THE QUEST FOR THE EVIL HAIR PRODUCTS!
"Hey, anyone wanna play Blitzball?" Tidus asked in his regular annoying voice, since Spiramory had turned back into the normal Spira by now, and everyone had lost their Scottish accents. But don't worry...
...Spiramory had sudennly turned into SPIRELAND!
"Top o'da morning to ya, Teedus! You're a leetle lahte!" Wakka said, wearing a green version of his normal outfit (and mis-pronouncing Tidus. At least, I think so, anyway). "Spira's become SPIRELAND! Land o'da brahve, home o'da LEPRECHAUNS!"
"Actually, you're late, Wakka." Yuna said, in her normal voice. "It's just turned back to the normal Spira again."
Everyone shook their heads. What will we do about that crazy ever-changing Spira? Sigh...
...Well, my dear readers, WE can ignore it! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
(Everyone's favourite DISCLAIMER here!)
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CHAPTER TEN - GAYBLADE
Soooo, Kefka, Kuja, Shuyin and Mullen were sat on a bench like crazy people who were sat on a bench. They were sat on a bench at the top of a cliff, looking out to sea and discussing what they were going to do without their Evil hair products.
"I wonder what this dish is for...?" Shuyin asked, standing to look at a big stupid dish randomly put there behind the bench.
"Maybe it's a satellite?" Mullen suggested, looking over his shoulder.
"Well, what for?"
Shuyin REALLY wanted to know what it was for. So, he decided to go and find out!
"I'm going to take a look around this place." He told the others. "I'll be back in a while."
The others just shrugged and mumbled 'Meh', and then continued moping about the fact that they had given up and would NEVER find their Evil hair products! NEH-VEHR! AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Shuyin walked off in all his strange Tidus-ness. He was determined to find the...
...EVIL HAIR PRODUCTS!
Nah, he was determined to find the purpose of that dish.
So, he walked down the steps leading to the cliff, and walked along a bit, until he found a lovely empty beach! And it was warm, and no one was sunbathing! He had the WHOLE WARM BEACH TO HIMSELF!
"Cool!" He grinned, and then sat down on the sand. But then... THEN...
...He looked to his side, and...
...THERE WAS ANOTHER DISH THERE! AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!
"BAH!" He yelled, standing up. "What the hell are these dishes for?"
Then, two kids came running onto the beach and up to the dish.
"YAY!" They yelled. "NO ONE'S USING IT!"
One of them went over to Shuyin.
"H-Hey Mister!" He squealed. "You're not using the dish, are ya?"
"No..." Shuyin replied. "I don't even know what the dish is for."
They both looked shocked.
"Y-You don't?" The other excalimed. "REALLY?"
"Really." He confirmed.
"WOW! YOU MUST BE BORED SILLY, MISTER!" The first kid yelled, and then he went back to the dish.
The two kids began dancing around the dish like crazy little kids. Shuyin... Looked slightly scared... And then walked off.
After walking for a while, he came to a park...
...And in the park were...
...THREE DISHES!
"What the? Why do these people need dishes?" He asked himself. "Uh... And why am I talking to myself?"
"Maybe because you're crazy?" A voice asked.
Shuyin spun around to see the character formally known as... MAX!
"You look a little strange!" Max said. "Your artist must be very talented!"
And, if you've ever seen Shuyin in FFX-2 art, you'll know that the dude that does that art really IS very talented.
"What are these dishes for?" Shuyin asked. He REALLY needed to know.
"These dishes? Wow! Have you been living under a rock for your whole life?"
"Uh... Well, no. I live in a place called Zanarkand."
"Zan-Arc-Hand? I've never heard of that place. So, you must've come from an isolated place."
Max bent down to one of the dishes.
"It's in a different world." Shuyin informed him.
"Oh! That explains alot!" Max said, before twitching from his SUAGR OVERLOAD! Is it just me, or his he the male Anime equivilant of Selphie? "Then I'll explain. We use these dishes for Beyblading!"
"Beyblading?" Shuyin repeated, since he didn't know what the HELL that was!
"It's a sport we play with our Beyblades! Look! Look at mine! It's shiny and green!" Grinned Max, holding out his Beyblade with it's crazy turtle in the middle.
"Oh..." Shuyin mumbled, not actually very interested. "Well, thanks. See ya..."
And then, he began walking off.
"H-HEY! WAIT!" Max yelled. "Aren't ya gonna introduce yourself?"
"(Sigh)... My name's Shuyin, a Blitzball player from Zanarkand, which is a different world. I'm here on buisness."
"Buisness? What kind of buisness?"
'None of YOUR buisness...' Shuyin thought, but he said something quite different...
"Uhh... Evil."
"EVIL? OH NO! THAT'S TERRIBLE!"
"Yeah... Well..."
