A/N: Thank you to my readers and reviewers. I'm spoiling all of you with a surprise quick update! This is Chapter Two.

Warnings: None to speak of. Just more humor, swearing, and Marauder-ness.

Disclaimer: I own nothing. So don't sue me.

Enjoy!

Planning, Plotting, and Pranking -- Chapter Two
POV – Remus

"You ought to let me in here more often, Moony. This bubble bath is sublime." Sirius was relaxing in the spa-sized bathtub, thoroughly covered in light-pink soap bubbles. "And what's up with you? Is your time of the month arriving again? Scared of a few soap bubbles and a floral aroma?"

The stench of whatever Sirius had put in there was horrible – at least, it was to my heightened sense of smell. I crinkled my nose in disgust and muttered from my place on a nearby bench, "No, my time of the month isn't due for another week and a half, thank you very much. We've been in here for forty-five minutes – Sirius, how the hell is this going to help you with your grand scheme to unseat Lily from her place of power over the Marauders?"

"They say your best ideas arrive when you're in the bathroom."

I chuckled. "Maybe yours do, what few you have every eon or two. Let's hear your enlightening ideas, O Majestic One."

Sirius rolled his eyes, scooped up a clump of pink bubbles in his hand, and blew them in my direction. The effect he had hoped to achieve didn't exactly succeed; the bubbles floated idly in the pastel light of the prefects' bathroom, lolling lazily for a moment before popping without a sound. "Bugger. There goes that idea. But, really, Moony – I've been thinking."

"I feel the earth trembling beneath me."

He ignored my comment and said, "What we want to do is work up the grandest, most spectacular showing of pranks that Hogwarts has ever seen and ever will see. Not just some lame fireworks or dungbombs, Remus – the whole shebang. We want stuff to turn colors, hair to appear in places it shouldn't, and have all of the portraits strip, not just that stupid knight."

"You mean you want this," I said, though I couldn't hide the smile that was crossing my face. As much as I hated to admit it, the plan did sound rather appealing, if not, fun to execute. The aim of the whole operation, of course, would be to teach Lily a lesson – but in the end, it would entertain and appall everyone in the school. I couldn't wait to view the sour (and secretly delighted) expression on Professor McGonagall's face when she saw the aftermath of the whole thing. "Okay, okay, Sirius – I want this, too. Let's have some fun, shall we?"

Sirius grinned from amidst the bubbles. "Now you're talking, Moony!"

"I'm afraid so."

"I've given this a lot of thought – yes, surprising, I know." I was about to say something concerning the fact I was shocked and awed, but Sirius cut in quickly, "No! No interrupting me! I'm on a roll here and I've got to put everything out before I forget it all! Sure, there will be dungbombs and some rogue fireworks flying about the Slytherin common room –"

"The dungbombs will fly?" I asked, rather amusedly.

"Yes. While they deal with all that, though, far more amazing things will be taking place everywhere else. All of the portraits will be stark-bugging-naked and –"

I shuddered and interjected, "Even the ones in Dumbledore's office?"

"Especially the ones in Dumbledore's office! Just imagine old Dumbledore's expression when he walks in and sees Salazar Slytherin's –"

"Ugh."

"Anyway," Sirius said, "yes. When I say all of the portraits, I do mean all. Even the Fat Lady, bless her."

"Someone certainly did." I scratched my chin and admitted, "This is a bloody brilliant plan, Padfoot."

"I know. I thought it up all by myself."

"Impressive, knowing you." A slippery bar of soap was flung my way, but I ducked in time, and it bounced harmlessly off the tile wall. "Ah, I apologize, Sirius. I know how touchy and emotional you are."

"Me? Emotional? Moony, are you calling me girly?" A look of mock-offense was plastered over Sirius' face, but a smirk that was creeping in betrayed his theatrical show.

I smiled calmly. "Pink soap bubbles, Padfoot?" I asked dryly. "A lilac aroma?"

"Five dork points to Remus Lupin for knowing what species of flower it is."

I sighed dramatically. "Oh, but I digress. Back to your Master Plan, Padfoot."

Sirius smirked darkly, and I knew he had let me off way too easily. I'd have to watch out – I was certain he'd get me back soon enough. "Besides the portraits, though, I've got some ideas. Moony, do you have to be so far away? Drag that damn bench closer so I don't have to shout."

"Don't you usually?" But I climbed to my feet, picked up the wooden bench, and set it down a few feet away from the edge of the set-in bathtub. "There," I said as I sat down once more. "Care to continue, Sirius?"

"I was thinking," he said, the infamous impish grin returning to his features, "that we ought to do some hair pranks. They're always the best."

"Sirius, your hair is already better than everyone else's in this school. There is no comparison. Why prove the point any more?"

He laughed, and the sound echoed warmly through the roomy bathroom. "That has nothing to do with it. Hair pranks are just so damn funny! Think about it, Remus – if a unique color and style suited each house, what would it be?"

"Pink afros for Hufflepuff," I replied almost immediately, suddenly feeling quite mischievous myself. "Greasy green dreadlocks for Slytherin."

