Disclaimer: disclaimed. (got nothing).
So I've done it.
He tasted like dirt and the inside of a brass coin, if you wanted to know. It was horrible. It was i filthy /i . And he made me regret it. I'm starting to regret it.
There's nothing correct, really, about enticing another man with sexual deviation while your fiancé watches from a boat. Adding this little activity to the fact that your life hangs in midair, dangling by a thread about as strong as the one holding up that rowboat with the man you really love inside, well…
You'll forgive me if I was rash.
But I couldn't. I just didn't have it in me. I couldn't let Jack run amok, going this way and that way, switching sides whenever he felt the way he was so accustomed to doing. He was going to get us all i killed /i , and though I'm sure it would have been most convenient for him, I just… I couldn't let him do it.
Will would just have to forgive me. He would have to wake up and forgive me and realize that what I'd done was for the best.
Only he'd no idea that I'd done it. He thought Jack decided to stay on board. He thought I'd wanted to push myself against that… that…
And so when we went back to that dreadful looking woman's house, I couldn't stop looking at him. I needed him to tell me it was okay, to take my hand, to look my way, just something. But he didn't. He wouldn't. He just didn't have it in him.
That's when I realized that's what I'd loved about him for so long.
p
/p
I felt this ball. It was in my throat and it was sliding all over the place. Up and down and around and around but I'd cried so few times in my life. Now was not an appropriate time to start.
It was the worst, really, that it could have been. I was horrified at losing Jack, though frankly I wasn't sure if he'd rescued us or tried to kill us, and I was horrified at losing Elizabeth, who I'd come so close to holding all this time.
I'd steal a glance or two at her in the boat. She looked completely distraught. It was doubtless that she mourned the loss of Jack worse than I. They had been together for a short period of time. I imagined that… that was when it happened. It. Whatever it was, that spark that happens between two people and makes them fall desperately in love.
Hadn't I felt that spark, just a few months before? Or was it years?
It was that I'd spent my whole life shaping round Elizabeth, and I was ready for her, and she was taken from me. Again. I could fight for her. It was an option.
I duly note, however, that monsters and sea wars were quite easy to brave in the face of love, but there is no battle that can be won when your love does not love you.
I missed her. I wanted her. And I had no idea what to do.
She was sitting in a corner of that woman's house, that fortune teller. So I sat beside her. It was the best I could do, after all. There was only that and when we returned home, whenever, if ever, that was, the remains of a wedding unfinished to cancel. I would support her. She did not love me. I loved her, and I would support her.
That was the end.
This is the beginning.
p
/p
A/N: Guess who's back. Back again. PEN is back. Tell a friend! Haha guys, nice to see you/hear from you… I'm back and I'm writing again. This is very short, I'm sorry, and I hope to see it shape nicely. I'm going to get very busy with school and all right now, so updates might not be as frequent as you like, but do keep checking! Please review if you're kind.