Disclaimer: Harry Potter characters, settings, terms, and objects are all property of J.K. Rowling. So I don't own anything.
Author's Note: Okay, so my first time writing Sirius/Remus, give it a shot, and if there is a reason you don't like something, please send a thorough review. I'm still new at this.
Girls
"Moooonnnnnyyyyyy—" Sirius wailed, running into the Gryffindor boys dormitories, looking for his friend.
"Sirius Black, what is it?" Remus asked, putting his book down on his bed.
"Oh, there you are. I'm bored," the seventeen year-old boy answered.
Remus rolled his eyes. "You've been yelling my name for the last half an hour, just so you could tell me that you were bored?"
"You heard me scream for thirty minutes and you didn't answer me?"
The sandy-haired child just shrugged. "I figured that if it was important enough, you would come and get me. And you did."
"Yeah well, you could have saved me the trouble."
"Padfoot, is there a point to this conversation?" Remus inquired.
"I just broke up with Anna Marie and now I don't have anything to do."
"Why did you break up with her then?" Remus asked, trying not to let the hostility enter his tone.
Even if he did sound upset, Sirius, being Sirius, didn't notice. "I didn't like her."
"Why were you dating her if you didn't like her?"
Sirius grinned boyishly, and Remus colored a bit. "Why do you read books?"
"Padfoot, one of these days you're going to find the one person you can't live without," Remus replied with a shake of the head.
"Already have two people like that. You and James."
Remus flushed again but tried to hide it by picking up his book again. "I meant someone you wanted to have children with."
"Oh, you meant a girl."
"I never said it has to be a girl, there's always adoption after all," Remus muttered under his breath.
"What was that?" Sirius asked flopping onto the end of Remus's bed.
"I said, of course a girl, you half-wit. It's not like men can give birth."
"Yeah," his Animagus friend answered, Remus couldn't help thinking that he might have heard the slightest bit of disappointment. "Half to be after school though, dated nearly every girl in this school, 'cept the Slytherins of course, and not even I would try that."
"Well, maybe one day after Hogwarts, you'll run into one of your old classmates and see them in a new light."
"Nah, all the girl's are just too…not my type."
Actually curious, Remus asked, "Oh? And what exactly is your type?"
"I want a Lily."
"You want a flower?"
Sirius shook his head. "No, Moony, I want a Lily Evans. You know, a girl that looks nice but doesn't spend all day in front of mirror—"
"Oh no, that's your job," Remus commented.
Sirius just shot his friend a look and continued, "And she has to be smart and have a great sense of humour. I want her to be able to help with my pranks, not shoot them. She can't get moody at that time of month, and she shouldn't only be interested in spending money. Has to be grounded as well, can't keep flying off on whims or feel lost without her makeup, and has to love Quidditch as much as me."
"Padfoot, you've just described the perfect woman," the werewolf chuckled, "and unfortunately for you, and every male on the face of the earth, she doesn't exist. But there are more than enough women that come very close to perfect. You could be extremely happy with one of them."
"There could be someone out there like her," Sirius argued.
Remus shook his head, marking his place with his hand. "No one is perfect, Sirius, and if you love the girl then does it really matter if she likes pranks or sports?"
"I guess not."
"See? Now, where are James and Peter?"
"James is out with Lily, again. I swear, the boy was bad enough when he was simply her stalker, now that he's her actual boyfriend, it's gotten worse. Peter is off stuffing his face as usual."
"What do you expect from James Potter? He didn't give up after four years, what made you think he was going to quit after four weeks?" Remus retorted.
Sirius shook his hair out his face and Remus tried not to stare. "You know, I just thought of something."
"Quick, someone inform the Daily Prophet. Sirius Orion Black just had his first idea."
"Will you shut up for five minutes and let me talk?"
"All right, what is it?"
"You remind me of the perfect woman."
"And that is my cue to leave," Remus stated moving to get off the bed; Sirius's hand flew out and prevented him from leaving though.
