Chapter 4
I woke up an hour or so later in James's bed. Our bodies were still entwined. James had a protective arm thrown over me and his chin touched the crown of my head. I turned over to look at him. He looked younger, more carefree in his sleep. There was nothing of the stern Commodore in his face. I smiled softly. He may not love me, but at least I would have this memory…
He was still asleep and I found it best if I left before he awoke. I slipped out of bed quietly. He frowned in his sleep and grabbed my pillow as if it were a substitute. He looked so moody at that moment, as if he were a child that had just lost his teddy bear.
My fingers brushed a lock of hair from his eyes once I had redressed. "I love you, James…"
I left after that, taking a memory that would have to last me a lifetime…
James woke up groaning to a pounding headache. He tried to remember what had happened yesterday over the hammering going on inside his head.
He had returned to his home and decided to get thoroughly drunk in hopes of numbing the embarrassment of it all. The memories were a bit fuzzy after that.
James remembered being in a bed with…Gwen? Surely it had to be a dream! An extremely vivid dream, if James was remembering things accurately. Gwen was beautiful and in his dream she was extremely passionate. God, the pleasure he got from her…
Shaking his head, James got up and quickly got dressed. In a hurry to get back to work, he went down to his dining room for his customary solitary breakfast.
He sighed. For a brief moment, it had seemed that his solitary meals would end, but he had to let Elizabeth go. She made her wishes and desires plain, none of which included him. That hurt, though not as much as he'd thought it would. It actually hurt him more because of the fact that he had been rejected again…Consciously he even registered relief that Elizabeth had declined marriage to him.
Perhaps we would never have been happy together. I could not have let her marry me when it was plain she pined for another…but I had so hoped she would have loved me enough to marry me…
James mechanically went through his workday, filing reports and the like. The only difficulty came when he tried to explain to Gillette that he despite his comment yesterday, he was not quite ready to go after Sparrow.
"But sir!" his subordinate protested, "You said-"
"I know what I said. We will go after him, but not today. He, after all, did help rescue the Governor's daughter…"
"Don't let your feelings for that girl interfere…" Gillette reprimanded.
James's voice was cool as he responded, "I do not need your accusations, Lieutenant. I have a meeting with the Governor later to discuss our plans in relation to Sparrow and what happened. Dismissed."
Truth be told, James didn't even know why he was now so reluctant to chase after Sparrow. His duty demanded he do so immediately. Yet something was holding him back…
Perhaps it was Governor Swann's comment yesterday about piracy sometimes being the right course. Perhaps the world was not so black and white as he'd hoped…
He met with the Governor over tea. Both men decided on a story to tell James's superiors in London. Supernatural pirates would never be believed, but the men tried to stay with the truth the best they could.
They also discussed the charges against Captain Sparrow. James was beginning to believe that not all the stories about him were true… The man was a pirate yes, but what crimes did he actually commit? Swann proposed that perhaps they should employ him as a privateer against the other pirates and privateers that roamed the waters…Or at least grant him a pardon for services rendered in the whole incident…
James wasn't inclined to believe that Sparrow would operate under such conditions, but it could at least be said that James had offered Sparrow an alternative to hanging…Beyond that, James was bound to uphold the law…
Having settled quite a few things with Swann, including a rather embarrassed apology for his daughter, James left the mansion a bit lighter than before. Oh, he certainly was not happy, but neither was he forlorn. It appeared that he would recover and be back to his normal unemotional façade soon enough…
James entered his home just as his housekeeper was leaving the drawing room. He nodded to her in greeting and was about to walk on when he heard her say, "Sir?"
He turned back. "Yes, Mrs. Simpson?" he asked.
"Are you all right, sir? You are not hurt?"
At first James thought her to be referring to the rejection yesterday. Then he realized that might not be the case. Surely his housekeeper would not be that personal… "No…Why do you ask?"
"Well, I changed the sheets today in your room and there was a bit of blood on it…" Mrs. Simpson trailed off.
He frowned…Could it be that it wasn't a dream? That would mean… His face cleared. "Just a small mishap," he lied to cover his confusion, "nothing serious."
Mrs. Simpson curtsied before moving off. "Just so, sir. I've dinner ready when you're hungry."
James nodded. "Thank you. I believe I'll change first…"
He was thinking furiously the whole time he changed.
If what he thought was true, it wasn't a particularly vivid dream, but a reality. Gwen had been here. His mind cleared as he remembered…Yes, she was drinking with him and trying to get him to see that he was…what did she say…a fine man. Then she kissed him. God, that felt wonderful. He closed his eyes, remembering how she had made him feel…
He'd never realized how small she was. He carried her up the stairs and hadn't even begun to breathe heavily. Then they entered his bedroom and began removing their clothes…and then…
James froze. He had made love to Gwen! Gwen, the small girl he'd known forever…Gwen, the beautiful woman that he'd failed to notice all these years…Gwen, the woman he cared for…
And then a thought stuck home. She was…or had been, a virgin. He was her first lover. Her only lover, if I have anything to say about it. His face set with his resolve. He felt a bit hypocritical, being so strongly possessive over someone who had been a 'friend' the day before, but reason was having nothing to do with his feelings, a concept quite alien to him. He wasn't quite sure he liked that...reason was always the safer surer course.
I must marry her now. I took her virtue. He froze again. She might be carrying my child even now. An image solidified in his mind, of Gwen, gloriously pregnant with his child. Nothing had ever seemed so right…nor so sudden…
He would have to speak to her. Now. Before anything else happened, he would have a confirmation from Gwen and a talk about their future. For like it or not, her future would be his future from now on…
As he prepared to journey to her home, James managed to convince himself that he only felt such urgency because of what he had done to her the night before. He had ruined her and didn't even remember it until his housekeeper brought the sheets up! Ashamed he was of how ungentlemanly he had acted…He was supposed to set an example for his soldiers on how to conduct themselves…and he had failed. Again he didn't want to examine how he didn't completely regret it...even as he condemned himself for it.
His stomach was churning as James walked to the drawing room. He'd never felt this nervous, not even when he proposed to Miss Swann. He stopped suddenly as he observed the scene before him.
A middle aged man sat beside Gwen and she was laughing at something he had just said. Neither of the pair noticed his presence.
The stranger took one of Gwen's hands and sobered. "Miss Speares, I must ask you something."
Gwen frowned but quickly recovered with a smile. "Go on…" she urged.
"My wife died more than a year ago during childbirth. I loved her and still feel the pain from my loss. I have tried to go on without her and raise my son, but I find that he needs a mother as much as a father…"
"Are you proposing?" Gwen's free hand pressed against her chest.
"A marriage of convenience, yes. I would not ask you to fulfill the more...private marital duties. I loved my wife with my whole heart and do not have any room for any other woman in that regard. What I ask of you is companionship, and a mother for my child. Would you agree to that?"
Gwen was speechless. She'd met the widower a few weeks prior and he had visited a few times. They'd talked of many things and actually had a great deal in common…but she never suspected he would propose…
"May I think upon it? It's a big decision…"
Mr. Jones was unable to answer because a deep voice broke into their conversation.
"One you won't have to make."