Disclaimer: Rurouni Kenshin belongs to Watsuki.
A Son's Guilt: Chapter Eight
At Saitou's words, Kenshin's mind first registered shock, and then a burning shame. In worrying about his family, he had forgotten that he was not the only one with a family. But staring at the man before him, he couldn't help but think that it was all too easy to forget that Saitou had children.
He wondered briefly what it would feel like if Kenji was in hospital, and he couldn't be there with him. He swallowed. Kaoru was in hospital. There was nothing he liked about that, but it was true that she would recover. She was not in a critical condition. And Kenshin knew what that meant. In his days as Battousai, he had learned very quickly, that critical condition meant going to die.
He closed his eyes. He never thought he would empathise with his former enemy. But as a father, he could all too well imagine the pain Saitou was feeling.
"I had no idea." He hesitated. "I'm sorry. I hope he--"
"There is nothing for you to apologise for," interrupted Saitou, looking annoyed. Clearly, receiving sympathy from Kenshin was not something he would welcome, even if it was sincere. "This is my job, and I don't regret being here. It's as simple as that."
Kenshin frowned. "But surely you want to be at your son's side?"
Saitou regarded him as though he were an insect. "And what would be the point of that? He is not going to wake up."
Kenshin stared. How could he say that with such a calm expression on his face? Or had he misjudged him? "You can't be serious." He shook his head. "Didn't you just say that you wanted to be with him?"
"No." Saitou smirked at him. "I was simply placing things into perspective for you. Reminding you that you're not the only one in this world with problems, Himura."
He glanced at the clock, then reached for his sword and slid it through his belt. "A minute left. The lackey should be here soon. You stay right here, until I come for you."
And with that, the man slid open the door and was gone.
o-o-o-o
"He saved your father?" Kenji looked confused. "You mean like, from death?"
"You could say that," Benjiro answered, nodding. "He helped my father to realise his wrongdoings."
"That doesn't make up for him being a murderer though," said Kenji stubbornly. "And keeping it from me."
"Kenji, my father was a murderer who was overcome with his own sense of importance and pride." He shook his head sadly. "Pride is man's true downfall."
Kenji was silent. Emotions were spinning around that he never thought he had. What was this man's point? Was he trying to say that it was alright that Kenshin had been a murderer because he killed without pride? Kenji had been taught by the very same man that it was wrong. Unless you're defending yourself...
Kenji thought of the thieves lying dead before him, and felt the nausea all over again.
It was still wrong. I could have done it a different way, if only I had my sakabatou...
You had no choice. His father's voice echoed in his head, calm and simple. Annoyed, he tuned back to what Benjiro was saying.
"...and he tried very hard to kill your father as well."
Kenji considered that. If the man had tried to kill his dad, the Kenshin could have killed him in self defence. But he didn't, a voice in Kenji's head whispered.
"Your father had a choice, and he chose not to kill him. Some people don't have a choice."
And having no other choice made a difference. It would have been his friends, or the thieves. He was defending their lives. Up until the last moment, he hadn't even thought of himself. His last thought had been them, and how he couldn't let them die. It had been a difficult choice, knowing he would have to kill...but one he could not regret.
Kenji wondered why he didn't realise this before. Saitou's right, he found himself thinking, his cheeks turning red.
I was in shock, and my brain took off. I never thought it would be so hard to kill someone...not the actual killing, but the living with it...
He looked up to see Benjiro giving him a puzzled look. "Is everything okay?"
"If you don't mind me asking sir...where is your father now? If my dad saved him and everything?"
"In prison." Benjiro gave him an odd, almost apologetic look, though Kenji couldn't figure out what he would apologise to him for. "He will die there."
"So Otou-san didn't really save him," said Kenji, unable to hide the annoyance in his voice. "He got locked away didn't he? He didn't get a second chance."
Benjiro sighed. He bent down in front of Kenji.
"Listen," he said softly. "When I was your age, I used to be a really angry kid. Mad at the world, mad at my father. Even though I said I hated him, I..." He shrugged. "Well, every child wants their father around, don't they? I used to visit him in prison, and it'd make me mad that he was happy. He said he deserved his fate. He said he deserved worse than that."
"You didn't agree with that?"
"Of course I did. Sometimes I wished he had died, that he had killed himself. I used to be mad at Gramps for stopping him from killing himself but---"
"Wait a minute," Kenji interrupted, brow furrowing. "I thought you said my dad saved him?"
Benjiro smiled. "I did."
"But you just said your gramps stopped him from killing himself! His own father stopped him, not mine."
"I'm not very good at telling personal stories, so I'm sorry if I'm confusing you.Let me clear things up. My gramps wasn't really my grandad. He was the guy who raised me, and my dad's former Master, a swordsman. Except when I knew him, he was just an ordinary schoolteacher. When my dad was going after Kenshin, gramps helped stop him. In a way he felt responsible for my dad turning out the way he did. And he stopped him from suicide."