"What? Why? I'm being serious," his black-haired friend whined.
"You're always Sirius."
"Okay, that joke was funny the first sixty times, but after third year, it just got annoying. Anyway, think about it. You always look nice, but you hardly ever look in the mirror."
"Once again, that's your job to stand there and stare in the mirror all day. Besides, I'm not handsome; I always look sickly and tired."
"But you're smart, and you help James and me with our plans."
"Which I shouldn't."
"And you like chocolate!" Sirius pointed out.
"So? You like liquor; does that make you an alcoholic?"
"No, but you also have a 'time of the month', though you're not moody about it like the girls. You just get more tired than usual."
"You better not let Lily hear you say that or else you'll never be able to have children," Remus commented.
"Better not let Lily hear him say what?" another voice broke in."
The pair turned around to see Lily Evans and her boyfriend, James Potter, standing at the dormitory door. "What are you guys doing here?" Remus inquired.
"Just wanted to see how things were, haven't seen you guys since lunch," James replied. "So what were you talking about?"
"Sirius here was just telling me how I am like a woman," Remus answered while Sirius flushed a faint pink.
"Oh, you were having that talk. We'll be leaving then."
Sensing something secret between the two boys, Remus sent a quick silencing spell Sirius's way and then asked, "What talk do you mean?"
"So Sirius hasn't told you yet? It's really not my place—"
"Oh no, he told me. I just didn't know he had told you first. Can't lie and say I'm not a bit hurt," Remus lied.
"It's perfectly understandable why Padfoot might want to talk to me first, Moony. He didn't want to tell anyone that he was gay and then have it turn out that it wasn't true."
Remus was shocked for a minute, but then the more he thought about it, the more it made sense. The reason that Sirius had never kept a girlfriend more than a week was because he wasn't interested in girls, it was just a front, like when the best place to hide something was right in the open. No one would ever think to call a man-whore like Sirius gay. Finally, Remus said, "Well, that makes perfectly good sense." Then he released the silencing spell from Sirius, who immediately went ballistic.
"I can't believe you just told them that, James! I wasn't planning on telling anyone else for another week," Sirius yelled. Then turning on Remus, he demanded, "And what do you mean that it makes perfectly good sense? I'm a Black, what do you think people are going to say?"
"But I thought—he said—" James stuttered.
"James, that happens to be the oldest trick in the book. Didn't you notice that he didn't say what I told him?" Sirius questioned.
"Now, Sirius, calm down, it was an honest mistake. True, a stupid mistake, but an honest one. Besides, Remus is your friend, I think he deserves to know in a way other than seeing you snogging a guy in the corridor along with all the second year girls," Lily intervened. By now James had told her all about the Marauders and what they did; she was, after all, his girlfriend, and their friend.
Sirius let out a breath, and sat back down on Remus's bed. "I know, I know. I'm sorry for getting so upset, Prongs."
"Sirius, you know that we don't care if you're homosexual or heterosexual. You're still Sirius 'Padfoot' Potter, Gryffindor prankster and man-whore," Remus replied.
"You know, I really didn't sleep with all those girls, only a few of them. The others just said I did to gain popularity," Sirius commented. "And what did you mean it makes perfectly good sense? I'm Sirius Black; I'm not supposed to be gay."
"Padfoot, what do you when you want to hide a piece for a prank from McGonagall?"
"That's easy; put it in the corridor along the wall."
"Exactly, you make it so obvious that everyone thinks it's harmless. It's the same with you."
Sirius let out a bark of laughter. "Right you are, Moony. Right you are."
"And we can still count on you to stir up trouble," Remus grinned.
"Yup, just like we can count on James to let it slide."
"Right," the third Marauder.
Lily shot him a look that didn't agree with that last statement, but didn't bring it up for argument. Instead she leaned on one of the bed posts and asked, "So, Sirius, got your eye on anyone?"
