Author note: I have been planning this chapter ever since I decided to make this story longer (about twice as long, hopefully.) I'm so excited--this chapter is a checkpoint in this story. After this chapter, you will start to see the Trix Company rise, Randolph's many attempts at many things, and coconuts. That's right, coconuts. See how they all stand in a row? Anyway, I hope you all enjoy this chapter as much as I enjoyed preparing it!
Special thanks: Everyone who reviewed and/or added me to their favorites list! I really appreciate it! Remember, reviews make the rockin' world go round!
Disclaimer: For the fifteenth bloody time! I don't own Trix! There are 21 cameos appearing in this chapter. I do not directly violate any copyright laws, but just for the record, I don't own any of them. You may be able to find the references. Have fun!
Randolph opened the door to Dr. Shatner's office. The waiting room was filled with month-old magazines, pamphlets on depression and other disorders, and old furniture that seemed to be bought from a landfill. Randolph was alone in the waiting room except for a family of six, five assorted pieces of jewelry, four chickens, three turkeys, two birds, one tree, and the receptionist, who handed him multiple forms to fill out. Three hours passed, and Randolph had just finished up the last of the patient forms, which asked him a series of difficult questions, many of which were not applicable to male rabbits. Finally, Dr. Shatner called him in.
"Randolph Rabbit. Please. Come in," the doctor called in a halted speech pattern.
Randolph got up and followed him into a room lit by four lamps and no overhead light. Randolph sat down across from Dr. Shatner on a worn but comfortable couch. Dr. Shatner took the recliner.
"Now, Randolph. What seems. To be the problem?" Dr. Shatner asked.
"Well, doctor, I've been experiencing some problems with obsession."
"Obsession?" the doctor asked.
"Yes, obsession. I have this thing about fruit. I think it's because I didn't have any as a young rabbit."
"That seems. Odd, that you are still. Alive," commented the doctor.
"Is that because you believe rabbits eat only fruits and vegetables?"
"…I thought. It was true."
"Well, it mostly is. What many people aren't aware of, however, is that rabbits also enjoy marshmallows and beans."
The doctor looked confused. "Aren't beans…vegetables?"
Randolph was exasperated. "They're legumes."
"I don't. Know what you mean. Randolph."
"Never mind," Randolph said, sighing.
"Well," said the doctor. "I think. The best solution. At this time, is to. Hypnotize you."
"Hypnotize me?"
"Yes. That would. Take care. Of your obsession."
"Golly Moses, alright."
"Now. Look at. This pocket watch."
Randolph did, and soon he was in a daze.
Randolph…can you hear…me?
"Mehsyea," Randolph mumbled, which here means 'yes, sir, I most certainly can.'
Good…now…delve…into…your mind…In doing so, you will…find a solution…to your…obsession.
Randolph so delved, and he dreamed a dream that defied all dreams.
Randolph was flying over a large city. He heard a series of whistles that continued as he viewed different parts of the city: he saw a bridge, a highway, a large body of water, a gym, and a playground. When he came to the playground, he panned closer and closer until he found
A GROUP OF BOYS SITTING BY A FENCE.
The boys were snapping in perfect unison, which was a little odd. They continued to snap…and snap…until it all got quite boring to watch, if not tedious. Suddenly, the scene before him began to move forward in fast motion. When the scene came to a stop, Randolph discovered he was not queasy. Instead of focusing on this extremely fortunate event, he attuned himself to the girl walking down a street, singing. Randolph caught a few snatches of the song.
Randolph
I just met a guy named Randolph
And suddenly that name
will never be the same to me…
What is this, Randolph thought, some kind of warped musical? He turned around and walked out the very convenient door.
The door led to a hallway tagged with names and titles. He walked into a door to his right and then decided to use the doorknob.
Randolph found himself atop a large mechanical city that was floating in the clouds. There was a large tunnel about a foot in front of him that was so deep Randolph couldn't see the bottom. He looked down to learn he was wearing some sort of tunic-like costume, which seemed futuristic and historical all at the same time. In his belt he found a flashlight, which turned out to be a long glowing sword-like object. He had so much fun swinging it around that he accidentally cut off his right arm.
"Dag, yo," Randolph exclaimed. Then he heard something.
