THE QUEST FOR THE EVIL HAIR PRODUCTS!
"Hang on suckas!" Mr. T yelled, reading this chapter as he was driving the T Van. But, it was too early to put in a Mr. T parody here. Foo'!
NOTE: Even if you haven't ever played Grandia, I'm sure you'll like this chapter. Grandia is an RPG, alot like Final Fantasy, but with alot of differences, too. Just... Enjoy!
DISCLAIMER: I do not own Final Fantasy or Kingdom Hearts or their related characters. They are owned by Square. I do not own Grandia or it's related characters. That is owned by Ubi-Soft/Game-Arts. I do no own Fruits Basket, Beyblade or any of the awards like the BAFTAs, Oscars, MTV, Brits. I do not own the song 'Eyes On Me'. Faye Wong owns that... As does Nobuo Uematsu. And... I think that's it. Oh well, if not, you can figure out what I don't own, I hope...
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CHAPTER SEVEN - NOT QUITE WHAT THEY HAD EXPECTED...
Let's recap, shall we? We have most of the Final Fantasy villains travelling around on an Airship, looking for the Evil hair products. The current team consists of Sephiroth, Kuja, Seymour, Kefka and Shuyin. However, they have just left the Final Fantasy Galaxy, and have landed in quite a peculiar adjacent one...
...Behold... THE GRANDIA GALAXY!
"OH GOD NO!" Shuyin yelled. "GRANDIA? TURN AROUND! WE HAVE TO GO BACK!"
"Why?" Kuja asked. "It's probably those guys that stole our stuff anyway."
"...B-But... Grandia's a RIVAL RPG! RIVAL, I TELL YOU!" Shuyin shouted overdramatically.
But, they had already come to the first world. There is no name for this world. Grandia I is what it's usually called. For the sake of it, let's just call it Elencia. That's the name of the New World in Grandia I, but there's also an East Elencia as the final continent (disc 2), so... ELENCIA! YAY! Let's go there now...
"GUIDO!" Justin, that crazy lead character of Grandia I, with a strange mass of spikey red hair yelled to the Italian rabbit. "PLEASE BE MY MANAGER!"
"I can-a not do it!" Guido said. "I am-a too busy!"
They were in Zil Padon, by the way. Land of the Mogay (Italian rabbits), and two other races of foreign animals, including Giraffes! It was destroyed by Gaia, and they were still tyring to rebuild it. Justin wasn't being of ANY help! Much like Sora, he was still overwhelmed by the fact that the Spirit Sword had chosen him as it's Master. Spirit Sword... Keyblade... They're both 'challenged' holy swords that chose fourteen-year-olds as their Masters.
"Hey, look. It's that loser... Keyblade." The Granasaber (Grandia II - Ryudo's Ultimate Weapon) said to Excalibur (A holy sword in general).
"Yeah! I'll bet he'll choose a fourteen-year-old as his Master!" Excalibur laughed.
"Yeah, and what's with that Mickey-Mouse keychain?" Ultima Weapon (FFVII - Cloud's Ultimate Weapon) smirked. "Huh? Huh? What a fag..."
"Don't look now, but it's that OTHER loser, Spirit Sword." Brotherhood (FFX - One of Tidus's Weapons, best WATER sword) chuckled.
"Yeah! I'll bet he'll choose a fourteen-year-old as his Master!" Lionheart (FFVIII - Squall's Ultimate Weapon) said.
Then all the (somewhat) holy swords laughed at the Spirit Sword and the Keyblade. Who both DID choose fourteen-year-olds as their Masters!
"PLEASE!" Justin whined. "I NEED A MANAGER, BADLY!"
"Justin, you are-a not helping with the repairs!" Guido argued. "Now, go-a find Rappino so he can-a help-a me lift this rock. It may-a look small, but it isn't to me-a!"
"Can't I help you lift the ridiculously tiny rock?" Asked Justin.
"NO! You are-a not cut outta for this work-a!" Snapped Guido. "RAPPINO! Go and find RAPPINO!"