"Excellent, excellent!" Sirius snickered. "Go on – what about Ravenclaw?"

I felt a frown furrow my brow. "Ravenclaw? Hell, I don't know. Blue. Bright blue. Mohawks!"

"Yes!" Sirius clapped his hands together, sending a gob of soap bubbles floating upward, and said, "Remus, you've single-handedly decided what hair pranks we'll use – at least, for phase one of the hair pranks."

"What about Gryffindor? And since when were there multiple phases of hair pranks?"

"Since now. Just changing the styles and colors won't do – crazy stuff has to happen, too." He paused, remembering my first question, and said, "No pranking the hair of Gryffindors. We want them on our side – for the most part, that is."

"What about Lily?"

A charmingly evil grin spread across Sirius' face. "Her hair is already a funny color. But she, too, will have to suffer through phase two of the hair-pranking."

"Delightful." We carried on for several more minutes, discussing the exciting topic of what sorts of horrible things should sprout from our schoolmates' hair – Sirius seemed to think that horns were appropriate for various members of the Slytherin House. I offered that mushrooms should appear on the Hufflepuffs' heads. ("Mushrooms growing out of pink afros, Moony?" Sirius had asked. "Brilliant!") Once we had covered the details for making everyone's hair look awful, we moved on to the next stage of operations. "Trees? No. No way."

"Yes way! Just think – if we made trees grow in the Dungeons – think of how awesome that would be!"

"That would not be awesome, Padfoot."

Sirius reached up unexpectedly and grabbed my ankle, catching me completely off-guard. With a tug, he dragged me off the bench and I splashed into the hot water, opposite of him, foamy bubbles flying everywhere. Sirius grinned. "Fancy seeing you here, Moony."

I smoothed a hand through my soaking hair and said evenly, "Damn you."

"That's a very nice thing to say."

"My clothes are now wet."

"Try not to get chafed," Sirius offered unhelpfully, still smiling. "Now, about those trees…"

"If anyone walks in on us right now, they'll be presented with quite the amazing and disturbing sight," I grumbled, but made no attempt to climb out of the tub. The last thing I wanted to do was sit there, sopping wet, while Sirius rambled on about trees. Sure, I could have dried myself off quickly with any spell, but that would only provoke Sirius into dragging me in again.

"Bring them on!" he declared with a laugh. "But back to those trees…"

--

POV – James

Unnecessary studying was boring. Hell, any studying was boring, but studying for no reason at all was both boring and pointless. Here we were, three seventh-years, huddled around a library table like a bunch of nervous first-years, dusty books of all sorts splayed open in front of us – it was early November, and there were no upcoming tests or quizzes to speak of (at least, none that I cared about). What a fine way to spend a Sunday afternoon. I sighed and muttered a few swear words and blew my bangs out of my eyes, re-reading the same passage concerning the Salem Witch Trials for the sixth straight time. Bo-ring. Beside me, Peter fidgeted; I glanced over and realized he had stuck a comic book into a larger tome entitled The Dynamics of Casting Spells in Differing Temperatures. I couldn't fully suppress a laugh – and it came out in a noisy snort that Lily, who was seated across from me, noticed.

"Something funny, James?"

I couldn't help myself. A second later, I was howling with laughter, drawing much unneeded attention to our table. "Oh, Wormtail, that's a good one!" He was laughing, too, realizing just how stupid he had been to covertly read a comic within such a horrible-sounding textbook. "Padfoot and Moony'll love this!"

"Shut up, you two!" Lily hissed, setting down her equally-boring textbook. "Do you really want Madame Pince to give us the boot again?"

"I really wouldn't mind it, actually," I said, and Peter nodded in support.

"You guys are so unhelpful!"

"At least you don't have to deal with Sirius and Remus, too," Peter grumbled gloomily, carefully extracting his comic book from the pages of the horrid textbook.

"At least Remus would actually be reading!" Lily said, her green eyes flashing. "And, knowing him, he'd be on my side!"

This time, I didn't even try to hide my laugh. "Heh heh – I'm glad you think that, Lily." She glared daggers at me before obscuring her face once more with the dusty, ragged cover of a large book. I sighed and turned to Peter. "I wonder what they're up to right now. Wanna go check it out?"

"Yeah, their absence is making me somewhat paranoid."

I nodded. "The feeling's mutual, mate." I slid out of my chair and turned to Lily. "We're going off to see what sort of trouble Padfoot and Moony are brewing up."

Her head snapped up and she scowled. "James! How do I know you won't just go and put a hex on each and every Slytherin girl you see along the way?"

"If by 'girl' you mean 'Snivellus'…"

That was settled, then. Lily slammed the book shut, sending up a cloud of fine dust particles, and sprang from her seat. "I'll come. Besides, their absence is starting to make me nervous, too."

--

I trudged up the stone steps of the Gryffindor Tower, followed closely by Peter and, at a distance, Lily. She probably expected some sort of prank – rightfully so – and remained wary the entire time. Opening the door to the common room, I glanced around. "No one here. Then they're probably upstairs."

