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Chapter 3
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It was more than obvious that, despite the fact that they had a new assignment to work on, it was going to be extremely difficult to keep the students in the seventh year NEWT Level section of Muggle Studies on task that Friday. Not only was it their last class before Hogsmeade the following day, it was their last class at ALL before the start of the Christmas Holidays. Professor Penrose was doing his best to keep the class on topic.
"Class, I realize that you're excited for shopping for gifts and things tomorrow, but just think! Today you get to experience, er, the gift of life!" he groaned at his own bad joke, shaking his head as he passed out an egg to each group of two, most of whom were echoing his sentiments about the lameness of their professor's sense of humor.
"Sir, my gift of life seems to have not hatched yet," Michael Corner snickered, laughing at his own dumb joke. His partner, Daphne, rolled her eyes and mumbled something about how she thought Ravenclaws were supposed to be mature.
"This is a good thing, Mr. Corner," their Professor assured him. "You see, class, unlike an egg's many other purposes, muggles use these as a model for children to help prepare people for parenthood. They believe that we originally all start out as eggs, so this comes quite close to the real thing. Now, while, thank Merlin, I'm sure not all of you will be becoming parents," Professor Penrose noted, shooting a rather obvious glance in Gregory Goyle's direction, causing Su Li to sigh hopelessly at her misfortune of getting paired up with him, "there IS a chance you will all have someone to care for someday, be them child, parent, spouse, a friend. And typically in their final years of schooling, muggle teenagers will learn to hone their caretaking skills through an experiment much like this. An egg-speriment, if you will," he added as he continued passing out eggs to the final pair of students in the back row as Megan Jones laughed just a little bit too hard at his quip.
"Now, typically the muggle students will be paired up, much like you have been yourselves. They have things much simpler. They're just supposed to keep the egg from breaking. But," Professor Penrose said with a smarmy grin as he reached the front of his classroom again, hopping up to sit on his desk, "you all know how much more complicated we wizards like to make things. The eggs you have in front of you have a variety of charms placed on then," he explained, watching with amusement as Zacharias tossed his egg into the air and caught it again like a ball, while Megan turned slightly pale as she pictures what impending doom their egg would befall if it fell. "Today is December the sixteenth. You will have until January the sixteenth to be a parent to these eggs. You will name them, protect them, share the parental duties with your partner. However, unlike with the muggles who do this project," Professor Penrose added with a raise of his eyebrow, holding up one of the extra eggs from the basket for a visual example, "I'll be able to make sure you didn't just leave it abandoned in your trunk for the month. There have been several very powerful recording charms placed on these fellas, which will let me know who it was with, how much time it was with each "parent", if it underwent any trauma during its stay, and so on and so on. So basically, Mr. Smith, it would be in both you and Miss Jones's grade's best interests if you desisted with playing egg toss.
Zacharias gave the egg one last toss up into the air, and Megan grabbed it away from him, shooting an appalled glance his way. Zacharias shrugged. It was just Muggle Studies.
In the back of the room, Wayne Hopkins waved his hand in the air. "Professor Penrose, the holidays have almost approached us!" Wayne stated in his very Wayneishlike way. "What are we to do if both of us will be going home? I am not sure if Mel Spinks and I will be seeing much of each other over the break."
"Yeah, like none at all. My parents are taking me and Sophie skiing. How am I supposed to take care of an egg and stuff while I'm learning how to ski?" Mel continued Wayne's question. "I don't think "Excuse me Mr. Gorgey Swedish Ski Instructor, I have to go feed my egg would be a very good pick up line." Sophie Rivers mumbled something about that being "so totally not mervyfab" from the seat behind Mel.
"And Professor, what happens if there's... an accident?" Theodore asked the young Professor, a grin spreading across his face that made Megan glad she was paired up with Zacharias instead of him. Theodore Nott had always kind of given her the creeps, what with his rarely blinking staring habit thingy, and the fact that she'd heard some not-so-happy stories about his father from her mother. Luckily for her, though, ever since her tiny little panic attack in Charms fourth year after getting paired up with him, most of her professors had been very nice about not grouping them together.
If Professor Penrose was at all unnerved by Theodore's cryptic question, though, he certainly didn't show it. "Don't any of you panic. I have the answers to all of your questions here with the other requirements," he assured them, pointing his wand towards one of the classroom's cabinets, the doors springing open to reveal a large pile of scrolls. "Feel free to pick up a syllabus before heading out, and if after looking over it you still have questions, hunt me down to ask. And as for any accidents, Mr. Nott, it'd be best if you try to avoid those," he responded just as cryptically to the weedy blonde Slytherin. "And unless any of you having any burning questions right now, you're dismissed early. Have a good holiday," he finished his spiel, sliding off his desk and beginning to tidy up the classroom. Most of the students took this early dismissal to heart straight away, grabbing an Info Scroll and dashing out of the room, thrilled to be starting their holiday a bit early.
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"What about Jillian?" Megan asked Zacharias, examining their egg carefully as Zacharias stuffed his mouth full of potatoes. The seventh year Hufflepuffs had claimed their usual spot at the end of their House table, and while most of the others had spent the beginning of dinner chattering about Hogsmeade the next day, Megan was still trying to settle on the perfect name for their egg, baby name book in one hand and their still unnamed "child" in the other.