"Okay, I'll go find him..." Justin sighed, and then walked off, but not before kicking the tiny pebble across the building site.
Anyway, as he was walking, who did he bump into, but... ... RAPP(ino) AND LIETE! YAY!
"Oh, hello, Justin!" Liete said. "Where have you been? Feena has been looking all over for you."
"I was asking Guido if he could be my manager..." Justin replied. "Oh, and by the way, he wants you to go help with the construction, Rapp."
"DAMMIT!" Rapp excalimed. "Okay... I'll just go tell him that I have to back to Cafu to stop the villagers from bombing Laine, okay?"
Then, he walked off in Guido's direction.
"Liete?" Justin asked. "Can you be my manager?"
"Sure. Why not?" Liete said unenthusiastically. She had NOTHING better to do. She didn't even know what she was managing him for. "Can we just go and find Feena, now?"
"Yeah, okay."
So, the 'Chosen One' and the crazy Priestess of Alent walked out of Zil Padon, when they were approached by... THE VILLAINS!
"Wow. You guys look weird." Justin said.
"Umm... Justin. I don't think that's a good id--" Liete hinted, but then Sephiroth had already thrown Justin into a wall.
When the dust cleared, Justin suddenly adapted to the whole 'Fourteen-year-old Master' thing, jumped up, and skipped over to Seph like he was Sora skipping over to Auron.
"Wow Mister. You're really strong. Are you a hero?" He asked.
"Yes." Sephiroth lied. Actually, Sephiroth was ONCE a hero. But we don't have to go into the detail of that.
"WOW!" Justin exclaimed, since he wasn't all that much of a hero at all himself and he was AMAZED by there actually being a hero infront of him! "So, you're all a band of travelling heroes?"
"That's right!" Kuja said enthusiastically, stepping forward.
"Oh. I'm sorry, Miss." Justin said, as if Kuja was hinting that there was a HEROINE among them. "A HEROINE, as well!"
Then, there was the sound of glass breaking, and Kuja turned all dark and stuff and suddenly there was a blast of energy and he sent Justin flying into the same wall that he just flew into.
"HOW DDDDAAAAARRRRRRREEEEEEEEE YOU?" He screamed.
Liete sweatdropped.
"Uh... Hehehehe... You'll have to excuse Justin. He's a little 'close-minded' for a Chosen One." She laughed, since she's smart and she knew Kuja was a Crossdresser.
"Wow Miss. You're really strong. Are you a heroine?" Justin asked, returning to the group.
"No. I'm the Goddamn QUEEN OF HEARTS!" Kuja yelled, and threw Justin over the wall and back into Zil Padon.
Anyway, back in Zil Padon, Guido had just finished a building, and Rapp had previously got out of the construction work and gone to find Justin and Liete. But, Kuja had catapulted Justin, and he crashed into the top of the building, causing it to collapse. But it's okay. Justin is almost IMMORTAL from the Spirit blessings, and he jumped right back out, unharmed.
"JUSTIN! You-a wreck-a the Children's Hospital!" Guido yelled, rolling up the sheet of blueprints and whacking him over the head with it.
Then, all the sick and orphaned children who were just about to watch the opening ceremony all looked sad, and walked away. Back plains outside, Liete was directing the Villains towards the J-Base, the place where the EVIL guys of Grandia were. To save time, let's skip ahead to them there.
"Oooohh..." Kefka said in amazement, staring at the HUGE base.
"It's not that great." Sephiroth said. "Shinra have better bases than this place."
But, anyway, they went inside, and to the right, up some stairs, into a room, they killed all the guards in the way, went to the right again, along some weird railway ruins, killed some monsters that happened to be down there, and then took an elevator to a honeycomb room. Why was it a honeycomb room? I dunno. It was how the graphic designers made it.
"MWA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HAAAAAAAA!" Baal laughed overdramtically, his eye almost popping out of it's socket.
"Think this is the guy?" Seymour asked quietly.
"Let's listen..." Shuyin suggested, and then they were all quiet again.
