(HOLY CRAP IT'S THE LAST CHAPTER! (sniffle) my first completed fanfic (one shots don't count)! I have an idea for another short HP fic, but I dunno…)
The Third Prank (concerning mass murderers and clones)Since every class's teacher had either fainted, run away, or gone crazy, all the students were gathered in the Great Hall wondering what the bloody hell was going on. They recounted amongst themselves stories of demon children and walking Venomous Tentaculas. Even in all the commotion, nobody missed the sound of the door creaking open slowly…
A cloaked figure came through the door and stood on the Head Table. There was silence, every student was watching the mysterious person. The hood fell back…to reveal the haunted face of mass murderer Sirius Black (in other words we gave him an aging potion and made him look spooky).
Of course, in recent events the Ministry has kept quiet about the Sirius Black mistake, trying not to look more incompetent than they already did. So people didn't know he was innocent or that he was dead.
The Hall erupted into screams of terror as the doors all shut and locked. Sirius laughed evilly.
"Mwahahahahahahhhahaha! Now I have captured you, I will brainwash you all into becoming my minions!"
"Never!" cried a voice from the crowd. "I shall not let this happen, you fiend!" Harry stepped onto the table. He and Sirius engaged in a mock duel, complete with hero/villain dialogue, and I watched from my hiding place, ready to go. Somebody tapped my shoulder, and I turned and saw Hermione.
"You did steal my book, didn't you?" she asked. But she was smiling.
"Well, yeah. But the Horcrux is gone, and so now we're having some fun. Now watch, this is my favorite part."
Sirius hit Harry with a beam of light, and he toppled over off the table and out of sight. The crowd gasped, but there were a few giggles. After the good.evil banter, they had realized they were being toyed with, and were watching the performance.
"Ha! Now no one can stop me!" Sirius shouted.
"Oh really?" came another voice. This time James jumped up on the table. "Well, I, Harry's clone, shall not stand for this! Prepare to meet thy maker!"
"There's another one?" Sirius looked bewilderedly at the spot where Harry's "corpse" was supposed to be.
"Indeed there is!" I cried, jumping onto the table (now disguised as Harry). Sirius looked at me then back at James.
We both raised our wands and fired at him simultaneously…and Sirius took a step back. Our spells hit each other and we fell off the table to join the original Harry. The crowd laughed. Then another voice spoke up.
"Don't worry kids! I'll stop him!"
"Not another clone!" Sirius complained.
"No! I am a Ministry official!" Remus, dressed in a bowler hat, thick round glasses, and oversized robes, scrambled up onto the table, holding a briefcase in one hand and his wand in the other. "I'm from the Deparment of-"
He was cut off as he took a step forward and tripped over his robes. He fell down with the rest of us corpses under the table. Sirius shook his head sadly, and there was more laughing.
Sirius had just gone into one of his evil laughter fits, when Lily got on the table.
She whacked him with the helmet from a suit of armour that she produced from nowhere. Sirius also joined us under the table.
"Stupid Ministry," she muttered aloud, loud enough for the Hall to hear. "Can't do anything right…"
Several people in the crowd called out, "Hear, hear!" (I have always wondered why people do that…Hear hear? Hear what? And why say it twice? I dunno)
The corpses joined Lily on the stage to take a bow after their performance.
Applause erupted from around the Hall.
Then the Marauders (and one Honorary Marauder) disappeared, going back to their own time period.
Me and Harry looked out at the crowd and I grinned when I saw Hermione.
She was clapping loudly, sitting astride a headless suit of armour.
END
The Epilogue
(The Insanity Continued)
Lily and James: Their First Date
"She's going out with Potter?"
"I thought she hated him?"
"Maybe she's gone mad…or maybe she's not really Lily!"
Lily only half-listened to the rumors that were whispered in the corridors. She hadn't talked to her friends about her time in the future…partly because the wouldn't believe her, and partly because she didn't really remember what had happened that had made her change.
"Time lag," Remus had told her when she mentioned it. "I don't remember anything either."
…That was one of the things that had changed. She was on good terms with the Marauders.
And with James. Something must have happened that had changed her opinion of him; when he'd asked her out she'd automatically said yes. But she just couldn't remember what is WAS.
She took a deep breath and tried to stop thinking about it. It was time for her to go. She would agonize over the future later.
Lily descended the stairs from her dormitory and went into the Common Room. James was waiting.
(WARNING: BELOW IS A VERY SOAP-OPERA-Y MOMENT! THOSE WHO ARE FAINT OF HEART: DO NOT READ!)
"Wow," he said. "You look beautiful."
"Thank you," she smiled.
"Here." He took her hand and turned her around, moving her hair to the side so he could put a gold chain around her neck. Lily looked down and saw a moonstone pendant shaped like a lily on the chain.
