I tried to steady my breathing as I fumbled in the bottom drawer of my vanity. I had forbidden Edward to open this particular drawer telling him that it held tampons and other embarrassing "feminine necessities." He knew the contents of every other compartment and drawer in my room and bathroom but this was my secret, the part of my life no one else knew about.

My hand found the altoid box I had been searching for. This tiny metal box still smelled of peppermint even after these past two years; it was innocent enough in appearance. I opened it to reveal two gleaming silver straight razors and an x-acto blade. I struggled with myself as I withdrew a blade; I hated doing this with every ounce of my being but something inside me was screaming for release. I couldn't ignore it. All the fears and insecurities I was unable to verbalize were freed in this one action.

I clenched my teeth and pressed the edge to my arm. I tried to hold my breath but, while breathing is just a habit to Edward, it happens to be a necessity for someone like myself. I took the quickest, most shallow breath possible but it didn't work. The all too familiar and overwhelmingly nauseating scent of blood reached my nose, forcing me to sink to the floor and hold a towel of my nose and mouth. The towel muffled the smell enough to prevent me from passing out and I hurried to finish the hateful task. Running out of the bathroom to avoid the rusty, salty odor, I wondered if I would ever understand how that could be the slightest bit tempting, even to a vampire. Charlie was in Seattle for an officer license renewal thingy that would last until Friday so I didn't have to clean up right away. I was already feeling calmer but the contentment I had felt this morning was long gone. A long sleeved tee shirt hid the bandages well, but in trying to mask the scent of blood, I sprayed enough Lysol to make someone high.

I was doing laundry when Edward tackled me. "Oh my god! You are not allowed to sneak up on me!" I tried to be angry but my efforts were unconvincing. I was so glad he was back early. He cocked his head at me and flashed that amazing crooked smile. "I missed you." was all he said. "I missed you too, but you about gave me a heart attack! I need to rig some sort of alarm system." Edward just rolled his eyes and leaned towards me. "I can give you a heart attack without sneaking up on you." His eyes were doing that remarkable, completely unfair smoldering thing again. "Watch." he commanded. He touched his lips to my neck and worked his way up to my mouth. He was right, he could make my heart stop. He could also make me forget how to breathe. The last thing I heard before I blacked out was his amused chuckle. "What am I going to do with you, my Bella?"

I was only out a few seconds but when my eyes opened Edward had already placed me on the sofa. "I forget to breathe again." I said stupidly. Hello, captain obvious. He just smiled at me patronizingly, "How was Forks while I was gone?" I groaned and made room for him next to me. "Forks without you is boring. I about wore the shelves thin rearranging books. Anything tasty in Canada?" He smirked. "I think I drove everyone mad, trying to convince them to leave early. Carlisle finally promised me that if I didn't complain for five days, we could leave two days early." he smiled now, obviously proud of himself. I couldn't help it. If Edward hadn't been holding me I would have rolled off the couch laughing. He sounded just like a little kid. Playfully patting his head, I used the voice normally reserved for small children. "I'm so proud of you, five whole days and not a peep out of Edward!"

"You're impossible" he growled and pulled me closer. He stiffened suddenly.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing" he answered after a moment. "You just smell a lot stronger today."

"I had my wheaties" I joked, desperate to change the subject. We sat and talked of Canada and Forks, showing how much we missed each other more often than talking of it. In the middle of one such make out session his hand trailed down my arm, making me stiffen and pull away. He could not find out. His eyes were questioning but I was saved from interrogation by Alice. She barged in the front door. "Girls day, Bella!" She must have said something to Edward through her thoughts because his eyes widened slightly and he gave an almost imperceptible nod. He kissed me swiftly and with an "I love you, see you tonight" he was gone.

Alice ushered me out to the car, chatting animatedly. As we neared town limits she turned to me, eyes solemn. "I saw you, Bella."

My voice must have raised an octave in my panic "What did you see?"

"You know what I'm talking about, Bella" she said softly. "Show me your arm."