"I FINALLY HAVE IT!"
The Villains all looked hopeful that Baal was talking about the Evil hair stuff.
"I FINALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S LARGEST CUBIC ZIRCONIA!" He cried, holding it up. We all thought it was the Spirit Stone, didn't we?
They all groaned, and then Baal turned around, hugging the giant stone.
"WHO DARES ENTER THE LAYER OF BAAL? MY GUARDS SHOULD HAVE STOPPED YOU!"
"Oooohhh... Sorry, douche. We killed them all." Seph said.
"Douche? YOU DARE CALL THE GENERAL - THE SUPREME COMMANDER - OF THE GARLYLE FORCES A DOUCHE?" Baal roared.
"Yup." Sephiroth said promptly, seeing as how he was the General of the Shinra Forces and he can say what he likes, because it was the SAME RANK! HAHAHA!
"I'M NOT A DOUCHE!" Baal cried, wrapping himself around the cubic zirconia and lying on the floor, sucking his thumb.
'Well, this is easy...' Seph thought, and then he continued to yell at him. "YES YOU ARE! You're a HUGE douche, in fact, you're the biggest douche EVER!"
"NNNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"
"YYEEEESSSS! THE BIGGEST DOUCHE IN THE UNIVERSE!"
"NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! GGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" Baal shouted, and then he threw the cubic zirconia to the side (with a smashing sound), and stood up, and whipped out from under his cape... HIS GAIA ARM! OH DEAR LORD!
"Okay." Sephiroth said, his hand on the Masamune. "NOT good."
"YES! GYA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA! GAIA LORD! GGGAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIAAAAAAA LLLLLLLLLOOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRRRDDDDDDDD!" Cackled Baal, as if he were the evil maniac of the friggin' world... Well, he is in THIS world.
"Wow. Do we have to fight this guy?" Shuyin asked, drawing his sword from his back.
"IT COMES!" Kuja shouted, stepping forward as if he were Paine.
"WAIT! STOP!" Leen yelled, running on and smacking the shit outta Baal using her Icarian powers. "DON'T FIGHT HERE!"
"Foolish ICARIAN!" Baal said, recovering and running towards Leen with his sword.
She tried to move but he was about to attack her but then who came to her rescue but... MULLEN! YAY! Mullen is cool. He's evil, but then he's a good guy, too. But he's still evil. HE'S CLASSED AS A BAD GUY - GET USED TO IT! He blocked Baal's attack.
"I am here, Father!" He shouted. "TO RECLAIM THE WORLD'S LARGEST CUBIC ZIRCONIA!"
He pushed Baal away, and then Leen put her hand on her hips.
"Oh... And to save Leen, too." Mullen said dully.
MULLEN
Aka. Colonel Mullen, Herr Mullen, 'Mullen is a jerk', Scary Blonde Soldier Guy
Age: 23
Occupation: Not very evil but still a bad guy Colonel of the Garlyle Forces
Height: I'm gonna have to look this one up...
Weapon: Sword
I decided to have Mullen as the villain instead of Baal. Why? Because I hate Baal more than any other villain ever. He's like... HOJO! Because he's crazy... Which makes Mullen like Sephiroth, because he's cool, a bad guy, and the son of the crazy guy. Baal doesn't even... DESERVE TO BE IN THIS FIC! HAHAHAHA! That's why I'm mocking him. I hate Baal. I hate the psychopathic General. KILL HIM, MULLEN!
Did I mention Mullen has very volumised hair? It's so whooshy... AND BLONDE! It's like Cloud's... BUT LONG! AND WHOOSHY! And did I mention he was Baal's son? Oh yeah. Yeah, I did. So... Uh... A bad point? Well, he goes out with Leen. And she's Feena's twin sister. And she looks like Kadaj... And like Fujin (FFVIII, but when in KH2). Plus, she's only 15, and Mullen's 23. GASP! CHILD ABUSE! No, that's not the right word... PERVERT! No, wait, he's not the pervert... Baal is. Baal is also a dirty old man. The way he treated Feena when he captured her! EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWWWW! Still... There's like... 8 years age difference... It'd be okay if she was 20 and he was 28 or something like that, but... 15! LEEN IS 15 YEARS OLD! Oh well... At least he didn't fall for Nana, Saki or Mio. That would've been worse! (Okay, so Nana, Saki and Mio are 18, completley cancelling out everything I just said, but do I care? NO! NO I DO NOT!)
