Conflict Resolution
Jim held his breath as he pushed the door open. When he finally got a glimpse of her face he let it out in a singular whoosh.
She was lying there, pale and motionless. Just the sight of her scared him to death. Without hesitation he was at her side, grasping for her hand. He was barely there for more than thirty seconds when he heard a voice behind him.
"Who let you in here?" One of the nurses called out from the doorway.
Her words didn't even register. "Can she hear me?" He asked, worriedly.
She stood beside him and laughed softly. "No. Probably not. But don't let that stop you."
He gave Pam's hand a squeeze, bending down and gently pressing a kiss to her temple. "I love you. You're amazing..." He whispered and jumped back a bit.
There were hands on his arms, gripping tightly. Someone was insistently pushing him away from her.
"Wait. What are you doing?" His heart stopped beating as dug in his heels.
It wasn't that she wasn't sympathetic, but he really couldn't stay. "I'm sorry. You can't be in here." The nurse said softly." Once we're sure she's stable we'll move her to her own room. It won't be too much longer. I promise."
"B-b-but…" He stammered.
She smiled at him again. He was young enough to be her grandson but with those eyes she was not so sure he couldn't charm her enough to get her to let him stay. "You really need to go." She ordered gently.
"OK." He sighed, tripping over his own feet as she ushered him to the door.
He stood outside, his hand itching to rip the door back open but he saw the nurse hovering over her. He knew if he tried he'd just get thrown out again.
In a way, seeing her was worse. His heart continued to ache. His eyes began to sting. It was a feeling that he didn't like in the least.
As he stood alone in the hallway he could remember another time that he'd felt this way. When he'd felt more alone than he ever had in his life. That time had had a happy ending.
He hoped this would be the same…
xoxoxoxoxoxo
Somehow they had found themselves alone in the office. It was late and it was his third week back in Scranton.
Since he'd come back they were usually much more careful. They rarely put themselves in this situation, of having to acknowledge each other's presence. But oddly, something about tonight made each of them reluctant to head home to an empty house. Both of them were trying to avoid having to spend the night alone.
"You hate me now. Don't you?" She'd whispered as he moved past her desk.
"No." He said softly, as he stopped in his tracks hanging his head a bit. "I could never hate you..."
She talked right over him. "Sure you do. You moved two hours away because you couldn't stand the sight of me…"
"No. I couldn't stand the sight of you marrying him." His head snapped up, met her eyes. "There's a difference, Pam."
"I didn't marry him." She said weakly.
"Yeah, well." His back stiffened and he shook his head at her. "Took you long enough to let me know that."
"She's very pretty." Pam said then, obviously referencing the girl who'd recently come to go to lunch with him. She looked up at Jim, wringing her hands. "You two look like you're happy."
Happy? No. He wasn't happy.
"She's…" Jim began to explain and then stopped.
"What?" It wasn't just a question, he knew. The desperation was clear in her voice.
He was tired of not saying exactly what was on his mind. He'd been guilty of playing word games, they both had, and it'd gotten them exactly nowhere.
He stared at her until she met his gaze. His voice was low and deep when he answered.
"She's not you."
Her eyes flew wide and locked with his. Tears spilled down and slid over her cheeks as she moved away from her chair and towards him on the other side.
"Jim." She sobbed.
He stepped back, stuffed his hands in his pockets. He knew if he touched her it would all be over.
"I can't do this Pam." He promised her. "I won't. I tried to get away and they sent me back here but I can't pretend nothing has happened. I'm not going to act like it's all like it used to be."
She shook her head vehemently and implored him through her tears. "I don't want you to."
"I'm not going to joke around and play games and pretend I don't want you. I do and it's…" He had thought nothing could be worse that it already was, but seeing her crying was killing him.
He pressed on, determined this time to say it all. He had a feeling if he could just say it, just get it out there this time – it just might be different.
"Pam. You either have to let me go, or tell me I'm not insane. Because I can't do this in-between thing anymore." He knew he wasn't making the situation any better but he couldn't help himself. "Tell me what you want me to do. But you have to fix this. You need to decide."
"I know what I want." She spoke so softly he could barely hear her. "But I'm..."
"Stop being scared." He took a tentative step towards her. He ran a hand over her cheek as he whispered. "C'mon. What are you doing? Why are you doing this? Look. It's just me…"
"It's just you? Are you kidding? How can you say that like it's no big deal?" She swiped at her eyes and laughed bitterly. "If it doesn't work out… I can't. I can't lose you Jim."
