Dinner for Two
They keep bringing him things to read and to sign. He can't focus. As soon as he attempts to write his name his vision tends to get blurry.
His mother moves to sit beside him and places a hand on his arm.
Suddenly the trembling in his hands abates a bit. She can see the trouble he's having and wants to help as only a mother could.
It's difficult but he knows he needs to be strong for her. If he can't go in there and hold Pam's hand he knew to survive this he'd need to be able to do something.
"Want me to read it for you Jimmy?" She whispers in his ear.
"No, Mom. Thanks. I…" His fingers hold the pen tightly. "I think I know what it says…"
"It's going to be OK." She says softly, squeezing his elbow. "This is a good hospital, sweetie. They're going to take really good care of her."
"I know." He replies, only half believing it. "She's got good doctors. I know…"
They're going to take really good care of her. He thinks again. As if anyone could take better care of her than he could…
xoxoxoxoxoxoxo
Pam couldn't believe she was doing this here. Crying while she was at work. So stupid. So dumb.
So unprofessional.
Though it was true she almost laughed at that last thought. As if professionalism actually mattered here.
She glanced at her watch, hoping, praying that everyone was gone for the day. She was so certain she'd be alone she'd been startled to see Jim still at his desk.
Ducking her head, she tried to slip past him.
"Hey." He called out as she dug under her desk for her purse.
"What are you still doing here?" She asked, her voice muffled as she was still slightly concealed.
Jim sighed and ran a hand over his face. "I've got an order that got completely screwed up in the warehouse. It's taken me forever to sort it out."
"Probably Roy's fault." She muttered, her hair flying wildly around her face, her cheeks pink as she stood up straight.
"I'm sorry?" Jim gave her a confused look.
"No. I'm sorry." She let out a breath, exasperated. "It's just…"
He continued to stare at her, waiting for her to finish. Her eyes were red and he was pretty sure she'd been crying.
He was surprised to realize that the thought of her crying made him almost angry.
"You don't want to hear it." She shook her head at him.
"If you want to talk about it, I'll hear it." Jim replied, his face full of concern. He clicked the light on his desk off and stood, swinging his bag over his shoulder.
She watched him closely. For someone so tall he was also so graceful, in an unmistakeably manly sort of way.
He walked closer to the door and she felt a flush rising to her cheeks. She shook her head to rid herself of the thought.
"Roy tends to forget things." She began, sinking into her chair. "I mean, anything that's sort of important to me. Quiz him on the NFL schedule and he can recite it by heart." She added bitterly.
She looked up at him and her face filled with shame. "Seriously, Jim. You don't need to hear this."
"Do you want to talk about it?" He asked, his eyebrows rising a bit, as if to punctuate the question.
"Kind of." She admitted. She really thought she'd feel better if she could get it all out in the open.
"Then spill it Beesly." He replied, leaning across her desk.
She blushed at the sound of his voice calling her by her last name.
She took a deep breath and spoke tentatively. "It's our anniversary. And I want you to know that I'm not one of those girls. One of those - it's been four weeks since you first kissed me, two months since we first said I love you, ten months since you first slept over type of girls." She says with genuine disgust.
"I'm happy to hear it. Otherwise I don't think we could continue with this conversation." He chuckled at her.
His response barely registered.
She stood and blew out a breath. She bowed her head stared at her shoes. "It's been a year since we got engaged and we haven't set a date and I thought maybe, he'd remember and tonight we would. And it's just that I know that when I remind him he'll be all apologetic and do something to make it up to me and I don't want that. I just want him to remember in the first place."
Jim bit his bottom lip. He had enough trouble dealing with the women in his own life, he certainly didn't pretend to fully understand them. But he saw her point and had learned enough about Pam to know besides the "date setting" all she probably expected was a card and a small bouquet of flowers. Maybe a dinner out. He wondered Roy had trouble making even that little bit of an effort.
But it wasn't his place, he knew. "So. What are you going to do now?" He asked.
"Call a cab." She answered as she reached for the phone.
"I'm sorry. What?" He blinked at her.
She looked up at him sheepishly. "I told Roy I was meeting friends, because he'd obviously forgotten and I was angry. But the truth is my friends will just take this as an opportunity to give me pitying looks and say 'I told you so' when they ask what happened and I tell them he's out with the guys.'" She looked up at Jim, embarrassed.
"I'm sorry. I'm giving you the impression that this happens a lot. It doesn't." She hesitates slightly on the word 'doesn't' and hopes he doesn't pick up on the fact that what she really means is that it happens more often than she cares to admit.
She sighed. "He really is sweet, overall. He's just so…infuriating sometimes."
He didn't know exactly how to respond to that so he simply said. "OK…"
She reached for the phone again. "And so I don't have a ride. So I'll just call a cab. It's nothing…"
He shook his head and jingled the keys in his hand. "Pam. Don't be silly, let me drive you home."
She paused in her dialling and held the phone away from her ear. "Really?"
"Sure." He nodded. They took a few steps towards the door as he asked casually, "Hey. Did you want to go get something to eat?"
As the words were out of his mouth he wished he could take them back. Probably not a good idea to suggest going out to eat with someone who was engaged.
He tried to regain his composure.
She knotted the belt on her coat and looked at him, taken aback.
He swallowed and wiped his hands on his hips. "I mean…do you have any errands to run? Want to pick up some take out? Need me to take you anywhere on the way?"
She tilted her head at him and he tried to guess what she was thinking.
How sweet. Pam thought with a sigh, shaking her head. To think she actually thought for a second he was asking her out. It wasn't surprising that she'd read the whole situation wrong. Pretty much the first and last person to ever ask her out was…Roy.
It was no wonder she'd jumped to conclusions. She'd had very limited experience.
"No. I'm good. That's alright." She protested weakly. She should have known better. She already knew Jim simply thought of her as a friend.
"Not even a drive through?" He gave her a look and decided not to take no for an answer. For some odd reason the image of her alone, making dinner for herself while Roy was out partying is too much for him to bear.
He knocked his arm gently against hers. "C'mon. I know this place…"
"Oh do you?" She giggled and followed behind him.
He grinned and his hand briefly brushed across her back. "They've got absolutely amazing chicken. They've got this top secret recipe…with eleven herbs…and various spices. Or so I hear…"
"Oh really?" She laughed louder thinking that it actually would be nice not to have to cook when she got home, even if all she winds up with is fast food chicken. Jim had somehow managed to make it sound almost gourmet.
"Sounds delicious." She smiled up at him and he was struck by the fact that for the first time that day he felt like he'd finally accomplished something.
xoxoxoxoxoxoxo
Jim leaned back and rested his head on the couch and as he did he thought of her smile. He loved the way it lit up her whole face. He knew, hands down, she had the most amazing smile in the world.
Then he remembered how she'd been smiling like crazy when they'd first gotten here today.
His heart fell to his stomach. Just the mere thought of never seeing that smile again…
Don't - Jim. Just…don't. Stop it now. It'll all be OK. She'll be fine. She's got good doctors, they know what they're doing. They'll take good care of her. Such good care of her that she'll laugh when this is all over. You'll be sitting next to each other in rocking chairs on the porch when you're ninety thinking back to today and wondering what all the fuss was about.
He closes his eyes but doesn't dare sleep. He needs another cup of coffee but lacks the energy to move.
They'll take good care of her. He tries to reassure himself again.
He knows that if given another chance he'd take even better care of her.
He always had. He always would.
For as long as long as they let him…