Chapter Twenty:
A Bitter Christmas
"Harry! Oh Harry get up it's Christmas!" Airean said.
"Och! I know that sweetie" Harry said giving her the first real smile he had in a long time.
Airean raise an eyebrow. "Who said I was your sweetie?"
"A little kitty told me" Harry said laughing and giving her a kiss. He knew how attached Airean was to her cat and he knew the comment would make her smile.
At breakfast everyone seamed in a better mood that yesterday. Ron's whole family was all over the place greeting everyone and Fred and George where causing quite a stir for old times sake. Harry had more food then he thought he'd ever eaten in one sitting and smiled more that he ever had at any meal. He loved having everyone around him and for a time forgot about his sadness.
Harry got lots of presents for Christmas and had a great day. In fact the best Christmas yet he thought it was only too bad that things couldn't last. Soon it was back to school, training and life. This time though Harry seamed a little more able to handle it with Sirius around. If fact that was what Harry was doing right now. Looking for Sirius when he stumbled across his newest problem.
"Harry doesn't need to know this!" Sirius said in a high whisper.
"I know you want to protect him but not telling him will only make things worse in the end" Lupin said.
"He's just a kid!" Sirius yelled.
"No, he's not a kid and you know just as well as me he's different from the others. He can handle this" Lupin said.
"Different! Like James was different huh? Cause he died if you didn't notice!" Sirius yelled.
Lupin sighed. "Harry isn't James you know this, Harry is much stronger then James ever would of been and he needs to know…but I'm not his godfather and it's not me that gets to decide to tell him or not" Lupin said.
"You're right" Sirius said. "You're not his godfather and it's not you who decides what best for him"
Harry stood outside the door dumbfound unsure what to do. He was so busy thinking that he didn't hear Sirius walking towards the door.
"I'll see u latter lupi-...Harry! What are you doing here!" he said seeing Harry in the hall.
"I-I was looking for you..." Harry sputtered.
Sirius looked at him. "Come with me" he said leading Harry into the room as Lupin left giving Harry a sorry look.
"Listen Harry you can't just be wandering around school at these hours it's not safe" Sirius said.
"What won't you tell me?" Harry said.
"Its nothing, Order stuff" Sirius said quickly.
"I'm in the order" Harry said angrily.
"I...no, that should never have happened anyway. I can't believe they let you join" he said.
"That was my decision!" Harry said.
"Well it shouldn't have been" Sirius said.
"Just what were you doing after you just promised me you'd stay in bed after hours?" Sirius said.
"I….nothing!" Harry said starting to yell.
"Nothing, yeah right" Sirius said mockingly.
"Whatever why shouldn't I no one's telling me anything!" Harry yelled at him.
"Because it's not safe and it's not your business." Sirius said.
"I don't have to listen to you. You're not my father and if it wasn't for you and your stupid ideas my father wouldn't even be dead right now!" Harry yelled.
Sirius didn't say anything. He just stood there looking very hurt and taken back but Harry really couldn't care at that point. He turned and left with out another word.
Harry sat in the common room the next day doing homework.
"What's wrong?" Ron asked.
"I had a fight with Sirius" Harry shot at him.
"Oh…what happened?" Ron said.
"Nothing, he told me I shouldn't be out of bed and I yelled at him." Harry said not wanting to talk about it.
"What did you say" Ron pressed.
"I told him he's not going to tell me what to do he's not my Dad." Harry said.
"Oh that's kind of harsh don't ya think." Ron said.
"No" Harry said going back to his homework.
The next day they all had dark arts class, when Harry and the others got there they took a seat in the back of the class. Harry could see Sirius in his dog form up in the front of the room. He was starring at Harry and even as a dog he looked sad. Harry sighed he was starting to come down from his rage and starting to feel bad for what he said to Sirius. He hadn't meant it really he'd just been so mad and he wanted to find a way to make Sirius feel as bad as he did. 'I should talk to him' Harry thought.
Harry felt like this day wouldn't ever end, he wanted to go talk to Sirius and the day just kept going on and on. When Harry's last class ended Harry didn't even bother with dinner he went looking for Sirius. He thought he might be able to catch him before he left the DDA classroom so Harry went there first. Sirius wasn't there so Harry turned to leave, and there was Sirius in human form behind him leaning on the wall.
Sirius sighed and looked at Harry,
"I was just-" Harry started.
"Don't bother it's not my business anyway go ahead." Sirius said turning to leave.
"I would if you shut-up and stay put." Harry said wishing he hadn't after he heard himself. Harry could see the hurt in Sirius's eyes and felt even worse then before. "Listen ok, I was looking for you. I wanted to apologies for what I said. I didn't even mean those things-"
"You don't have to do this I understand ok? You were right I'm not your Dad and it is my fault he died but did you really think I don't know that." Sirius said glumly.
"But I don't think Dad dying was your fault I just said that to…hurt you." Harry said miserably. "I'm really sorry" he added. "But I got mad because I felt like you didn't trust me not just because you wanted me to stay in bed but because you wouldn't tell me what going on." Harry said.
"Harry I'd love to tell you but I can't it's not my secret to be telling." Sirius pleaded. "I'm sorry" he said.
"It's ok" Harry said.
"It's not that I think you should never break rules you know. I mean that's why they are there to break but it's just not safe right now if it was I wouldn't care, but it's not and I do care about you and I don't want you to get hurt." Sirius said.
"It's ok I understand" Harry said.
"So you swear to be more careful then" Sirius asked.
"Yeah ok" Harry said smiling.
"Great" Sirius said smiling back.
So yesh, i really wrote that fight between Harry and Siruis way way back in like 4/5th grade about over 5yrs ago and kept it and then added into this fanfic yrs latter. I dont know why i just thought it was always an important thing that i'm sure Sirius blames himself and his idea of using peter for James death and i'm sure Harry is smart enough to notice such things. More soon, review please!