Daniel
Stupid Marines in the locker room again. At least this time they acknowledged my presence – and my relationship with my team, showing the decency to cease their discussion of that hottie Major Carter. "Now if only she wasn't such a nerd..." still rings through my ears. I would tell Sam, except that I know that the Marine team of muscle-bound goons is currently needed for a rescue mission on PSX-335 ... and they'd be in no shape to be rescuing anyone once Sam got through with them. I've heard other comments too ... about Sam and Jack (yeah right – they'd kill each other first!), Sam and Teal'c (snort), Sam and I (puh-lease – ew! That'd be like kissing my sister, if I actually had one), even Sam and Janet! (Now there's an intriguing mental image, but highly doubtful beyond the wishful thinking of guys with so much muscle on their body that it deters a regular route for the blood flow to their brains!) The rumour that always strikes home though, is not actually a rumour at all, but a nickname: The Black Widow of the SGC. Okay, so Sam has had really bad luck in romantic relationships over the last couple of years ... not that she actively initiated some of them, but guys she hooks up with do seem to have a nasty propensity for ending up dead. Coincidence, I'm sure.
It's not like Sam's failed romantic history is any worse, albeit larger, than my own, for example. Look at my family – my parents were killed and I bounced from one state-sanctioned hell-hole to another until I found a legitimate way out through school. My only living relative refused to take me on, and is now living with giant alien beings. I had to go to another galaxy to get married, and that was a cultural misunderstanding. My wife and brother-in-law are subsequently kidnapped and blended by force with Goa'ulds. My wife reappears carrying another man's son, and tries to kill me before my friend kills her. I'm then charged with the task of finding this boy, and when I finally do, I have to give him up again. Once he finds me again, he has me dream that I effectively took over Earth and destroyed all of my friends ... gotta love that one. And I seem to have this disconcerting attraction for alien females ... Shyla -- who addicts me to the Sarcophagus while my friends toil to death in her mines, Ke'ra -- a.k.a. Linea, The Destroyer of Worlds, Anise (or was that Freya?) -- who came this close to lobotomising my best friend, and the Queen Hathor immediately pop into mind (shudder). Oh wait, even Sha're was technically an alien, so I guess that's not all bad, but still! Not a great track record there...
So if Sam's the Black Widow, what must they be saying about me? Even my human ex-girlfriends aren't safe from Goa'ulds ... I mean, Sarah is now Osiris – I'm getting really tired of Goa'ulds taking over the women from my past and them then trying to kill me and my friends! For once, I can honestly say that I'm glad that I have a rather limited romantic history with women! I'm not sure how many more times I can handle the sight of an ex with glowing eyes and a funky voice attempting to kill me ... it does start to wear a man down, after a while! Sigh... At this point, even if I did get to the point of admitting feelings deeper than friendship to anyone, I think – no, I know that I'd be afraid to, for both of our sakes. I swear, sometimes I feel like the Goa'ulds have attached some kind of sick homing/tracking device to my heart – as soon as I love someone, they must go away, and try to take me out in the process. Maybe I can find a planet out there somewhere, where the snakes have never been ... or fall in love with a non-blendable species ... or course, then they'd just kill them. At least Sam's disastrous affairs end of their own volition ... mind just keep getting snaked.