THE QUEST FOR THE EVIL HAIR PRODUCTS!
"I forgot to ask, Justin." Liete said, as they walked around the crazy Savanna, seeking Experiance Points. "Why did you want a manager?"
"Well, Liete, that's a very good question." Justin replied, pulling on a black leather jacket. "It's because..."
Suddenly, Rock With You popped on it the background, and Justin began lip-syncing to it, adding in Michael Jackson 'hee-heeeeeeeee's every so often. Oh dear... He was going to be a Justin Timberlake impersinator, generally because he was called... Justin.
NOTE: Another Grandia chapter. This time it's Grandia II. Yippee! I'm also very sorry that this took a while. Writer's block and other fics.
DISCLAIMER: I do not own Final Fantasy or Kingdom Hearts or their related characters. They are owned by Square. I do not own Grandia or it's related characters. That is owned by Ubi-Soft/Game-Arts. Except Grandia III, which is Square's, too.
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CHAPTER EIGHT - SIMILARITIES
The Cursed Land. It has cliffs, or scars. It is the Cursed Land. That is the name of the world. Or, just as easily, you could call it the Grandia II world. There, people worship Granas, the God of Light, or they don't worship anyone at all. Unless they're possessed by a piece of Valmar. Then they worship Valmar.
Our chapter begins in the crazy little village of Carbo. Apart from the St. Heim Papal State, and the little, very unimportant one in Liligue, Carbo was the only place on the vast Grandia II map that had a place of worship in it. It had a little church, where as the St. Heim Papal State had a HUGE CATHEDRAL! Built... FOR GRANAS! Except, then that crazy Pope Zera decided to resurrect Valmar. VILLAINOUS IRONY! GASP!
Anyway, the leading lady of the game - Elena - was singing at the church. She was singing that lovely song that she sung when Ryudo first encountered her! Yay!
"Oh, I'll NEVER get better!" She sighed, even though she's a better singer than... YUNA! GASP! THAT'S AN ACHIEVEMENT!
"What you do not desire will not come, but what you do will float on the wind like a powerless feather towards you." Mareg said.
"EH? MAREG?" Elena exclaimed. "AREN'T YOU DEAD?"
"Indeed." Mareg said, and then poofled away to beast-man Heaven, or wherever he was meant to go. Maybe he'll come back? I don't know...
Anyway, who happened to enter the village but... THE VILLAINS! YAY!
"What the crap?" Kuja yelled. "Mullen, I thought you said you knew where you were going!"
"Well. To tell you the truth, I'm a liar." Mullen said.
"Technically... You can't say that." Seymour said. "If you say that, you're either lying about telling the truth or telling the truth about lying!"
"WHAT?" Everyone else yelled.
"IT'S CALLED LOGIC!" Seymour shouted, his veins popping.
"Ohhh..." Everyone except Sephiroth mumbled, since they had figured it out.
But Sephiroth couldn't figure it out. Say it with me... He's too illogical. Anyway, at that very moment, who popped out of the church but... ELENA! YAY! Who else?
"Oh! TRAVELLERS!" She squealed. "You're lost, right? Lemme help you? RIGHT?"
They all backed away.
"RRRRRRRRRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT?" Elena coerced angrily.
Shuyin hopped forward.
"Well, you know, you can, but we don't exactly know where we're going..." He said.
"OH! Well, you're in the village of Carbo right now! That's the church right back there! Go pray and Granas's light will guide you on your path!"
They all blinked at her. Go... Pray? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH! Well, no one laughed. They just... Stared.
"Okay, then, maybe I can't help you..." She said sheepishly.
"Only the cheese can turnover." Mareg said, appearing randomly again. He meant, like, a cheese turnover... "You must know that, Elena."
"Whatever." She sighed.
Mareg then poofled away again.
"Wait a minute..." Sephiroth said, suddenly thinking back to FFVII. "You're name's... Elena?"
"Yup." She said.
"And you're blonde?"
"Yup."
"And annoying?"
"Yup."
"And... You're called Elena?"
"Yup."
SIMILARITY ONE - Elena and Elena
Turk Elena. Annoying, blonde... And called Elena.
Granas Acolyte Elena. Annoying, blonde... And called Elena.
