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Chapter 6 Conversations

Booth entered the motel room and threw his overnight bag onto the bedspread. He looked round the room, taking in the threadbare green carpet and the broken blinds on the window. Strange place for Bones to choose, he thought, but if she was next door he would put up with it. He met Bones outside. "Where do you want to eat?" he asked her.

"There's a restaurant round the block," she told him. "They have decent Italian food."

He rubbed his hands together. "Sounds good to me. I'm starving."

She laughed. They walked to the restaurant and were soon tucking into pasta. Booth refused to say anything meaningful until after they had finished. Then they moved to the bar next door and Brennan had a glass of wine, while he sat nursing a beer.

He looked over the top of his glass at her. "Rebecca says she's moving," he said suddenly.

"Does this mean you're moving too?" she asked, looking concerned.

He shook his head. "There's no point. She's moving to get away from me."

She was silent for a moment. "Why the hell would she do that?" she asked finally.

Booth stared into his beer. "She thinks it's bad for Parker to keep seeing me. She thinks it upsets him too much. She's scared that something will happen to me and it would break his heart."

"Oh, and it wouldn't break his heart to stop seeing you?" she scoffed.

Booth loved her for that. "You don't have to convince me," he pointed out. "For some stupid reason she's got it into her head that I'm bad for Parker and nothing I say will change that."

"What are you going to do about it?" Bones asked him.

"I honestly don't think there's anything I can do. I don't want to upset him, Bones. If I try to fight her on this he's the one who'll get hurt."

"He's going to be hurt anyway. And so are you. You can't just let her take him out of your life, Booth. I know how much he means to you."

"I don't have any choice. She wouldn't marry me, Bones. I don't have any control in the situation, I only have whatever crumbs she lets me have. I've had a part in his life for four years. It's going to hurt, losing him, but I don't see any other option that wouldn't hurt far more." He looked up at her. "I'm not giving up on him, Bones. I just can't think of anything that would help, right now."

Brennan moved her seat closer to him, and laid her hand on his arm. "Believe me, Booth," she said quietly. "Nothing you could do could possibly hurt as much as leaving his life without him understanding why."

"He's too young, Bones. He won't understand."

"Which is why you have to stick around."

He stood up, slammed his beer on the table. "It's not me who's leaving, remember!"

"Hey, calm down, I know," she soothed him, grabbing his arm and pulling him back down. She smiled at a man nearby who looked ready to jump to her defence.

Booth settled back down. "I'm sorry. I just feel so helpless."

"I know. But there must be something. Have you tried mediation?"

"She won't have anything to do with that. She reckons she's in sole charge of Parker and I don't have any say in the matter."

"That's cruel and heartless."

He gave a short laugh. "That's Rebecca for you!"

He walked to the bar and fetched another round of drinks. "Anyway," he said, sitting down again and trying to smile. "I didn't know your boyfriend was an FBI agent."

He loved it when Brennan blushed. "It didn't seem worthwhile to correct him," she ventured.

"So, tell me about him. Do I know him? Hey, I might even work with him."

Brennan picked up her wine and drank. "Thanks for the drink and dinner," she said.

"You're changing the subject, Bones."

"You changed it first!"

He laughed. "I'll try and talk to Rebecca again when we get back, I promise. Maybe I can get her to see sense. I have to admit, when she told me last night I just kind of yelled at her. I guess it didn't help my case much, right?" He tilted his head and looked at her slightly sideways. She put her arm on his shoulder, and he smiled at her. The pain at the thought of losing Parker was still there, but he felt better for having confided in Brennan. He had been aware of a nasty feeling at the back of his stomach that maybe Rebecca was right; maybe having a father in law enforcement wasn't the steadiest of lives for a four year old. But Bones accepted it without question; worked in the same field herself. Somehow her quiet acceptance of him made it easier for him to demand the same sort of acceptance from Rebecca, at least where Parker was concerned.

The conversation turned to lighter subjects, and before they knew it the evening had turned to late night. Bones looked at her watch. "We'd better head to bed, I suppose," she said lightly.

Booth jumped. How could she...? He laughed at himself. You idiot, Booth, get a hold of yourself. That wasn't what she meant. They walked together as far as the motel, Booth resting his hand lightly in the middle of her back. When they reached Brennan's door, they stopped, and she stood looking at him. "Thank you for the meal, and for the evening," she said softly.

Booth held his breath. "Thank you for listening," he said, and he bent to kiss her.

Brennan jumped back, as if his move had been to slap her. "I don't..." she stammered.

"I'm sorry, I thought..." Booth's voice trailed off, as he cursed himself to hell and back for making such a stupid move.

"No, it's just..." Brennan seemed to be fighting for words. She looked up at him, her head tipped forward slightly, and he could see tears glistening in her eyes. "You've been drinking. I've been drinking. And you're upset. I don't – I don't want to be your consolation prize, Booth. I don't want you to kiss me because we're both slightly drunk and because you think I can make you feel better. I don't..."

He put his hand to her cheek. "I'm sorry, Temperance," he said gently. "I didn't try to kiss you because I'm drunk, because I'm not, and I know you can make me feel better, because you do whenever I'm with you. But if you're not ready, then I'll wait. Because you're worth the wait."

He watched her let herself in her door without looking back over her shoulder, then went to his own room. Shutting the door behind him with more force than was strictly necessary, he picked his bag off the bed and hurled it against the back wall of the room, then threw himself on the bed. It hurt, more than he could have imagined. He was sure Brennan had feelings for him, but he knew she needed more time to get used to the idea of a relationship, and now because he was upset with Rebecca and because he'd been drinking, he'd blown it all. How could he be so stupid? His mind racing, he lay on the bed staring at the ceiling. Suddenly he couldn't bear to stay in one place. He changed into a tracksuit and running shoes, and headed out of the door. When he felt like this there was only one thing that had ever felt right; running until he could run no more, until he had run all the anger and fear and hurt out of himself.

He had lost count of the pairs of running shoes he had worn out since his last tour of duty.

You know what I'm going to say! Reviews are always welcome. I'll update whenever I can, but I'm away from my computer for a few days soon and might not have a chance to update for a while. The good news is it means more time for actually writing the stories :-)