A/N: Wow, Chapter 18 already...Holy Fuck.
Draco and Hermione made their way to the village. When they walked into the shops, the Witches and Wizards that owned them still pointed and stared at them, they still haven't gotten used to seeing them together, hand in hand.
"I'm thirsty." Hermione said while they were buying sweets.
"Me too." Draco said picking another kind of gumball to add to his immense amount of sweets. "Where shall we go?" He asked picking up yet another thing he could shove in his mouth.
"I don't know." She said, suddenly getting lost in the lolly pops. "Mmmm Cherry Vanilla." She said grabbing a handful of them. "Oh this is hell on earth." She said picking up more and more lollys.
"Why do you say that?" Draco asked picking up his basket and following her.
"Because I have a lolly addiction. Ooooh candy floss." She said running off before Draco could even respond. "What's your favorite?" She said staring at the pink, blue, yellow, purple, and other varieties of it.
"Gross. I hate that shit." He said looking at the bags of brightly colored yumminess.
"How can you hate it, it's like eating a cloud, fluffy and sweet." She said with an innocent look plastered on her face.
"You're too cute. You know that?" He asked. "Well, of course you do." Draco said answering for her. "Now will you pick some so we can move on?" Draco commanded.
"Vicious." She said picking up two bags of pink, and five bags of blue. "Yummers." She said. "I want gum..." She said finding the gum section. "Oh my Gawd." She yelled. "They have snickers flavored GUM!" She yelled startling Draco who was right behind her.
"Could you like, calm the fuck down?" Draco asked.
"Yeah when hell freezes over and your Dad has sex with my MUM!" She said, and then they both shuddered at the thought. "Oh that was grody." She said.
"Yeah tell me about it." He said.
"Okay maybe it was the fact that he would be putting his penis in her-"
"Hermione shut up." Draco said getting a disgusted look on his face. "God I think I just barfed in my mouth." He said.
"I'm sorry." She said grabbing a few bars of milk chocolate. They moved on and found this giant elf made entirely out of Chocolate. "Holy God-butterball turkey! That thing is fucking huge." Hermione said looking up. "Would something this big still be classified as an Elf?" She asked.
"I don't know, maybe, I mean it's modeled after someone, who was an elf, so I guess it still would be an elf." Draco said while wondering if it had big elf parts.
"Okay you can quit that." Hermione said, giving him a knowing look.
"Well, don't you wonder if he has some 'Elfin Magic'?" Draco asked.
"Not really." She said smiling at him. "Wanna see my skid marks?" She asked while Draco was breaking into his chocolate. Draco turned in disgust. "What?" She asked looking at him innocently. "It's candy." She said pulling up a package that was shelved around the elves feet.
"Okay." He said putting his candy bar back in the basket. Hermione and Draco continued to walk around the store.
"What the fuck is that?" Hermione asked picking it up. "Oh my God." She said dropping it. "It's a dick." She said giggling. "I broke it." She said when she picked it up.
"You break you buy." She said in a thick Chinese accent.
"Aye Aye Captain." Hermione said in a sarcastic tone while saluting the old Asian women. "That bitch is creepy." She said putting the penis in the basket.
"Yeah no kidding." Draco said before he was tackled.
"Hiya Draco." Said Crabbe who was on top of him.
"Hiya." He said while he had a ton of all beef British boy on him. "Could you get off me?" Draco asked.
"Nope, not until you say that you like to suck dick." Crabbe said.
"Okay, you like to suck dick." Draco said only to regret it. "Fine fine." He said in a high pitched tone. "I like to suck dick...mmmmmm." Draco said.
"HAHAHAHAHA!" Crabbe and Goyle laughed.
"Fucking twat." Draco said after they had walked away. "'Oh shut up you."'' Draco said to Hermione who was red faced from the laughter that she kept deep inside.
"I'm sorry." She said.
"It's okay." He said throwing a chocolate vagina at her. Amazingly she caught it, she didn't like the idea of having to pay for naughty chocolate. A while later Draco and Hermione ended up at the Three Broomsticks. Where they ordered rootbeer and took the last available booth. They sat across from each other. When they were done with their rootbeers they ordered more, and then they broke into their candy. "Oh God." Hermione said when she pulled out the chocolate dick. "I think I'll save that for later."' She said pulling out her snickers flavored gum. When their second round of rootbeer came they were invaded by two middle aged men.
"Ummm can I help you." Hermione said while being shoved to the other side.
"Oh look it's a little person." One man said to the other, while he patted her on the head.
"I'm not a dog." Hermione said brushing his hand away.
"Of course not. They're cuter than you." He said turning to look back at his companion.
"Gee thanks Fucker." Hermione said.
"No prob Bob." He said. "So who the fuck are you two?" He asked taking his cigarettes out of his pocket and then lighting one.
"I'm Hermione and this is Draco Malfoy." She said pointing to him. "Who the fuck are you?"
"Malfoy did you say?" He asked.
"Yes." Draco and Hermione both said.
"Lucius' boy?"
"Yes, now would you please tell us who you are?" He asked, no, more like demanded.
"Alrigh, I'm Knickers, Knicks fir short, and this is my virgin Hetero life mate Thongs."
"Pleasure to met you." Thongs said without removing the toothpick from his mouth.
"Who do you have to fuck to get a Goddamned drink in this place?" Knickers yelled causing some attention to be drawn to them.
A/N: Sorry about the late update, but I've decided that all my updates are going to be done on Saturdays, because I believe most people have school, so I'll start doing them on Saturdays now. P.S. I've got a job now, and don't you dare think that I won't update weekly because I will, I'll still have my evenings free, so I'll have plenty of time to do the chapters.
Well love ya...bye.