"Oh wow," she breathed. "…But I didn't get you anyth-"
He cut her off.
"You're giving me a chance, right?"
(A/N: it's safe to come out now…(friend of author crawls out of bomb shelter and shakes head as though disappointed in said author))
For their date, they went to Madame Puddifoot's.
"Strange, I'd heard this place had more customers," said Lily, looking around. The only other people there were two mysterious people in dark glasses, bowler hats, and trench coats.
The date progressed.
Both of them were enjoying each other's company. But then Lily noticed something.
"Uh…James?" She gestured towards the window. Almost half of the student body had their noses pressed against the glass. James grinned.
"You'd think we were celebrities," he said.
He signaled to the men in the trenchcoats. They got up and exited the doors, mingling in the crowd. Then suddenly there were several loud bangs and explosions and chaos erupted outside. People were screaming.
"Come on." James grabbed her hand and led her out the back door and towards the Shrieking Shack (A/N: remember, it was still full of (ahem) spirits back then so no one visited it). Once they were on the path they slowed their pace a little bit, enjoying the peace.
"You hired bodyguards?" Lily asked him incredulously.
"Well actually I asked Remus and Sirius to make sure nobody bothered us…then Sirius got this whole 'secret agent' idea and he got the costumes out, and Moony didn't have the heart to say no…"
She laughed.
They had reached the Shack. They sat on the fence for a while, just talking, then lapsed into a comfortable silence. Lily was only vaguely aware that James had not let go of her hand since they had left Madame Puddifoot's…and she rather liked it.
She turned her head to look at him and found he was already looking at her.
Wow. I love her eyes, he thought.
He bent down and kissed her.
(A/N: okay, that's over with. Nothing to see here! Moving on!)
(EXCERPT FROM CHAPTER 11:
She went off with Malfoy, and two hours later we are lounging around in the common room, waiting for her to come back. Sirius has fallen asleep and is muttering.
"Stupid space aliens…not my fault…the world blew up…" he says stuff like that between snores. It's actually kind of funny.
(ten minutes later)
The poratrait swung open and Lily came back, pulling Malfoy's hand. When it shut again, Sirius woke up yelling about aliens. Aidan (Remus) shut him up with a well-aimed blow to the head.
"I have to do that every time…Hunter… wakes up," he explained. "He has the weirdest dreams."
"About mutant pineapples," James offered before returning to glower at Malfoy.)
(for those of you who were wondering)
Some of Sirius's Weird Dreams:
"E…equals…mc squared…weird hair…I'm a genius…" Sirius muttered in his sleep.
"He's been having the weirdest dreams lately…think it has anything to do with Rowan chucking that Bludger at his head?" Remus said.
James shrugged.
(1 week later)
"Giant…mutant…pineapple! …Look out! ….Argghhhhh….big teeth…can't eat pineapple…eating me…"
"This is starting to get really annoying," said James.
"Yeah…you think we can scare it out of him?"
"Whaddya mean?"
Remus conjured up a pineapple with red eyes and fangs, then suspended it over Sirius's bed.
"Fruity…goodness…nooooo…"
"Even his snoring was better than this!" James complained.
Sirius sat up.
"I DO NOT SNORE!"
Then he looked up and saw the pineapple.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!"
(another week later)
"King Arthur…Muggles…Lancelot…some kid named Ron…Morgan leFaye…damn she's hot…" Sirius muttered.
"SHUT UP, SIRIUS!"
( EXCERPT FROM CHAPTER SEVEN:
When we resumed walking down the corridor, James explained to us (seeing as Sirius was still grinning like a maniac and couldn't stop).
"It was Truth or Dare. Wormtail didn't want to play, so we invited Rowan Hall to play. Of course, we figured we needed some help coming up with some creative dares, so we each chugged a bottle of Firewhiskey," he said. Lily snorted.
"It was magical Truth or Dare, so there was no chickening out, and Sirius dared Rowan to return to school as a seventeen-year old named Rachael Searle when Prongs's child was in his or her seventh year," Remus said.
"And she's going through with it!" Sirius said with an exultant smirk. Lily gave an exasperated sigh and then spoke.
"So just kissed a thirty-seven year old woman?"
"No! The conditions were that she had to take a Youth Potion then disguise herself. She really is seventeen. She's going to be for the whole year," Sirius explained.
"She still acts seventeen, too. She was always hitting you, remember?" James asked.
"Oh yeah…" )
The Moment of Truth:
"Too bad Wormtail won't play. Guess we'll have to make do with only three players," James said.
"Or we can ask someone else to play," Remus suggested.
"Like who?" Sirius asked.
"What about Rowan Hall?" He had spotted her arguing with a portrait.
"Rowan Hall?" Sirius and James exclaimed together.