"Or off planning something horrible in the Shrieking Shack," Peter muttered.

"What?"

"Nothing, Lily," I said quickly, in a poor attempt to cover up the destination of the Marauders' monthly excursions. I turned back to the staircase and took it up to the dormitories, where the five four-poster beds shared a circular room. No one was there, and I snorted in frustration. "Where are those prats?" Grumbling to myself, I turned around quickly, nearly knocking Peter to the floor, and hurried back down the steps. "C'mon, Lily," I shouted as I descended the spiral staircase. "You're the smart one, here. If you were Sirius Black, where would you go?"

Catching up with me, Lily chuckled, and said rather dryly, "The nearest whorehouse."

Our laughs echoed off the stone walls of the tower as we continued to climb down the stairs. "No, really, where would he be? I suppose that the Room of Requirement could become a cathouse if Padfoot so wished, but I don't exactly think he's in need of a good shagging –"

"James!"

"Sorry, Evans." I paused, mid-stair, causing both Lily and Peter to run into me. "Oh, of course! The prefects' bathroom."

Lily's eye twitched. "And why would they be in there?"

I smirked. "Why not? Sirius, we're assuming, is with Remus. Remus is a prefect. Prefects hang out in the prefects' bathroom. Therefore, Evans, it makes complete sense." She still looked skeptical. "Fine," I said, continuing my purposely slow descent of the stairs. "Choose not to believe me. I'm betting four galleons that they're in there."

"You're on," Lily grumbled, and this was a pleasant surprise – both because of the fact that Lily never gambled, and also because I knew Sirius and Remus better than anyone else.

We stopped outside the closed door to the bathroom, and I extended my hand, banging on it wildly. From within came Sirius' voice, though he'd purposely made it sound high-pitched and girly. "Hello-o-o-o?"

I shot Lily a triumphant grin. "Pay up, Evans." She just rolled her eyes and stayed silent, obviously upset at the fact she was actually wrong. I turned back to the door. "Coming in, Padfoot."

"Oh, dear, I must cover myself!" Still the horrible attempt at a girly voice.

Without waiting any longer, I pushed the door open – only to find Sirius and Remus relaxing in the tub beneath a mountain of pink soap bubbles, both of them laughing their arses off. "What the bugger is wrong with you two?"

Sirius chuckled drunkenly – though there were no empty Firewhiskey bottles to be seen – and said, "Care to come for a swim, Prongs?"

"Um, no, especially not if you're both buck-naked under all those soap bubbles – which would be, by the way, very, very wrong."

"Worry not!" Sirius proclaimed in a knightly voice, "For Remus is fully clothed!"

I tried hard not to laugh, but couldn't help myself – the whole situation was just so damn stupid and hilarious at the same time. Turning to Remus – hoping to get more sense out of him – I asked, "What the hell are you guys doing?"

A smug grin appeared on his face. "Plotting," he said vaguely.

"Plotting?" I asked, confused.

Lily, looking both cross and perplexed, sniffed the air. "Who decided to use that awful lilac scent?"

"Ha!" Remus barked, pointing to Sirius. "Even Lily abhors it and she's a girl! That makes you girlier than a girl, Padfoot!"

Sirius sighed dramatically, twisting a lock of his dark hair around a finger. "I guess all the feminine contact that I receive nightly wears off on me somewhat…"

"Don't be ridiculous," I said. "Plotting, Remus? Is that all?"

He smiled cryptically and heaved himself out of the water, his shirt and pants and shoes absolutely soaked through. Never in his right mind would Remus go for a dip in his clothes – and I assumed that his present condition had to be Sirius' doing. "That's all, and all it ever will be."

"You sound drunk."

"That floral aroma is starting to get to my brain," he explained, retrieving his wand from the bench and muttering a quick spell that instantly dried his clothes. "Bugger, I still smell like the stuff, too."

Chuckling, I picked up a towel and tossed it toward the halfway-submerged form of Sirius. "Get the hell outta there, Padfoot. Lilacs and soap bubbles so aren't your thing."

"Sure you aren't turning into Lily?" Sirius asked, looking somewhat irritated.

"Why would I be?"

"Because you're being a bloody killjoy!" In the blink of an eye, Sirius had climbed out of the tub and had the towel wrapped around his waist. How he was able to pull that trick off, I had no idea.

"Me? A killjoy? Padfoot, I'm nothing like Lily…" Lily coughed, suddenly reminding us all of her presence, and I sighed. "Better let you get dressed, Sirius. Evans is preparing to punish me for making a garden grow out of Lucius Malfoy's hair."

"You did not!" Sirius gasped with glee.

"I did!" I shot a quick glance to Lily, and she looked like she was getting ready to decapitate me. "Shit! Better get going! Bye Padfoot! Bye Moony!" I rushed out of the prefects' bathroom, followed quickly by Peter, who, because of the lilac-scented soap, couldn't stop sneezing.

To be continued...
A/N: Chapter Two, completed... Hope you enjoyed it. And, if you did, why not leave a review? It'd make me happy! Chapter Three, coming soon!

-mo