Draco sat impatiently at the Slytherin table, he was watching the door for Hermione, who for some odd reason had missed the first fifteen minutes of lunch. Draco tried not to bite his nails. For some reason he was really anxious, he didn't know why he was, but he was. Finally after an eternity she walked through the doors, which made Draco leap up from his seat and rush over to her. Draco noticed as he did that she wasn't carrying anything with her, well besides her bag.
"So where is it? What'd you get me?" He asked like the six year old that Hermione truly thought he was.
"God, I love you." Hermione said smiling and chuckling at him.
"I love you too, now tell me what it is, I want to know, PLEASE!" He yelled out, like the six year old he truly was.
"Okay, okay. Let's sit down first." She said ushering him to the Gryffindor table. Hermione and Draco slid onto the bench, and that's when Hermione started going through her bag. "I know I put it in here." She said, noticing that it only made Draco more anxious. "Ahh, here it is." She said handing Draco a light lavender shirt.
"Are you sure that this is for me?" He asked looking at the material. After his initial shock, he unfolded it, and burst into laughter. Hermione couldn't help but join in on it.
"I hope it fits." She said after a few minutes of laughter.
"Panty Sniffer. Oh God, I cannot wait to wear this." He said rolling it back up, and putting it in his robe pocket. "That was too good, thanks Hermione." Draco said giving her a hug.
"You're welcome." She said while smelling him. "Oh God, you smell good." She said before releasing him from her grasp. "Hey Freaky Chink, I got you something too." She said.
"Does it say Panty sniffer too?"' He asked.
"No." She said handing him over a red shirt. He did the same as Draco, but laughed twice as loud. "Wooo-Hoo!" He yelled standing up and doing the rock 'n' roll hand signal then he yelled. "I FUCKED SANTA. WOO-HOO, YEAH." He said before sitting down.
"Did you now?" Draco asked looking rather confused and amused all at the same time, he's talented isn't he, bless him.
"No, but he is my main squeeze." He said.
"You two are far too much." Hermione said laughing and grabbing an apple.
"Where the hell did you get these?"' Draco asked.
"From a catalogue. My Mum sent it to me." Hermione said taking a bite from her apple. "I thought you would like them." Hermione said with a mouthful of apple.
"Oh cool, so did you get one? Or any?" Draco asked taking the apple from her a taking a bite.
"Yeah." She said swallowing her apple piece. "Just some random t-shirts, pants and some freaky pins, and patches." She said undoing the button of her robe and showing Draco and Freaky Chink the patch that was inside on the left. The rainbow patch stood out against the black fabric of her robe.
"Recruiter?" Draco said thinking about it for a moment, yes he can think, ahh bless him. "Hahaha." He laughed after a few seconds. "Wicked cool, like your Mum's ass." Draco said handing Hermione back her apple.
"Oh thanks babe." Hermione said before she took another bite.
Hermione, Draco and Freaky Chink, had been talking for a while when Hermione interrupted them, she couldn't speak all she could do was point and stare, with her mouth open.
"What?" Asked Draco and The Ching Chong China man.
"Holy shit." Draco said.
"Double holy shit." The Ching Chong China Man said.
"Did you see the ass on her?" Draco asked.
"Oh MY GOD!" Hermione yelled. "Did-you-see-that-ASS? I mean it made me want to do ten kinds of nasty to it." Hermione said.
"I know what you mean." Draco said. "God, she gave me a semi." Draco said looking down at his man hood. "Oh God, is my flag pole stiff." He said trying to get up without hitting it.
"What the fu-" Hermione said. "Ewwie!" She finished when she realized what the fuck Draco was talking about.
"Shit." He said when he hit it on the edge of the table. "Thanks Hermione." Draco said sitting back down while holding his injured manly bits.
"No prob, Bob. Lets go to class." She said getting up.
"I can't I'm still in the red." He said. "God, it's not going down." Draco said.