Are they the same person? Elena from the Turks is probably older than the Grandia Elena. But still... Elena... And... Elena... And... BLONDE ANNOYINGNESS! ARGH! Need I say more?
"Where's my paycheck?" (Turk) Elena yelled.
"Ryudo, stop complaining about your 'paycheck'." (Grandia) Elena yelled, before she suddenly left the CRAZY similarity box and went back to the story plot.
"Blonde... Annoying... And called Elena..." Sephiroth said slowly. He couldn't quite get around that one.
"Well, anyway, you should go to the Island of Garlan!" Elena said, seeing as that was the only thing she could really think of for them to do.
"But, uh, we didn't even tell you wha--" Kefka began, but then suddenly... THEY WERE ON THE ISLAND OF GARLAN! AAAARRRRRRGGGGGHHHHHH! Stupid scene transitions that just WRECK EVERYTHING!
"O...kay..." Kuja said, looking around, because Garlan isn't exactly a pretty, sunny island with palm trees and beaches and blue skies and the ocean and Phantom Planet breaking into California every five minutes! "This is Garlan, right? We'll just have to trust that Elena girl, won't we?"
Without much choice, they just went into the crazy Garlan village... Until... Suddenly...
"What... The...? GASP! BAD GUYS!"
The group turned to see, with a pallid face, everyone's favourite Grandia lead (we hate Justin, Evann and Yuki) - RYUDO! He drew the Granasaber. I know he buried it, but I don't care.
"You're BAD GUYS! I CAN TELL!"
"We prefer the term 'Villains'." Seymour said in his ritsy voice, swishing his hands about like he did at random intervals in FFX.
"And how the hell did you know, anyway?" Gasped Shuyin, actually sounding pretty damn shocked.
"I have an eye for bad guys. It's natural for the lead character. Oh well... Bring on the..."
SIMILARITY TWO - Ryudo, Cloud and Their Crazy Love Triangles
"WHAT THE HELL?" Ryudo yelled as the similarity title appeared.
Cloud. A mercenary. He was decieved by the one person he trusted the most - Sephiroth.
Ryudo. A Geohound. He was decieved by the one person he trusted the most - Melfice.
For those of you who haven't played Grandia II, you may be wondering what a Geohound is. Well, I'll tell you. Geohounds go around, hired by people to do any job. What do mercenaries do? Pretty much the same thing, yeah?
They're mercenaries, lead characters, decieved by the 'trusty' bad guys, and have five letters in their names. You know that much, but let's go into detail with the 'romantic' side of their stories.
Cloud likes Aeris. Aeris likes Cloud. Tifa likes Cloud, but Cloud is more interested in Aeris. Yeah.
Ryudo likes Elena. Elena likes Ryudo. Millenia likes Ryudo, but Ryudo is more interested in Elena.
Gottit? Need I say more? Gah...
"Well, now that that random useless piece of information had finished, I'm gonna kick your asses!" Ryudo yelled loudly, before he got hit by Ultima.
"...Let's just continue." Seymour said after casting that very nasty spell.
So, they did. And then they went up that creepy Grail Mountain, for no apparent reason.
"Are we at the top yet?" Shuyin asked.
"No." Everyone replied.
"Are we at the top yet?" Shuyin asked.
"No." Everyone replied.
"Are we at the top yet?" Shuyin asked.
"No." Everyone replied.
"Are we at the top yet?" Shuyin asked.
"No." Everyone replied.
"Are we at the top yet?" Shuyin asked.
"No." Everyone replied.
"Are we at the top yet?" Shuyin asked.
"No." Everyone replied.
"Are we at the top yet?" Shuyin asked.
"No." Everyone replied.
"Are we at the top yet?" Shuyin asked.
"No." Everyone replied.
"Are we at the top yet?" Shuyin asked.
"No." Everyone replied.
"Are we at the top yet?" Shuyin asked.
"No." Everyone replied.
"Are we at the top yet?" Shuyin asked.
"NNNNNNOOOOOOOOOO!." Everyone yelled, and then they drew their weapons.
Shuyin then shut up until they reached the Plateau.
SCENE TRANSITION! On the Plateau...
"So, like, why did we even come up here anyway?" Mullen asked, swishing his swishy hair about.