Shuyin then walked away. Max panicked.
"EVIL! Maybe it has something to do with Tyson! AHHH! I HAVE TO TELL THE OTHERS!"
So, Max ran back to the dojo that was once Tyson's house before Tyson died an untimely death.
"GUYS! GUYS! I FOUND THE GUY WHO KILLED TYSON!" Max yelled.
"YOU DID?" They all screamed.
"YEAH! He said his name was Shoo-In, and that he was here on EVIL BUISNESS!"
"Evil buisness?" Ray repeated. Ray? Rei? WHATEVER!
"YEAH! EVIL BUISNESS!" Max screamed his head off, because he's... Max... Like that.
"OH MAX, THAT'S JUST RIDICULOUS!" The biggest and most annoying waste of space in ANYTHING, EVER - The horror known as Hilary - scolded him. "ALL THE EVIL GUYS IN OUR ANIME WOULD NEVER ADMIT TO BEING EVIL! BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH!"
"BUT THAT'S WHAT HE SAAAAAID!" Screeched Max, now becoming ultrasonic.
"MAYBE MAX IS RIGHT!" The little Kenny-Chief dude who was also ultrasonic (but all the time) squeaked. "WE SHOULD HEAR HIM OUT, GUYS!"
Daichi from BB-G-Rev was also there. He didn't say anything, though. I didn't have anything for him to say! Hehehehehe! He just... Stood there... Like a small, red-haired person, who crazily resembles Kentaro (uh... Was it?) from Medabots!
"Anyway, we should ignore it for now, and prepare for the upcoming tournament!" Kenny said, because there's ALWAYS an upcoming tournament in that show! No, seriously... "Now, since Tyson's dead, we need a new blader!"
"Well, the ONLY option is to choose ME!" Hilary said, looking very proud of herself and remembered that proud time she turned all CardCaptor Sakura and released a Beyblade on a bus...
... ... ... ...Dumb bitch...
...However, she could've caused the bus to crash. Which would've been good, because the ENTIRE cast of Beyblade would have died horrible, horrible deaths in the flaming, mangled wreckage. However, she was too plot-supporting to cause the bus to crash...
... ... ... ...Dumb bitch...
"Or, you know, we have Daichi, there are 3 rounds, we have four bladers, we'll be FINE!" Kenny smiled, though he was actually beating himself mentally because he had MISCOUNTED! AAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH! NNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
"Oh, okay..." Hilary said sadly, because she was really just a dumb, annoying waste of space.
The front door of the dojo suddenly SLID OPEN! JUST LIKE THAT!
"Word up, dawgs!" Grampa, the crazy old guy who thinks he's the shizz-nizzle, but really isn't... "My main man Tyson went ka-plunk, so why y'all still here! Get off my property, 'fore I smack y'all 'nto outer space, y'all!"
Then, he whipped out his wooden katana, and everyone RAN QUICKLY AWAY! SCREAMING THEIR HEADS OFF! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
... ... ... ...HA!
Anyway, Shuyin had gone back to the bench. He sat down next to Mullen on the end, to join with their moping.
"Always look on the bright side of life..." Kefka sang to that Monty Python song, and then he whistled where the whistling was required after that line... Well, there goes another one of those DOY factors! "Always look on the light side of life..."
However, that song wasn't much help to... Villains. They require Villain angst. OH WELL!
"Kefka. You've been at that song over and over for half-an-hour. Please stop singing..." Kuja said, sounding very dull.
"Okay. Fine." Kefka said, also sounding very dull.
Everyone sighed (possibly in relief that Kefka had FINALLY stopped singing! JOY!), and shared in a long pause of silence... Until...
"Hey. You guys." A voice said from behind them.
They looked over their shoulder.
"Beat it. This is my moping spot."
The Villains all just stared at him.
"Oh, I'm sorry." The dude said sarcastically. "Are you lost? The cosplay convention's on the other side of town!"
"HEY! Just WHO do you think you ARE?" Kuja yelled, seriously considering casting Flare on the dude.
"...Who I am?"
He walked to the cliff edge. But there was a railing there. So no one could push him off...
... ... ... ...Unfortunatly.
"I'm a blader... The name... Is Kai."
KAI
Aka. Kai Hiwatari, Loner, 'There's No Kai In Team'
Age: Depends on season. Since I'm writing about S3, let's say 16
Occupation: Lone Beyblader, part-time Evil guy
Height: 160 something cm
Weapon: ... ...His Beyblade?
HAHAHAHAHA! You can't say you weren't expecting that. Hokay... Kai... Kai, Kai, Kai... Well, he has the biggest fan base of all of the Beyblade characters, and out of all of them is the least likely to die (think about it. Even if the Terminator came and destroyed Bay City, and then George Dublya nuked it 15 times, all of the characters would undoubtibly DIE! But... From a pile of rubble, Kai would undoubtibly emerge - ALIVE AND TOTALLY UNHARMED!