"Anyway..." Mullen continued. "The Biggest Douche Of The Universe Awards are about to be held here in... 5... 4... 3... 2... 1..."
And suddenly, the whole honeycomb room changed to a big awards ceremony! YAY! It was the... BIGGEST DOUCHE OF THE UNIVERSE AWARDS! There was sparkly stuff, a stage, MORE sparkly stuff, and a crowd full of people!
"That's ironic..." Sephiroth said, raising an eyebrow.
"Welcome to the Biggest Douche Of The Universe Awards!" Edea said, appearing at the stand on the stage, wearing her Sourceress's outfit and not her Matron one. "I'm your hostess lady, Edea Kramner, and I'd like to take this chance to tell my husband Cid that I WANT A DIVORCE!"
"NO!" Cid VIII yelled from somewhere in the crowd.
"What the hell?" All the other, very confused Cids yelled in utter confusion.
"Now that that's cleared..." Edea continued. "Let's get on with the Awards! Yay! Presenting the award for Smallest Douche of the Universe is my personal Smallest Douche in the universe; Sora from Kingdom Hearts!"
Numerous people in the crowd laughed at the joke (if you don't understand, Edea meant that Sora is small and a douche. Gettit now?), and Sora walked on to the stage, and stood on the pile of books placed there.
"Ahem..." He cleared his throat. "The nominees for Smallest Douche of the Universe are... Squall Leonheart, Final Fantasy Galaxy, Planet VIII!"
The spotlight shone on Squall, and he just waved very UNentusiastically, and the crowd applauded. Then Sora continued.
"...Bleep-Bleep The Bleeping Bleeper, Bleeping Galaxy, Planet Bleep!"
Bleep-Bleep was a robot that just bleeped... All day long... He wasn't much of a douche at all! He gained LOTS of applause! More than Squall!
"...Yuki Sohma, Fruits Basket, Milky Way Galaxy, Planet Earth!" Sora continued.
Yuki waved, and Kyo hit his head against a nearby wall. He gained LOTS of applause! More than Squall!
"And finally... Undouchey Undoucherson, Very Undouchey Galaxy, Planet Undouche!" Sora said.
The spotlight went over to a very friendly looking alien, and there was an uproar from the crowd of cheering and whilstling, more applause than Squall, Bleep-Bleep and Yuki got put together!
"And the winner is..." Sora said, opening the gold envelope as Nobuo played a drum roll. "YUKI SOHMA! FRUITS BASKET, MILKY WAY GALAXY, PLANET EARTH!"
"I won?" Yuki excalimed, looking shocked (in a good way), walking up to the stage.
"HE WON?" Kyo excalimed, looking shocked (in a bad way), before continuing to hit hs head against the wall.
On stage, Yuki was presented with the Smallest Douche of the Universe award. Why? He's the LEAST biggest Douche, that's why! You can imagine how gutted Undouchy Undoucherson was! And, you can also imagine Squall's fury.
"Calm down, Squall." Aeris said. "Just because you didn't win this, you could always win the Biggest Douche Of A Boyfriend Of The Universe Award."
"Why? Because I left Rinoa for you, and now I'm treating you like shit?" Squall asked.
"Pretty much. When you said you were taking me on a date to an Awards ceremony, I thought you meant suave ones, like the BAFTAs, or the Oscars, or the MTV awards."
"Aerith, the MTV awards are not 'suave'."
"Stop calling me Aerith! IT'S AERIS!"
"Fine. Whatever."
"And the MTV awards are still very, very suave."
"No they're not! If you can call half-naked girls dancing on stage to R'n'B suave, then be my guest."