"Jillian would be tempting the wrath of Mother Goose," Sally chimed in from across the table. Both Zacharias and Megan looked at her as if her nose had suddenly dropped off. Sally explained herself. "Well, the point of the project is that you don't want the egg to get hurt, right? Remember Jack and Jill? It's a death wish," Sally nodded seriously. "Jack fell down and broke his crown..."
Zacharias groaned and rolled his eyes, but Megan looked deeply concerned, nodding understandingly. "And Jill came tumbling after," Megan finished the rhyme, crossing Jillian off her list of potential names, as well as Jakki, just to be safe. "Okay then... what about Lita?"
"That's what Morag named ours, actually," Ernie explained, not looking very happy about this. "Not like I got much of a say in it either way." Megan just giggled, crossing the name off her list as well. Ernie had been none too pleased to be paired up with the crankypants that was Morag MacDougal. "You're a trooper, Ernie Macaroni," Megan grinned at her friend, then glanced over to the Ravenclaw table, only to spot the permanently angry tiny blonde that was Morag telling off an unlucky firstie for bumping into her.
"Yes, well, troopers apparently don't make Head Boy," Ernie huffed, looking in the Ravenclaw table's direction as well, but instead glaring at Stephen Cornfoot. It just didn't make any sense to Ernie. Stephen wasn't even a bloody PREFECT.
"Careful there, Ernie. You're getting your bitterness all over my chicken salad," Justin informed his indignant roommate, knowing that Ernie was probably once again going down the list of reasons in his head as to why he should've been Head Boy and not Stephen, ending with Justin's personal favorite, "Who in the world gives a rat's arse about anything bloody Stephen Cornfoot has to say!"
"I am NOT bitter," Ernie snorted, as if the idea of him being bitter about something was absolutely and entirely impossible. "I'm just very..."
"Grudge-holding?" Sally suggested from a few seats down the table.
"Yes. No!" he insisted, rising to his feet. "I'm not having this conversation. I'm supposed to meet with Luna," Ernie rushed, leaving his Housemates to finish their dinners as he moved over towards his floaty blonde girlfriend, who seemed to have begun talking about something having to do with carrots extremely vividly and excitedly, orange vegetabley props in hand.
"I still don't get it," Zacharias stated frankly, not understanding why in the world someone as well grounded and sensible as Ernie was seeing Loony Lovegood.
"Maybe her Knarfles ate his brain," Hannah giggled, stirring her peas and trying to ignore the tiny twinge of jealousy that crept up on her every time she saw them together.
"Well, I think it's cute," Megan said quietly, finally beginning to dig into her supper, when another name popped into her head. "OH! Oh, I know! What about Kelsie?"
"You know what, why don't we just call it Egbert and be done with it, Meg?" Zacharias asked exasperatedly, really wishing that his ginger-haired housemate would shut up about the damn egg already. NO ONE in their right mind took Muggle Studies this seriously.
Megan, however, was not in her right mind, and looked down-right offended by this suggestion. "Egbert! Don't you know all Egberts grow up to hate their parents? Besides," Megan added, flipping one of her pigtails over her shoulder, "she's a she."
"It's an EGG!" Zacharias cried, throwing his hands up in the air. Megan just looked at him.
"You're grouchy tonight, Zacharias."
"Do not worry, Megan," Wayne piped up from his seat, his own egg laying nestled in the small makeshift bed Wayne had created from a tissue box next to him. "It took Mel Spinks and I a very long time to decide on a name as well," he assured her. "We finally decided on Kirke, because I like the name, and Mel Spinks likes Andy."
"Hmm," Megan pondered this. "Do you think that Myron would be an okay name to give an girl? He is a Weird SISTER..."
By this point, Zacharias had heard more than enough. "Okay, no more talk of eggs, because it's making me want to scramble our project for breakfast." Megan's jaw dropped, completely horrified by the thought. "Merlin, Jones, I was kidding!"
"Oh. Right, heh heh, I knew that." None the less, Megan was fully intending on keeping Baby Jones-Smith for the night, just in case. She knew how Zacharias ate.
"Okay. Narrow down your list of names tonight, and we can meet up in Hogsmeade tomorrow at some point, and you can let me know what it's named there. That'll give you plenty of time to decide," Zacharias suggested, wanting to finish his meal in peace. "I should probably start Christmas shopping anyway," he added in an afterthough.
"START? Wow, I'm already finished. HEY! This'll be great; I can help you!" Megan offered, not planning on taking no for an answer. The egg was momentarily forgotten, however, as Megan pondered possible shopping possibilities.
Well. That certainly hadn't been in his plans for the next day, but at least now he wouldn't have to go alone? "Great, fantastic, wonderful, whatever," Zacharias said, standing up, his tone clearly not as joyful as his words. "See you tomorrow then."
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Author's Note: Hehehe, Zach is kind of a jerk. I love it. Next time, Hogsmeade, old ladies with canes, an appearance from Megan's mum, and... other fun scary things, hehehee.