The others all shrugged, and then suddenly there was a CRASH and a FLASH of THUNDER and LIGHTNING! AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! OMG! SCAR-EE!
And then nothing happened. And then someone fell from the sky. It was... POPE ZERA! ACK!
"I AM MERCIFUL - TO THE DEAD!" He roared, and then laughed manically.
And then, alluva sudden, a big wave of energy pushed him off the cliff. He fell RIGHT off the edge, still laughing as he went to his horrible, horrible second death. Stupid bloody Valmar-reviving bad guy. Everyone looked in the direction of where the wave came from. Standing there, in all his sexy evilness, was MELFICE! YAY! He stabbed his sword in the ground, which, by the way, caused the energy wave, and there was a big line of upturned earth leading from it to the edge of the cliff.
"Fellow villains..." Melfice said cooly.
"WOW!" Shuyin suddenly shrieked. "That was CCCCCCCOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLLLLLLLL!"
He hopped over to him.
"You're a villain too, right? RIGHT?"
"Right."
"OH MY GOD! You're so CCCCCCOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLLLLLLLLLLLL! Can I have your autograph, Mister... Uh... Mister..."
"Melfice."
"MELFICE! Can I have your autograph?"
"Uh... Sure."
So, Shuyin whipped out a pen and a piece of paper, and Melfice signed it. Then, Kuja stepped forward, and smiling very... Flirtatiously... At him.
"Hi!" Kuja said, waving.
Melfice smirked weirdly.
"Hey, how you doin'?" He asked in a very Joey way.
"I'm doing great, how're you doing?" Kuja asked back.
"Umm... Fine."
He couldn't BELIEVE that backfired! ARGH! Anyway, then Seymour and Kefka joined them, and then Mullen to reintroduce himself, because they probably met before at the Grandia Evil convention. Compared to a hypothetical Final Fantasy Evil Covention, there were less fan girls, and more people coming in to ask Ubi-Soft when the next Rayman game was coming out. ARGH! They also went to ask about the Evil hair stuff, because that was important too.
HOWEVER, Sephiroth just turned away and mumbled to himself.
"Meh... I could've done that..."
He looked over his shoulder and everyone else was staring at him.
"...WHAT? What do you want?" He yelled. "Losers..."
"We were just wondering... Uhh..." Shuyin said, looking slightly concerned. "If you were alright...?"
Seph began to walk off.
"Hey! W-Was it something I said?" Stuttered Shuyin, looking slightly nervous seeing as annoying Sephiroth could cost him his life. That much he knew in his crazy Tidus-like mind.
Suddenly, Melfice, in all his Goddamn quickness, shot infront of Sephiroth.
"Yeah, was it something he said?" He asked, and turned.
Of course, there is something I forgot to mention about Melfice. He has a pointlessly annoying huge metal horn stuck on his forehead. So when he turned around, Seph kinda had to... Duck.
"HEY! Watch where you're swinging that thing!"
"Make me!"
Sephiroth stood up, and drew the Masamune.
"WITH PLEASURE!"
And then, Melfice brandished his sword... And... Oh my God... Is this? A FIGHT? BETWEEN SEPHIROTH AND MELFICE? OH MY GOD! THIS IS LIKE... AN RPG FAN'S ABSOLUTE DREAM!
"What is that?" Melfice asked, looking at the Masamune. "A toothpick?"
"Yeah... A toothpick that's gonna beat your crappy butter knife."
"Butter knife? You realise my blade and I have brought destruction and suffering wherever we have gone?"
"...Yeah... Well... MY blade and I have brought destruction and suffering wherever we have gone."
They stared at eachother.
"Yeah, well... With MY sword, I was able to kill an innocent woman by stabbing her through the middle!" Melfice yelled.
"Uh... Yeah... I did that, too!" Sephiroth argued.
Looking slightly worried, Melfice thought of something ELSE that Sephiroth couldn't possibly have done!
"I BURNT DOWN AN ENTIRE VILLAGE AND KILLED ALMOST ALL THE INHABITANTS!"
Seph paused, and thought about it.
"Wait... I did that TOO!"
Yes, indeed.
SIMILARITY THREE - Melfice and Sephiroth
It's true. These guys are the most similar villains I have ever some across.