"Moony, are you crazy?" Sirius asked. "You can't mess with Rowan! She chucked a Bludger at me! She throws stuff at me! She likes to hit me!"
"That's because you always insult her somehow. We're just asking if she wants to play a game, it's no big deal!"
"Moony, she set Snivellus on fire. ON FIRE!" James said.
"And then she told him she shouldn't put so much flammable liquid in his hair!" Sirius spoke in a hushed, awed voice.
"How does this relate to Truth or Dare?" Remus asked.
"Just picture what she could do to us!" James hissed. Remus rolled his eyes.
"Hey Rowan!" he called, striding forward. "Wanna play Truth or Dare?"
Rowan turned. She looked startled by the proposal, but then she grinned. It made her look dangerous.
"Sure,"she said.
"Now he's done it," Sirius muttered.
He had no idea.
(EXCERPT FROM CHAPTER NINE:
Being the only sane person in the room, I will be the one who doesn't freak out and actually leaves some important information behind for Harry and Ron. There's a reason we skirted that statue of Theodore the Hairy when we were looking for the Horcrux. It's because we left something important under there. May the force be with you. )
The Important Thing Hidden Under the Statue:
August 3 (another entry in Ron's diary I mean journal)
We finally remembered to look under the statue of Theodore the Hairy What we found was a book. It was totally blank, reminding me of Riddle's diary (shudders).
"Whaddya think we're supposed to do with it?" I asked Harry.
By the way, don't ask how we moved that statue. It's a long story.
Harry tapped the cover with his wand and said, "I solemnly swear that I am up to no good." Gold lettering appeared, spelling out three words: The Marauders Book.
With a grin, Harry opened it. Inside were four names: Prongs, Padfoot, Moony, and Wormtail. Harry poked 'Padfoot' with his wand, and the pages turned.
It stopped at a table of contents with Sirius's name at the top. Some of the sections were:
Statistics (birthdate, height, eye color, etc.)
Family and Friends
People He's Dated
People He's Dated Part 2
Part 3
Part 4
Part 5
Historic Moments
Funny Stuff
There was more, too.
Harry chose 'Historic Moments.'
A black square covered the page and the back of the previous page, so it was like looking at a Muggle BV screen. A small film started up. Sirius came into view.
"Hello, I am Sirius, the good-looking one of the bunch." A hand came from off-screen and slapped him.
"Anyway, my exciting deeds and ventures must be preserved so that future generations may remember that I am very hot. I mean so that they may remember the chaos brought about by me, the hot one, and my companions. And-"
Lily sat down beside him, interrupting.
"Hey, whatcha doin?" she asked.
Sirius explained it to her.
"But why are you doing this introduction thing beforehand?"
"To provide an analysis of character," Remus supplied from off-screen.
"Oh." Lily called Rowan over.
"Sirius wanted to talk to you," she told the girl.
"What? No I didn't! Why would I want to talk to HER?"
"Rowan whacked him hard and stalked off.
"Owww…What'd you do that for?" Sirius complained.
"Analysis of character: you seriously piss people off," Lily explained.
In the background Moony and Prongs were applauding.
Harry grinned up at me.
(EXCERPT FROM CHAPTER 3:
"Hmmm…let's see," I said. "A girl…who's my friend…that I lo-" I stopped there. Blast my phobia of talking about my emotions! That was when I threw my pillow at Hermione, and she fell down the stairs. At the moment I didn't care. I used a Summoning Charm to get my pillow back and then a Barrier Charm to keep any girl out of the dormitory. I think one of the boys is coming up the stairs. I'm going to pretend to be asleep. )
September 7th (an excerpt from Hermione's diary the night after the above)
Ron is so ANNOYING! He made me fall down the stairs!
After that little episode I stalked past a confused Harry and sat myself down next to the Room of Requirement to write.
Why can't he just accept that I really like Draco?
But something he said is bothering me…
"A girl…who's my friend…that I lo-"
Did he mean me? I don't know, I can't think! He annoys me so much sometimes!
Sigh.
I just found this freaky looking stuffed dinosaur with bugged out eyes. I'm tempted to put Ronald's face on it and make it spontaneously combust. But no, it might belong to someone.
(another sigh)
I guess I'll just chuck it into the Room of Requirement and hope I never see the hideous thing ever again.
Well, this is the start of what's bound to be an interesting year.
The End
(for real this time)
(A/N: (authoress can't find words to express her emotions) WAHH! It's done! I'm so happy and sad at the same time! (has emotional breakdown))
THANK YOU FOR READING MY STORY AND FOR SOME PRETTY AWESOME REVIEWS, I'M HAPPY YOU TOOK THE TIME TO READ THIS AND I REALLY APPRECIATE IT!
There, don't you feel special now?
Bye!