"Well, if you stop thinking about her ass, then it will." She finished while receiving a Why didn't I think of that look from Draco. "Okay Picture this, Tom Felton in a thong-" She stopped. "Oh waits that you. Nevermind." She laughed nervously. "Okay think of Crabbe in a thong." She said. "Or or...I don't know Professor McGonagall in a white bikini in your bed waiting to have sex with you. Are you picturing it?" Hermione asked opening her eyes, poor dear she had them closed, don't know why, she's crazy, but then again I am too.
"Yes." Draco said with a sad sort of look on his face.
"And?" She asked.
"Nothing." He said looking not to pleased. "Fuck." He yelled in frustration. "I want a small PEPE!" He yelled out thank God that the hall was now empty.
"Well, don't you think I do too." Hermione said.
"Well, I know one way it could go down." Draco said moving his eyebrows up and down.
"What do you mean...ewwie?" Hermione asked, while Draco nodded his head in agreement. "Okay." Hermione said walking over to him, she walked so close to Draco that he had to tilt his head back. "Are you sure?" Hermione asked bringing her head down closer to his, their lips were inches apart. "Are you really sure?" She asked him once again.
"Oh yes. I am...Mmma'aamm." Draco stuttered.
"Okay." She said balling up her fist and punching him in the crotch. "Did I do it too hard?" She asked backing up. "Well, did I?" She asked opening one of her eyes. Draco didn't even need to speak, his eyes were running and his face was red, Draco held himself as the tears fell.
"You know what?" He said in a high pitched tone. "Next time just shoot me." He said bringing his right hand up to wipe his face.
"Deal." She said in a child like voice. "Well, did it go away?" She asked still speaking in the same adorable innocent tone.
"Yeah." He said inhaling deeply. "I think I need to sit here a little while longer." Draco said.
"Would you like me to stay with you?" She asked.
"No." He said.
"Okay, well I'll see you later." She said grabbing her book bag and running off. When she was out of sight Draco really began to cry. Hermione rushed to class, she was of course fifteen minutes late. But since it was Hagrid's she knew she was in the clear. It seemed odd to her that she was alone, she really hadn't been alone lately, she was always with him, Draco, duh, keep up with the story, GAH! Hermione raised her hand.
"Yes." Hagrid asked.
"Can I go to the bathroom, my butt hole is being sensitive and I need to rub this special ointment on it to make it nice and better." Hermione half watched the expression she got from the other students.
"Ointment, it wouldn't happen to be peppermint would it?" Hagrid asked.
"No." She said looking at him with a rather disgusted look in her face.
"Right..umm you can go." He said. Well, she ran the whole way to the castle, she went to the Great Hall and to her dismay Draco was gone. "Oh where is he?" She said aloud.
"Who me?" She heard someone say.
"Who's me?" She asked looking around.
"Me, Draco Malfoy, the boy with the sore nuts."
"Draco where are you?" She asked looking around.
"Under the table." He said.
"Which?" She asked.
"Slytherin." He said.
"Oh okay. I'll leave you be." She said preparing to turn on her heel.
"No don't go." He said sitting up to fast. Clunk was all Hermione heard.
"You okay?" She asked walking up the aisle, to find him. "Ass, there you are." She said getting down the floor and scooting under the table.
"That hurt." He said while she settled herself next to him.
"Sounded as if it did." She said leaning up a bit to look at it. "Ahh I think you'll be fine." She said kissing it better. Before either of them knew it, they were asleep under the table.
A/N: Hahahahah I bet you thought that they would be getting funky and having eight kinds of butt sex, hahahaha. That will never happen so stop asking. Yeah like someone pointed out, that if you want the story longer write it yourself, because I happen to think that OVER A THOUSAND WORDS IS LONG ENOUGH! SO PLEASE STOP TELLING ME TO, BECAUSE I COULD DO JUST THE OPPOSITE AND MAKE IT SHORTER, NOW WHICH WOULD YOU PREFER, OVER A THOUSAND OR UNDER 600? YOUR CHOICE, I LEAVE IT IN YOUR HANDS...
Oh next update with be September 9th 2005...yeah.