Kenji thought briefly of Hiko. Did he feel guilty for Kenshin? Kenji couldn't picture it. Hiko didn't seem as though he felt guilty for anything, period. For some reason, this made him smile a little. He looked at Benjiro. "So how does my father fit into this?"
"Well, Otousan was taken away by the police. Just because gramps stopped him from killing himself, it didn't mean he saved him. A man's soul is a fragile thing. My dad had committed atrocities. Spending every day alone in a cell, with nothing to do but reflect on that, he would have surely gone mad."
Understanding dawned on Kenji. Benjiro saw it, and smiled. "Exactly. Your father was a regular visitor. He talked to him, helped him. Let him know that I could still be a part of his life. That I still needed him. He saved him from insanity. From himself."
Kenji found he had nothing to say. Tou-san went to all that trouble for a man who he didn't even know? Who tried to kill him?
"I used to be there sometimes, when your dad was visiting. And we talked too. Me, I was heading towards a life of crime, there was no doubt about it. But your father really made me think about my life. About my dad, who didn't have the opportunity I did." He stood up. "And so I became a police officer. I wouldn't be here if it weren't for your dad, so in a way, he saved me too."
There was a silence. Benjiro's eyes were misty. Kenji looked away, uncomfortable. "Why are you telling me this?" he asked, finally. "It doesn't change how I feel. It's not like, just because my Otou-san helped a few people, it's going to change the fact that he..."
Kenji trailed off. He put his head in his hands.
Benjiro raised an eyebrow. "Kenji-kun? You didn't finish your sentence."
When the teen looked up, the police officer saw shame in his eyes.
"Sakaki-san, I think I owe my father a serious apology."
o-o-o-o
No sooner had Saitou closed the door on his former rival, he looked up to see his son sitting on a chair in the empty waiting room.
His hands were clenched in his lap and he was staring straight at him with those amber eyes, so like his own. And yet, so unlike. Anger coursed through him, and then sharply, fear. But this was not a time to get carried away with petty emotions. He was in the middle of something dangerous, hadn't he told the idiot boy that?
"What are you doing here?" His voice was nothing but displeasure. "I thought I told you to stay away from the station. How many times do I have to repeat myself for it to reach your brain?"
Or do you plan on ending up dead, like your brother?
The young man stood, and with a tight jaw, greeted him like his words were nothing out of the ordinary. "Hello, Otousan. It's not as though I would usually break your rules, but I'm here because of a matter that's more important than the station. It's Tyoshi."
"Listen boy," Saitou stepped towards him, eyes flashing. "You need to get out of here right now."
His son looked incredulous. "Aren't you going to listen to what I have to say? I mean, for once in your life could you just give me a chance to speak?"
"Thirty seconds!" called out a running police officer. Several others were also running past. Saitou swore under his breath. He grabbed his son by the arm.
"Benjiro!" he called, seeing the familiar face. "What the hell are you doing out here?"
Benjiro turned around, surprised. A sheepish look passed over his face as he ran a hand through his hair. "Sorry sir, I was just giving Kenji some time to think..."
"Forget it! Get back in there and guard him!" He shoved his son towards the officer. "And take this one with you!"
"Kenji?" asked Tsutomu, frowning as Benjiro latched an arm onto him. "Isn't that--"
"come on then!" Before the young man could protest, Benjiro was already ushering him towards the room.
"Saitou sir!"
A skinny young officer, breathless, and looking like he'd never seen this much excitement in his life, came running up to him.
"What is it?"
"It's Yamanato's man!"
"And?"
"And..." the officer looked white. "He just blew himself up! It's horrific! Civilians are panicking!"
It doesn't take much for them to think 'revolution' Saitou thought. Even after all the years that had passed, history still haunted them. "Tell me what he said." He looked irritated. "And calm down. You look like you're going to wet yourself."
The man went red, but he contained himself. "Yes sir, sorry sir. Well, he said that he was the note."
Uninteresting. Saitou already knew Yamanato loved melodrama.
"And?"
"And he said that his boss wasn't targeting the Himura family. What he did to the woman was just a reminder of what he's capable of."
"So what is his objective?"
"He said Yamanato wants a match with the boy."
Saitou raised an eyebrow. "Kenji? Yamanato wants to fight him?"
"Yamanato wants Kenji to know that he will target his friends and family, if he doesn't fight him."
Everything's a liability in life. "Well. Get back to work."
"Yes sir!"
As he walked back towards Kenshin's room, Saitou's thoughts were running in two directions. One, he was thinking about the danger to Kenji. Even if he was the son of Battousai, and skilled with a sword, Yamanato was a former ninja. And Kenji had only the reverse blade sword.
The second thought was that this was the perfect opportunity to catch the former spy, who had been giving him a headache lately.
For a brief moment, the face of his comatose son surfaced in his mind, and he wondered what Tsutomu wanted to tell him. Whatever it was, it couldn't be good news. Tyoshi's condition had probably worsened. And he didn't need to think about that right now. He had to focus, he had important work to do.