But, still, like all Beyblade characters, I would like to punch him in the face. But not as much as the others. I'd punch Kenny first, then rip Hilary to shreads, and after that, shove a bag of fireworks and a lit match up Mariah's--
...Ahem...
Kai is... Decent, I guess. Sure, he yells whenever he's blading like a crazy person, but ALL of the characters in Beyblade do that. Every single one of them. Yup-yup. Well, I guess Ray's okay too. I mean... But... Ray is still... Blah... Kai and Ray yaoi. Very popluar, no? Seems that way... Well, blah... I hate Beyblade. It's gay. So Kai and Ray must also be gay... Yaoi...
...But maybe not as yaoi driven as Cloud. But since Cloud has nothing to do with this story at the moment, I will continue... With the story... Yes... Continue... With the story... ... ...
... ... ... ... ... Cloud is gay...
"Kie?" Kefka asked, mispelling his name.
"K-A-I!" Kai repeated, sounding like a dork.
"Heheheh..." Mullen laughed, getting out of character. "You sound like a DORK! DDDOOORRRKKK!"
"SHUT UP!" Kai roared, and then he picked up a stone and it hit Mullen right between the eyes.
Mullen fell backwards off the bench. Shuyin and Kuja looked over at him.
"Mullen? Are you okay?" Shuyin asked, ignoring all of the images of Baal dancing around his head singing 'Gaia! Gaia! Gaia!' over and over.
"You have a LOVELY nose!" Mullen said, his eyes going all... Spirally... "They're BOTH very nice!"
He shook his head, and stood up, before unveiling his sword and swishing it in Kai's general direction...
"You, sir, are a n00b!" He yelled, quoting that HILARIOUS flash movie!
...However, Kai's general direction happened to be... Kefka.
"Whoops..." Mullen said, as the top of Kefka's feather drifted down to the floor. "Eheheh... Sorry, Kefka..."
"Meh... It happens..." Kefka said, not really bothered since he was too depressed to be bothered. So, he just whipped out a new feather and let the old one join the top on the floor. It drifted down too... Yeah... Hmm... Okay... On with the story.
"Anyway, for the honour of the Garlyle Army, I shall ask you three questions!" Mullen said, even though that chain of events then didn't really have anything to do with the honour of the Garlyle Army... Lé sigh... "If you do not answer truthfully, you will face YOUR DOOM!"
"You're going to attack me with your sword?" Kai asked, as if it wasn't the MOST OBVIOUS THING IN THE WORLD!
"No. One of these guys'll cast Doom on you."
"Uh, whatever, losers. I'll answer your questions... But if I die, everyone'll know you four were the ones who killed Tyson, too!"
"Ty...son...?" Kuja said nervously.
"Yeah! Tyson!" Kai repeated. "So, go ahead! Ask away!"
"Okay..." Mullen said, now needing to think of a good question. He decided to use the ones he asked Justin in the Sult Ruins. "...Question One! Did you open the door?"
"What door?" Kai asked.
"Umm... Okay, forget that." Mullen replied, realising that, indeed, there was no door! AAAAAHHHHHHHHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH! "Uhh... Question... Question... Question..."
"Hey, I know!" Shuyin said. "The Evil Hair stuff! Question One! Do you know anything about the Evil Hair Products?"
Uhh... I thought these four weren't looking for the Evil Hair Products any more... Hmmmm... ... OH WELL!
"Shoooooo-yiiinnn! I was asking the questions!" Mullen whined, but he was ignored.
"Well, I know for one that my hair spray's out of stock..." Kai replied to Shuyin's question. Not Mullen's. Shuyin's. Because Shuyin asked it! "But, WHAT DO YOU GUYS CARE? WHY SHOULD I TELL YOU?"
"Because... We're evil?" Shuyin said, highlighting the fact that YES! THEY ARE IN FACT EVIL!
"Oh..." Kai mumbled, not actually very interested. "Well, if you're like me, and not actually very interested, you'll probably not care that a group of bad guys were hiding suspiciously in some world called 'Ultimecia Land'..."
"ULTIMECIA LAND?" Kuja, Kefka and Shuyin yelled.
"Ultimecia Land...?" Mullen said alternativly, sounding quite confused. He hasn't been to Ultimecia Land. The others have. Crazy, no?
"Yes. But I don't know where that is, so I've never even tried to go." Kai said. "Why? Do you know where it is?"
"Actually, yes." Kuja said. "I've been there several times. At least now we can forget about moping around and go find out what's going on."
"Umm... Did it ever occur to you that Ultimecia might have been behind this all along?" Kefka asked.
"WHA? LIKE, NO WAY!" Kuja yelled, since he knew Ultimecia wouldn't do something like THAT. "Well, anyway, let's get back to the Airship!"