"Randolph…Randolph…"
"What?" Randolph answered.
"Randolph…join me…" said the mysterious voice.
Now, Randolph had seen his fair share of English assignments and knew when a mysterious voice told you to join his or her entity, you better say no.
"NEVER!" Randolph said.
"But you must learn the power of the fruit side…" said the voice.
"The fruit side?" Randolph asked. "But isn't that—"
"The same side your uncle's second cousin three times removed on his mother's side wanted you to join!"
"No!" Randolph amazed himself by shouting. "You murdered my uncle's second cousin three times removed on his mother's side!"
"No, Randolph," the mysterious voice countered, mysteriously coming out of the mysterious closet. "I am your uncle's second cousin three times removed on his mother's side!"
"NOOOOO!" Randolph yelled. And he decided to jump in the tunnel. Which was rather stupid, if you ask me.
Randolph fell and fell until he went SPLAT on the bottom of the bottomless tunnel. He died.
(If you believed that for a second, you obviously are among the millions of movie-goers who go to movies wondering, "Hmm, I wonder if the protagonist Bruce Willis is going to die with an hour-and-a-half left in the movie?"
You also obviously haven't been reading very many author notes, because I just said that I hoped to write many more chapters after this.
And I even said the tunnel was bottomless. Come on, guys.
I think, for the sake of your stupidity, I should just stop this chapter right here and let you do that assignment you've been putting off. You know which one I'm talking about.
That would be incredibly mean, though.)
Randolph fell and fell and fell. It was almost quite boring, because he was falling in dark and into a bottomless pit, which, as you know, has no bottom. Randolph was about to stop the chapter right there until he realized that he had completely stopped falling. He fumbled around with his sword/flashlight until he hit the button to turn it on. Upon turning on the sword-light he detected a door, which he then went through.
Randolph tumbled back into the hallway. He continued to go through door after door, encountering many events of an unfortunate series, including dinosaurs, rolling boulders, dental work, chocolate, duels, robots, time travel, a power-hungry piece of jewelry, aliens, wars, and dialogue. Finally, he reached the door at the end of the hallway, where he proceeded to attempt to open.
The doorknob yelped. "Ouch! That's smart!"
"Oh goodness," said Randy-Pandy. "I didn't know doorknobs could talk."
"Doorknobs don't talk, silly," talked the doorknob, "they tell jokes!
"For example: Knock, knock."
"Who's there?" asked Randolph.
"Amish."
"Amish who?"
"That's funny," chuckled the doorknob, "you don't look like a shoe!"
Randolph-the-shoe said, "That's really not humorous at all."
"All right, here's another one: Knock, knock."
"Who's there?"
"Atch!"
"Atch who?"
"Bless you!"
Randolph stared at the doorknob for several moments. "Could I go back, now?"
"Back?" said the doorknob. "What do you mean, back? You're already there!"
Randolph looked through the keyhole to find that, sure enough, he was lying on the couch with Dr. Shatner standing over him.
"Well, that's anti-climatic," mumbled Randolph. "I thought there would at least be a fight scene."
Randolph woke up on Dr. Shatner's couch. The doctor was standing over him, which was a little bit alarming, to say the least.
"Well," said Dr. Shatner. "Did you. Learn anything?"
Randolph launched into a long frightening story that did not resemble anything aforementioned in this chapter.
"Now, now, Randolph. That's not true at all. I know exactly what happened in your dream, and what you describe was nothing like it. You really like to embellish things, don't you? I just can't imagine how you can get this amazing exaggerating story out of a cliché of a dream. You are a complete drama queen, Randolph."
Randolph paused. "Sir…uh…what happened to the halted speech pattern?"
Dr. Shatner stared at Randolph like he didn't know what he meant. "I don't. Know what you mean. Randolph."
The Shatner began to write a prescription. "This should. Help you. With your. Histrionic nature." He handed the prescription to Randolph.
"Spock treatment? What's that, sir?"
But before Dr. Shatner could answer, a cow fell through the roof and killed him.
"Go away, you silly English pig-dogs!" cried an unseen man with an outrageous French accent.
"Run away!" Randolph cried, and with that he fled the seen, clutching the prescription in his hand.