"...Okay, the BRIT awards, then!"
"...I guess they're more organised..."
Anyway, after Yuki had thanked everyone (except Kyo and Akito, and possibly Shigure), he sat back down, and Sora left the stage and Edea came back on.
"Okay, people." She said. "Our next award is the Smallest Douchette of the Universe. Presenting the award is Paine from Final Fantasy X-2."
Paine got lots of applause as she walked onto the stage. Or maybe it was because Edea was walking of... Nah, couldn't have been...
"Okay, losers. The nominees for Smallest Douchette of the Universe are... Aeris Gainsborough, Final Fantasy Galaxy, Planet... Uh... The Planet."
Aeris waved and got lots of applause. Why? Because she's Aeris.
"...Bleep-Bleep The Bleeping Bleeper Female, Bleeping Galaxy, Planet Bleep." Paine continued, not sounding very excited, as usual.
Bleep-Bleep Female was practically the previous Bleep-Bleep, with a polka-dot ribbon on her head.
"...Leen, Grandia Galaxy, Planet Elencia." Paine said, as the spotlight went to Leen, who got lots of applause too. "And finally, Undouché McUndouche, Very Undouchey Galaxy, Planet Undouche."
And yes, you've guessed it, Undouché McUndouche got lots of applause, yada yada yada, let's see who won...
"And the winner is..." Paine said, opening the envelope as Nobuo played a drum roll again. "Undouché McUndouche, Very Undouchey Galaxy, Planet Undouche."
The crowd applaused. Leen's jaw dropped. Bleep-Bleep Female started crying but then exploded because she's a robot and if robots cry they explode. Aeris just kept stuttering...
"Wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh..."
Squall just burst out laughing.
"SO MUCH FOR THAT, EH, AERITH?"
"I can't believe it!" Aeris said.
"Hey, no big deal, right?" Squall asked, putting his hand on her shoulder. "I'll bet you came second!"
"But second's not the winning PLACE!" Aeris whined.
"Wow... Don't get worked up about it... Maybe you can win Biggest Douchette of a Whiner of the Universe!"
"That's not very nice!"
"But it's true!"
Anyway, Undouché spoke in her native tounge that no one (except Undouchey Undoucherson) could understand, so Paine just shoved the award into her... Tentacle... And pushed her off stage. Then, she walked off, and Edea walked back on.
"Our next catergory is the Biggest Yaoi Douche of the Universe. Because of the lack of nominees, there isn't a Yuri one, but YAOI all the same!" Edea said. "Presenting the award is Joey Jo-Jo Junior Shabadoo."
She walked off, and Joey Jo-Jo walked on.
"Ahem... Hey everyone!" Joey Jo-Jo said. "The nominees for Biggest Yaoi Douche are... Tyson Granger, Beyblade, Milky Way Galaxy, Planet Earth."
"Uh... Joey?" Someone off stage said. "Tyson Granger is dead!"
"Oh..." Joey said. "Well, looks like there's only 3 nominees then! Lessee... Cloud Strife, Final Fantasy Galaxy, Planet The Planet."
Cloud just shook his head. It's not like he WANTED to be nominated.
"...Second, we have Kyo Sohma, Fruits Basket, Milky Way Galaxy, Planet Earth."
"WWWWWWWWWWWHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA?" Kyo yelled in shock. SHOCK! SHOCK! HORROR! HORROR!
"And finally, Theyaoidouchinator, Yaoi Galaxy, Planet Yaoi." Joey came to the end of the list.
Nobuo began his drum roll again, and Joey opened the envelope.
"And the winner is..." Joey said. "CLOUD STRIFE! Final Fantasy Galaxy, Planet The Planet!"
There was applause. Cloud was pushed to the isle by Aeris, and then he reluctantly walked up onto the stage.
"Did I just win Biggest Yaoi Douche of the Universe?" Cloud asked Joey.
"Yes. Yes you did." Joey replied, handing him the award, then he stepped aside for Cloud to make his speech.