First of all, their swords are apparently amazingly destructive with power only they can use.
Second of all, they bring destruction wherever they go. Melfice was described as the 'Demon man of ruination'. Sephiroth was described as... Uh... the 'Man in the black cape' for most of the game, I guess.
Third of all, they both killed innocent women whilst they were trying to save the world from destruction. Reena went to Grail Mountain to stop the Valmar piece there, or something like that. Aeris went to the City of the Ancients to pray for Holy. Both got stabbed, through the middle, by those guys.
Fourth of all, both of them burnt down villages. Melfice went through that random forest and torched Mareg's village. Sephiroth leant about the whole Jenova thing and decided to set Nibelheim on fire. Almost all the villagers in those villages were killed, though in Grandia II many of the people in Mareg's village escaped and went to a plot of land nearby and started a new village, and in FFVII people like Zagan, Cloud and Zack (obviously) and Tifa, and those other dudes who were with Zagan in Last Order survived.
Um... Okay, fifth of all, they are both connected to the lead characters, in the same way, sort of. Melfice was Ryudo's brother, and Ryudo had to kill him. Sephiroth isn't biologically Cloud's brother, but the SHM do call him 'Brother' because of the Jenova cells (in AC, when they are on the bikes, Loz asks Cloud where Mother is, and Yazoo then says 'You're hiding her, Brother'), and so I guess they are in a way. And Cloud had to kill Sephiroth, too. Do you follow? I'm sorry ClouSeph yaoi fans...
Sixth of all, they weren't evil to begin with. Melfice was a repected swordsman, and Ryudo looked up to him. Sephiroth was a respected swordsman and Cloud looked up to him... Whoa... Wuh... WAIT A MINUTE! Then, Melfice became possessed by the Horns of Valmar, and then Sephiroth continued to read the Jenova files 'as if he were possessed by something', to quote Cloud.
Seventh of all, just to remind you that I am very sad and need a life, they are both the sexiest guys from their games. Need I say more?
Like I said, they are the most similar villains I have ever come across. They have scary powerful swords, they bring destruction with them, they stab innocent girls through the middle whilst they're trying to save the world, they burn down villages, they're the brothers of the lead characters, they were once good, respected men, they became possessed (I guess), they're sexy and evil and I need a life.
"Wait a second...!" Seph yelled, reading through all of that. "YOU!"
He pointed at Melfice.
"YOU'RE JUST A HUGE RIP-OFF OF ME!"
"HOW?" Melfice gasped, looking slightly offended.
"Well, okay, my game was created before your's was!"
IT'S TRUE! GASP! Shock horror for poor Melfice! The creators of Grandia II copied the ideas of Final Fantasy VII. Oh. My. Gosh.
"Well, I'll bet you don't have... THREE CLONES!" Melfice roared, then laughed manically.
Sephiroth just stared at him. That was PAST the line! TOO FAR!
"I DO HAVE THREE CLONES!" He yelled.
"Very well, then..." Melfice said, and then he raised his hand and three dudes came running.
Of course, Melfice doesn't have clones. In fact, the dudes that came running... Were just the SHM... With blue wigs on... And wearing spikey clothes.
"I'll bet my clones are better than YOURS!"
"THOSE ARE MY CLONES!" Sephiroth yelled, pointing, because he does actually KNOW who his clones are, even though he's... Illogical. "GUYS? WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?"
"Sorry..." Kadajfice said. "But this guy pays us twice the amount you do."
"I DON'T PAY YOU AT ALL!"
"That's right." Yazoofice agreed. "But, he pays us what you SHOULD pay us!"
"I'M NOT PAYING YOU TO BE MY CLONES!"
"But, you do owe me money from when I was your lawyer..." Lozfice said.
Seph then threw another very powerful Thundaga at Loz, but he was still wearing the thunder-proof armour, and so he was saved.
"...Wha...? ...Dude, I've gotta stop wasting my MP like that." Sephiroth said, looking very blankly at the unharmed Loz. "GAH! ANYWAY, GET OVER HERE!"
"NO!" The SHM yelled. I guess... They're... BHM now.
"I have Mother's head!" He reasoned, raising the Head of Jenova randomly.
"GASP! REUNION!" They cried and leapt forward to hug her head.