They began to walk off. Except for Kai. He just began to mope, looking out to the sea. Like he always does. Llllllloooonnnneeeeeeerrrrrrrr...
Then, the Villains turned around again when they were at a distance and looked back.
"Uh... He's supposed to come with us, right? I mean... There was a profile and all..." Shuyin said, folding his arms in a thoughtful position. How thoughtful of him...
Kefka smirked.
"Leave it to me!" He said.
And then, he whipped out a metal pole and a smuggling bag. Quietly, he walked back up to Kai, snuck up behind him and... FOOM!
"JUDO CHOP!" He yelled, knocking Kai out with a single blow to the head.
Kai... Fell to the floor! Wow... You know, I really thought Kai would've seen that coming! Maybe his triangles got in the way of his sight! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH! HA! HA! HAHAHAHAHA! HA! HA! Ha ha... Hoo... Ha... Hooo... I crack myself up sometimes!
"Whoops!" Kefka said, before laughing manically. Now, I'm pretty sure I've never heard a manic laugh follow 'Whoops!' before, but this is MY story! It'll go the way I want, or I'll end it HERE! To quote Tidus! Doesn't everyone just love that whiny (bleached) blonde guy? Some of you are probably thinking (or saying, you know, if you seriously need help because you talk to computer screens) 'No, I don't like Tidus'. But... Meh... It's your call. I like him... In a weird motherly way... Pehehehehehehehehehehe...
Anyway, Kefka stuffed Kai into the smuggling bag, and ran off like (a very, VERY scary) Santa Clause (meets Ronald McDonald) back to the others.
"Problem solved." He said. "He'll be out cold for a few hours. Let's find the ship."
So, to save time, THEY FOUND THE SHIP! YAY!
And, to save even MORE time, Sephiroth, Seymour, Selene and Akito were already there! YAY!
"Oh. Good. You're here." Sephiroth said.
"I told you that if we stayed by the ship they'd come." Seymour said.
"Well, I still liked my idea better."
"What? Running around the entire city? It would've been unlikely that we found them THAT way..."
"...Hmmpph... Whatever..."
"Hey! Hey! Hey! Who's this guy?" Shuyin asked, hopping dangerously close to Akito.
"You don't want to get any nearer..." Akito said coldly, grinding his teeth.
"Eeeps!" Shuyin whined, and then jumped back a mile! LITERALLY! No, not literally. He just jumped back.
"My name is Akito." Akito said, looking very... Akito-ish... "And I am more EVIL than all of you put together."
They all laughed. Akito looked pretty angry. But what they DIDN'T now was that Akito really WAS very, very, very incredibly EVIL!
So, anyway, they all boarded the ship and that's where we do that crazy thing where we BA--
"WAIT! WAIT! WAIT! WAIT! WAIT!" Hilary yelled. "Blah! BLAH BLAH BLAH! BLAHBLAHBLAHBLAHBLAHBLAH!"
But then, a magical song came on in the background...
Badger
Badger
Badger
Badger
MUSHROOM!
MUSHROOM!
"WHAT'S THAT? BLAH BLAH BLAH?" Hilary shouted, and then screamed as she was horribly mauled to death by the same badgers that killed Tyson.
Slowly but surely... They're taking down Beyblade...
...And YOU'RE next - Kenny!
DUN-DUN-DUUUUNNN!
BASS IT!
I got some questions! YAY! And guess what. They're craptastic! HAHAHA! (See what I did there? Hahahahah! Ha! Hahahahah! HA! Sometimes I crack myself up)
Craptastic Avenger:
1- Where did the name ArcBus come from?
Where did Craptastic Avenger come from? Umm... ArcaniaBushido. It's short for that. Arcania Dark Knight skills; Bushido Samurai skills. All shortened to make a name that sounds like a mode of public transport from the Old Testement... Tee-hee!
2- Where the heck did you come up with this... If it was on the toilet then I understand...(personal experience)((not really))
XD Where did I come up with this? Sat bored at the computer, that's where!
3- Why was Ch.9 so short?... It made me all sad inside.
Because I was writing it at 10PM in a dark room and the computer screen was straining my eyes and so I was all 'BASS IT!'. I'm sorry! I hope this chapter was long enough to make up for it!
4- Why do you EXSIST!
Do you mean that in a bad way, as in 'Oh my god. I hate you. Why the hell do you even exsist?', or in a good way, as in 'OH MY GOD! I LOVE THIS STORY! I MUST KNOW THE WONDERFULNESS OF YOUR EXISTANCE!'. Answer that question and I shall answer your question that you just asked... ... Yeeaahh...
More questions, s'il vous plait. Beyblade sucks. Shun that crappy Anime! SSHHHUUUNNN!
TTFN!