smiled at her.
"Ah, Kaorin! Sakaki-san!" Chiyo-chan happily said, and smiled cutely at them.
"You've been to the bookstore?" Kaorin somewhat superfluously asked.
"Yes! I bought a new, interesting book on quantum physics" the prodigy said, and held out a thick book.
"Ah, that sounds complicated" Kaorin said, though she thought more like boring.
"Oh, it's not that difficult…" Chiyo-chan said. "Are you on your way home?"
"Um…" Sakaki said with hesitation, and glanced at Kaorin.
"Would you like to come to my house?" the pigtailed girl asked. "I have to take Tadakichi-san out for a walk…"
"Yes please!" Sakaki spontaneously said. Then she glanced at Kaorin, a bit embarrassed.
"It's okay, I'd like to come too" Kaorin said. "Tadakichi-san is your dog?" she asked Chiyo-chan.
"Yes" the young girl cutely smiled.
Kaorin smiled as well, from the thought of Sakaki playing with a dog.
"Great!" Chiyo-chan said, smiling happily. "Let's go…"
Sakaki was no less happy from petting Tadakichi-san than from admiring Kaorin's cat, and once again Kaorin enjoyed the sight of a joyful Sakaki-san. They had taken the dog for a walk, and now sat in Chiyo-chan's garden enjoying the weather. Sakaki happily played with Tadakichi-san, while Kaorin and Chiyo-chan chatted, and Kaorin constantly watched Sakaki.
It was close to dinnertime, when the gate to the large garden opened, and a big car drove up to the house. "Hi, Dad!" Chiyo-chan happily called to the man stepping out of the car.
"Hi, sweetie" he said with a loving smile, and walked over to girls. "These are your friends?" he asked, smiling friendly at Sakaki and Kaorin.
"Yes, this is Sakaki-san and Kaori-san" Chiyo-chan answered, introducing the girls. Sakaki blushed, and Kaorin paled a bit.
"Hello and welcome!" Mihama-san said, bowing lightly.
"Thank you!" Kaorin and Sakaki answered as one, and shyly bowed.
"Chiyo-chan, unfortunately I'll be off after dinner" the father said. "But, maybe your friends would like to stay for dinner?"
"S-sorry… I'll have to be going now…" Kaorin faltered. "My parents are expecting me…"
"Me too" Sakaki said.
"Very well – perhaps some other time?" the father said, smiling friendly. Chiyo-chan looked a bit disappointed, but tried to smile anyway.
They said goodbye, and Kaorin and Sakaki went theit separate ways home. Kaorin was smiling with joy by the thought of Sakaki's blissful smile when she played with Tadakichi-san. This was what gave life meaning, Kaorin thought. Ever since the school trip to Okinawa she had had much more contact with Sakaki-san. Could life be any better than this? Only Kimura-sensei was a dark shadow in her life.
Her thoughts flashed back to a day in February two years ago, in a corner of a noisy arcade in one of the numerous entertainment districts of Tokyo. "We've found out that she's been enrolled in Ukyoko High School. And therefore we also enrolled you." The man with the empty face gazed at her. "You will attend the same school as her – we'll try to put you in the same class as her. Your task will be to observe her, win her confidence – in short, get close to her!"
"Yes" Kaorin hesitatingly answered.
"You will report to us, and merely wait for orders to act" the man went on. "We have managed to place a contact for you among the teachers. You will be contacted in due time…"
Kaorin nodded, and stared at the ground.
"All right, then let's split" the man said. "You go first!"
Without an answer she turned around and made her way through the throng of schoolkids in the arcade. A moment later she had disappeared in the crowds in the street.
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