Then, they just magically spherechanged into their normal outfits and were back to being the plain old SHM we know and love! AAAAWWWWWWW!
"I LOVE YOU MOTHER!" Kadaj squealed, cradling Jenova's head.
"RRRRRRAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Mareg yelled, before decapitating Melfice to death with his axe. "YOU DESTROYED MY VILLAGE! YOU DIE NOW!"
They all stared at Mareg.
"Umm... Excuse me?" Seymour asked, after Melfice was dead. YAY! "Who are you, again?"
"I am, Mareg the deceased one and yet, life is but a passing dream, but the death that follows is eternal..." Mareg said, trying to sound like he still had riddles up his sleeve.
"THAT'S MY LINE!" Yelled Seymour angrily.
But Mareg had already poofled away again. Everyone just turned their attention to Melfice's corpse.
"Oh well..." Kefka said. "Let's just find..."
"I WANT MOTHER NOW! YOU'VE LOVED HER ENOUGH!" Loz cried like a baby, then broke down and started sobbing.
Kadaj and Yazoo just stared at him, and then the Villains backed away slowly, and went to the next crazy location they were supposed to end up at even though on the map it's no where near Garlan.
It was... THE ST. HEIM PAPAL STATE? Remember that place that I was talking about before? RIGHT BACK at the BEGINNING? Why YES! Indeedy! Here, we will introduce our next Villain. It wasn't Melfice, because he and Sephiroth are probably mortal enemys now. FORGET CLOUD AND RYUDO!
In the Granas Cathedral...
"High Priestess Selene." Zera said in all his Pope-ness. How the HELL did he SURVIVE Melfice's attack? "Why do you want to leave the St. Heim Papal State?"
"Because I want to buy a new Evil hair brush!" Selene said angrily. "But the poor people do not stock them any more, and death is their salvation... ... Anyway, I need to leave on a journey to find the theif! Otherwise, I can't brush my hair!"
"Mmmno." He said bluntly. "No, I need you to do important Valma... I mean... Uh... Granas work here. First thing's first - Go out and buy me a new cushion for my big chairy throny thing in the main hall."
Selene muttered something under her breath, and then stormed out to the big steps of the Cathedral. It wasn't easy being possessed by the crazy creepy Heart of Valmar AND fufilling ALL the crazy evil Pope's needs, WHILST ALSO trying to be a crazy evil person herself AND trying to find an Evil hair brush.
"Where are we now?" Shuyin asked, looking around. "MULLEN? WHERE ARE WE NNNNNNOOOOWWWWW?"
"I lied." Mullen said seeing as he hasn't said anything for practically AGES. "I don't know my way around the Grandia II world. I'm sorry guys."
But no one cared. Then Selene went past murmering...
"Find the... Evil hair stu--"
And then Kefka pinned her to the ground. JUST LIKE THAT!
"EVIL HAIR STUFF? WHAT DO YOU KNOW? TELL ME WOMAN BEFORE I DO SOMETHING INCREDIBLY STUPID AND DRASTIC!"
Of course, that was incredibly stupid and drastic.
"H-HEY!" She screamed.
Sephiroth and Seymour tried to pull Kefka off her. After they managed to, they threw him... Somewhere out of sight. And Kuja went to help her up.
"Sorry about him..." He said. "He's just an idiot."
"Phewf..." Selene said, standing up and brushing herself off. "He's going to be purified by fire when I get around to it..."
SELENE
Aka. High Priestess Selene (what is it with Grandia and High Priestesses? First Liete, then Selene!)
Age: (Thinking back) 2...2?
Occupation: High Priestess of the Granas Cathedral, Commander of the Cathedral Knights, Crazy Evil Heart of Valmar lady (is there anything she ISN'T?)
Height: 170... something... cm.
Weapon: Uh... The Heart of Valmar, I suppose... Her knights usually fight for her, but Ryudo and the gang took care of them...