He had had a feeling this was what was holding her up, but he wasn't going to give in to her this time. He stood his ground. "Pam. Face it. You've already lost me. And what do you mean - if it doesn't work out? Why wouldn't it?"
She stared at him, her mouth moving to form words but there was no sound. He could tell she was struggling but he wasn't giving in.
He bent his head and whispered. "It's not too late though. I'll come back. You just need to say it."
She pushed through her fear, even though it cost her dearly. "You're…just…"
"What?" He prodded again. God. It was like pulling teeth. If this ended the way he wanted it to he was going to have to work on that. He gaze fell on her mouth and he realized she was talking again.
"You're too important." She finally managed. She sighed and inched closer, her breathing uneven.
"I'm so important to you you'd rather I moved on than even try to see where this takes us?" He took a deep breath; let his arms close around her. "That makes no sense. You know that right?"
She knew he was right and almost laughed, but she was too busy dealing with the fact that she'd actually made a move and the world hadn't ended.
"You need to promise me…" She whispered, sinking against him, her hands threading through his hair.
"Anything." He drew her closer and smiled as her face tilted up towards his.
"Promise you'll still be my friend." Her voice quivered a bit.
It made him laugh, the way she said it. She sounded so small all of the sudden, like a little girl. He couldn't really believe this was the cause of all their problems.
Actually, now that it seemed things were working out, he realized he should have guessed that this is what would make her drag her feet. It hadn't even occurred to him at first.
He'd been so caught up with his own hurt feelings. He'd been devastated by the fact that she hadn't reached out to him at all once Roy was out of the picture.
But looking at her now, being so close, it didn't seem to matter anymore. Nothing did - just...this.
"Of course." He agreed without hesitation.
She shook him a bit, smiled softly. "I mean it. Promise I can still joke around with you, and that we can still pull pranks of Dwight, and that you won't start to get all sappy and sentimental on me."
"Do you know me at all? What are you thinking?" He gave her an exasperated look.
She realized she might be shooting herself in the foot and rushed to clarify. "OK. Wait. You can get a little sentimental and sappy sometimes."
"Like - on national holidays?" He chuckled back at her.
She smiled widely and he melted. "Exactly."
His lips moved to nuzzle her neck as he replied. "OK. I'll agree."
"See - I'm thinking that I don't want everything to change." She buried her face in the crook of his shoulder, her voice muffled. "Just some things."
He pulled back and laughed at her. "I should hope so."
"Jim." She laughed back and smacked him on the arm.
His heart light for the first time in months Jim bent his head to kiss her. Her breath hitched and her eyes fluttered closed. He was mere centimeters away when he pulled back sharply.
"You know what?" He whispered so close she could feel them on her lips.
"What?" She replied, sounding more like a plea than a question.
"Let's not…" He stepped back, linked his hand with hers. "…do this here."
She swayed on her feet and blinked at him in disappointment and disbelief. "Why not?"
"Not exactly a romantic spot." He shrugged, tugging her towards the door.
"Seemed romantic enough the last time." She countered as she pulled him back dragging him to her desk so she could grab her purse.
His eyebrows rose as he replied. "We know how well last time worked out. Let's just start with a clean slate."
He tugged her hand again and she dutifully followed behind.
Finally making a choice made her positively giddy. And Pam knew, without question at that moment she'd follow him anywhere.
And lucky for him - she had.
xoxoxoxoxo
It had seemed like years instead of hours. He felt like he should switch his address he'd spent so much time here.
His mother had left; wanting to go back to the house to make sure everything was ready, for whenever they released Pam and the baby. Her mother had followed shortly after, hugging him tightly and whispering, "She's so lucky to have you." before letting him go.
And now he was alone, sitting beside her, his hand in hers, her face still so ashen she didn't even look like herself. He wanted her to look at him; he wanted to make her laugh, to see her smiling with her cheeks flushed pink.
He squeezed her hand, once, then twice. He waited to see if she'd squeeze it back. There was neither a tremor, nor tremble.
She was so far under it was eerie. Jim ran his thumb over her palm, soothing himself more than her at the moment.
She had this habit of sighing in her sleep. Sometimes at night he'd wait, lie very still until he heard it. He'd come to know it was a sure sign she was dreaming.
But there were no sighs, no sounds, and no laughter. Just a faint beeping and the drone of a television set that someone had turned on, he couldn't remember who.
His eyelids felt as if they were weighted down they were so heavy. He decided he should just rest them for a bit. It would be okay if he closed them for just a couple of seconds.
It'd be okay - just for a while.
He yawned loudly as he pulled his chair closer. He kept tight hold of her hand, laid his head down and joined her in sleep.