(A/N: yay! I'm ba-ack! Let all rejoice! Allright, I'm wrapping up this story! Almost done! Finito! But not quite! Exclamation points are cool! Yay!)
September 19
Well, the year has just started and things couldn't be more chaotic.
It was the third day yesterday, so the Marauders are no longer in this time. But they did manage to get in two more romances and three doses of utter chaos before they left. The school has yet to recover. Her is the condensed version of what happened on THE THIRD DAY!
The First Romance( concerning Romilda and Sirius)We were sitting in the common room. Harry was telling Lily about his second year and the Chamber of Secrets, and I was telling the Marauders about Fred and George when it happened. Romilda Vane offered Sirius a Butterbeer.
"Thanks," Sirius said cheerfully, and then took a swig. The rest of us gaped at him in horror, too late to warn him, while Romilda looked quite smug. I know I told him about her history with love potions!
Suddenly, Sirius got an odd expression on his face. He clasped her hand in his and looked up at her from where he was sitting.
"I've been meaning to ask you something," he said. "Something important. But not with THEM around." He shot us an evil glare. "Can you meet me in Moaning Myrtle's bathroom in half an hour?" Romilda giggled and nodded before prancing off.
"You idiot," Lily hissed after she was gone. "Why did you drink that?"
"I didn't," he replied with a smirk. "Being the devilishly attractive guy I am, I've learned not to accept any kind of beverage from any girl, especially I they are fanatically obsessed with me." Lily smiled, obviously relieved.
"I have an idea," she said suddenly. "You were telling me you found Riddle's diary after someone threw it at Myrtle, right Harry? What if we told Myrtle that…"
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WHAT HAPPENED TO ROMILDA IN THE BATHROOM OF DOOM:
"Hello?" Romilda called. "Hunter?"
"Hi," came a voice from behind her. Romilda turned to see Myrtle hovering there.
"Do you like books?" the ghost asked suddenly.
"No," she answered scornfully. "I have better things to do with my time that read."
"So, if you got a book, say, for your birthday, would you throw it away?"
"Yes, of course. Why?"
"Next time you get a book, DON'T THROW IT AT ME!" Myrtle screeched. Before Romilda knew what was happening, her head was in the toilet and she was receiving a swirly.
"You like it?" Myrtle asked snidely. "I learned how to do this from Olive Hornby."
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The First Prank (concerning chocolate eclairs)"Allright," Lily said. "Here's the plan. Me and James will go down to the kitchens and ask the house elves for chocolate éclairs. Lots of them. Harry and Ron, you set go create a diversion so no one notices what's going on in the Great Hall. Sirius and Remus, set up the tables."
We all saluted. Lily grinned.
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"Right here," James said, reaching his hand up to tickle the large green pear. It giggles and turned into a green wood handle, which Lily tugged open. They stepped in.
"Hello, Miss. Is there something I can help you with?" The elf looked up at her with wide hazel eyes.
"Yes, we need éclairs," she told it.
"LOTS of them," James added. The elf bowed, and there were suddenly twenty large platters of pastries in front of them. Lily levitated the platters, and after many thanks, propelled them out the door. The portrait swung shut behind them.
Then there was a large explosion. Filch ran right past them muttering fearfully about red headed twins.
"I don't think anyone will see us take these up to the Great Hall."
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When they got up to the Great Hall, Harry and Ron were already there. They looked cheerful, but their hair was sticking straight up. James nodded approvingly.
Remus and Sirius had taken the four House tables and set them on their sides, two on each side of the Hall. Like barriers of sorts. Lily put ten gigantic platters behind each of the two barriers.
"Almost ready," she observed. Just then the doors opened and McGonagall stepped in. All of us except for Sirius scattered.
"Do you know what that explosion was?" she asked him, looking around disconcertedly. She looked back at him just as his disguise from Lupin gave out. Her eyes widened. Sirius smiled a wolfish grin.
"Why, hellooo Professor!" She threw up her hands and ran screaming from the Hall.
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The next period was lunch. As the students filed in for their food, they were presented with the ultimate food fight arena. A lone student walked behind the barrier opposite the one we were crouching behind. He picked up an éclair. We gave Lily the honor of the first throw. We all watched as the pastry soared through the air in a majestic arc (in slo-mo!) and then land –slpat- right in the middle of his chest.
A pause.