"Actually, yes, there is this one person. I've liked them for a while now, but I'm not going to say anything," Sirius replied, and Remus felt his heart sink, though he tried to keep an indifferent face.
"Hark, what is this I hear? Sirius Black is afraid to ask someone out?" James teased.
"I'm not scared; I just know they don't like me that way."
"Really? Who is it?"
"I'm not going to tell you!"
James raised an eyebrow. "It's not me, is it? Because I love you, Padfoot, but not that way."
"No, it's not you," Sirius stated and pretended to gag. "That's like incest, might as well go make out with Bellatrix."
"Bellatrix? It's not anyone in Slytherin, is it?" James asked, and Remus started to tune out on the conversation, as much as he would like to kill the fellow that Sirius fancied, he couldn't listen.
"Hufflepuff?" Lily tried.
"No."
"Ravenclaw?" James asked.
"No, he's in Gryffindor."
"Our year?" Lily questioned and when Sirius nodded, she continued, "Well, it's not James, and I hope it's not Peter."
"Bloody hell, woman, have you gone mental?" Sirius demanded. "Of course it's not that bloody twit, Peter. He might be my friend, but I don't like him that much."
"It can't be Tommy; you can't stand the little bugger. Now who does that leave?" James replied. Then his eyes widened with realization, and he mouthed, Moony?
Sirius nodded solemnly, and looked for gage his friend's reaction; he was surprised to see that his friend wasn't even paying attention to what they were saying. "Moony? Moony? Mooony!"
That seemed to jolt Remus out of it. "What? Sorry, Padfoot, got a bit distracted there. You were saying who you liked?"
Sirius sighed and looked a bit hopeless, Lily caught this and slyly commented, "You know, a nice pure blood is pretty hard to find. Most of them are all into that blood ranking stuff."
"Well, lucky you, you have two that don't give a damn about blood," Sirius commented.
"Yeah, but you know what is even harder to find? A homosexual pure blood, especially one who is willing to admit it, though even harder than that is a gay werewolf."
Sirius's eyes were wide enough to be tea saucers at the comment, and Remus nearly yelled, "Lily!"
Lily just smiled and started to the door, saying, "James, I think it might be best if we left. Now."
James followed after the redhead, causing Sirius to call, "Whipped!"
Remus asked, "What was that all about? And why did they leave?"
"Well, if you were paying attention, you would know that," Sirius replied happily, thinking that there might be a slight chance that Remus returned his feeling. "Moony, if I told you something and you thought it was stupid, you wouldn't hate me for it, would you?"
"Of course not, what are you thinking?"
"Would you like to go to Hogsmeade with me?" Sirius asked, looking right at his friend.
"You mean as a date? Well, that depends. Why do you want to date me?"
Sirius grinned, "Because you're Moony, and you're perfect."
"I won't be your play thing, Sirius. When I date someone it's because I fancy them and they fancy me, not just because it's fun."
Sirius leaned over and awkwardly kissed Remus. "I know that, Remus Lupin. I want a real relationship this time, not just some fling."
Remus smiled. "Then yes, I'll go to Hogsmeade with you. But what will people say?"
"Don't know, and right now, I really couldn't care less."
"You know changing is going to be awkward now, don't you?" Remus asked.
Sirius's grin turned into a smirk worthy of the name Malfoy. "No, changing now is going to be fun."
"Sirius Black!"
"That's my name, unfortunately," Sirius replied, leaning over to cut off any reply Remus might make.
That was just how Peter found them when he wondered in a couple minutes later. Upon seeing his two friends snogging on a bed though, he immediately dropped all the sweets in his hand and flew out the door, yelling, "Guys, find yourselves some girls!"
They broke apart and Sirius whispered, "I've already found mine."
Remus chuckled softly, "Padfoot, you ever call me a girl again, and I'll change you into one."
"Fair enough," Sirius replied, kissing Remus again.