Yeah, Selene's the Villain! Suprising, no? Well, first of all, I felt bad about not putting a female villain in the group. Ultimecia has a profile, but she hasn't yet joined. Second of all, I didn't want to use Melfice, because he and Sephiroth are too alike, and it would be CRAZY to do something like that. Third of all, I didn't want to use Zera, because he's crazy and creepy and OLD and he pretends to be a great Pope of Granas but he tries to revive the EVILNESS of VALMAR! AAARRRRRRGGGGGHHHHH! I hate Zera like I hate BAAL! ACK! Fourth of all, I could've used Millenia, but she isn't all that evil (face it - She's a playable character, and you only have to fight her crazy clone thingy. And she tried to fight back when Zera tried to revive Valmar!). Besides, Millenia would get into cat-fights with Kuja. And we REALLY don't want THAT to happen... (GULP!).
Let's see now... Selene is possessed by the Heart of Valmar, like many other random people across the Cursed Land who are... Uh... Cursed... By Valmar... CRAZY! The others include:
Elena. She was possessed by the Wings of Valmar. The Wings being Millenia - not a weird mutated form in which grueling battles follow as soon as you witness them like the others. Millenia is cool. And she lives as a human after Valmar is defeated. Crazy!
G... Something. The real fat dude from Liligue who couldn't stop feeding his face, whilst all the other townspeople could only eat some kind of sand substance. He was possessed by the Tongue of Valmar, and he couldn't stop... EATING! Go figure...
Aira. She was possessed by the Eye of Valmar (The hardest boss I have ever had to face in any RPG I have ever played. Ever. Yunalesca was a breeze compared to the Eye of Valmar!). She had that little scar above her eye. She was blind and then she became possessed and could see. She liked flowers and... Whu-oh... Another similarity?
SIMILARITY FOUR - Aira and Aeris
Flowers. Similar names. Flowers... Well, Aira is alot younger than Aeris... But still. They both are represented usually by FLOWERS! Ack! And their names... AIR! AER! SAME AIR SOUND! And also... When Ryudo and the others first encounter Aira, she's in a field of flowers. And yet, the field is only part of her imagination... I think... When Cloud is on his bike in Advent Children going to the Forgotten City, he finds Aeris in... A FIELD OF FLOWERS! GASP!
Okay, so, Aira's mother Sandra kept making her medicines and praying to Granas when she was blind. The villagers all called her a witch for doing so. Elmyra never did anything like that, but I'm pretty sure Seph called her a witch at some point in Undying Pie. Or maybe he was just thinking it. Hahaha!
Flowers. Air names. Flowers. Witchy Mothers. Flowers.
Anyway, where was I on the list of possessed people?
I THINK the next was the Claws of Valmar. Tio was possessed by that piece. Tio is the final character you get. She is a crazy automated thing who followed Mareg around until he died, and then just went along with Ryudo and Elena hoping to find some way to make her life worthwhile, and all that jazz. She became a nurse after the game. Woo!
Then there was Melfice. He was, as I probably DID mention before, possessed by the Horn of Valmar. And then he passed it onto Ryudo, and he went into the crazy place where they met Elmo, who was like Tio but... ELMO! Like on Sesame Street! But, as you know, that kid's TV show would be WA-A-AY different if Elmo replaced... Elmo. Anyway, crazy place... And then he went throught the Valmar thing and got struck by lightning and drowned in magma... Or is it lava...? Hell, it don't know, but it was boiling red liquid!
And then there's the Body of Valmar. No one was actually possessed by that, it was just a big thingy that the Granasaber was stuck in behind the whirlwind. Millenia absorbed it once they got the Granasaber. But she absorbed every part of Valmar, so... Except the Horn. She couldn't BEAR to lose RYUDO! Hahahaha!
"Purified by fire?" Sephiroth asked, as if he didn't quite understand how fire could purify. He wanted to burn Nibelheim because it would've caused pain! And it did!
"Hey. I know you." Mullen said, since he knew ALL the Grandia villains. "You're the Priestess Selene, possessed by the Heart of Valmar."
"That's right." Selene said, with a nod of the head, but avery CAREFUL nod of the head, since if she nodded to hard, her hair would get a knot in it and without an Evil hair brush she wouldn't be able to untangle it! "I remeber you well, Mullen, from the Grandia Evil convention."
"You're a Villain, too?" Shuyin asked. "But... You don't look like one at all!"