"Okay, everyone. Can you just give me about 5 minutes?" He asked.
Everyone was quiet for 5 minutes whilst Cloud downed over twenty Matrix lagers. Then, once he was drunk enough, he grabbed the microphone. I guess... He didn't want to be sober for the speech.
"I'd like to dedicate my next song to my Yaoi life partner - Aeris." He said, his speech slurred, and his body almost toppling over from the excess of alcohol. "He's rrrrreeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaalllllllllllllllllyyyyyyyyyyy hot..."
Then, he broke into singing Eyes On Me, but Edea walked onto the stage with Security, who escorted him off, still singing... Badly... Worse than usual! Joey Jo-Jo had to leave because of fits of laughter. Sephiroth was also in fits of laughter, and having to hold onto Kuja for support from laughing so much. None of the other Villains really found it funny, because they didn't really know Cloud. Aeris was staring at the stage, gaping, and Squall was literally crying and couldn't breath, leaning on her shoulder, laughing with that silent laughter alot of people have. Like me. (Insert silent laughter here).
Anyway, the other awards were... Biggest Douche of A Boyfriend. Squall won that; Biggest Douchette of a Whiner. Whiny Houston from Earth won that; Biggest Douche of SquareSoft/Enix. Ansem from Kingdom Hearts won that. He wasn't pleased; Biggest Selling Douche. Why, Michael Jackson, of course; Fattest Douche. Cid VIII. Edea was satisfied. And then, finally, they came to the actual Biggest Douche of the Universe award. Edea presented it. It made sense.
"The nominees for Biggest Douche of the Universe are..." Edea said. "Ursurla Goajokiloparnmapetitchien, Hazelnut Galaxy, Planet Umbrella."
Ursurla was COVINCED that she could win this one.
"...Irvine Kinneas, Final Fantasy Galaxy, Planet VIII!" She continued.
Irvine, of course, thought he was winning Sex God of the year, and grinned, waving his gun in the air. Vincent just shook his head, all the time thinking 'At least he's keeping the fan girls away...'
"...General Baal, Grandia Galaxy, Planet Elencia!" Said Edea.
Baal just sat in his chair, looking pretty annoyed, as Edea came to the end of the list.
"And finally, Douchey Douche-Douche, Douchey Galaxy, Planet Douche!" She said, as the spotlight hit Douchey Douche-Douche.
Then, Nobuo did another drum roll.
"And the winner is..." Edea said, opening the envelope. "...Why, it's General Baal, Grandia Galaxy, Planet Elencia!"
"NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Baal yelled, as random aliens gave him the award and a wreath and a badge that said 'I'M THE BIGGEST DOUCHE OF THE UNIVERSE!'.
The crowd cheered, and Sephiroth had to fight the urge to go up and yell 'TOLD YA SO!' at him. Then Nobuo went up to sing.
"Here he is... The Biggest Douche Of The Universe! In all the GALAXY, there's no bigger DOUCHE than YYYYYYYYYYYYOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUU!"
Baal just shook his head.
"Oh, drat."
Nobuo then sang loads of random Japanese, and Faye Wong came out, along with Priscilla Chee, TamTu Bui and Koda Kumi to sing a very random Japanese song, with the word 'Douche' slotted into it every so often.
Anyway, soon, it just went back to the crazy old honeycomb room.
"Well, I hate to say I told you so, but I TOLD YOU SO!" Sephiroth said. "Now, hand over the Evil hair stuff, before I nominate you for next year's awards, too!"
"What Evil hair stuff?" Baal yelled, getting rid of the wreath and the badge and the award.
"Oh, the Evil hair stuff?" Mullen asked. "You know about that?"
"Wow! It WASN'T anyone in this world!" Kuja said. "Why is everyone a suspect. It'd be easier to look for clues."
"Shut up, Kuja. It's my way or the highway." Sephiroth said.
"Highway." The other four said.
"OKAY! OKAY!" Seph reasoned. "We'll look for clues."
So, anyway, they left, and went back to the Airship that was parked in the Savanna.