With a roar, the entire school chose a side and started throwing éclairs. The supply was running low within five minutes (what with everyone throwing or eating them ten at a time) and new food started appearing on the platters. Food the house elves had prepared for lunch. I noticed this when Sirius got hit in the head with a marinated chicken.
"Ha! Take that, Black!" a hysterical McGonagall shrieked.
"Well, bring it on, Professor!" He chucked a ham sandwich at her. Yes, even the teachers were joining in. But what surprised me the most was Hermione, breaking school rules along with everyone else.
I watched as she aimed a piece of cake at Malfoy. It him him hard, and now there's a gob of whip cream stuck to his ass.
I laughed so hard I didn't see that avocado coming at me until it was too late.
Who eats those things for lunch, anyway?
The Second Romance (concerning Malfoy, Lily, and James)"So I was wondering if you wanted to enjoy the last few hours of your visit here with me…" Malfoy told 'Anya.'(A/N: only Sirius's disguise blew. Plot device, Mr Frodo, Plot device.) The rest of us stood there flabbergasted. Yes. Fla-bber-gas-ted.
Anyhoo, Lily flashed him a smile and said yes.
What the hell? Any understanding I had of the female mind disappeared right then. She went off with Malfoy, and two hours later we are lounging around in the common room, waiting for her to come back. Sirius has fallen asleep and is muttering.
"Stupid space aliens…not my fault…the world blew up…" he says stuff like that between snores. It's actually kind of funny.
(ten minutes later)
The poratrait swung open and Lily came back, pulling Malfoy's hand. When it shut again, Sirius woke up yelling about aliens. Aidan (Remus) shut him up with a well-aimed blow to the head.
"I have to do that every time…Hunter… wakes up," he explained. "He has the weirdest dreams."
"About mutant pineapples," James offered before returning to glower at Malfoy.
"Oh, Brian," 'Arya' said. "Come over here." James stood up next to her. "Draco, this is Brian. Brian, Draco." The two nodded at each other. Then suddenly, Lily kissed James. I was more confused than ever.
"Sorry, Draco, but I just went on that date with you to make Brian jealous." Now, I may not understand girls, but I do understand revenge.
Then I got up and me and James both punched him at the same time. The sort of thing you see in those Muggle action movies.
The Second Prank (concerning fainting teachers)We made up a list of teachers who taught here twenty years ago.
McGonagall
Slughorn
Lupin (not really, but he was on our list)
Flitwick
Sprout
(other teachers names here)
And then we made a list of who han't.
Trelawney
Hagrid
Firenze
(other teachers names here)
Based on McGonagall's reaction to seeing Sirius, we thought we could scare all the other teachers, too. So we changed James and Remus's appearances back to normal and sent them off to gather an audience for our last prank. Here are some short examples of what happened:
LUPIN (not much to tell really):
Class: (busy working)
James, Sirius, and Remus: (burst in)
Lupin: (in bored voice) Aah! Demon children! The horror! (in stage whisper to class) This is the part where you all run off in terror!
Class: (runs off)
Lupin: All right, Free period. (walks out)
(this tactic had quite a different effect on another class)
FLITWICK:
Class: (working quietly)
James, Sirius, and Remus: (burst in!)
Me: This looking familiar?
Flitwick: Aah! Demon children! Run! (faints and falls of stool)
Class: (runs off)
TRELAWNEY:
"Professor Trelawney!" shouted Harry as he entered the classroom.
"Hm?" The class stared at him.
"The end of the world is coming!"
"…My dear boy, perhaps you'd better head to the Hospital Wing…"
"No! Haven't you heard the prophecy? When the bespectacled, raven haired boy of seventeen has a twin, the world will end!" Just then James came in.
"It's true, Professor! The end is near!" He pretended to be out of breath from running up the stairs to hide the fact that his voice was different.
There was a lot of screaming, and suddenly there was no one left in the room but Trelawney, passed out on the floor.
SPROUT:
"Now class, who can tell me who was the first wizard to breed Venomous Tentacula?" Sprout asked. Nobody raised a hand. They were busy staring at something behind her. With a feeling of intense dread, she turned around slowly.
Behind her were six Venomous Tentacula plants. The strange thing was, they had bodies. Their pots were attached to the bodies right where the head on a human body would be.
Simultaneously, the plants grinned, baring their fangs. Sprout screamed as the plant/human things proceeded to chase her around the greenhouse. As they watched, the students whispered to themselves.
"Does this mean we have free period?"
(A/N: yeah, getting really random towards the end. THE NEXT CHAPTER IS THE LAST ONE! WOW!)