Everyone looked at Shuyin. Neither did he! ACK! He just looks like Tidus! But... With a checked shirt! And Kyo trousers! HA! Well, let's explore this in detail! Sephiroth... Looks sinister... But he doesn't look like a REAL Villain! Kefka looks like a krazy kreepy klown! Ultimecia looks like A REAL VILLAIN! Yeah! With her make-up and possessing powers! She's just great! YAY! Kuja looks very stylish and pretty but just not EVIL! Seymour just looks like a random dude in a big kimono. Mullen... Is like a not-so-klownish version of Kefka, now I think about it... Weird...
Anyway, on with the story.
"So, you're all Villains?" Selene said. "Then, you must be looking for the Evil hair stuff, too."
"That's right." Seymour said in his ritzy voice.
"I would look too, but, you see, I cannot leave the state."
"Why is that?" Asked Kuja, looking very... Kuja-ish.
"Well, let's just say my boss has work for me. I want to go, but I can't."
"Uh-huh... Hey, Lady, are you a REAL Villain?" Sephiroth asked, obviously seeing a solution.
Selene just mumbled. "Uhmm..."
Before she was stopped.
"Hey, that's right!" Kuja said in a very enthusiastic way, punching his fist into the air, as happy music started. "No one can tell a Villain what to do! So, you can just leave anyway!"
"I guess so..." Selene said. "Yeah! So, I can just leave anyway!"
"W-Well..." Stuttered Kuja, as the music came to a halt. "I... Uh... Had a convincing song ready then, but, oh well!
So, to that, Selene agreed to join the group. Once Kefka had returned, they all jumped aboard the Airship, and took off, ready to continue the journey!
Kefka pressed the ArcBus brand story-plot savin' button, and set the coordinates for the next destination! YAY!
The next destination was... THE GRANDIA III WORLD! No, no it wasn't.
"WHAT?" Yuki yelled, really looking forward to making a cameo appearance.
"WHAT?" The Grandia III bad guy who I can't remember the name of shouted, brandishing his HUGE sword.
"OH MY GOD!" Cloud cried, a strange look on his face. "THAT BAD GUY HAS A BIGGER SWORD THAN MINE!"
IT'S TRUE! GASP! NO! CLOUD WAS SUPPOSED TO HAVE HAD THE BIGGEST SWORD IN THE UNIVERSE! AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! IMPOSSIBLE! AAAAACCCCCKKKKKKKK!
"Wait a second." Evann, the only character I know from Grandia Xtreme, said. "Wasn't Grandia III by Square, Cloud? They're just messing with your image, the whole Emo thing, too!"
"Oh my God! You're right!" Shrieked Cloud. "I WILL have my revenge, Square! I WILL! IIIIIIIIIIIII WWWWWWWWWWWWIIIIIIIIIIII--"
And then he was cut off by a little thing we know as...
BASS IT!
FAQ! FAQ! FAQ! FAQ! Okay, Killer Chocobo! PLEASE DON'T KILL ME! AAAAHHHHH!
Killer Chocobo:
1. Do you like cheese?
ArcBus: Yes. I especially like cream cheese. YUM!
2. Is Loz gay?
ArcBus: I think so. Let's ask everyone if they think so too!
Loz: HEEYY! I'm straight! I'M SO STRAIGHT I WANT TO MARRY TIFA!
ArcBus: Disregard that.
Kefka: I never really met him, but I almost crushed him with Kuja's Airship! So, yes!
Seymour: (Staring very... Strangely... At a picture of Loz...) I sure do hope so!
Kuja: HE SAID I WAS HOT! AND I'M A DDDDUUUUUDDDDEEEE!
Shuyin: YOU'RE A DUDE? O.o
Selene: Who's Loz? (She was a scene too late)
Ultimecia: As gay as a krumpet.
Mullen: Well, I think he's gay and blah blah blah I date a 15-year-old.
Sephiroth: Mother is displeased with his lifestyle choices.
Yazoo: Kadaj and I agree he's gay.
Kadaj: I'll show you MY reunion!
Loz: ... (Runs off crying because now he's outnumbered)
3. Why am I asking questions?
ArcBus: Because I like to answer them!
Now, MORE! MORE DAMMIT! MMMMMMMOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! I love questions. And I can always find an answer! I just... MORE FOR THE FAQ, PLEASE!