"This is taking too long. We're going to start turning good soon, you know that?" Seymour said.
Sephiroth scratched the back of his head. He didn't say anything, because he's too illogical to have thought of something to say. Instead, Kuja said something, in a VERY RPG moment, as the sun began to set over East Elencia.
"We can't give up!" He shouted. "We'll find the stuff soon! I'm sure of it!"
"How can you be sure?" Kefka asked, seeing as how he hadn't said much in a while.
"Well... I... I JUST AM!"
"Hey!" A voice called. It was... MULLEN! Yay...
He approached them.
"If I go with you, will I be able to find my Evil Conditioner?" He asked.
"Probably." Shuyin replied.
"Definatly!" Kuja said, lighting up all of a sudden. "But, you can only come on ONE condition!"
Hahahahahaha! One CONDITION! Hahahahahahaha! How FUNNY you are, Kuja!
"What's that?" Mullen asked.
"You give me your volumising tips."
"... ...Deal."
So, Mullen left Leen, much in the same way Shuyin left Lenne, and went with the Villains as the first non-FF Villain aboard that ship. I know he already had the Battleship Lyonlot as his Airship, but I don't care! FOOLS! HAHAHAHAHA!
Anyway, I'll bet you're wondering what happened to the crazy non-evil Grandia characters. Well, Justin and Liete NEVER found Feena. Rapp found her in the Zil Desert, eating sand. Guido rebuilt the Children's Hospital, but then Milda was taking part in a Javelin contest in Laine, and... Well... You know... Gadwin, I assume, had absolutely nothing to do with the Douche Awards or this chapter at all. Sue and Puffy didn't, I can tell you that now. Who else... Darlin, Derlin and Dorlin are the three most ridiculously named wise men ever. They're not even men. They're talking bulls. And Darlin is married to Milda. Derlin... Is the most irrelevant one... And Dorlin lost his horn and is in love with Liete and wanted to make a statue of her. Eeeewww... Nicky had almost nothing to do with the GAME, never mind this chapter! Lilly was a pirate, and Java died by walking infront of the train from Parm that can't POSSIBLY go ANYWHERE, because there are NO OTHER towns on Messina! Did YOU see one? That's what I thought! I assume the train just went in a big pointless circle, past the Leck Mines, past random empty grasslands, past the Sult Ruins and Marna Road, and then right back to Parm! ARGH! Who else... Pakon was like... A spoof of Don Corneo... But maybe not as bad. No, no... No... Wait... I dunno! UTTER CONFUSION! ARGH!
I know what we should do...
BASS IT!
PLEASE DONATE TO THE FAQ! That means YOU, readers! Leave a review with ANY question you want! I'm being serious, now. The FAQ WANTS question for ArcBus to answer!
ArcBus: Aw, c'mon guys... Please! QUESTIONS! Ask a question! IT CAN BE ANYTHING YOU WANT! You are entirely welcome to ask any of the characters questions, too! Even BAAL! You can ask BAAL a question! Like... Why is your name like Ball?
Baal: Foolish girl! You challenge my powers?
ArcBus: Yeah... Douche.
Baal: STOP THAT! (runs off crying)
ArcBus: Also ready to answer any questions... THE SHMS!
Kadaj: I'm ready... I'M READY! (jumps around) I'M READY!
Yazoo: I'm not. I'm not sure I want to be part of this story anymore... (Is suddenly locked in a cage) ...Oh, fuck...
Loz: I WANT MY TEDDYBEAR! (starts to cry)
Sephiroth: No, seriously! These guys CAN'T be my clones...! (screams like a little girl)
ArcBus: (Stares at Seph) Uhhh... Well, toodles!
Mr. T: I pity that Suckaroth foo'!
FURTHER DISCLAIMER: The Biggest Douche Of The Universe Award was a parody of South Park's... Well... Biggest Douche Of The Universe Award. I sure as hell hope you found that funny. I DON'T OWN MR. T! He's from the A-Team. I dunno who owns that... Anyway...